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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Soooo I'm down to 40mgs on my methadone taper from what was once 120mgs! Ive had 3 relapses in the process.. sadly, his is my fourth... Damn will I ever kick this shit for good? lol its so frustrating relapsing every year. This time I only made it 7.5 months, last time I made it a year and 2 months... I made it a year the time before that. To be totally honest, I thought I would last even longer than the year and 2 months this time around, but nope. Oh well, I cant really beat myself up for it...

So the plan is to go back up on my methadone.. once again... but of course that's gonna take some fighting to convince myself to actually do it....
 
Painful One said:
squeaky, are u saying that your withdrawals actually clear up in a week or two?
or even three?

mine sure don’t.
not at all.
It surprised me when you said “ the worst of the withdrawal is behind you”.
if that were the case I would just keep going without the pain pills.

it could just be the chronic pain though.
It is like one big withdrawal hell all the time.

But wow! I sure am grateful for this relief.
The last 12 days is ingrained on me very harshly.
it was so hardcore that I think I can get back to the prescribed amount daily.
All I have to do is look back on this and my body, mind, and soul goes “NO WAY!”
Click to expand...
Yes. I get sort of stuck on huge doses of oxy(300+mg per day) for 7-10 days. Then I run out and switch to Kratom. The Kratom helps with my pain, but also lessens my wd’s. I never get back to zero. I just go from oxy to Kratom and back to oxy when I get my new script. I actually buy Kratom by the kilogram. Last time I bought 5 kilos.
What I think is happening is this: I’m on unbelievably high dose oxy, but only for 10 days. Wds from any dose of an opiate at that level will be harsh but short based on the short duration of use. Kratom helps with the wds, but also keeps my tolerance sky-high. Then I need lots of kratom for my pain until my next script and the cycle starts over.
Because of my short duration usage of oxy I’m done with most of my physical wds in 4-6 days. When I was stretching my oxy for the last week or two and literally breaking my pills into quarters to make it through the last 5 days until my Dr’s appt, taking my last 1/4 pill just before my appt so as not to be in wd in front of him. I had not gone 12 hours without at least a little oxy in 2 years. The withdrawals were unbearable and it lasted for 7 days of pure hell/and another 3 weeks of life sucking hard. I was exhausted, with insomnia, chills, nausea, etc.
Kratom changed all of that. But it also made it so that even after 20 days with no oxy it still takes 90mg at a time to have any effect.
I definitely miss the days of getting relief from 10mg Norco, but somehow this is actually almost better...?..?
My ultimate goal is to transition onto only Kratom. Keep getting my script filled. And only use oxy for those really bad days. If I can find a way to do that I will have the best life possible. So far though it seems like I am not only dependent on the pain relief, but also addicted to the opiates. So I keep making bad choices.
At least now though I only miss work when I want to. Before there was a couple of days each month when my script ran out that I couldn’t get out of bed, forget about driving anywhere.
 
That is tough Squeaky.
The Kratom has definitely made your tolerance sky high.
Have You tried using some Oxy and some Kratom together?
That might give you a more even, stable month.

The shift from the Oxy to the Kratom every month is harsh.

I really am glad you stopped taking all that loperamide.
That is the main thing I was really worried about for you.

Do the best you can.
I have no judgment or advise.
This chronic pain condition is a bitch and you have to do what you have to do.
I understand.
So sorry we live with this my friend.
Much respect, love, and support!
❤️
 
Papaverium said:
Soooo I'm down to 40mgs on my methadone taper from what was once 120mgs! Ive had 3 relapses in the process.. sadly, his is my fourth... Damn will I ever kick this shit for good? lol its so frustrating relapsing every year. This time I only made it 7.5 months, last time I made it a year and 2 months... I made it a year the time before that. To be totally honest, I thought I would last even longer than the year and 2 months this time around, but nope. Oh well, I cant really beat myself up for it...

So the plan is to go back up on my methadone.. once again... but of course that's gonna take some fighting to convince myself to actually do it....
Click to expand...

You have had some major triumphs.
Don’t discount those.

Slow and steady.
I know it is frustrating.
You are doing pretty damn good honestly.
I am impressed.
You are a fighter.
❤️👍
 
Painful One said:
You have had some major triumphs.
Don’t discount those.

Slow and steady.
I know it is frustrating.
You are doing pretty damn good honestly.
I am impressed.
You are a fighter.
❤👍
Click to expand...

thanks, honestly, if it werent for my 2 cats, id be houseless again by now. I love them too much to let myself fall in like I did, but damn is it ever tempting to just blow all my rent on dope and go on endless adventures. Life used to be way more fun.
 
