Thoughts regarding a noble suicide or The rambling of an old fashioned fart

[user name1]

What can i say in my defense? nothing really but if we were in court say, there's a lot of mitigating circumstances.
I won't go into details of my stupid sob story (already did all that in all of my previous posts) and try to remain on the subject at hand here. -
i am a firm believer in the right of a person to exit an existence of chronic pain (physical or mental that is) or one that is living a pointless, tasteless and meaningless life.
as for me i think and feel that i checks the boxes of all of the above and then some.

ATM i still function in a small way but i fear that not too far into the future i will become even a heavier burden on the small part of my family that still care for me and are worried and sad seeing me deteriorate slowly but surely in front of their very eyes.

for years, until very lately i was able to hide my pain and the seriousness of my addiction to class A drugs by minimizing and using humor, laughter and charm to hide the pain i was in. now I am still trying to use those techniques but I'm afraid they see through it and though they don't know or understand the magnitude of those mental and physical ailments plus the decades long addictions to any and all mind altering substances it's becoming very obvious that something is very wrong with me.

I feel that the small amount of grace i still posses is running out fast and i can't stand the notion that i will become, sooner rather then later, dependent upon my loved ones. i can't stand the feeling that i will be remembered as a shit smelling wheelchaired mumbling idiot that can't fend for himself. I rather be remembered as a self serving asshole which traumatized his family by killing himself. i know that deep down they will secretly breathe a sigh of relief...

that's it really. a no brainer but do i have the stones? another question entirely..

all the best my dear fellow BLers,
Jonesy

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hmmm. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I think that suicide causes more problems than it solves. But at the same time I can understand your desire to check out before things get worse.

Have you spoken to any of your family members and told them your thoughts on ending it?

 

[user name1]

Hmmm. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I think that suicide causes more problems than it solves. But at the same time I can understand your desire to check out before things get worse.

Have you spoken to any of your family members and told them your thoughts on ending it?

thanks for replying mate!
well no, i really can't it will make things so much worse by adding more guilt to an already guilt ridden situation..

 

[dragonix]

Like Harakiri?!

 

[n3ophy7e]

thanks for replying mate!
well no, i really can't it will make things so much worse by adding more guilt to an already guilt ridden situation..

So hold on to that thought for a minute. You acknowledge that talking to them about your thoughts on suicide would make you feel guilty. Why is that? Because you know it will hurt them. So imagine their pain if you actually follow through with it, the disruption to their lives, the years and years and decades of unanswered questions and unspoken words that they will have to endure.

This is what has prevented me from going through with many of my suicide attempts, the pain it will cause my family.

Let me know your thoughts. I hope you're doing okay

 

[user name1]

So hold on to that thought for a minute. You acknowledge that talking to them about your thoughts on suicide would make you feel guilty. Why is that? Because you know it will hurt them. So imagine their pain if you actually follow through with it, the disruption to their lives, the years and years and decades of unanswered questions and unspoken words that they will have to endure.

This is what has prevented me from going through with many of my suicide attempts, the pain it will cause my family.

Let me know your thoughts. I hope you're doing okay

I feel that everybody has the right to do what they want and I think that suicide is not about selfishness but about deep and constantly sharp pain... we are only responsible for ourselves and our pain is our own private hell sometimes so I don't believe that any mother fucker has the right to judge anyone, not at least until said MF suffer the same pain and humiliation for the same amount of time which is impossible in my humble opinion.
when a person kills himself its because he couldn't take the pain or suffering anymore and that should be enough for loved ones. if its not -then who exactly is (and in a lot of cases was) being selfish here?

 

[Shrooms00087]

If your parents were you -- depressed, self-reliant, and in need care for a disability would you flip the table and hand them the gun? There are a lot more options available to you and I personally hope you seek them out.

 

[nznity]

I feel that everybody has the right to do what they want and I think that suicide is not about selfishness but about deep and constantly sharp pain... we are only responsible for ourselves and our pain is our own private hell sometimes so I don't believe that any mother fucker has the right to judge anyone, not at least until said MF suffer the same pain and humiliation for the same amount of time which is impossible in my humble opinion.
when a person kills himself its because he couldn't take the pain or suffering anymore and that should be enough for loved ones. if its not -then who exactly is (and in a lot of cases was) being selfish here?

I'm in the same position as you and I think I got the chance to decide when ive had enough. Being on constant pain and mental anguish is not fucking living....it's utter torture.

