I'd really appreciate quick replies if possible. You don't need to read all the question even, although it might make a difference in answering. If you read this and think it's passed don't feel like your reply would be useless. The more knowledge, the better.
If you have any theories on why I can't sleep I's appreciate them.
It's almost 8am and I have a feeling if the sun fully rises I won't be able to sleep AGAIN. Now I pull all nighters way more than I wish I did, and it's not uncommon for them to run into almost 2 nighters which end up fucking up my sleep schedule. However I rarely function on the third day, no examples comes to mind, and I think I am able to sleep before getting into the third day is due to exhaustion and not my intervention.
First night I couldn't sleep and I'm not sure why. Only drug I took was Diphenhydramine and I took it to get to sleep, and it almost worked. Second day I took 60 mg dexedrine after a week long break, which I am disgusted to say I believe is the longest break I've taken in over a year, if not two... or three. The Dexedrine was a lot more enjoyable than it has been lately and I was more productive too. And I took it on no sleep (which is not advisable) but I just wonder what it would have been like fully rested! I'm going to use that thought because if I managed one break I can (and think it's worth it health and pleasure wise) to do it again. I re-dosed with 2 when I was really tired and kind of brain-fogged, felt like there was still some Diphenhydramine in my system or something.
Now I'm not sure how much my tolerance dropped, but eating 8 over a fairly spread out period I would have considered very modest, and would not expect sleeping problems. I know the whole exhausted feeling where you can't sleep because when you finally close your eyes the exhaustion lifts and feels peaceful and prepared for sleep everywhere but the very front of your brain, which feels stimulated as opposed to relaxed by the motion shutting your eyes. In fact, the relief of the eye strain seems to add even more to the stimulation.
However, even when I do really large doses over a long period of time I can eventually sleep. When I have the front of the forehead feeling I know sleep won't happen without time or benadryl or something, neither of which are ideal. I am excellent at recognizing when my body is finally ready to sleep though, and mine was! Sadly, just like the first night, I was in a situation where I was very tired and cozy and tranquil and was almost asleep but not quite, and before I could finalize my transition of waking to non, my time was up! It honestly has felt like I've had an hourglass and if the sand runs out before I fall asleep I have to try again tomorrow.
I don't know if I can't sleep because of my thoughts? I remember the first night they were fairly entertaining but not in an exciting or emotional or even personal way. Just in the way they flowed. The other night I was so incredibly exhausted and paranoid while smoking a cigarette that it created the oddest state of mind. When I went inside for good I had a really long fantasy about my boy, and for some reason it felt a lot more sexual than usual and well.. it worked how it does, but I didn't touch myself at all. And for each time I'd just throw in something dirty ending up in a new position, for us in my mind not physically. I was very comfy and thought I might get to sleep. But once I missed my chance I got really horny and remembered some BDSM person who'd been taking weekly get togethers for kinky people they were starting in my city. I really had wanted to give him a present and I wanted it to be a sexy lil rehead and made an an account on some site that I ended up on but there were none!! You could do anything but a fucking redhead.
I feel like something's changed a bit because that wouldn't normally be a reason I'd get up when I was cozy, looking at redheads I could see but I don't think that at 6 on most morning I'd have to get out of bed to track down these parties for young BDSM and realize that they were always on Wednesday's so he could never come, and look up directions reckoning I keep it a surprise until I could find one but how it'd be weird to go without telling my boy and odd because eve if I found someone I couldn't be sure if it would feel like a beautiful surprise or kinda weird seeing if it would work without my boy knowing.
Sorry if it's kind of scattered. I think there was another day in here. Basically, I stopped taking Dexedrine for 7 days which is the longest I've been without any kind of stim in a while. I also got a cold right as that started and was exhausted. Recovered energy somewhat the night 5 days in and I could. not. stop. moving. That is until I thought wow maybe I should drink some coffee to add to it and the rush was greatly dampened soon after. The next day I don't remember so clearly but it was pretty good and I got the sudden motivation to do something I'd been putting off for months. It turned out I could do it the next day so I wanted to make sure I slept. Ya'll know I couldn't. However, I did the thing and did it well. And felt so confused as for months I thought I would not succeed without some kind of helper, yet came out well from a spur of the moment no sleep no preparation and most hard for me to process: no drugs. These drugs do not make me feel high, they make me feel normal. Except for the first dose after 7 days off. I did not take time off because I was trying to get high. I'm going to do something I can't go back to how I was.
