Cocaine Trying to help a dying buddy get off Crack

[Deru]

Hey all,

One of my buddies made some bad decisions a few years back and has spent the last five years on the streets. He’s now in the end stages of congestive heart failure, and is near death.

Lately he has been getting aggressive and anxious and I thought it was due to lack of nicotine, but today he finally admitted it was due to lack of crack (he’s been denying he’s using drugs for the past two years...)

At any rate he’s been clean for three weeks , and he says the physical addiction is now overwhelming. He says that a 20 rock of crack will do him fine, and that he’s not going to go abusing it he just wants to smoke it once.

I’m afraid if I turn him down he’s going to go back to the streets and wind up dead within a month. Literally it took the guy 10 minutes to climb a flight of stairs when he got released from the hospital a week ago.

What do I do?

This is an interesting question, and one I can maybe provide insight on from my own situation. I have heart disease, a pacemaker, a collapsed lower lobe in my right lung, among so many other problems. I've had three open heart surgeries, I'm 33 and I know I have 5 to 10 years of life left, at best (all due to intravenous drug use).

I made a conscious decision to live out my remaining days happy, doing what I want, instead of spending them miserable making others happy.

I smoke crack daily, but the interesting portion of this, is my heart actually prevents me from going on binges due to severe fluid accumulation if I overdo.

So, I wind up doing maybe 100 to 200 mg per day, at most. I've never in my life been able to control my use with cocaine, but when another hit just adds more fluid in my lungs and I can't breathe, it's obviously a simple negative reinforcement mechanism (i.e. keep abusing it, I can't breathe, simple.)

From your standpoint, though, your friend is putting you in a difficult position, so I understand the moral dilemma. I guess all I can say is, if he is about to die, than it should be his choice on how he wants that to play out.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Maybe you would not feel very good if the rock you get him is what tips him over the edge and kills him. But IDK, tricky situation indeed

 

[CFC]

Yeh, no one is ever satisfied with just 'one more hit'.

You said that "the physical addiction is now overwhelming". Did you mean the psychological addiction? If he's telling you that he's physically addicted he's lying. If he's really been clean for three weeks then he doesn't need that shit anymore. I personally would advise not helping him in his quest. If he's going to do it, he'll do it without your help - there's no need to make you an accomplice.

This, really. You can't control what he does, and it sounds like he's not exactly being honest with you, but in either case you don't need to be the one to give him the final hits that push him over the edge. That (or the thought that you might have) would probably make you feel really bad in the long run.

 

[CFC]

This is an interesting question, and one I can maybe provide insight on from my own situation. I have heart disease, a pacemaker, a collapsed lower lobe in my right lung, among so many other problems. I've had three open heart surgeries, I'm 33 and I know I have 5 to 10 years of life left, at best (all due to intravenous drug use).

I made a conscious decision to live out my remaining days happy, doing what I want, instead of spending them miserable making others happy.

I smoke crack daily, but the interesting portion of this, is my heart actually prevents me from going on binges due to severe fluid accumulation if I overdo.

So, I wind up doing maybe 100 to 200 mg per day, at most. I've never in my life been able to control my use with cocaine, but when another hit just adds more fluid in my lungs and I can't breathe, it's obviously a simple negative reinforcement mechanism (i.e. keep abusing it, I can't breathe, simple.)

From your standpoint, though, your friend is putting you in a difficult position, so I understand the moral dilemma. I guess all I can say is, if he is about to die, than it should be his choice on how he wants that to play out.

Really sad to read that Deru ❤

 

[nznity]

Literally, those were my buddies exact words.

it is, i smoke crack too lol.

 

[Jaredborgetti]

This is an interesting question, and one I can maybe provide insight on from my own situation. I have heart disease, a pacemaker, a collapsed lower lobe in my right lung, among so many other problems. I've had three open heart surgeries, I'm 33 and I know I have 5 to 10 years of life left, at best (all due to intravenous drug use).

I made a conscious decision to live out my remaining days happy, doing what I want, instead of spending them miserable making others happy.

I smoke crack daily, but the interesting portion of this, is my heart actually prevents me from going on binges due to severe fluid accumulation if I overdo.

