Trying to quit Thomas Recipe

[mutipleaddict]

My life has been a rollercoaster to say at least, I´ve crash my car many times under the influence ( thank god no harm has has came to others ) . Now it´s time to finally quit ´cause this lifestyle is just not sustainable. I haven´t made any irreversible things, not injured anyone ( not physically anyway), no criminal register, not stole anything from anybody and not lost my job. That is REALLY a miracle itself, ´cause I´ve shown up to work in really f..d up condition.

But my money is always out before next salary and then I just do´t eat, I´ve lost a ton of weight. My addiction started 4 years ago with tramadol ( doctors say it´s not addictive..yeah), during this time I have tried Meth,Amphetamine, Oxys, Dilaudid, all benzon known to manking, Lyrica (which by the bay has HORRIBLE withdrawals). Never done IV so I think that has saved me so far.

I´m 43 years old and and I have had 2 seizures because of drugs, 2 OD´s, I have lied, been to family gatherings fu...d out of my mind. Positive notes though, I still have driving licence, I have a job, I have a home, I have a girlfriend, I don´t smoke or drink alcohol...so I think I have all the possibilities to make it, I know it will be brutal..not physical side, but mental...because I have had severe depression long before I started doing drugs.

I live in in Finland and buying drugs off streets is very expensive, though probably it is the same everywhere else I´m gonna start slow taper, right now I´m only using Tramadol, occasional codeine/and oxy (cause its so expensive). I luckily managed to dropped Lyrica, although I have to say it really helped my depression and was THE best sleep med I ever tried. But as usual, i took it more than I should and it fucked my life

So, here it is, short version... left all the weird shit I´ve done on drugs away

 

[MaggieV]

It sounds like the ideal time to make changes. Good for you!

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

That is REALLY a miracle itself

Yes. It surely is! The fact that you have not injured anyone, still have a job, haven’t stolen and don’t have a criminal record is a fucking miracle.

Positive notes though, I still have driving licence, I have a job, I have a home, I have a girlfriend

The fact that you can still find the positives in your life, and hold them to a high degree is also wonderful. And sounds like you are ready to make a change.

You say you know it will be brutal, but not physically.... I will say this though... I’ve been a opiate addict for a decade and have seen the dark side of withdrawal in all facets.
Tramadol withdrawal was some of the most brutal physical withdrawal symptoms I have ever encountered. I’m not saying that to deter you. I’m saying that so you know what you’re in for. I don’t know how much you use a day... and for how long. But I wasn’t using it for very long at all before I felt some of the most awful withdrawal symptoms I’ve ever felt. Big Pharma should be held accountable for all the lives they’ve destroyed.

Good luck and hang in there. On the days where you are feeling down in the dumps or aren’t sure you can hack it, remember the good you still have in your life and that’s worth changing for.

 

[mutipleaddict]

Well not that I have been just dancing around the danger, I flipped my car over in 100km/h speed (thank god it was winter), felt asleep while driving and woke when my car bumbed against the railings. Also one time cops stopped me cause I wa driving all over the place, but because my breathlyzer showed zero and drug test too....they just wish me happy travels, and trust me ,I was in NO condition of driving, Couple of hours later I had passed out on a gas station sleeping how knows long, my girlfriend had called the police cause she was so worried about me (for a good reason), I woke up and drove home.

There was this one time when I got of work and my girlfriend was traveling so I decided to go wild, my last memory is from friday 16,00 PM, and second one tuesday when I was at work,,,and I had to drive 50 kilometers to work...Trust me, I am in NO ways trying to show off, I´m a stupid idiot and have to stop before its too late. People really don´t see me as a junkie when they look at me, I am so called "closet addict", but when I´m fucked out of my mind....it´s pretty obvious to everyone.

I Tried to stop tramadol earlier, but the withdrawals were SO brutal, I lasted one week, Now I´m gonna do a slow taper and use all the ingredients Thomas Recipe recommends.

 

[mutipleaddict]

Made this on a spare time...had to resize it quite a bit

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Oh nice to see a fellow finn here
Your story has similar notes to mine. Oliko jäbäl ankara isä sattumalta :D?
You have to make choices and not betray them, like not to drive a car when fucked up jne...
Wish you strength in your tapering!

 

[mutipleaddict]

Ei ollu ankara isä, mulla oli hyvä lapsuus. Mutta oon aina ollut erittäin addiktoitoituva persoona joten mitä pöytään tuotkaan, I´m hooked man And yeah, I don´t own a car anymore...I´d kill someone if I´d be driving.

 

[KS78]

You sound like you have been a very lucky man upto now??
I hope that you can solve this problem before your luck suddenly ends. Good luck and stay safe.

 

[mutipleaddict]

Thanks, this time I MYSELF want it,so I might have good opportunities to succeed. Good luck to all you too and thank god for this forum. This helps me wayyyy better than some psych in white coat giving me the evil eye

 

[mutipleaddict]

What really wonders and scares me,is that what if life after opioids is empty, I mean so empty there's nothing that makes me happy anymore?

I mean I have been sex addict, game addict, alcoholic, gym addict (used steroids) and now drugs...man,feels that life is just fucking me big time.

I already started to lessen the pills I take, I took 600-1000mg of Tramadol/day. Now I take 300mg/day and feeling the god damn withdrawals already. Also i used many other pills/drugs that fuck my mind and my sleep right now. I was told, that I am one of those really rare persons that get super high of a Tramadol,I mean I have nodded from the amount of 150mg. Tramadol for me, is more effective than Oxy...now don't get me wrong, I love oxy and get high out of it...but my fave combo is Tramadol+Lyrica+Codeine+Klonopin. It's a seven heaven for me.

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

The unknown aspect of life can be really scary, but it can also be really exciting.

What really wonders and scares me,is that what if life after opioids is empty, I mean so empty there's nothing that makes me happy anymore?

But what if it’s not? ...endless opportunities ?

 

[mutipleaddict]

Yes. It surely is! The fact that you have not injured anyone, still have a job, haven’t stolen and don’t have a criminal record is a fucking miracle.

The fact that you can still find the positives in your life, and hold them to a high degree is also wonderful. And sounds like you are ready to make a change.

You say you know it will be brutal, but not physically.... I will say this though... I’ve been a opiate addict for a decade and have seen the dark side of withdrawal in all facets.
Tramadol withdrawal was some of the most brutal physical withdrawal symptoms I have ever encountered. I’m not saying that to deter you. I’m saying that so you know what you’re in for. I don’t know how much you use a day... and for how long. But I wasn’t using it for very long at all before I felt some of the most awful withdrawal symptoms I’ve ever felt. Big Pharma should be held accountable for all the lives they’ve destroyed.

Good luck and hang in there. On the days where you are feeling down in the dumps or aren’t sure you can hack it, remember the good you still have in your life and that’s worth changing for.

I have to say that @iLoveYouWithaKnife was correct, but I dont know anymore is the withdrawal physical or mental, all I know I've been taken to very,VERY dark place in my mind and not taking a pill to end this hell,is a real struggle.

I also know that a journalist/writer Johann Hari speaks EVERYTHING I have always in my mind known what causes my depression, I have felt all my life that I'm wrong about it and I just have to drag my ass to work for 40 years and then die. That sounds so sick to me, and I havent been build for that and I know that MOST of us havent been build for that. Drugs and other addictions I have always have, is just a symptom of not accepting the western idea how life should be.

I was not to be born free, work and study for 70 years, then die. If drugs keep me whole to do that, have I failed or have I succeed in the society?