up until now, the defining moment(s) of your life

onetwothreefour

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yes, this is quite similar to the rave-thread on defining moments, but a little broader.

i was thinking about this a bit recently, as i often have a lot of difficulty motivating myself toward one clear direction in my life, but have been doing a little better lately.

as of about two years ago, i found that, a i was half-way through my degree with no real idea of where i wanted to go. and though i realise the benefits of keeping one's future open to new things, it was time to actually decide where i was going. sadly, though, that didn't work. instead, i procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated until the decision just sort of jumped out at me.

but it did - about a year back (after changing my major about four times), i actually realised that all this fucking around just kept putting me back on the same path. i wanted to do cinema studies. it obviously doesn't seem like a particularly dramatic decision (really, nothing in an arts degree could be described as "particularly dramatic" ;)), but to me it really was.

since then i haven't looked back - as all my friends know i'm a total geek, and now i actually have something to throw my geek-love into :D

my career, of course, is still pretty non-existent, but the very fact that i made a decision and have been able to stick to it (and haven't once doubted my choice) means that the moment i decided this is probably the most important moment of my life.

second to that would be the moment i was dropped from my football team. until then, i had decided that i *was* going to play football for the rest of my life. i was at university, but it was a back-up plan, and that's all. even though i'd had some pretty severe injuries over the preceding couple of years, i guess i was still in denial as to how dramatically it might affect my actual career. so the moment i got the call into the office (never a good sign), things began to change. i guess it was this moment which actually set in motion all of the events of above.

now, i'm sure that was all very dull, but i presume some of you interesting people have some really intriguing things to say, so i'll hand it over to y'all :D
 

Strawberry_lovemuffin

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There have been so many defining moments in my life, it's hard to pick one....

One thing I've come to realise though, after 29 years in this body, is to not be too hard on myself.

When I'm in a sucessful stage - like I am now - with a comfortable job, a good income and a great relationship, I tend to look at it all and go "Okay, there must be something wrong here". And I come to the conclusion that I'm lazy and unmotivated.

But if I look back through my life and really analyse that it's obvious it's not true. I'm motivated when I reach certain turning points.... and when there's a need.

For example I was motivated enough to:

* Finish my writing degree at uni (1993-1996)
* Get a good job on a local newspaper for 3 years, beating a feild of 18 other writers shortlisted
* Save up during that 3 years to travel overseas (over $3000), then spend 6 months in Scotland... not to mention arriving in Scotland with 50 pounds to my name and ending up with a good job and a flat.

One of the biggest defining points in my life was probably when I arrived back from Scotland in 2001. I was completely broke, had no job and no accommodation, no direction, didn't know what I wanted to do. But I managed to score a job selling advertising, saved up and moved to Melbourne, sleeping on a friend's floor on a single bed mattress for 3 months until I found the job I'm currently in now (PR). That time was one of the worst in my life because I found out my partner of 4 years had been lying to me and cheating on me for 3 years of the time we'd been together. Nothing made sense anymore. I felt completely lost and helpless, and yet that strength that I doubt I have now (;) ) came through for me yet again.

I haven't had it easy, so when I have it easy, it's really unsettling. I feel like I've "settled" and am not challenging myself. But at the same time I LIKE it. I like that I'm here; where I was striving to be. It's just the implications of liking it that worry me... am I not growing? Becoming mediocre? Then again, is wanting a comfortable existance, paying your bills and wanting a house and family 'mediocre'?

I sometimes regret that I didn't acheive what everyone thought I would... although looking back I've lived plenty of life, and lived it to the full, mistakes included.

I guess my revelation at this point is that I should be able to be kind to myself now. After everything, after living on floors and crying over enormous deceit and scraping together money for a newspaper just to read the employment section..... mediocre and comfortable is not necessarily so bad. :)
 

muzby

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biggest defining moment of my life was breaking up with my ex-fiance..

i thought that i had my life mapped out for me at that point..

obviously not...

things fucked up, i was just about ready to do myself in...

i gave up on everything and started afresh...



kept a few of those friends who were there for me, not there for what i could do for them...

went out more, met heaps of kewl ppl and have been having the time of my life..

got my career on track, got my life on track, ready to live up to the big expectaions had of me when i was younger... (damn being a child genius...)
 

archie

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Probably when I realised that I had to start fresh, (gf cheated with mate, and I took her back). I was getting really depressed, feeling suicidal.

I told her not to come back, and haven't seen her in over a month now, discovered e, and have been out partying every weekend since then. I just moved house too. I've realised that there's nothing at all wrong with me, and all I can see in front of me is limitless possibilities. :D
 

up all night

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Cool idea...

