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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Hi Squeaky, I hope you are well with the pandemic, physically, at least. I read a little bit here and see that you are still progressing to quitting the pain pills.
I am home alot, to avoid getting the virus, and work remotely from my house most of the time. It does kind of remind me of my time addicted to the pain pills, when I did not want to leave the house because I was waiting to take a pill, feeling sick because my tolerance was so high, or just depressed from the effects of all of the above.
Stay safe, and take good care of yourself.
It’s great to hear from you Pokemama! I’m glad you’re doing well
 
Took me 3 years to go from IV heroin and oxy to methadone. Took me 4 years to go from 120mg to 30mg of methadone a day. Now 4 years later I'm still on 20mg a day. Really tearing this band aid off slowly. Not to mention I cant sleep or work while sick so I have been taking 7 days worth of methadone in 5-6 the entire time, thus I have spent literally every weekend for the last 8 years dope sick, for no real reason.

Any advice not to be a fool living repeat groundhogs day style would be appreciated. I live a healthy straight life overall, have kinks to iron out mentally, but I'm just killing myself with this methadone tapering business. I have just enough self control to make my methadone last 6 days, but not 7, no matter the dose, and I can't figure out why, and its been this way for years. Mental illness is a hell of a drug. At least I'm on a tiny dose of methadone, I guess.
I’m the same way. No matter how hard I try or what I do, I always settle on a dose that I will allow myself to have that is more than I’m supposed to take. I tell myself it’s only for a few days and I’ll taper down, but then I never do. I tell myself ‘ If I cut down to half right now, I won’t run out’, ‘If I cut way back to nearly nothing, I won’t run out’. I never cut back and always run out. My advice to myself- make a plan and get off this crap forever. The next time you run out, take those days of abstinence and run with it, far far away from dependence.
 
So this month I burned through 100 pills in 7 days. Not good. But I’ll take this over suffering for two weeks trying to not run out. Trying to taper down to 3 pills per day, then two, then 1 then 1/2. Eventually getting to 1/2 pill on the last day. Taking 1/4 in the morning and my last 1/4 right before my Dr appt so he won’t see me in wd. Then scrambling all over town trying to find a pharmacy that can fill it TODAY.
Coming down from weeks or months with not even one day off oxy is torture. Way worse than 7 days of insane high doses. Right now I only wish I had a little more, just for the weekend. But I’m smart enough to see that two more days of feeling good would only mean that Monday would only suck a little more than Saturday. It would be 9 days, 2 days closer to dependance and withdrawl, and a terrible way to start the work week. And at least right now I have the choice of saying I can’t get out of bed.

I distinctly remember cold turkey off 30 mg per day oxy. Pure hell. That was after more than a year of pills every day. I have been on 300-600 mg per day every month for about a year. One week on, 3 weeks off, every month. This sucks, but it’s definitely less crappy than before.
I want off the roller coaster. But that’s what I say every month. Then I get back on and do it all over again.
The pandemic isn’t helping at all. It’s so easy to take my meds and check out for a little while. No pains. No stress. No real life. I’m tired.
 
So this month I burned through 100 pills in 7 days. Not good. But I’ll take this over suffering for two weeks trying to not run out. Trying to taper down to 3 pills per day, then two, then 1 then 1/2. Eventually getting to 1/2 pill on the last day. Taking 1/4 in the morning and my last 1/4 right before my Dr appt so he won’t see me in wd. Then scrambling all over town trying to find a pharmacy that can fill it TODAY.
Coming down from weeks or months with not even one day off oxy is torture. Way worse than 7 days of insane high doses. Right now I only wish I had a little more, just for the weekend. But I’m smart enough to see that two more days of feeling good would only mean that Monday would only suck a little more than Saturday. It would be 9 days, 2 days closer to dependance and withdrawl, and a terrible way to start the work week. And at least right now I have the choice of saying I can’t get out of bed.

