Time to get Sober - Life Beyond Abstinence

[Mistressofitness]

Ah thanks so much for the response , I’m in the uk not near enough to London to go to meeting there which imo are so much better as there’s more choice of style .. some are more upmarket ( not a good choice of word at 5am) than others .
I’ve used AA over the years but to be honest it’s just never been updated the methodology Or the language , personally I ( and I’m a service user) associate it with older predominantly male drinkers.

it’s definately not young and vibrant but you can find that type of group in London.

I can’t believe it but I went last night I found a group in a nearby City and although the same it was helpful and I got some contacts 3 women who were really nice .
Thanks so much for your message I’m just working my way around these boards as it’s all changed compared with when I used to log in ..
Please keep in touch and thanks for the kind words xx

What do you meant by "service user" I never heard that term before. btw I totally get what you are saying about the "upmarket" thing...and about AA/12 Step methodology, language and the typical male drinker type you get at rural meetings. I saw London by your name, thought maybe you are in the city. Its same here in Canada- if I lived in small city i NEVER would have gone to AA- small town AA is full of mostly white, very low bottom, blue collar men and they have a VERY antiquated, rigid view of AA (like God forbid you mention drugs- they go ballistic, practically tar and feather you if you won't say the Lord's Prayer, which I refused to do for 9 years when I went!). I'm lucky in Toronto because we are big, like London or New York. There are meetings of all different kinds-very progressive I swear lets say you are a left handed, south african librarian, who practices sourcery and prefers to sleep with men only during the full moon, with women during half moon, and stay celibate for the rest of month, there is at least one or two meetings for a group of folks just like you where you feel comfortable (dont mean to be crass- or make fun of anyone - just mean that Like EVERYONE can find a meeting that suits their lifestyle and preferences)...because of huge population, you get a HUGE cross section and you can find groups where there will be like minded sorts. Am so glad to hear you actually met some nice women at the meeting in the City- don't be afraid to actually call them! If you actually liked the meeting I bet one of em would pick you up and take you there- they really do like to help..(.but only if you can stand the meeting and find it helpful of course). It blows my mind how people on this message forum are everywhere in the world.. yet our struggles are the same. I think I've figured out how to PM people on here-which I will try to do and will say hi privately. I also find it a bit confusing as I am new, and only active since the system changed. Will def keep in touch, do the same ;-) I'm thinking of starting a thread to talk about getting clean tips and support or something. Is alcohol your D.O.C.? Or have you done the opiate dance too?

 

[Ganjcat]

How do people honestly get sober?? I have tried and I cant even go a whole day without opiates and im not even in withdrawal by the time I relapse the mental cravings are to much for me alone.. I have managed to hardly smoke weed but only because I cannot afford it at the moment

 

[Mistressofitness]

How do people honestly get sober?? I have tried and I cant even go a whole day without opiates and im not even in withdrawal by the time I relapse the mental cravings are to much for me alone.. I have managed to hardly smoke weed but only because I cannot afford it at the moment

i hear ya..it's really really really goddamn hard. a piece of you has to be so broken and wanting to get fixed....be certain that you can't take it any more...and desperately unhappy and ready to make a drastic change.. for me, as much as I try I just can't do it alone :-( I had to get help...some pple have willpower and can do it on own but I think it's rare .opiates took me very quickly.....I have to tell you drinking was tough to quit- but I feel like the opiates are way harder ... but man I gotta do it because this isn't life. Have u ever tried getting help? sometimes the first try doesn't stick....and u have to try again (I got off for 9 months last year but relapsed, second kick at can). but man it is possible- I have done it before with booze..and I have seen people do it with drugs ... I wish I could moderate even..but just can't seem to ..I am all or nothing in this Dept ...

 

[tired of crap]

@Codiene princess

I failed so many times to quit during my years. Persistance and learning are key. Try not to berate yourself when you "fail" because really is it a failure if youve taken something useful from your attempts?

Unfortunately I cant say whats changed this time other than I was just sick of going in the same circles again and again.

Feeling isolated after quitting ones doc seems to be a pretty common theme
As much as I need to better regulate my social media usage I find it incredibly helpful to connect to like minded ppl - whether theyre in recovery too or, also like me, interested in other substances (which arent problematic to me). But more than just substance related there are so many forums/groups dedicated to activities etc that my irl friends arent.

@Ganjcat
mental cravings were a large part of my continued alcohol use.
Opiates are different though and I cant speak much in that regard as they never really grabbed me the way alcohol did but I imagine certain aspects of addiction are relatable. Distractions helped during those first bits to help keep my mind off drinking - movies, video games, hobbies. Meditation, exercise and yoga helped with the anxiety and depression but they certainly arent panaceas like I see so many ppl make them out to be.

But dont be afraid to seek medical assistance - be it in the form of therapy or prescription intervention to help get you off. Many ppl find NA and other meetings such as SMART meetings that MistressofFitness referred to to be of benefit but I cant speak to any of these options. I was kinda ... stubborn? and for whatever reason. Honestly I think it was in part due to my perception of the nature. But certainly it couldnt hurt to check one out - you can always bail if you dont jive. Journalling both here and irl really helps me to get the thoughts out which I figured meetings were at least somewhat about.

@Mistressofitness
"so I joined a group in my area that was primarily gay men and it SAVED my ARSE! " I laughed at the irony surrounding that one

Ya I have addictive tendencies that reach beyond substances too (lol?)- social media, junk food, yoga and meditation and exercise (when I get going), etc. Mindfulness really allows me to be aware when these issues crop up though Im not always capable of changing them in that awareness.

Youre not the first one to mention smart meetings and cbt therapy.
More recently Ive been trying to set smart goals surrounding some of my goals.
I hope your meetings work out.


At times this thread would go dry with responses, so
Thank you all for taking the time to write
Cheers

 

[tired of crap]

Well the passed 2 weeks have been rough for me
Ive neglected my mindfulness the passed 3 mornings
But Im 3 weeks without psychedelics and 2 days this week without weed

Just noticing the date I realized today is 11 mos alcohol free
And that was the pick me up I needed for an otherwise shakey few days

 

[tired of crap]

Well yesterday was hands down my worst day in many months.
Even to the point of running suicidal ideations. So when I finished work I just put on a movie and slept as a means of escape.

With no psychoactive crutches and a total lack of anything resembling self care these past weeks, 4 and 2 respectfully, my mental (and to a lesser degree) physical health has taken a complete dive. Thankfully from years of cycling abstinence and substance misuse, I am aware that if I am to remain in such a state this has historically been the beginning of my relapse.

With holidays coming and the anniversary of moms passing coming I need to make some changes before this spirals any further.

Today is a better day and I am hoping to make some of those changes today.