 

[user name1]

If your parents were you -- depressed, self-reliant, and in need care for a disability would you flip the table and hand them the gun? There are a lot more options available to you and I personally hope you seek them out.

well... i won't murder them or anything but i will understand and respect them if they choose to off themselves -
when you know pain and sickness. when you actually felt your body and psyche rot from the inside there aren't that many options, infarct there's only 2 - die comfortably in peace or die while suffering a horrible "life" for a while and if fortunate enough die in your sleep. chances are you'll die slowly and in a terrible agony for hours, days, months or even years.... there's kinds of pains that enduring 1 minute of them will feel like a lifetime... what options except for morphine a while? if the doc has any humanity will help with an overdose when the pethidine doesn't cut it anymore. that's the reality of things mate.

 

[Shrooms00087]

You suffer physical pain all the time? I kind of read into the post as addicted&depressed. Which are issues that can be addressed. Getting clean, dopamine fasting, and psychiatry. That was my thinking behind the post at any rate.

 

[neversickanymore]

How are you doing today @user name1

 

[dalpat077]

thanks for replying mate!
well no, i really can't it will make things so much worse by adding more guilt to an already guilt ridden situation..

So hold on to that thought for a minute. You acknowledge that talking to them about your thoughts on suicide would make you feel guilty. Why is that? Because you know it will hurt them. So imagine their pain if you actually follow through with it, the disruption to their lives, the years and years and decades of unanswered questions and unspoken words that they will have to endure.

Don't mind my chirping in here. Sensitive topic that's gotten me into hot water here more than once. But also something I know maybe a little too much about and understand rather well (in my personal opinion anyway).

Talking to close friends and family about this isn't the way to go. It doesn't make the suicidal person feel guilty. But it can make the other parties take on or assume their own form of guilt and responsibility and make them feel inadequate because there's nothing they can do to solve the problem. And it's incredibly hard for a person that's never ever considered suicide as a practical and realistic solution to a problem i.e. it's just such a foreign concept to most.

And for what it's worth coming from a total stranger: I believe that there is such a thing as a noble suicide. Although I'd substitute the word "noble" with either of the words "practical" or "logical". The caveat being is that it has to be well thought out and considered and planned and not some spur of the moment irrational action (while under the influence of any mind altering substances) in order to qualify as noble or practical or rational. Although arguably: the spur of the moment irrational action and while under the influence is quite possibly, for most, the only way they're going to get it right.

 

[user name1]

Don't mind my chirping in here. Sensitive topic that's gotten me into hot water here more than once. But also something I know maybe a little too much about and understand rather well (in my personal opinion anyway).

Talking to close friends and family about this isn't the way to go. It doesn't make the suicidal person feel guilty. But it can make the other parties take on or assume their own form of guilt and responsibility and make them feel inadequate because there's nothing they can do to solve the problem. And it's incredibly hard for a person that's never ever considered suicide as a practical and realistic solution to a problem i.e. it's just such a foreign concept to most.

And for what it's worth coming from a total stranger: I believe that there is such a thing as a noble suicide. Although I'd substitute the word "noble" with either of the words "practical" or "logical". The caveat being is that it has to be well thought out and considered and planned and not some spur of the moment irrational action (while under the influence of any mind altering substances) in order to qualify as noble or practical or rational. Although arguably: the spur of the moment irrational action and while under the influence is quite possibly, for most, the only way they're going to get it right.

Exactly!

 

[user name1]

How are you doing today @user name1

Hi,
thanks for asking! i guess I'm ok considering, a bit fragile to be honest..
stuck in a situation that I'm not equipped handling - a bit in over my head here..

i don't know what to do or where to go with all this stuff, u know?

cheers for caring!

 

[user name1]

You suffer physical pain all the time? I kind of read into the post as addicted&depressed. Which are issues that can be addressed. Getting clean, dopamine fasting, and psychiatry. That was my thinking behind the post at any rate.

yeah.. most of the time. it's like my body and brain are the enemy somehow - working in unison to break me down. i know it sounds a bit dramatic but it's true.. i fear moving about, you know?

 

[JackARoe]

I feel that everybody has the right to do what they want and I think that suicide is not about selfishness but about deep and constantly sharp pain...we are only responsible for ourselves and our pain is our own private hell sometimes so I don't believe that any mother fucker has the right to judge anyone, not at least until said MF suffer the same pain and humiliation for the same amount of time which is impossible in my humble opinion.
when a person kills himself its because he couldn't take the pain or suffering anymore and that should be enough for loved ones. if its not -then who exactly is (and in a lot of cases was) being selfish here?

This is such a great noble question that I read it a month ago and had to chew on it. Selfishness. On one hand we are free beings to do what we want and no one has the right to tell us what we do to ourselves. And that is valid because it is true. One the other hand there is a form of selfishness that entails leaving our loved ones here to grieve our act. I know I stay here in order to fullfill my duty of seeing everyone else off as painful as it is. So the term selfishness is loaded. It could be spun either way here. But life is a hero act, that is why we see it through. (I refer to Joseph Campbell)

I hope the OP is well. I know the times I felf like suicide I really just wanted out of the feelings I had. Feelings of being left out, oppressed, broke, in physical pain, etc.. I quickly realized if someone took my physical pain away,gave me a million dollars I could muster up some hope meaning it was situational.