I distinctly remember cold turkey off 30 mg per day oxy. Pure hell. That was after more than a year of pills every day. I have been on 300-600 mg per day every month for about a year. One week on, 3 weeks off, every month. This sucks, but it’s definitely less crappy than before.
I want off the roller coaster. But that’s what I say every month. Then I get back on and do it all over again.
The pandemic isn’t helping at all. It’s so easy to take my meds and check out for a little while. No pains. No stress. No real life. I’m tired.

Yikes, oxy is a tough one. Not an easy habit to go slow on. Been there. In 2010 I was prescribed 175mg/day, but i could easily do a gram a day if i wasn't careful, and be out for 2-3 weeks.

If I were you, I'd switch to something longer lasting. Rough life.
 
Hi everyone. I’ve been following this thread on and off for ages, but I’m in a tough situation now and it inspired me to finally make an account.

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I have been on various opiates for most of the last 10 years, primarily for spinal issues. On Sept 22nd I had two level cervical fusion and on Sept. 24th I had three level lumbar fusion. It was BRUTAL doing both during the same hospital stay, but I was happy to get it over with and commence healing.

when I was released, I was getting 12 oxycodone 10mg a day. I could make that work OK, but when we dropped down to 10 pills the following week it was harder. Then 9, then 8, then 7. Dropping every week was super hard, and I definitely took too much sometimes and had fewer at the end of the week, but it was just a couple days of fewer pills so I managed.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when he gave me a whole month’s worth at 6 a day. Well, having that many did me in. I blew through them all and am now out. I should mention here that even though I am a legitimate pain patient, I am also an addict. I went through detox for alcohol two and a half years ago and have been free from that addiction, but clearly I’m still dealing with those impulses. It sucks to NEED those pills but also deal with an addict’s brain.

Luckily, my husband’s cousin has a lot of pain meds currently (unfortunately it’s because her husband died after a long illness). She’s been trading her opiates for coke.

I went up to see her yesterday and she gave me 10 MS Contin 30 mg and eight little syringes of morphine sulfate (20 mg per ml). She also gave me a phenobarbital 100 mg.

However, she made it clear that this is the last time she wanted to do this because she wants to lay off the coke and she’s worried about enabling me. She did say that if I get in a jam and really need a few more she’ll help me out.

so I have about 16 days to get through. I have 6 of the liquid morphine left, 10 MS Contin 30mg, the phenobarbital (just the one) and two left over oxy 10s.

I’m planning on crushing up an MS Contin and seeing how long I can make it last. I also have baclofen at home and weed and can pick up kratom or otc meds.

I feel like a loser for fucking up. I’m not a candidate for Suboxone because I have so many medical issues (including a recently diagnosed blood cancer called polycythemia Vera) and will need more treatment and possibly surgery in the near future.

I’m a teacher so I have two weeks off and can deal with a little discomfort. However, I have kids and don’t want to be totally out of it. I’d like to avoid jacking up my tolerance too much, but mostly I just need to get through the next couple weeks. Any advice appreciated!
 
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Hi everyone. I’ve been following this thread on and off for ages, but I’m in a tough situation now and it inspired me to finally make an account.

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I have been on various opiates for most of the last 10 years, primarily for spinal issues. On Sept 22nd I had two level cervical fusion and on Sept. 24th I had three level lumbar fusion. It was BRUTAL doing both during the same hospital stay, but I was happy to get it over with and commence healing.

when I was released, I was getting 12 oxycodone 10mg a day. I could make that work OK, but when we dropped down to 10 pills the following week it was harder. Then 9, then 8, then 7. Dropping every week was super hard, and I definitely took too much sometimes and had fewer at the end of the week, but it was just a couple days of fewer pills so I managed.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when he gave me a whole month’s worth at 6 a day. Well, having that many did me in. I blew through them all and am now out. I should mention here that even though I am a legitimate pain patient, I am also an addict. I went through detox for alcohol two and a half years ago and have been free from that addiction, but clearly I’m still dealing with those impulses. It sucks to NEED those pills but also deal with an addict’s brain.

Luckily, my husband’s cousin has a lot of pain meds currently (unfortunately it’s because her husband died after a long illness). She’s been trading her opiates for coke.

