Trust in God, but lock your car....
I normally allocate people a fair amount of trust straight up, but that doesn't mean I don't pay attention to see if they are worthy of it.
A quote I use fairly often is "If you loan someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it". I apply this same kind of logic to trusting someone. As BBG said, I'm not going to trust a total stranger with my life, but I find one of the best ways to find out if you can trust someone is to put them in a position where they could abuse that trust if they were so inclined. Of course sometimes this means I get burnt, but it's normally a limited burn (and one that I have at least considered, if not expected), and I now know not to trust them with anything greater.
endlesseulogy said:
I have always trusted people way too much.. Im slowly learning that there is nothing wrong with assuming the worst in someone.
I think that's a pretty sad way to begin a relationship when you meet people (and contrary to what I would have expected from your normally Karma-oriented views). In my experience if you expect the worst of people anyway, they generally have less hesitation in delivering the worst, since they have nothing to lose. By contrast, I've always found that when people realise that you trust them, they are more likely to act in a way that will maintain that trust.
In a way (obviously not universally, there are still a fair number of opportunistic arseholes out there) you are starting a self fulfilling prophecy through how you act towards someone. As in most aspects of human interaction, peoples behaviour towards you is largely influenced by your (conscious or unconscious) behaviour towards them.
OK, now that I've set myself up as a benevolent all-trusting guy, I'll make mention of the fact that if that trust is broken, it's damn near impossible to earn back. In a relationship, whether romantic, platonic or anything else, if someone betrays that trust, then that undermines the strongest part of the relationship. Once someone lies to me, I have a very hard time maintaining any kind of relationship with them beyond civility.
I've been in several relationships in the past where the trust I have has been betrayed by way of blatant lies in regards to something that is/was an important thing at the time. For example: lying about specific details of a relationship with someone else (in this case, cheating). To me, it would have been far more acceptable to have been sleeping with another guy, admit it, and forgiveness ensues (if possible given the circumstances), rather than lie about it. The dishonesty is far more damaging than any act of indiscretion. :
I have had close friends lie to me about the very issue they are seeking support from me in regards to. To me, this makes a mockery of the whole trust relationship, I find it nigh on impossible to maintain this friendship given the total lack of respect that this behaviour conveys to me.
Wow... no wonder it took me so long to reply to this (great
) topic, apparently I have a fair bit to say on the issue.
