So, here I am, about 5 weeks now since I've been in women's shelter because of DV which in turn was caused by co-dependence-our mutual obligation to not even bother trying to do anything except get high when we could. Am keeping pill usage (am on painkillers) down as much as poss, but sometimes am so tempted just to throw an opiate party for myself for 48 hours and deal with the fallout after. Going to bed every night st,like, 8.30 at latest. I know now my so-called man probably never gave a shit about me-among other things, he made a pass at my (gay) BROTHER. While I was asleep. And d ultra-violent to boot. But I miss that piece of crap, and right now am so lonely that I'd be glad to see him, even though I know he didn't love me - just used me. I want to get fucked up too... well, as title says, I just feel like I'm not living unless I am going to nihilistic extremes...anyways thanks for letting me rant!