So, I wind up doing maybe 100 to 200 mg per day, at most. I've never in my life been able to control my use with cocaine, but when another hit just adds more fluid in my lungs and I can't breathe, it's obviously a simple negative reinforcement mechanism (i.e. keep abusing it, I can't breathe, simple.)

From your standpoint, though, your friend is putting you in a difficult position, so I understand the moral dilemma. I guess all I can say is, if he is about to die, than it should be his choice on how he wants that to play out.

IV drug use you mean stimulants caused all that? Could you elaborate on your story a bit?

 

[G_Chem]

OP, this dudes name doesn’t happen to be Eric is it? This story sounds like identical to what I hear my old buddy is going through, dying and still smoking the shit any chance he can get. Sad to hear but what can you do?

I feel I’m the only way that’s gonna walk away relatively unscathed and feel guilty as shit about it daily.

-GC

 

[Deru]

IV drug use you mean stimulants caused all that? Could you elaborate on your story a bit?

I used to inject heroin and crack (converted it to cocaine with an acid). I literally lost complete control doing so, and would keep engaging in riskier and riskier behavior especially if I was sick. My first blood infection was due to a missed shot in my leg using crack and red apple vinegar because I had totaled my car and the gas station within waking distance of me didn't even sell regular vinegar, let alone being able to get ascorbic or citric acid from the needle exchange. That turned into an infected abscess that needed to get lanced and drained that I ignore for too long, but luckily I only need IV antibiotics for to clear up the first blood infection.

Fast forward 4 months later, after doing a shot of cocaine into my hand that blew my medial vein further up, that turned into an infected abscess as well. Between that, reusing needles, etc. that turned rapidly into a second blood infection and also septic shock and it infected the triscupid valve in my heart, called endocarditis. IV antibiotics failed, had first open heart surgery in May of 2017. The problem with our medical system is the different specialties don't communicate, so all of us IV addicts sit there for months in a hospital room with no help or therapy for our addictions, get OHS and released with opioid pain medications and relapse right away.

And so I did, I had blood infection/endocarditis/open heart surgery again in July 2017 and again in October 2017. By the October one I was ready to die, I was shooting up into my PICC line in the hospital. I no longer cared. Well, you can only keep having so many heart surgeries. After my second one they used my femoral vessel for bypass and cut my femoral nerve, I was in a wheel chair for months and still have no feeling in my inner thigh. Because of all the scar tissue on my heart, the third surgeon cut my SA node and I have complete heart block now, needing a dual chamber pacemaker for the rest of my life. I also had bacteria fling off the valve at some point, called emboli, and get stuck in the pulmonary artery causing my lower right lobe to die.

Because of all of this, I'm no long eligible for another open heart surgery so when the valve fails (usually 10 years, but I heavily beat it up for about 6 months, so who knows), it's game over shortly after that. After the 6 months, eventually had the worst overdose ever, had a near death experience, and learned I wanted to stick around on this planet for a bit longer. And, here I am.

There's also a promising new technology where they may be able to do tricuspid valve replacement in the future without open heart surgery by going in through the femoral vein - if I ever get a blood infection again though and the valve gets infected, it's a for sure refusal to operate (unless I can find some crazy ass surgeon somewhere, but I'm sure I would need to be rich to set up something like that.) Needless to say, I've never been so scared of those microscopic bacteria fuckers in my life.

 

[Iceman1216]

Thank you. I wasn't sure if there was a Physical addiction or not. I'll talk to him about it.

I used to inject heroin and crack (converted it to cocaine with an acid). I literally lost complete control doing so, and would keep engaging in riskier and riskier behavior especially if I was sick. My first blood infection was due to a missed shot in my leg using crack and red apple vinegar because I had totaled my car and the gas station within waking distance of me didn't even sell regular vinegar, let alone being able to get ascorbic or citric acid from the needle exchange. That turned into an infected abscess that needed to get lanced and drained that I ignore for too long, but luckily I only need IV antibiotics for to clear up the first blood infection.

