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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
8,142
i’ve been sleep deprived from mania, passed out, and smash my head against the hardwood floor. it’s pouring blood. knocked my myself clean out. no way I’m spending tonight in the ER though. with medicaid they make me sit there for hours.

i called my dad because i live by myself and he’s a doc. he said don’t take a bunch of valium to go back to bed. yeah, ok.
 

hydroazuanacaine

bluelighter
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
8,142
spent hours on the couch today shaking and clutching my stomach. had no idea why other than i have been unable to eat for weeks, lost 40 pounds (huge for me, because my healthy weight is 160), have black stool, all kinds of problems. then i took a handful of valium and was able to eat, go get a coffee, they have a check mark system where every 10 is free so i was able to get one for the homeless guy that hangs out on my apartment stairs (it's cold outside and he loves it) and i feel so worthless in life anything i can do to slightly improve someone's day is important to me.

but the problem is the valium made this all possible. i don't know what to do about benzos. my psych has no problem giving them to me (even scripts me 30 x 30mg temezapam too), but i've been taking them for 17 years and know how big of a toll you pay for their benefits. i desperately need to find a way to make life work without them. i'm trying sertaline and lamotrigine, but they are not working yet. in fact the sertaline set off a manic episode that had significant consequences.

now my parents -- who are really to old to be taking care of me -- are driving 5 hours to pick me up and take me to their house. they think i'm never moving back here, which is not at all the case. but it will be good to go home and see family.
 

Kara Kava

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
455
You were homeless and I vouched for you with my landlord and you have the nerve to start gossiping about me with my neighbor's and landlord???
You say you met me at a needle exchange you volunteered at??
All because my music woke you at 11am on a Monday??
You're a [email protected]#t
 

mokele

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2017
Messages
582
I have become the target of police fabrication and biased targeting. I have been told my room smelled like marijuana and that my roommate and I did not comply with police because we didn't answer the door but that they heard coughing from the other side.

MY ROOMMATE AND I WEREN'T EVEN IN THE ROOM. OUR ROOM DOESN'T SMELL. The police are blatantly lying and our dorms assume you guilty until you can prove yourself innocent. They are trying to tell people that they will not be found guilty if they give up the names of the people who smoke marijuana in our hall. This is total bullshit. I'm getting a written statement from my teacher to prove I wasn't in the room -.- More hoops to jump through;sad to see the University actively working against its students.
That sucks big time! I went through a similar episode.
 

mokele

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2017
Messages
582
So melatonin is prescription only in Germany. Fucking stupid!! And now my parents think I'm drug seeking because they dont know what it is and of course "if you have to get a prescription for it it must be a drug". I'm 9 weeks pregnant jetlagged and exhausted from not sleeping in 36 hours. They don't even want to buy valerian root until they get a doctors approval. Uggggh just so tired
Melatonin? Umm noo! If your parents even get stupid with Valerian root....maybe move to a friend?? My dad thinks CBD is for H addiction and talk with him? Or his bitch? No Way! You see they are right and i am wrong, simple. I am over 50y and the older he gets the more difficult...I refuse regular contact and am called heartless cuz of that! Forget that he beat me to pulp as a kid, made me watch him screwing his bitch as a 6y old.....
 

mokele

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2017
Messages
582
Sick of people thinking I'm gay. I don't know what the fuck it is. I'll admit that I have been burned really badly in the past with women and I'm not thirsty enough to fuck every drunk bitch in the bar, and comfortable enough to laugh in their drunk faces. I have just been there already. I know what its like to really love someone and I don't want to have any emotional attachment to someone I don't want any part of. Is there something fucked up with the fact that I have standards? I was at the bar with my buddy and this bitch was drunk as hell, and my buddy lies like mad and she was buying his shit from the get go. I figured if she is buying his bullshit than I'm 100% good on that. He wanted to get with her so I was more than cool. Next thing she's dropping her drinks and all over every guys that women I'm into wouldn't even talk to. So then she is like "So you want to go and hang out with my friend?", at this point she is on my buddy and the bouncer at once, they're fighting for attention. I don't play that shit either, did that 10 years ago, sorry whore. I knew she was playing games and I wanted no part of it. I was like "nah I gotta get up tomorrow". She was like "why, what do you have to do?". I was like "wake up and not feel like shit", then loud as hell she says "are you gay?" to the point that my buddy and all these other people drop their conversation. Now I'm more than comfortable with my sexuality, but that shits annoying as fuck. This happens on the reg, because I want no part of these drunk whores they feel insecure and want to put it back on me. Well it gets fucking old after a while. To be honest I have no desire to find women at the bar. I like to drink but since I got my shit together I like to control myself. Well for some reason she just pissed me the fuck off. What am I supposed to do in situations like that? Honestly I wanted to be like "yeah, big cocksucker over here", but not everyone would get that shit and it's just fucking awkward. Like what am I supposed to fucking do? I also do not mean bitch and whore in a general sense, these bitches are bitches and whores. I love women but hate the ones who get off on competition and starting shit just cuz I'm not on them. It makes me have problems with gay people because if there was no gay dudes I wouldn't be having to even think this shit. I feel like I'm getting a complex because of this shit and I really am better than this. I feel like I'm too nice and clean cut. I take pride in my appearance, I know I look good as I have had immaculate women go on about it. I honestly think that is a problem for these bitches. Oh well that's my vent.
Actually that would make a good Thread
" toxic friends "!!!
 
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