I went up to see her yesterday and she gave me 10 MS Contin 30 mg and eight little syringes of morphine sulfate (20 mg per ml). She also gave me a phenobarbital 100 mg.

However, she made it clear that this is the last time she wanted to do this because she wants to lay off the coke and she’s worried about enabling me. She did say that if I get in a jam and really need a few more she’ll help me out.

so I have about 16 days to get through. I have 6 of the liquid morphine left, 10 MS Contin 30mg, the phenobarbital (just the one) and two left over oxy 10s.

I’m planning on crushing up an MS Contin and seeing how long I can make it last. I also have baclofen at home and weed and can pick up kratom or otc meds.

I feel like a loser for fucking up. I’m not a candidate for Suboxone because I have so many medical issues (including a recently diagnosed blood cancer called polycythemia Vera) and will need more treatment and possibly surgery in the near future.

I’m a teacher so I have two weeks off and can deal with a little discomfort. However, I have kids and don’t want to be totally out of it. I’d like to avoid jacking up my tolerance too much, but mostly I just need to get through the next couple weeks. Any advice appreciated!
I have tried absolutely everything (except heroin). Whatever works in the short term inevitably screws you up in the long term. Loperamide really helps to get rid of wds, but it jacks up your tolerance to crazy high levels. Kratom works to get rid of wd’s about 75%, but also builds up tolerance. Either one is great if the goal is quitting forever, but that’s not your plan.
In my experience there is no substitute for just sucking it up and owning your mistakes. Honesty is overrated, so don’t go around telling everyone why you feel shitty. Cold turkey for two weeks will lower your tolerance and you’ll have all of those meds stockpiled.

Since nobody here would actually take that advice, including me, try this:
Figure out exactly how much you should be allowed to take each day and not run out. Use a little bit more on day one than what you have allowed yourself and know that you will have to cut back on the last day. Pick a time during the day or night when you would really want to not be in wd (such as bedtime, or just before you need to cook breakfast for your kids). Take the whole day’s meds at once and promise yourself that you will ONLY use them one time per day. Take the pills on an empty stomach, but try not to crush or chew them. They last longer if they digest more slowly. After a few days it will get a lot easier.
Believe it or not, the worst thing I ever tried was breaking my pills into quarters and taking 12 doses per day. It left me 100% dependant for every hour of the day and constantly in withdrawal, and perpetually thinking of my pills. Getting used to a 23 hour break between doses helps to break the physical dependence, but also gives a little hope each day.
 
I have tried absolutely everything (except heroin). Whatever works in the short term inevitably screws you up in the long term. Loperamide really helps to get rid of wds, but it jacks up your tolerance to crazy high levels. Kratom works to get rid of wd’s about 75%, but also builds up tolerance. Either one is great if the goal is quitting forever, but that’s not your plan.
In my experience there is no substitute for just sucking it up and owning your mistakes. Honesty is overrated, so don’t go around telling everyone why you feel shitty. Cold turkey for two weeks will lower your tolerance and you’ll have all of those meds stockpiled.

Since nobody here would actually take that advice, including me, try this:
Figure out exactly how much you should be allowed to take each day and not run out. Use a little bit more on day one than what you have allowed yourself and know that you will have to cut back on the last day. Pick a time during the day or night when you would really want to not be in wd (such as bedtime, or just before you need to cook breakfast for your kids). Take the whole day’s meds at once and promise yourself that you will ONLY use them one time per day. Take the pills on an empty stomach, but try not to crush or chew them. They last longer if they digest more slowly. After a few days it will get a lot easier.
Believe it or not, the worst thing I ever tried was breaking my pills into quarters and taking 12 doses per day. It left me 100% dependant for every hour of the day and constantly in withdrawal, and perpetually thinking of my pills. Getting used to a 23 hour break between doses helps to break the physical dependence, but also gives a little hope each day.
Well, unfortunately I’ve botched it a bit, although hopefully not too badly. I used all the liquid morphine in a couple days bc shit, it’s enjoyable. I started to chop up and snort the MS Contin, but very quickly ended up doing it compulsively. I used to use a TON of coke, and snorting anything awakens that demon and I don’t want to go there because I know where it leads for me.

