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To function isn’t Enough

Toodlepip

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Cambridgeshire
I’m sadly the result of “over prescribing. I’ve had a life of chronic pain, spinal fusion etc, 14 years old I was prescribed opiates for pain. Never have I experienced life having raw emotions. Until 2 years ago when my taper began.
When I was 18 my parents forced me to have an abortion, the 1990s were different then so being disowned wasnt an option. I’m now 47 and still resent my father. In fact it’s breaking me in half knowing that was my last ever pregnancy In my life. IVF was also impossible


My doctor who I’ve never met having joined the surgery 2 months ago. I’m prescribed Citropram 20mg daily Which I’ve even on for 18 months isn’t working. I self harmed and more due to reducing opiates. I’ve done amazing when I think of what dosage i was taking 3 years ago.
I know my only hope is a rehab but I need to raise a lot of money for that £9.500.

Time is running out for me as im tired of fighting this nasty mental health problem, I’m now having bad anxiety problems whereby my legs shake and jerk uncontrollably including my arms, the panic attacks are becoming more regular. Sadly through feeling so dreadful Im now taking come regularly to give me a break from my awful thoughts. I’m ashamed of myself.

Being a someone to now being a something is heartbreaking

What are my chances of seeing a specialist (phyc) something lol can’t spell it. I’m laying in bed everyday, I can’t be bothered, avoid answering my mobile, I’ve alienated myself from the world. I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. I’m desperately wanting to get better but how. If I stay with a doctor who has little experience of opiate reduction, mental health, self harming, suicidal history then I may as well through the towel in

If only i had of been reviewed regularly by my doctor, informed of how quickly a patient becomes dependent on morphine and when the time comes to reduce it will probably break you in half.
Is there anyone else that can point me in the right direction



Adèle
 

RedRum OG

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 18, 2009
Messages
3,485
Location
MN
Advice for this stuff is heavily dependent on what country you're in. Are you in the UK? I, unfortunately, can only give advice for USA, with our disaster of a system and its unique attributes.

The universal advice I can give is this: making an effort is hard, but not as hard as just living will be in the future if you continue this way. Training your brain takes a lot of effort. You've trained probably 10s to 100s of times a day "no, I'm not gonna do that" , "I cant do that". Now you will have to spend an equal amount of time practicing the opposite. Whether it's taking out the garbage when it's full, taking a shower, or getting to your therapy appointment on time, you have to do it, the first time it occurs to you that you should, immediately. E.g. I set an alarm for 9am and 3pm every day, and no matter how bad I feel, I spend 15 minutes cleaning my apartment or something- practice for ignoring the voice telling me I'd feel better if I just stayed on the couch. As far as actually making yourself act, just wait for that tiny voice that tells you "you should do this" and blast full force into that activity before you can think about how hard it might be. There are no secret tricks, just an internal battle that only you can fight

When I have this problem, I look at it this way: for the next 1-3 months, my life is going to be hard either way. It could be hard because I'm just waiting for a miracle, while sitting in absolute misery, or it could be hard because I'm living like a Marine: up at 5.30am, making my bed immediately, shower, brush teeth, breakfast, lift weights, and home to take a nap and read a book before I go to work. Both of those are unpleasant lifestyles for someone with depression/anxiety/chronic pain, however, one becomes more pleasant over time, and one becomes more horrible over time. One will heal you, and one will dissolve you. You can end your day beat but proud, or you can end your day beat and ashamed.

Exercise goes a long way. Especially exercise that truly pushes you, leaves you sore. Chronic pain patients can, paraplegics can, people who weigh 700 lbs can, it's just a matter of finding what you can do, pushing your limits safely, versus just assuming you're not capable of getting fit. You'd be surprised. Being outdoors regularly is important too. Find somewhere solitary you can sit in the sun.

Are you still on opioids? If so, which one, what dose per day? Suboxone/buprenorphine can be a life saver for regulating your lifestyle/emotions until you are ready to be completely off.
 
Last edited:

Toodlepip

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Cambridgeshire
Advice for this stuff is heavily dependent on what country you're in. Are you in the UK? I, unfortunately, can only give advice for USA, with our disaster of a system and its unique attributes.

The universal advice I can give is this: making an effort is hard, but not as hard as just living will be in the future if you continue this way. Training your brain takes a lot of effort. You've trained probably 10s to 100s of times a day "no, I'm not gonna do that" , "I cant do that". Now you will have to spend an equal amount of time practicing the opposite. Whether it's taking out the garbage when it's full, taking a shower, or getting to your therapy appointment on time, you have to do it, the first time it occurs to you that you should, immediately. E.g. I set an alarm for 9am and 3pm every day, and no matter how bad I feel, I spend 15 minutes cleaning my apartment or something- practice for ignoring the voice telling me I'd feel better if I just stayed on the couch. As far as actually making yourself act, just wait for that tiny voice that tells you "you should do this" and blast full force into that activity before you can think about how hard it might be. There are no secret tricks, just an internal battle that only you can fight

When I have this problem, I look at it this way: for the next 1-3 months, my life is going to be hard either way. It could be hard because I'm just waiting for a miracle, while sitting in absolute misery, or it could be hard because I'm living like a Marine: up at 5.30am, making my bed immediately, shower, brush teeth, breakfast, lift weights, and home to take a nap and read a book before I go to work. Both of those are unpleasant lifestyles for someone with depression/anxiety/chronic pain, however, one becomes more pleasant over time, and one becomes more horrible over time. One will heal you, and one will dissolve you. You can end your day beat but proud, or you can end your day beat and ashamed.

Exercise goes a long way. Especially exercise that truly pushes you, leaves you sore. Chronic pain patients can, paraplegics can, people who weigh 700 lbs can, it's just a matter of finding what you can do, pushing your limits safely, versus just assuming you're not capable of getting fit. You'd be surprised. Being outdoors regularly is important too. Find somewhere solitary you can sit in the sun.

Are you still on opioids? If so, which one, what dose per day? Suboxone/buprenorphine can be a life saver for regulating your lifestyle/emotions until you are ready to be completely off.
Yes still on opiates. 100mg zomorph a day, it’s my pain that’s got worse since reducing, my knees hurt so much when I stand so this is also y I lay in bed every day. When I took 120mg zomorph with 40mls oramorph i was able to function Normally. Now I’m left in this state.
 
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