I do think it is a person's choice, but I also lean more towards it being selfish by the person that commits suicide. I see both sides. Put it this way, if a person is younng they should find a way to get out of whatevef pain they are in. Opiates for physical pain and human connection for mental pain. Indeed starting this thread is an attempt to connect with others to lessen our pain.

I also have this deep own belief that this is a chosen journey. Wherever we are in life we chose it. Every choice from music to food we choose. I believe we chose the journey. So if it is a part where there is a lot of pain and hurt we somehow have to come out the other end. The senarios are not our choice, but the choice to make it though it is. Or we face the same thing that we were running from again in possible another existence. (just throwing out possible beliefs).

Basically if you lived you life, are much older and won't cause too much hurt the a person should do what they want. If they are young the best choice is to plow through whatever is snagging us. Watch it like scenery through a box car. And that implies we are on a train that will pull into the station at the end and we really want to try our best.

Live is 5 minutes long. I think we need creative ways to incease our hope. And I know a lot of people are hurting. Hang in there.I will if you will. In the end we will triumph and get that reward!

 

[Crackle pop]

I feel you i really do
After 8 heart attacks. 3stents n a now failed double heart bypass my hearts so damaged an has an occluded left ventricle and pypass leaving a 3rd of my heart not getting fresh oxygenated blood . Im told the next attack will be too much for my heart and i will not survive. At 37 years old i dont want to be alone at night knowing that this is it the end . The pain out of this world being all to aware of the outcome lonley in pain dying. I can't inagine any worse
So i totally understand you. Ive often thought that taking my own life . Means im in control and could makes it prety pain free ... but i cant it will kill my daughter. So i have to live knowing that the end isnt far away....
Hang on in there mate your not alone

 

[JoshLobbs]

I have seen 4 grandparents become husks of who they used to be. I've seen and felt the impact it has had on my entire family. I do not want to worsen the emotional toll on my loved ones by hiseing from the inevitable.

I do not fear death, I fear becoming a useless, decrepit shell only kept alive by litteral bin bags full of pills. I fear how much of a burden I will be on my family. Will they have to make shift patterns and spread sheets for when they have to visit me when I'm in hospital?

No because I am not letting it get to that point.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

What can i say in my defense? nothing really but if we were in court say, there's a lot of mitigating circumstances.
I won't go into details of my stupid sob story (already did all that in all of my previous posts) and try to remain on the subject at hand here. -
i am a firm believer in the right of a person to exit an existence of chronic pain (physical or mental that is) or one that is living a pointless, tasteless and meaningless life.
as for me i think and feel that i checks the boxes of all of the above and then some.

ATM i still function in a small way but i fear that not too far into the future i will become even a heavier burden on the small part of my family that still care for me and are worried and sad seeing me deteriorate slowly but surely in front of their very eyes.

for years, until very lately i was able to hide my pain and the seriousness of my addiction to class A drugs by minimizing and using humor, laughter and charm to hide the pain i was in. now I am still trying to use those techniques but I'm afraid they see through it and though they don't know or understand the magnitude of those mental and physical ailments plus the decades long addictions to any and all mind altering substances it's becoming very obvious that something is very wrong with me.

I feel that the small amount of grace i still posses is running out fast and i can't stand the notion that i will become, sooner rather then later, dependent upon my loved ones. i can't stand the feeling that i will be remembered as a shit smelling wheelchaired mumbling idiot that can't fend for himself. I rather be remembered as a self serving asshole which traumatized his family by killing himself. i know that deep down they will secretly breathe a sigh of relief...

that's it really. a no brainer but do i have the stones? another question entirely..

all the best my dear fellow BLers,
Jonesy

Hello user name1,

Although I am of the opinion that it is everyone's individual right to exit when they no longer see a use for themselves, become a burden on others, or want to relieve themselves of excruciating persistent pain either physical or emotional, my contact with the family of my best friend who took his own life in July of this year has me feeling otherwise.
My best friend had a bad heart condition and he took his own life by taking enough stimulant drugs to give himself a stroke where the hospital could no longer bring him back. It has been six months and my departed friend's dear Mother has not stopped crying on a daily basis; she calls me by phone often out of emotional and spiritual desperation trying to find some relief and meaning to it all.
The deceased's two brothers, two sisters, his three daughters, his one son, nephews, nieces, and friends all miss him very dearly. I'm indeed crying right now as I'm typing this post...
There are indeed unforeseeable consequences to our actions upon the others who still remain living. Please consider very closely the impact of one's potential actions. Or in the short-term, perhaps reconsider after enjoying the Holidays with them so that one's perspective may become more clear.

With peace and love.