Trapped with my addiction

Lazylight

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 16, 2017
Messages
3
I was in the rehab for six months. I just relapse and it?s a secret.

My DOC is meth and I inject it.
This substance is really powerful that I chose to spend my time getting high. Due to my fear of getting back to the rehab I did my best to shoot my self secretly. Hiding my stash safely.

I just realised today looking at my poor arms how stupid I am. I abused my body and didn?t care about the outcome. I didn?t follow any harm reduction. I?m in this stage I just want to poke myself over and over again. My marks and bruises are very visible. I hide it with make up and long sleeves. I feel angry at myself and at the same time so sorry I have to be in this desperate time of my life. My mind is locked. I?m ready to jeopardise everything but part of me is crying inside for help but scared of being locked again in the rehab. I want to stop but my body says no. I want to change but I can?t let go of my dear stash.
I have no support group. My family doesn?t understand. I?m hanging. Can I just let go of my grip and be at peace?
 

Olivia Nicole

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
20
I was in the rehab for six months. I just relapse and it?s a secret.

My DOC is meth and I inject it.
This substance is really powerful that I chose to spend my time getting high. Due to my fear of getting back to the rehab I did my best to shoot my self secretly. Hiding my stash safely.

I just realised today looking at my poor arms how stupid I am. I abused my body and didn?t care about the outcome. I didn?t follow any harm reduction. I?m in this stage I just want to poke myself over and over again. My marks and bruises are very visible. I hide it with make up and long sleeves. I feel angry at myself and at the same time so sorry I have to be in this desperate time of my life. My mind is locked. I?m ready to jeopardise everything but part of me is crying inside for help but scared of being locked again in the rehab. I want to stop but my body says no. I want to change but I can?t let go of my dear stash.
I have no support group. My family doesn?t understand. I?m hanging. Can I just let go of my grip and be at peace?
Lazylight,

I do heroin but I can really relate to what you're sharing. I'm kind of hanging out, stuck, trapped in my addiction waiting for some critical insight or something, anything to inspire me to seek help. I guess it's true that we have to 'hit bottom' before we can change. I personally feel that the only decision I'm really able to make as far as my addiction goes is to accept help or not. I don't think I can help myself beyond surrendering, letting go, and letting others help me and I'm just not ready to do that yet.
 
Last edited:

Mafioso

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
3,175
Location
TDS
You were in rehab for six months, but you aren't seeing a counselor, have no support group, and your family is unsupportive or just not understanding?

To be honest, if it was an inpatient rehab, they should have set you up with a better exit strategy, helping you find a local support group and even occupational support.

If you can, you might want to try to get back into a detox and 30 day treatment, followed by intensive outpatient and one on one counseling and possibly therapy depending on your financial situation. There are a lot of publicly funded detox and residential centers- although it's a bit of a mixed bag in terms of quality.

Either way, even if it's mediocre treatment, a month spent there is better and far more productive than another month spent using and causing more damage.


talk to us, we are listening.
 
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