up until now, the defining moment(s) of your life

smileyfish

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I guess there's been a few for me.

- I was always a pretty miserable kid with no social skills who got picked on. At 15 i realised that if I wanted that to stop then *I* had to change, I consciously became more outgoing instead of hoping that if I was quiet and unobtrusive people would just leave me alone. Some friends I made after this change are still with me today.

- Going on student exchange at 17. This got me away from my family early enogh and for long enough to realize that I was developing the same behavioural patterns as my (rather unhappy) mother and that I didn't want to be that way. I leart to be more spontaneous, less uptight and gnenrally a more fun person. I also leart that I can be a very strong person at one point during my exchange when my host family asked me to leave and I had to find myself somewhere else to go.

- Third year uni, aged 21, when I suffered from a major bout of depression and nearly dropped out of uni. I dragged my arse to counselling - one of the best decisions I ever made. I leanrt that the way my family works is not normal or healthy and that I shouldn't feel suilty about "being a bad daughter" for not being what they want/playing their games. Over the years I've gradually improved the realationship with my family and made some really positive changes.

- Lastly, committing to my relationship with Cuddlefish. Reaching that point where I was fully vulnerable emotionally and not running away, then sticking around to work things through when they get rough.

These are the most important events in me being the person I am today. I look forward to many more to come.

:)Smiley

P.S. Strawberry Love Muffin - excellent post! I relate to much that you said and you expressed it well.
 

BREAKaBEAT

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shal said:
I think one of the most defining moments in my life would be falling in love. Falling in love didn't happen, it was slowly created, this new feeling that I had never in my life experienced before created inside of me.

Falling in love brought me a whole new world I had never seen before. It allowed me to share some of the most amazing, deep, intimate, and beautiful things in life with another person.

It opened up a world of completely new emotions and appreciations for so many things. It changed the way I see the world. It changed the way I thought about things. It taught me to connect with another human on a completely different level, emotionally and psychically.

It allowed me to share everything I could be with someone else who wanted it more then anything. It allowed me to desire something I could have and value. It was reciprocol and real. The beauty of love was the sheer real appreciation for one another.

Falling in love is maybe only one time in my life when I can think back and actually see a change in the way I saw something. Something through my eyes changed. When I feel in love I didn't simply see this female anymore, I saw so much more, I saw something to me what I would say was perfection.

Love seems like a pretty powerful force when it works.

shals :D

I could not have said any of this better myself. Shal, this is a beautiful post and speaks waves of truth I couldnt be bothered writing myself.

The next closest thing to defining moments in my life, to falling in love, is losing love.

Thanks Shal :)
 

miss apple

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hmmm....well, my father dying when I was 10 was most definitely a defining moment. I would have been a very very different person had I been brought up in a 2 parent family. I often wonder what sort of life I would have now if he was still alive...but it's something I'll never know.

moving to sydney when I was 23 completely changed my life (well..obviously!). I basically started afresh...and now I can't ever see myself ever moving back to Brisbane. The friends I've made here will be friends for life. Though I will NEVER call myself a New South Welshman. I'm a Queenslander and always will be :)

Coming back from travelling was a defining moment for a couple of reasons. Firstly it was a surprisingly difficult thing to fit back into life here...even with my friends. They'd done things and had private jokes that I knew nothing about. It took a while to feel I belonged again.

And secondly, it started a phase in my life that I haven't managed to change yet. I ended up in massive debt through a mistake I made with my tax and I'm still dealing with it 3 years later. Worked for a couple of shitty employers in jobs that didn't utilise my brain enough and I'm still in one now....with no spare money (or time cause I'm working 2 jobs) to study to improve my career prospects. It's the first time in my life I haven't had the money to do what I want so it's definitely a learning experience.

I'm hoping that my next defining moment will be falling in love. I haven't really truly experienced it yet and by the sounds of these posts, I'm obviously missing out.
 

lov_e_alot

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Those posts on falling in love were soooo beautiful! I don't wanna sound too morbid or anything, but I would have to say that the most 'defining' moment of my life would have to be the moment when I decided not to jump of the chair with the noose around my neck. The whole reason I didn't jump was because I could hear my mum doing the washing up in the kitchen. For some reason the noise really disturbed me, then I thought about my mum coming in and finding me. I mean, I had thought about that before, almost fantasised about it, but this time it seemed so real, and I really felt like I just couldn't do that to my mum. I don't like to think about what would have happened if noone had been home. I have past through all that now, but I would like to say to those who have had the same thoughts that you're never alone, even when you think (or wish) your were, because your actions have effects. That's one thing I learnt from that 'defining' moment anyways... :)
 

smileyfish

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^^^ *hugs you *
Glad you decided to stick around, and yes, that's one hell of a defining moment.
 