- Being told I was unlovable at the age of 14 [it helped me to learn to rely on myself and not trust that someone will always be there for you]

- Deciding before my HSC that I wouldn't bother studying because what mark I got would come down to fate and it would guide me through life [made me realise that I'm not good at dealing with pressure or at taking control of situations... it's a trait I'm still trying to change]

- My second pill. The first time I truly realised that in the end nothing matters and I should just try and have as much fun as I possibly can before I die.

- Realising last year that I need to go back to uni and actually make something of myself because I can acheive more than just being an administration assistant. Unfortunately, despite this deep insight, I still failed everything last semester due to inattendance and inattention [so I guess it wasn't that much of a defining moment].
 

DJC*

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Moving to SYD!!!

Leaving my fairly sheltered life in CBR where i had worked in fast food for 8 years, to live in SYD to be with my gf at the time.

New city, new job, new girl, new apartment, new life basically.

That has by far been the biggest defining moment in my life. Its helped shape who i am now, and what i'll become in the future.

DJC*
 

Siany

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12 years old:
Went to a snobby all-girls private school for the first year of my high school (year 7 - I changed schools in year eight). I hated it beyond belief and was teased by all the rich girls. I was very shy at this time and couldn't stick up for myself.. I believe this one year contributed to the person I am today in quite a big way.. I think it has made me quite aggressive to a certain point and I am very big on not letting people walk all over me (a little too much so perhaps). I think it also contributed to my absolutely horrible temper.

15 years old:
Suffered from really bad depression & went on medication. Started playing up alot at school and home. I believe this period changed my perception on life to a certain degree, because after having felt that low not much seems depressing now. From that time period I also learnt alot more about how to put situations into perspective.

16/17 years old:
Became a bit too dependant on drugs & lost a good friend to a drug overdose. This kinda changed my view on life and what I was trying to achieve.. I now try to live life to the fullest because you never know when it could be over. Also got kicked out of school this year, which marked the end of my "childhood" as I saw it.. had to get a full-time job and start leading the life of an "adult" (which I still don't know how to do properly!).

19 years old:
After having worked full-time in bullsht jobs for a couple of years I decided to study again on a part-time basis of an evening. This motivated me moreso than I ever expected and I am still studying now (three years later). Getting qualifications (and getting a job with a very good financial company) has made me feel alot better about myself and where i'm headed, and in turn has made me even more determined to make something of myself in life.

I am now 21 years old & I believe the next defining moment in my life will be when I head overseas alone next March for a year around the world. I think this will really change my views/perceptions on alot of things. I have never lived out of home or been completely independant and I cannot wait for a new change.
 

shal

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I think one of the most defining moments in my life would be falling in love. Falling in love didn't happen, it was slowly created, this new feeling that I had never in my life experienced before created inside of me.

Falling in love brought me a whole new world I had never seen before. It allowed me to share some of the most amazing, deep, intimate, and beautiful things in life with another person.

It opened up a world of completely new emotions and appreciations for so many things. It changed the way I see the world. It changed the way I thought about things. It taught me to connect with another human on a completely different level, emotionally and psychically.

It allowed me to share everything I could be with someone else who wanted it more then anything. It allowed me to desire something I could have and value. It was reciprocol and real. The beauty of love was the sheer real appreciation for one another.

Falling in love is maybe only one time in my life when I can think back and actually see a change in the way I saw something. Something through my eyes changed. When I feel in love I didn't simply see this female anymore, I saw so much more, I saw something to me what I would say was perfection.

Love seems like a pretty powerful force when it works.

shals :D
 

anna!

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Originally posted by doofqueen
* becoming a mother :)

nothing else comes close


Hear hear!

There are a few other things that have affected my life significantly, but I try not to let them define me because it just makes me feel negative.
 

NickyJ

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I can't really think of any major moments in my life although I am sure there are some.

I can only think of the most recent which was deciding to go off my SSRIs (even though my doc didn't want me to) and realising that life isn't so bad. I have fully beaten my depression and life is great! I have so much energy, and am heaps positive most of the time. I had a feeling that I would not be able to be happy without the SSRI but I am glad I proved myself wrong.
Yay for me!:D
 

Raz

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^^^Yay for you indeed....I think meds can be great when they're called for, but I also think doctors are too quick to prescribe them when sometimes people just need a bit of counselling or therapy of some sort. Congratulations on being strong enough to know what's right for you and for having the guts to see it through the hard stuff the way you need to... :D

My defining moments...wow, lemme think....