So for the last three days, I’ve turned to loperamide. Used 30 mg on Wed, 26 mg on Thursday, and 24 mg yesterday. Taking it all at once and it’s holding me OK. I’m bored and in pain, but I’ve been sleeping well and not having terrible restless legs or anything.

I have eight more days to go through. I got through Xmas for my kids’ sake which was the goal. I have all next week off (I’m a 2nd grade teacher), so I can afford to be a little more uncomfortable. Even when I return on the 4th of Jan (which is when I’m due to get more meds too) I’m working remotely so I can work in my jammies (well, pants at least!) from bed.

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to use my meds responsibly next time, but....chances are probably slim. I swear I’ll do it rig by every time, but here I am again.

Anyway, thank you for your advice! I’m hoping that my loperamide use is low enough and short-lived enough that I won’t have to deal with a crazy increased tolerance. Time will tell, I suppose.

Hope everyone is doing reasonably well ❤️
 
Well today I did it. I jumped from the norco taper.

I don't even want one. Well, I mean to go through this anymore. It' been 3 or 4 days. I don't really care. I am done.

I left for work and couldn't remember what I was forgetting. Left without taking, a just in case, gabapentin. Which is great because I probably would have taken some.

And I don't even know why. I am sure I would have. Maybe not.

I did really good until I went into the food store after work and needed to squirt. Shit.

But, I think I am going to be alright now. I finally, finally ! Made it.

I think.

I took a low dose gabapentin yesterday morning and I am not sure if it wore off yet.

But I am so scared and defeated.

Why do I write these things here.

Because I still don't understand the logic or the result of someone actually shitting their brains out. How is that even connected or possible.

But brain barrier or something like that. Hmm.

I am too drained to even research the subject yet.

I need disability benefits to help.
 
Well, unfortunately I’ve botched it a bit, although hopefully not too badly. I used all the liquid morphine in a couple days bc shit, it’s enjoyable. I started to chop up and snort the MS Contin, but very quickly ended up doing it compulsively. I used to use a TON of coke, and snorting anything awakens that demon and I don’t want to go there because I know where it leads for me.

So for the last three days, I’ve turned to loperamide. Used 30 mg on Wed, 26 mg on Thursday, and 24 mg yesterday. Taking it all at once and it’s holding me OK. I’m bored and in pain, but I’ve been sleeping well and not having terrible restless legs or anything.

I have eight more days to go through. I got through Xmas for my kids’ sake which was the goal. I have all next week off (I’m a 2nd grade teacher), so I can afford to be a little more uncomfortable. Even when I return on the 4th of Jan (which is when I’m due to get more meds too) I’m working remotely so I can work in my jammies (well, pants at least!) from bed.

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to use my meds responsibly next time, but....chances are probably slim. I swear I’ll do it rig by every time, but here I am again.

Anyway, thank you for your advice! I’m hoping that my loperamide use is low enough and short-lived enough that I won’t have to deal with a crazy increased tolerance. Time will tell, I suppose.

Hope everyone is doing reasonably well ❤️
I don’t check in very often, so I just now read your post. I’m sure you have figured out how loperamide works by now. I was using it as much as 180 mg per day for up to two weeks, and that jacked my tolerance way up. My guess is it had only a small effect on you.

i keep telling myself that I will change too, but I just get worse every month.
 
I’m back on oxy guys. The Kratom just was not cutting it . The Kratom had me well for 6+months but I was miserable , not happy , and I was not having any sex with my husband even though he begged me daily . He went and fucked some fat nasty bitch who buys weed off of him . Her husband found out and told me . I take some blame because I wasn’t giving him any but was still a kick when I was already down . I emailed her work and let them know she used her work bathroom to cheat on her husband with a married man , and she got fired ,that gave me a little satisfaction. He fucked her once then ghosted her and she went psycho and confessed to her husband . We are working it out because I have cheated years ago so we will call it even . If he talks to her again or does anything else I am done ! I pretty much told him he better get me oxy or I will make his life living hell . It helps me cope and not be so angry and mean . Haven’t told anyone else so it’s nice to get this off my chest .
 