Papaverium said:
thanks, honestly, if it werent for my 2 cats, id be houseless again by now. I love them too much to let myself fall in like I did, but damn is it ever tempting to just blow all my rent on dope and go on endless adventures. Life used to be way more fun.
Click to expand...
Understood.

It is amazing what an animal companion can do.
If it wasn’t for my little dog I don’t think I would still be here.
She is such a loyal, wonderful friend.
The very best.
 
If I wasn’t responsible for my family I don’t even want to think about where I would be. I’m sure I would have jumped at the opportunity to be permanently disabled if I didn’t have the responsibilities that I have. And disability doesn’t pay enough to keep my family from being homeless.
I guess it doesn’t really matter what drives us to stay alive, as long as the drive is still there.
 
Painful One said:
That is tough Squeaky.
The Kratom has definitely made your tolerance sky high.
Have You tried using some Oxy and some Kratom together?
That might give you a more even, stable month.

The shift from the Oxy to the Kratom every month is harsh.

I really am glad you stopped taking all that loperamide.
That is the main thing I was really worried about for you.

Do the best you can.
I have no judgment or advise.
This chronic pain condition is a bitch and you have to do what you have to do.
I understand.
So sorry we live with this my friend.
Much respect, love, and support!
❤
Click to expand...
I tried alternating from Kratom to oxy during the day. Kratom doesn’t work as well as oxy, and it renders my oxy almost useless. The end result is I spend most of the day longing for my pills, and then getting no relief from them when I do take them, I feel like a donkey who can see the carrot but never actually gets to grab it. So instead of a week of relief and three just sort of suffering, I get a perpetual existence of no relief/almost suffering.
This way at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel each month. Too bad the tunnel is 20 days long.
I have made countless plans in the last couple of years. I hate what I’m doing right now, but I have to admit it’s working better than anything else I have tried -with the exception of laying in bed staring at the ceiling every day until the end of eternity.
 
Just bumbed. I moved out of the city to get away from drugs and people and that worked but with covid I'm kinda stuck here and I know noone
And my dads 1 year anniversary of passing is called up and I can't see my family, the couple i have.
Just feels like im in jail in seg
 
Kara Kava said:
Just bumbed. I moved out of the city to get away from drugs and people and that worked but with covid I'm kinda stuck here and I know noone
And my dads 1 year anniversary of passing is called up and I can't see my family, the couple i have.
Just feels like im in jail in seg
Click to expand...

I know it does feel like we are in jail and in solitary confinement.
This COVID thing sucks so bad!
You are not alone.
I am here in seg with you.
many others are too.
We will get through this.
Hang in there.

I am sorry about it being the anniversary of your dad passing.
It has been 5 years now since I lost my dad and the pain never goes away.
Those anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, are the worst!

I send you a long, warm hug.
 
Kara Kava said:
Just bumbed. I moved out of the city to get away from drugs and people and that worked but with covid I'm kinda stuck here and I know noone
And my dads 1 year anniversary of passing is called up and I can't see my family, the couple i have.
Just feels like im in jail in seg
Click to expand...
Everyone is suffering right now. Solitude is no friend when you’re trying to keep your mind off drugs.
That’s what Netflix is for. Binging on Netflix, Hulu, Anazon, etc...... those got me through countless hours of boredom.
I bought some oxy’s off some guy I found on Craigslist a while back. At some point he tried texting me to offer some. It was really hard to say ‘no’
 
Squeaky said:
I tried alternating from Kratom to oxy during the day. Kratom doesn’t work as well as oxy, and it renders my oxy almost useless. The end result is I spend most of the day longing for my pills, and then getting no relief from them when I do take them, I feel like a donkey who can see the carrot but never actually gets to grab it. So instead of a week of relief and three just sort of suffering, I get a perpetual existence of no relief/almost suffering.
This way at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel each month. Too bad the tunnel is 20 days long.
I have made countless plans in the last couple of years. I hate what I’m doing right now, but I have to admit it’s working better than anything else I have tried -with the exception of laying in bed staring at the ceiling every day until the end of eternity.
Click to expand...

Understood.
It is weird how the Kratom does have a “blocking effect”.
That is exactly how I referred to it.
Do you feel your Oxy at all for the first few days of being off the KraTom?