When the time runs out I haven't been feeling sad or tired, maybe slightly defeated, but only for a second. Then I've gone and smoked a cigarette and been outside with some form of art, first day it was music the next reading, and felt really REALLY happy about being alive and being outside and just genuinely good. However, the day after I couldn't sleep the first time I was with a friend and we were talking perfectly normally when he mentioned animal instincts and how he always felt in touch with his. That's when the idea that he was an animal hit me, and my mind got scared h was a werewolf. His face started to warp and I was pretty near if not all the way convinced that his talking about animal instincts was a game and the minute I let on I knew the game was over. I won't go into details for space and such but it got a LOT worse. It was auditory and visual and very mind fucky with that deja vu and other components, as well as very delusional and paranoid!
Now even if my tolerance went down some, I am very familiar with this substance and sadly with lack of sleep, and the dose and amount of time up should NOT have caused this, also, my paranoia from too much tends to be much more twitchy and also curable. The fear of people I'm with and strangely calm outward reaction disturbs me.
I Don't really like wine, but I have a bottle. Should I open it? I reckon that if I drank some wine and managed to sleep it would be worth it health wise, I'm not even sure how unhealthy it is. But would drinking a bit and feeling more relaxed and drowsy yet still being unable to sleep be a bad thing? As I'm afraid that might occur. I don't really want to drink the whole bottle. Verdict on wine?
I also have Trazadone. I really don't think I will take one of these, don't know if one would even do anything. Not really sure how I ended up with them but somehow 15 or so made it into my house, and they're basically all still here. Once I took 50 mg(1 pill) and I think it helped but it was late and I could have slept anyway. Once I really wanted sleep and I think I took 3, possibly spread out due to them not working. I remember freaking out a tiny bit after hearing potential problems with them but those went away. I couldn't sleep though and was scared it's blurry. I think 5 hours in I got cozy but I don't know what that entailed.
Thank you guys
Sorry this is really long, my brain has just been spewing shit lately with nothing to cut it off as it isn't very organized at the moment. Also, do people have any other suggestions? I do not want to take benadryl for a number of reasons. I have some melatonin but I've never found it that affective. On top of that I have 1mg pills for some reason instead of 3mg or 5mg and for some reason they are the one thing that makes me nauseous. These particular pills, not melatonin, incase that wasn't clear.
Also, what's the deal with Phenibut? I don't have any but I might order some. I'm not super worried about withdrawal because I would only use it on multiple days up for sleepiness, not to prevent a sleep schedule from becoming bad.
Sorry for any mistakes, I am not going to proofread like I usually do, I don't feel it's worth it right now. I did double click the red words though. My wine is red I think if that matters.
If you have any theories on why I can't sleep I's appreciate them.
It's almost 8am and I have a feeling if the sun fully rises I won't be able to sleep AGAIN. Now I pull all nighters way more than I wish I did, and it's not uncommon for them to run into almost 2 nighters which end up fucking up my sleep schedule. However I rarely function on the third day, no examples comes to mind, and I think I am able to sleep before getting into the third day is due to exhaustion and not my intervention.
First night I couldn't sleep and I'm not sure why. Only drug I took was Diphenhydramine and I took it to get to sleep, and it almost worked. Second day I took 60 mg dexedrine after a week long break, which I am disgusted to say I believe is the longest break I've taken in over a year, if not two... or three. The Dexedrine was a lot more enjoyable than it has been lately and I was more productive too. And I took it on no sleep (which is not advisable) but I just wonder what it would have been like fully rested! I'm going to use that thought because if I managed one break I can (and think it's worth it health and pleasure wise) to do it again. I re-dosed with 2 when I was really tired and kind of brain-fogged, felt like there was still some Diphenhydramine in my system or something.
Now I'm not sure how much my tolerance dropped, but eating 8 over a fairly spread out period I would have considered very modest, and would not expect sleeping problems. I know the whole exhausted feeling where you can't sleep because when you finally close your eyes the exhaustion lifts and feels peaceful and prepared for sleep everywhere but the very front of your brain, which feels stimulated as opposed to relaxed by the motion shutting your eyes. In fact, the relief of the eye strain seems to add even more to the stimulation.
However, even when I do really large doses over a long period of time I can eventually sleep. When I have the front of the forehead feeling I know sleep won't happen without time or benadryl or something, neither of which are ideal. I am excellent at recognizing when my body is finally ready to sleep though, and mine was! Sadly, just like the first night, I was in a situation where I was very tired and cozy and tranquil and was almost asleep but not quite, and before I could finalize my transition of waking to non, my time was up! It honestly has felt like I've had an hourglass and if the sand runs out before I fall asleep I have to try again tomorrow.