Samadhi

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I speak for Mr Samadhi & Myself, when i say that our defining moment was visiting Cambodia. Walking though Choeung Ek (the killing fields) & Tuol Sleng (S21 Genocide Museum). Seeing with our own eyes, thousands of skulls, bones, bits of clothing, teeth and other matter scattered over the ground at Choeung Ek, and the countless photos of men, women, children and babies at S21, knowing that they'd been tortured and murdered for absolutely no reason, altered us.

Seeing how the cambodian people live, in complete and utter poverty, seeing children with sticks for arms and legs, but with distended stomachs, seeing countless people missing arms, legs, and parts of their faces, knowing that every cambodian we spoke to lost mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and best friends at the hands of the madman Pol Pot, has changed our lives forever.

Seeing small children begging for food, wearing rags for clothes, bathing in water not fit for human consumption. Sweeping their dirt floors. One of the things mr s and i discussed before we left was whether we were going to carpet our lounge or polish the floor boards. :\

We were completely humbled by this experience, and we have made a promise to do whatever we can to help these people, and already have plans in place with the contacts we made in cambodia.

I also implore anyone who wants to help, to not go through any "government" organisation, as NOTHING gets to these people. Thoroughly research any NGO (non govt. organisation) as some of them pay the govt a commission under the table to keep going. We could tell which ones did this, and which didn't, as the ones that did were very nice. Well appointed buildings, lovely gardens, etc. The Cambodian Handicapped association, across the road from Tuol Sleng, didn't , and it showed. Very basic structure, etc. This organisation helps people such as amputees and women caught up in trafficking and prostitution. It gives them a living, and it gives them dignity.

Donate to the Landmine museum, which is completely NGO. In fact, the Cambodian govt. is trying to close Mr Akira's organisation down, as he refuses to pay any commission to the govt. He gives orphans a place to stay, food to eat, education, as well as disarming tens of thousands of landmines himself. These people need medicines, money to buy water buffalo to tend their paddies, clothing, books. Education is the key in Cambodia. People find it hard to get jobs because they have to pay a bribe to the employer to hire them.

the cambodian people are also the most selfless, wonderful people. They welcomed us to their homes, gave us food, and opened their hearts to us. They were the people who told us the stories of the REAL cambodia, not what we hear about thorugh media, etc. The reality is SO different.

We considered ourselves pretty unselfish people, up until our visit to Cambodia. :|
 

zephyr

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I am having a defining moment today. I am sorting through all my worldly possessions in my house and throwing years of memories out to clean it out and sell it as Im getting a divorce.

So the defining moments in my lifetime so far would be:

1) When I fell in love in 1995
2) When I became engaged in 2000
3) When I got married in 2001
4) When we bought our houses in 1999 and 2003
5) The finality finally sinking in today seeing all my stuff in boxes, his stuff separated from mine and our friends taking sides. Fun fun fun. I wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy.
hopefully defining moment number 6 will be a little more positive and SOON :)
 

sydkiwi

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*Leaving NZ and all the crap I grew up with behind. Good riddence I never want to go back.

*The first time I really felt the "love" on E.

*Acid and Mascaline. Relising just who you really are.

*Under taking a course and getting good marks. I wasn't great at School I hated the place. But like up all night I don't want to be an admin assistant all my life.

*First Earthcore I went to. Dancing under the stars, having the time of my life, and feeling free for once in my life.

*Living at Maroubra. Giving me goals. I might be back at Westie-ville now but i've had a taste of the good life and I want it back badly.

*Nerous breakdown. Some how I got through the rest of that year and all the more stronger for it.

I'd write something about falling in love but I've yet to experience it.
 

MoeBro

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People really think psychedelics make you realise who you really are, and that drugs are a 'defining moment in your life'?

This place is more fucked than I thought. :\
 

Preme213

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MoeBro said:
People really think psychedelics make you realise who you really are, and that drugs are a 'defining moment in your life'?

This place is more fucked than I thought. :\
ha.. also that people would include or see moments induced by or involving pills as 'defining moments in your life' seemed a little strange to me.. but to each their own I guess.
 

shorza

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Taking my first pill was defiantly a defining moment in my life, and yes each to their own.

It changed my life for the better so much that I can't describe. The way I perceived myself, others and the world really changed. I don't know what it unlocked in my brain, but i am so glad it did.

These days I hardly touch them. Those of you how know me now would never recognise the 'old' me.
 

KemicalBurn

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MoeBro said:
People really think psychedelics make you realise who you really are, and that drugs are a 'defining moment in your life'?

This place is more fucked than I thought. :\
I would think they arent saying that simply taking the drugs themselves are "what defined the moment", more that the experience they have tied to it and how it influenced them.

But i agree, it is - for the most part - philosophical clap-trap, imho.
 

Duckboy

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Discovering CocoPops.
Feel the love :)
 
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