Fast forward 4 months later, after doing a shot of cocaine into my hand that blew my medial vein further up, that turned into an infected abscess as well. Between that, reusing needles, etc. that turned rapidly into a second blood infection and also septic shock and it infected the triscupid valve in my heart, called endocarditis. IV antibiotics failed, had first open heart surgery in May of 2017. The problem with our medical system is the different specialties don't communicate, so all of us IV addicts sit there for months in a hospital room with no help or therapy for our addictions, get OHS and released with opioid pain medications and relapse right away.

And so I did, I had blood infection/endocarditis/open heart surgery again in July 2017 and again in October 2017. By the October one I was ready to die, I was shooting up into my PICC line in the hospital. I no longer cared. Well, you can only keep having so many heart surgeries. After my second one they used my femoral vessel for bypass and cut my femoral nerve, I was in a wheel chair for months and still have no feeling in my inner thigh. Because of all the scar tissue on my heart, the third surgeon cut my SA node and I have complete heart block now, needing a dual chamber pacemaker for the rest of my life. I also had bacteria fling off the valve at some point, called emboli, and get stuck in the pulmonary artery causing my lower right lobe to die.

Because of all of this, I'm no long eligible for another open heart surgery so when the valve fails (usually 10 years, but I heavily beat it up for about 6 months, so who knows), it's game over shortly after that. After the 6 months, eventually had the worst overdose ever, had a near death experience, and learned I wanted to stick around on this planet for a bit longer. And, here I am.

There's also a promising new technology where they may be able to do tricuspid valve replacement in the future without open heart surgery by going in through the femoral vein - if I ever get a blood infection again though and the valve gets infected, it's a for sure refusal to operate (unless I can find some crazy ass surgeon somewhere, but I'm sure I would need to be rich to set up something like that.) Needless to say, I've never been so scared of those microscopic bacteria fuckers in my life.

wow , thanks, a real eye opener! I Pray that you enjoy every day you have left

 

[Jaredborgetti]

I used to inject heroin and crack (converted it to cocaine with an acid). I literally lost complete control doing so, and would keep engaging in riskier and riskier behavior especially if I was sick. My first blood infection was due to a missed shot in my leg using crack and red apple vinegar because I had totaled my car and the gas station within waking distance of me didn't even sell regular vinegar, let alone being able to get ascorbic or citric acid from the needle exchange. That turned into an infected abscess that needed to get lanced and drained that I ignore for too long, but luckily I only need IV antibiotics for to clear up the first blood infection.

Fast forward 4 months later, after doing a shot of cocaine into my hand that blew my medial vein further up, that turned into an infected abscess as well. Between that, reusing needles, etc. that turned rapidly into a second blood infection and also septic shock and it infected the triscupid valve in my heart, called endocarditis. IV antibiotics failed, had first open heart surgery in May of 2017. The problem with our medical system is the different specialties don't communicate, so all of us IV addicts sit there for months in a hospital room with no help or therapy for our addictions, get OHS and released with opioid pain medications and relapse right away.

And so I did, I had blood infection/endocarditis/open heart surgery again in July 2017 and again in October 2017. By the October one I was ready to die, I was shooting up into my PICC line in the hospital. I no longer cared. Well, you can only keep having so many heart surgeries. After my second one they used my femoral vessel for bypass and cut my femoral nerve, I was in a wheel chair for months and still have no feeling in my inner thigh. Because of all the scar tissue on my heart, the third surgeon cut my SA node and I have complete heart block now, needing a dual chamber pacemaker for the rest of my life. I also had bacteria fling off the valve at some point, called emboli, and get stuck in the pulmonary artery causing my lower right lobe to die.

Because of all of this, I'm no long eligible for another open heart surgery so when the valve fails (usually 10 years, but I heavily beat it up for about 6 months, so who knows), it's game over shortly after that. After the 6 months, eventually had the worst overdose ever, had a near death experience, and learned I wanted to stick around on this planet for a bit longer. And, here I am.

There's also a promising new technology where they may be able to do tricuspid valve replacement in the future without open heart surgery by going in through the femoral vein - if I ever get a blood infection again though and the valve gets infected, it's a for sure refusal to operate (unless I can find some crazy ass surgeon somewhere, but I'm sure I would need to be rich to set up something like that.) Needless to say, I've never been so scared of those microscopic bacteria fuckers in my life.