I’m back on oxy guys. The Kratom just was not cutting it . The Kratom had me well for 6+months but I was miserable , not happy , and I was not having any sex with my husband even though he begged me daily . He went and fucked some fat nasty bitch who buys weed off of him . Her husband found out and told me . I take some blame because I wasn’t giving him any but was still a kick when I was already down . I emailed her work and let them know she used her work bathroom to cheat on her husband with a married man , and she got fired ,that gave me a little satisfaction. He fucked her once then ghosted her and she went psycho and confessed to her husband . We are working it out because I have cheated years ago so we will call it even . If he talks to her again or does anything else I am done ! I pretty much told him he better get me oxy or I will make his life living hell . It helps me cope and not be so angry and mean . Haven’t told anyone else so it’s nice to get this off my chest .
Holy crap!
I guess you’re even, but I have no patience for a cheating spouse. At least you didn’t let that woman get away with it. I believe that when there is infidelity it is not only an offense committed by your spouse but also the person he did it with, even if the ‘other woman’ were not married. I applaud you for hitting back hard. I feel like it sends a message out to the universe that nobody should feel like there is no consequences to sleeping with someone else’s husband.
I also think you’re awesome for owning your part in pushing him away. Marriage is supposed to be ’for better or for worse’ so cheating is never an acceptable outcome, but most people can’t own their part in making their partner feel alone.

I’m going to be a therapist when I grow up.

Oxy gets you in the mood huh? Not me. It’s not that I couldn’t do it on oxy, it’s just sort of the last thing on my mind. Although I have to admit I have forgotten what it’s like to get a buzz from 10 or 20 mg of oxy. Maybe back then I was getting relaxed enough that it sounded like a good idea. I’m a pretty strange guy though.
 
So, happy New Year everyone!!
My insurance changed for 2021, and now I will be paying out-of-pocket for my Doctor’s visits and prescriptions. This really sucks. Going from about $60 per month to about $450. Happy f’ing New Year...... And at the rate I’m burning through my pills right now, it’s costing me $450 to feel like a junkie for a week, then wd’s for a couple of days, then sort of in pain for another 3 weeks. It feels like I could just be sort of in pain for the whole month for free.
Maybe this will be the push I needed to just give up.
Either way, if someone offered me that bottle of 100 oxy 30’s for $450, I would be stupid to pass it up. It’s just really stupid to pay that much to be comfortable for a week out of every month. I would love to collect a few months prescriptions and stash them for when I really need extra pain relief, and then be done with this.
Sounds a bit like an addict though huh?
 
There’s an article on Google about Kratom that bears


The author is, in my opinion, trying to sound impartial but failing. He is leaning way hard towards the “dangers” and overstating potential negatives.
But the science is pretty interesting.
 
I have tried both and got no relief. Pregablin is f’ing amazing for sleep though. I have a script but I don’t like them so I just stockpile them. I have given some away to two different people to use for sleep and they both had the same exact experience as I do:
On an empty stomach (and preferably after drinking very little fluids all day), 300 mg Lyrica[Pregablin] orally with a little water. Exactly 2 hours later the sandman comes without warning and puts you in a sleep-coma like you have never experienced. Literally you go from feeling nothing to falling asleep mid-sentence. And it lasts for 10 hours if you’re not suffering from anything, but minimum 6 hours even through opiate wd. I say stay away from fluids because the sleep you will get is so deep that you most likely will not wake up to pee. You might wet the bed though.....
You wake up the next day with a weird chemical taste in your mouth for an hour or two, but it’s barely noticeable. The only drawback is tolerance and dependency comes crazy fast with Lyrica. So, if 300 mg got you great sleep on Monday, by Friday you might need 900 mg to get the same. And it only takes 3 days of use for me to get wd’s pretty bad (insomnia, nausea, and scrambled brains). 3 days of use=3 days of tapering for me.