I don't know if I can't sleep because of my thoughts? I remember the first night they were fairly entertaining but not in an exciting or emotional or even personal way. Just in the way they flowed. The other night I was so incredibly exhausted and paranoid while smoking a cigarette that it created the oddest state of mind. When I went inside for good I had a really long fantasy about my boy, and for some reason it felt a lot more sexual than usual and well.. it worked how it does, but I didn't touch myself at all. And for each time I'd just throw in something dirty ending up in a new position, for us in my mind not physically. I was very comfy and thought I might get to sleep. But once I missed my chance I got really horny and remembered some BDSM person who'd been taking weekly get togethers for kinky people they were starting in my city. I really had wanted to give him a present and I wanted it to be a sexy lil rehead and made an an account on some site that I ended up on but there were none!! You could do anything but a fucking redhead.
I feel like something's changed a bit because that wouldn't normally be a reason I'd get up when I was cozy, looking at redheads I could see but I don't think that at 6 on most morning I'd have to get out of bed to track down these parties for young BDSM and realize that they were always on Wednesday's so he could never come, and look up directions reckoning I keep it a surprise until I could find one but how it'd be weird to go without telling my boy and odd because eve if I found someone I couldn't be sure if it would feel like a beautiful surprise or kinda weird seeing if it would work without my boy knowing.
Sorry if it's kind of scattered. I think there was another day in here. Basically, I stopped taking Dexedrine for 7 days which is the longest I've been without any kind of stim in a while. I also got a cold right as that started and was exhausted. Recovered energy somewhat the night 5 days in and I could. not. stop. moving. That is until I thought wow maybe I should drink some coffee to add to it and the rush was greatly dampened soon after. The next day I don't remember so clearly but it was pretty good and I got the sudden motivation to do something I'd been putting off for months. It turned out I could do it the next day so I wanted to make sure I slept. Ya'll know I couldn't. However, I did the thing and did it well. And felt so confused as for months I thought I would not succeed without some kind of helper, yet came out well from a spur of the moment no sleep no preparation and most hard for me to process: no drugs. These drugs do not make me feel high, they make me feel normal. Except for the first dose after 7 days off. I did not take time off because I was trying to get high. I'm going to do something I can't go back to how I was.
When the time runs out I haven't been feeling sad or tired, maybe slightly defeated, but only for a second. Then I've gone and smoked a cigarette and been outside with some form of art, first day it was music the next reading, and felt really REALLY happy about being alive and being outside and just genuinely good. However, the day after I couldn't sleep the first time I was with a friend and we were talking perfectly normally when he mentioned animal instincts and how he always felt in touch with his. That's when the idea that he was an animal hit me, and my mind got scared h was a werewolf. His face started to warp and I was pretty near if not all the way convinced that his talking about animal instincts was a game and the minute I let on I knew the game was over. I won't go into details for space and such but it got a LOT worse. It was auditory and visual and very mind fucky with that deja vu and other components, as well as very delusional and paranoid!
Now even if my tolerance went down some, I am very familiar with this substance and sadly with lack of sleep, and the dose and amount of time up should NOT have caused this, also, my paranoia from too much tends to be much more twitchy and also curable. The fear of people I'm with and strangely calm outward reaction disturbs me.
I Don't really like wine, but I have a bottle. Should I open it? I reckon that if I drank some wine and managed to sleep it would be worth it health wise, I'm not even sure how unhealthy it is. But would drinking a bit and feeling more relaxed and drowsy yet still being unable to sleep be a bad thing? As I'm afraid that might occur. I don't really want to drink the whole bottle. Verdict on wine?
I also have Trazadone. I really don't think I will take one of these, don't know if one would even do anything. Not really sure how I ended up with them but somehow 15 or so made it into my house, and they're basically all still here. Once I took 50 mg(1 pill) and I think it helped but it was late and I could have slept anyway. Once I really wanted sleep and I think I took 3, possibly spread out due to them not working. I remember freaking out a tiny bit after hearing potential problems with them but those went away. I couldn't sleep though and was scared it's blurry. I think 5 hours in I got cozy but I don't know what that entailed.
Thank you guys
Sorry this is really long, my brain has just been spewing shit lately with nothing to cut it off as it isn't very organized at the moment. Also, do people have any other suggestions? I do not want to take benadryl for a number of reasons. I have some melatonin but I've never found it that affective. On top of that I have 1mg pills for some reason instead of 3mg or 5mg and for some reason they are the one thing that makes me nauseous. These particular pills, not melatonin, incase that wasn't clear.Also, what's the deal with Phenibut? I don't have any but I might order some. I'm not super worried about withdrawal because I would only use it on multiple days up for sleepiness, not to prevent a sleep schedule from becoming bad.
Sorry for any mistakes, I am not going to proofread like I usually do, I don't feel it's worth it right now. I did double click the red words though. My wine is red I think if that matters.