Crazy, what was going on through your mind all these past years of abuse? Thinking you were young and that it wouldn't catch up to you, or simply not caring? You must have some crazy stories to tell, glad you are still around to tell the tale.

 

[Jaredborgetti]

I used to inject heroin and crack (converted it to cocaine with an acid). I literally lost complete control doing so, and would keep engaging in riskier and riskier behavior especially if I was sick. My first blood infection was due to a missed shot in my leg using crack and red apple vinegar because I had totaled my car and the gas station within waking distance of me didn't even sell regular vinegar, let alone being able to get ascorbic or citric acid from the needle exchange. That turned into an infected abscess that needed to get lanced and drained that I ignore for too long, but luckily I only need IV antibiotics for to clear up the first blood infection.

Fast forward 4 months later, after doing a shot of cocaine into my hand that blew my medial vein further up, that turned into an infected abscess as well. Between that, reusing needles, etc. that turned rapidly into a second blood infection and also septic shock and it infected the triscupid valve in my heart, called endocarditis. IV antibiotics failed, had first open heart surgery in May of 2017. The problem with our medical system is the different specialties don't communicate, so all of us IV addicts sit there for months in a hospital room with no help or therapy for our addictions, get OHS and released with opioid pain medications and relapse right away.

And so I did, I had blood infection/endocarditis/open heart surgery again in July 2017 and again in October 2017. By the October one I was ready to die, I was shooting up into my PICC line in the hospital. I no longer cared. Well, you can only keep having so many heart surgeries. After my second one they used my femoral vessel for bypass and cut my femoral nerve, I was in a wheel chair for months and still have no feeling in my inner thigh. Because of all the scar tissue on my heart, the third surgeon cut my SA node and I have complete heart block now, needing a dual chamber pacemaker for the rest of my life. I also had bacteria fling off the valve at some point, called emboli, and get stuck in the pulmonary artery causing my lower right lobe to die.

Because of all of this, I'm no long eligible for another open heart surgery so when the valve fails (usually 10 years, but I heavily beat it up for about 6 months, so who knows), it's game over shortly after that. After the 6 months, eventually had the worst overdose ever, had a near death experience, and learned I wanted to stick around on this planet for a bit longer. And, here I am.

There's also a promising new technology where they may be able to do tricuspid valve replacement in the future without open heart surgery by going in through the femoral vein - if I ever get a blood infection again though and the valve gets infected, it's a for sure refusal to operate (unless I can find some crazy ass surgeon somewhere, but I'm sure I would need to be rich to set up something like that.) Needless to say, I've never been so scared of those microscopic bacteria fuckers in my life.

And if you don't mind me asking, how are the effects of stimulants now with all the heart issues and the pacemaker? Don't you feel like crap health-wise? Do you ever feel ill effects from stimulants now with the pacemaker and all that?

 

[Deru]

Crazy, what was going on through your mind all these past years of abuse? Thinking you were young and that it wouldn't catch up to you, or simply not caring? You must have some crazy stories to tell, glad you are still around to tell the tale.

I was just doing oxycodone and buprenorphine from 18 to 28, and I was able to manage that for the most part. I worked full time, family, house, car, all that fun stuff. I got into a car accident on the way home from work in 2016, went through the windshield and broke my nose, so made the horrible decision to let my friend shoot me up with cocaine and heroin a few days after. My life was never the same, intravenous cocaine just stole my soul. To be honest, during that time (this all happened from Septmeber 2016 to first OHS May 2017), I wasn't thinking about much except how to keep it going. I think I controlled myself for so many years with my addiction, it was just looking for a time to break free - and I gave it that opportunity.

And if you don't mind me asking, how are the effects of stimulants now with all the heart issues and the pacemaker? Don't you feel like crap health-wise? Do you ever feel ill effects from stimulants now with the pacemaker and all that?