I used just a small teaspoon of it on two different days during my 12 day withdrawal nightmare and it has been blocking my morphine..
I am just barely starting to feel it now.

well, whatever is working for you my friend.
Just keep on keeping on.
❤️
 
Squeaky said:
Everyone is suffering right now. Solitude is no friend when you’re trying to keep your mind off drugs.
That’s what Netflix is for. Binging on Netflix, Hulu, Anazon, etc...... those got me through countless hours of boredom.
I bought some oxy’s off some guy I found on Craigslist a while back. At some point he tried texting me to offer some. It was really hard to say ‘no’
Click to expand...

yup, Netflix, Disney, etc...binges help.
I watched all the seasons of The Walking Dead. Lol.
My daughter got me a Nintendo Switch for my birthday and I have this Animal Crossings game that is WAY fun and makes the hours fly by.
I usually don’t like to play games.
I am not a big gamer but this one is so dang fun!
I highly recommend it.
I can also interact with my daughter and cousin and others who have the game.
We have kept in touch that way and have managed to have a real good time.

This jail situation is not new to me unfortunately.
Ever since being hit on the freeway in 2008 and being Injured, living in chronic pain....I have been forced to live this way.

Now, everyone is being forced to live this way.

It sucks bad. I know.
 
Painful One said:
I know it does feel like we are in jail and in solitary confinement.
This COVID thing sucks so bad!
You are not alone.
I am here in seg with you.
many others are too.
We will get through this.
Hang in there.

I am sorry about it being the anniversary of your dad passing.
It has been 5 years now since I lost my dad and the pain never goes away.
Those anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, are the worst!

I send you a long, warm hug.
Click to expand...
Fortunately nobody close to me has passed in many years. All of those ‘anniversaries’ would probably make me go on a binder. Probably alcohol though. It’s a lot easier to get booze than anything else. It’s nice to check out of life sometimes. My spouse thinks that is the reason I overuse my oxy’-to check out. It is really an unwanted side effect that comes with the pain relief.
Anybody who has never experienced this has no clue what it’s like. People just assume we’re all just getting high. They say they know, but they really don’t. Saying they know is just a way to start a conversation where they want to judge us and call us junkies.
I guess I’m lucky in that respect. If I only could say my back hurts, then most folks (including my Dr) would probably suspect that I’m making it up to get drugs. Instead I pull out my phone and show them the scan with all of the screws and rods in my back and they always retreat a few steps and decide I’m a superhero instead of an addict.
You are a Superhero PainfulOne. Sometimes all I need is for someone to not judge me. Many thanks for your kibd words🙏
 
Painful One said:
Understood.
It is weird how the Kratom does have a “blocking effect”.
That is exactly how I referred to it.
Do you feel your Oxy at all for the first few days of being off the KraTom?

I used just a small teaspoon of it on two different days during my 12 day withdrawal nightmare and it has been blocking my morphine..
I am just barely starting to feel it now.

well, whatever is working for you my friend.
Just keep on keeping on.
❤
Click to expand...
Before kratom I would get down to 1/2 pill sometimes per day, trying to stretch my last few pills. When that happened I got good relief from 15 mg at a time of oxy. If I was smarter I would have used that lowered tolerance to keep it low and save pills (I get 3 x 30mg oxys per day). But instead my tolerance would go up in a few days and I would be right back to taking 5 or more pills per day.
Since kratom, I am off oxy for two to three weeks, living on large amounts of kratom. The day I get my refill it takes about 60-90 mg oxy at a time to get relief. Within 1 day I’m taking 3 times my prescribed amount, and then I’m back to running out in a week or two. I imagine the kratom building up callouses in my brain and it’s going to take months of being off everything to get back to how it was before kratom.
In my mind this is how kratom should be handled:
It’s good for pain if you have no access to prescription pain pills. It’s great to wean yourself off the prescription opiates, but only if the plan is to taper off kratom and never go back to pills. If you’re desperate to bridge the gap between scripts then its OK once or twice every other month(or less often). As a regular bridge between prescriptions it is a big mistake.
Kratom has a pain killer and a stimulant in one package. Like taking a sleep-aid and drinking a red bull together. It’s keeping my tolerance up really high, without getting me really high. So I never get a reset by being off my pills for two weeks, as I would have if there was no kratom in my diet.
The more I think about it, the more I think my next move needs to be focusing on tapering off Kratom before I go back to oxy. Probably work on getting off everything for a month and start fresh. Problem is that my body hurts and I just can’t get up in the morning if I’m in constant pain, worse if I’m in withdrawal.
 
Lyrica (Pregablin) is great for checking out. 300mg (with no tolerance) takes 2 hours to start working and then puts me in a coma for 8 hours. I have passed out mid-sentence on that stuff. I don’t like how it makes me feel on a daily-use-basis. But occasionally..... its like drinking a bottle of tequila without the hangover.
 
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