Wise words. Hey, I can't focus enough to read right any of this now but I think those wise words got through to me. 777 is a powerful energy. Blurred vision. I will try to read later, I can't sleep or eat anymore, I also keep all passwords in my mind now so it is harder to log in.
I am doing great for what my life is. It isn't perfect in fact it is torture every single day. I hear about secret crushes and stuff and I just don't care it's not happening this year unless by chance. I can't function anymore. I am at my prime physical maturity and they want none of me. Fine. It is them missing out and I have moved passed being concerned about anything sex related. I don't want it. I have realized I am aversive to my life, and that should change.
I want to reconnect with my best friends and get rid of the toxic ones. I have to live every day like it is my last. I don't smoke weed anymore like I'm not buying it ever again. To be honest that shit makes me stupid and addicted. I speak my mind. It has fucked my life too. It's time to be responsible and pass on the grass that personally turns me into a paranoid dumbass. Fuck that shit. Drugs can be deceiving and sometimes the weakest ones can have a powerful detrimental effect. I absolutely fucking hate weed and smoke it specifically because I am addicted to it. I have to quit cold turkey and that is fine. I know that can't kill me.
I don't mean to sound harsh. I have a special purpose on this planet. I am not sure what it is, but I would recommend visiting a graveyard if you are beginning to transcend. You might find yourself quite surprised at what you might see as you develop faith and intuition.
I have been withdrawing for I don't even know how long, but I missed the weekend pretty much. It's the summertime. It totally sucks that once again I am not meeting someone I can do healthy and constructive things with like maybe hiking and tennis and little things my back can handle. Fancy dinners, like at this age I should be dating and working and it is extremely frustrating. I am still in touch with health care, they are just dumber than me to the point that they officially waste my time (no offence, I've seen enough of them).
I guess I just don't sound like myself. I feel like I am the only one who has proud of myself but I also feel that I totally let myself down. I have been given a wonderful opportunity to be incarnated temporarily as a human being on planet earth, it's fuckin awesome dude! If this fucking prescription was just out of mat life. I'm still figuring out how, it is going to probably take a decade. I am down for it. I've been visiting grave sites of lost soldiers, I have seen signs from God (whatever that means to you) who I have full and utmost faith in, more and more over time. I am surrounded by protective spirits, who show me signs and offer guidance. I just have to ask. I am divinely connected enough at this point
All I want is to be tapered off benzo or to a low dose and they have had so much time to do this. The original dose cut was something like 90%. That is not only negligent. It is downright abuse. If a doctor fucks with you, it's time to be courageous and stand up to what they mainly are - highly manipulative drug dealers in fancy white coats. Fuck em all, in fact my doctor wants to have sex with me so I don't really give a fuck. I can tell, my doctor got too deep into this and doesn't know what the fuck is going on. So I find someone else then. And etizolam simply should not exist in this day and age. What the fuck is up with that. One of the major distributors is going to burn to ashes and I don't even have to be involved. They already fucked themselves and I have scientific evidence.
I am putting myself at risk as much as any soldier going to battle would, and for the greater good not just myself. I wish to expose the monstrosity of benzo drugs for what they are, so at least people are aware that they can lead to a whole new world of hell after painkillers, which they are often prescribed to treat. I just cold turkeyed that shit. It's not like it will hurt you. Anyone who wants to try going without painkillers stop taking them for a month what is the worst that can happen if your life is going nowhere which it usually is regardless of back pain. Those drugs are fucked. To be clear, I am being as responsible as possible and thinking things through.
Sorry it is a long post. I haven't smoked pot for the first time in like 3 years. Another withdrawal. Great. It tortures me too. Please send blessings my way I hate to ask, just a thought that I will be okay. I will. I have to maintain responsibility and faith.
Northern girl, the worst part are the sunny days I am missing out on as I simply can't enjoy anything and I do get out as much as possible. Been reconnecting with old friends. Sort of just come to terms with my life situation and how I was dumb enough to let drugs compromise my health, divine purpose in life, and well being.