Surprisingly, some days I feel great because I'm hyper focused on my health. But, lately things have got worse with chronic venous insufficiency and open wounds/venous ulcers. My heart kind of limits me to how much cocaine I can use, because otherwise yeah, I feel like the Pillsbury Doughboy my body swells up so bad and it becomes hard to breathe. So I've learned how to manage the use, instead of doing 2 to 3 grams per day I do roughly 200 mg to 300 mg. If I use over 500 mg per day I run into problems.

Even though I feel good, I just look at my body and watch it slowly dieing, and it can really depress me a lot. My arms and legs will never look the same, my chest and upper stomach look like I got shot numerous times because of all the drain tubes and scar from 3 OHS. I haven't been able to even wear shoes in 4 months because of the open venous ulcers.

 

[Jaredborgetti]

I was just doing oxycodone and buprenorphine from 18 to 28, and I was able to manage that for the most part. I worked full time, family, house, car, all that fun stuff. I got into a car accident on the way home from work in 2016, went through the windshield and broke my nose, so made the horrible decision to let my friend shoot me up with cocaine and heroin a few days after. My life was never the same, intravenous cocaine just stole my soul. To be honest, during that time (this all happened from Septmeber to 2016 to first OHS May 2017), I wasn't thinking about much except how to keep it going. I think I controlled myself for so many years with my addiction, it was just looking for a time to break free - and I gave it that opportunity.



Surprisingly, some days I feel great because I'm hyper focused on my health. But, lately things have got worse with chronic venous insufficiency and open wounds/venous ulcers. My heart kind of limits me to how much cocaine I can use, because otherwise yeah, I feel like the Pillsbury Doughboy my body swells up so bad and it becomes hard to breathe. So I've learned how to manage the use, instead of doing 2 to 3 grams per day I do roughly 200 mg to 300 mg. If I use over 500 mg per day I run into problems.

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions, I really appreciate your outlook on things and your life experience.

What's your outlook on life at this point? Most people would be regretting their past decisions and trying to get clean or would be riddled with anxiety whenever they do stimulants knowing the state they are in or the effects caused by them, as you've said and relating to the original post, I guess after all it's better to go with a bang, under your terms and being happy yourself rather than pleasing others and I do commend you on that, I think staying true to themselves and their lifes is something most people miss at when being faced with such health dilemmas.

 

[Deru]

What's your outlook on life at this point?

That's an incredibly complex question to answer, because it's constantly in flux for me. I went from initially being a healthy 20 something year old guy, with my whole life ahead of me, I had just purchased my first house with my wife, and feeling invincible. That changed when I started using cocaine and heroin intravenously, to I'm going to enjoy my temporary vacation to the maximum (I was on paid short term disability due to car accident), to realizing I was unable to go back to work on my return date and was too scared to go back to the doctor for FMLA paperwork because my arms and legs were covered in missed shots and bruises so I lost my job. My career was my identity, it was everything to me. So I just spiraled even deeper out of control, I was naive to think the embarrassment of losing my job was the end of my life. Financial problems became huge shortly after, I blew almost my whole 401k in less than 6 months, I was broke. I failed my wife and my whole family. I truly couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear my wife looking at me with disappointment and hurt in her eyes, so at that point I had accepted death and wanted it. But for some reason, I just couldn't die. Then, after all the events I've discussed, in early 2018 I suffered a severe overdose and had a near death experience, and everything changed. I realized I wanted to live, it was just bitter sweet because of the intense damage I had done that couldn't be fixed anymore.

So, my outlook is, I honestly just want to enjoy every day as best I can. I just want to enjoy being here. Everything that is beyond my control, I can't change, so I'm not going to waste my energy trying to change it. It's allowed me to come to terms with a lot, and honestly, I wish I had leaned it many years ago.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

Give him this ultimatum, I got TWO 20 rocks for you, if you agree to sign into a 28 day program first ones on me and if I don't know your trying to sneak the second one in.... well not my fault. Knowing full well that 20 rock is gunna make it through about the first hours of those 28 days assuming it isn't found, lost, or stolen. Outside the box. lol

 

[negrogesic]