EDIT: And I recommend avoiding alcohol. It’s like letting 2 bullies play in the same sandbox. Twice now I have woken up in the middle of the night, in the middle of peeing somewhere very strange. I didn’t remember getting out of bed, or walking into the kitchen and pulling down my pants. I just woke up in the middle of peeing into a casserole dish. (This was after 300 mg Lyrica and s fifth of gin)
I don’t think pregabalin is even 10% as good as gabapentin for withdrawals. Matter of fact maybe I should have said 1 percent. Zero, good for nothing unless you have serious nerve pain.
 
Hi everyone. I’ve been following this thread on and off for ages, but I’m in a tough situation now and it inspired me to finally make an account.

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I have been on various opiates for most of the last 10 years, primarily for spinal issues. On Sept 22nd I had two level cervical fusion and on Sept. 24th I had three level lumbar fusion. It was BRUTAL doing both during the same hospital stay, but I was happy to get it over with and commence healing.

when I was released, I was getting 12 oxycodone 10mg a day. I could make that work OK, but when we dropped down to 10 pills the following week it was harder. Then 9, then 8, then 7. Dropping every week was super hard, and I definitely took too much sometimes and had fewer at the end of the week, but it was just a couple days of fewer pills so I managed.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when he gave me a whole month’s worth at 6 a day. Well, having that many did me in. I blew through them all and am now out. I should mention here that even though I am a legitimate pain patient, I am also an addict. I went through detox for alcohol two and a half years ago and have been free from that addiction, but clearly I’m still dealing with those impulses. It sucks to NEED those pills but also deal with an addict’s brain.

Luckily, my husband’s cousin has a lot of pain meds currently (unfortunately it’s because her husband died after a long illness). She’s been trading her opiates for coke.

I went up to see her yesterday and she gave me 10 MS Contin 30 mg and eight little syringes of morphine sulfate (20 mg per ml). She also gave me a phenobarbital 100 mg.

However, she made it clear that this is the last time she wanted to do this because she wants to lay off the coke and she’s worried about enabling me. She did say that if I get in a jam and really need a few more she’ll help me out.

so I have about 16 days to get through. I have 6 of the liquid morphine left, 10 MS Contin 30mg, the phenobarbital (just the one) and two left over oxy 10s.

I’m planning on crushing up an MS Contin and seeing how long I can make it last. I also have baclofen at home and weed and can pick up kratom or otc meds.

I feel like a loser for fucking up. I’m not a candidate for Suboxone because I have so many medical issues (including a recently diagnosed blood cancer called polycythemia Vera) and will need more treatment and possibly surgery in the near future.

I’m a teacher so I have two weeks off and can deal with a little discomfort. However, I have kids and don’t want to be totally out of it. I’d like to avoid jacking up my tolerance too much, but mostly I just need to get through the next couple weeks. Any advice appreciated!
I’d suggest taking literally anything that exists to keep from taking buprenorphine
 
A
I’d suggest taking literally anything that exists to keep from taking buprenorphine. And that’s a highly controversial statement. I’m sure some will strongly disagree and plenty of people still think bupe is their “miracle” but it becomes a curse not long after that.
 
The main problem I see with bupe is that it is supposed to be a way of ‘softening’ the landing when the goal is getting off other opiates. It still has to suck a little. Too many people transition from a short-acting opiate to bupe and then decided to stay on it for such a long time that they become addicted to bupe. The wds from something like oxy last for days to weeks. From buprenorpherine the wds can be weeks to months
 
Hi ppls, I have been trying to get of heroin for some time by doing a tapering down on my usage. I would say I'm currently using bout 0.40g a day, with each IV shot of 0.08g throughout the day. I have been able to obtain 40mls of methadone n was wondering if anyone can advise me to best use the methadone to get clean before I get addicted to the methadone. I have heard ppl say that if using the dome for a few days it's not long enough to be addicted. Is this true and is it doable or am I just wishful thinking?
Thanking everyones opinion n suggestions in advance.
 
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