*An encounter with a stranger when I was 17, which made me realise that my years of misery were largely brought upon mainly by my own negative attitude, and gave me the impetus to try and change that..
*Meeting my ex, which while I now look back at as a not very healthy time, showed me that I can be loved and helped me get away from my family and experience being someone else's emotional support for a change instead of them always being mine...
*Breaking up with my ex, which broke me at the time, but in retrospect taught me a lot about myself...
*My mum dying in 2000, which was the catalyst for me spending a few years in a very very dark place, being suicidal and whatnot...
*The day I chose not to kill myself, but to go to work and try and get help from the people who loved me...
*And finally, moving from Melbourne to Sydney, which was the most major impetus in my self-growth, and led me to where I am today, being legitimately happy with myself and my life.

I'm sure there are more to come, I'm looking forward to 'em. =D
 

syntech

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* moving to australia....although i was only five, it was a huge defining moment. even if i was too young to fully understand, i knew then how lucky i am.

* taking my first pill. i realised that people actually do want to hear what i have to say.....and if they dont, then who really gives a shit?

* moving to melbourne (this has been so far the greatest and best moment). i'm with the man i love more than anything, with the greatest friends a person could have, living in the best city in the world.
even if i have a shit job and i'm poor, i'm still happy.

thats about it. now i have to get my career underway. i procrastinate like you onetwothreefour, and its about time i really did get off my ass and start doing what i want.
 

Beatlebot

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I only realised just last year that my mother doesn't actually know what's best for me.

Only I know what is best for me.

When I follow my heart everything goes well (eventually).

When I try to live my life by what other people think is best, it ends up being a royal fuck-up.
 

Buckets

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I have sponteneous epiphanys..:p

One night I decided not to be sad anymore,
didn't happen overnight but it did happen.

One day a few years later, while driving down the road, I decided to be way more fucking sponteneous and stop stressing about stupid shit because yer only young once.

And so I did
 

drEaMtiMe*@#

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Hmm, for me the first moment would have been immigrating to Australia with my parents when i was four. Many times when i've been back to visit where im from the realization always hits me that I would be a completely different person today, if we'd stayed. It's actually a really weird thought…

The next one would have to be the moment when i decided that i wanted to quit playing tennis. I started pretty young, i loved to play and was training to turn professional. But after a few years the level of seriousness came with a price. I felt like i was losing my childhood and i didn't want that… i wanted to be normal like all my friends at primary school. So eventually i decided to quit. A few years later the previous situation was repeated again but in a different sport, so again I quit… It was around this time that i began to lose all sense of self. I was constantly unhappy, i stopped all forms of physical exercise, was smoking, doing drugs, and i really spiralled for a while...

However, luckily for me my spiralling eventually lead me to the point where I developed pretty sever anxiety attacks ;)

As i started uni i really struggled internally. But it was the dealing with my anxiety which necessitated a lifestyle change, which knowing my otherwise general inertia would have taken me much longer to accomplish. So although it was very hard and has been on and off for a while now, its made me look at a lot of things from a different perspective which in retrospect I am very grateful for.

And lastly my final defining moment up till now would be my decision to stay and finish my university degree in Melbourne, when last year my parents decided to move back overseas. Now, i live alone and for me that has had a huge impact on my life. The independence that has come with looking after myself has really made me respect myself more then ever before. It's definitely been a major eye opener.
 

eze451

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winning a football grand final in under 12's.... it was the first time in my life i ever felt complete and utter happiness and that final probably sewed the seeds of my current obsession with following sports

changing schools at the start of year 9..... made me realise that i couldnt expect to make it through life the way i was going in year 7 and 8 and altho i was far from a perfect student after making the change, i had way less problems from year 9 onward and now would like to think my life is completely on track... changing schools also enabled me to make friends with many ppl who are too numerous to name, u know who u are, much love to all =D

my first bong.... i believe my first words after it were "that was awesome" and my view hasnt really changed in the last 5 or so years

first time i befriended a guy who has become one of my best mates..... at a mates 16th there was no smoking allowed inside so u had to go out to smoke and as i walked out some dude i had met a couple of times asked for a cone, i agreed, we got to talking, and have been best mates since :D
 

linusSL

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I did something illegal that got me out of a hole as far as money was going, i was on a downward spiral and this act (did not hurt an individual) squared me up as far as money went and i believe if i had been caught, which i damn near did but could not be proven i know i would not be where i am today.

It was a punch in the dark, a victimless crime that put me on the road to a fairly bright future and i think about it every day and thank my lucky stars.
 
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