That's an incredibly complex question to answer, because it's constantly in flux for me. I went from initially being a healthy 20 something year old guy, with my whole life ahead of me, I had just purchased my first house with my wife, and feeling invincible. That changed when I started using cocaine and heroin intravenously, to I'm going to enjoy my temporary vacation to the maximum (I was on paid short term disability due to car accident), to realizing I was unable to go back to work on my return date and was too scared to go back to the doctor for FMLA paperwork because my arms and legs were covered in missed shots and bruises so I lost my job. My career was my identity, it was everything to me. So I just spiraled even deeper out of control, I was naive to think the embarrassment of losing my job was the end of my life. Financial problems became huge shortly after, I blew almost my whole 401k in less than 6 months, I was broke. I failed my wife and my whole family. I truly couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear my wife looking at me with disappointment and hurt in her eyes, so at that point I had accepted death and wanted it. But for some reason, I just couldn't die. Then, after all the events I've discussed, in early 2018 I suffered a severe overdose and had a near death experience, and everything changed. I realized I wanted to live, it was just bitter sweet because of the intense damage I had done that couldn't be fixed anymore.

So, my outlook is, I honestly just want to enjoy every day as best I can. I just want to enjoy being here. Everything that is beyond my control, I can't change, so I'm not going to waste my energy trying to change it. It's allowed me to come to terms with a lot, and honestly, I wish I had leaned it many years ago.

Wow sorry to hear all of this. Could have easily been me; ive long stopped IVing drugs, but who knows how much talc is in my lungs given all the poorly filtered pill solutions I used to inject.

Did the wife stick around?

 

[G_Chem]

I commend you for this. And it's the same point I reached a few months ago so I get where you're coming from. I've been fascinated with the drug business my whole life and have always wanted to be involved whether it be from the perspective of manufacture and sales or helping addicts and prostitutes that have gone off of the rails because of drugs and the homeless (because I know how quickly and easily that can happen) but never got involved because of my reputation and "what would others think". Well fuck that and fuck them all. I've lost everything near and dear to me (and not because of drugs or pharma. or anything else of that nature i.e. just because one or two bad business decisions not too long ago and a disingenuous and greedy business partner ). So I've nothing to lose and for some reason feel this is my time to try do something good for a change and maybe leave a good and worthwhile legacy. And I know for sure that because of my writing skills and style there and being sort of "known" on the Internet for different (business) reasons there are those that are going to know who I am. Well news flash: I don't give a fuck what you think. I'm doing what I want to do and for good reason and you can take your little cozy and farcical and "eyes wide shut" lives and shove them up our arse.

Sorry for the rant. It just came to me.

As for the problem at hand: I'm one of those "right to die" dudes. And if I was that ill and knew full well that nice good quality hit of my DOC was going to send me over the edge well I'd be happy with that and grateful to you for aiding and abetting me.

Folks always need psychedelics Turn On The World!! If you get in the business do something that brings you good karma in the future..

-GC

 

[Xorkoth]

Crack doesn't have a physical addiction, ie, withdrawal. Your buddy says after 3 weeks his physical addiction is unbearable? That is nonsense, it's true that people who have gotten strung out on stimulants will experience feeling really shitty for a bit afterwards, but once they have rested and eaten properly, they will feel better, the shitty feeling is from being really unhealthy and chronic lack of sleep, and low energy from lack of stimulation. After 3 weeks of no crack, you'll be just fine. It sounds to me like he's trying to coerce you into enabling him.

 

[acklac7]

Thanks for all the advice!

Deru, so sorry about your situation. I don't think most people get how fast life can change. I'm sorry. Hang in there!

Just an update, my Buddy's Health has improved drastically, so long as he takes all 8 of his medications religiously.

He is still smoking crack every few days, but from what I can tell only $15-$20 dollars worth (all he has the money to buy). He says that's all he's ever used, and he doesn't have any intention of using more, even if he had more money. but I don't necessarily trust him.

He's going on Social Security soon and is going to get a rather large lump sum payment ($10,000). I kind of tested him, I said: "how about you just buy a large amount of Crack, such that you don't have to keep associating with the streets every other day, you know, help you get away from these people?" He didn't like that idea...

I guess we're going to find out soon if he really has this thing under control, or if indeed he is a true addict...,

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

That sound bias for a # of reasons