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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Squeaky

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Feb 1, 2016
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And here I am AGAIN. 10 days into my latest script and I am down to three pills. Those will be gone this afternoon or tomorrow morning for sure. Yesterday I took a total of 300mg oxy and felt absolutely nothing. The scary part is I actually took 120mg at one time and felt absolutely nothing.
This is way out of control now. No pain relief, no “happy” side effects. Constipated beyond belief. And withdrawals every month.
If I don’t make a change I’m in a lot of trouble.
Edit.... I’ve been in trouble for a long time now. It’s just becoming more obvious to me now.
 

EPL1

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May 3, 2018
Messages
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@Squeaky

For what it's worth, I am here for you anytime. I read everything you write, I always have.

It's been a very bad year for me, it's why I haven't been on a lot, I would like to chat with you about a few things, but I see you don't have the pm option. Is there a way I could send you a message?

Take care my friend.

Ash.
 
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Squeaky

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I mostly post here as a sort of public diary. I figure my experience might help someone else, and maybe saying it out loud (on the Internet) might help me realize something important. And if I can give someone a bit of real advice, then I always try to help.
I guess I’m not the PM kind of person.
 

Squeaky

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6 days since I ran out, and about 12 until I get a refill. I have been having some legitimate painful back spasms for the last two days. I’m kicking myself for not being smarter with my pills. One pill gets my pain from a 9 to a 7. But going from a 3 to a 2 means I’m using 3 pills at a time and that only lasts for an hour or two.
It really sucks but I think I’m going to have to deal with either becoming a vegetable or living in pain so that I can have my medication when I REALLY need it.
 

Squeaky

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And today I’m hungover.
Today is Sunday. This morning I woke up in my bed about two hours past my normal weekday wake-up time. I did not remember anything from the whole night in bed. Didn’t get up to go to the bathroom at 2am. Didn’t wake up to the neighbor’s barking dog at 4am. And it seems I found a spot in my mattress that not only let me fall asleep, but it also didn’t twist my back into a position that made me hurt and wake up 5 times during the night as is usual.
If there were some way to make that happen without the hangover I would happily cut off......

I’m guessing this means I’ll always be addicted to something. Life hurts and I’m so burned out from it hurting me that I will do anything to make it stop regardless of the consequences.
 

EPL1

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I’m guessing this means I’ll always be addicted to something. Life hurts and I’m so burned out from it hurting me that I will do anything to make it stop regardless of the consequences.
Hi @Squeaky

Nothing much to say, nothing witty or helpful really, just wanted to say that I really get where you're coming from. I too am always going to be in pain and I accept that, but I get that we have to do whatever it takes to make the pain go away. From one chronic pain patient to another, I hear you.

Here for you,
Ash.
 
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deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS, NSADD
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I've got 16mg of Suboxone left. Planning on taking them in 4 doses, on the 8th, 10th, 12th, and the 14th. And after that I will be off Suboxone.

It's kind of sad because I didn't necessarily think I was ready to get off of subs yet, but I lost my insurance so I'm just doing what I can to make it easier on myself. It's only been a few months I've been on them luckily, so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too big of a deal when I run out.
 

Squeaky

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I've got 16mg of Suboxone left. Planning on taking them in 4 doses, on the 8th, 10th, 12th, and the 14th. And after that I will be off Suboxone.

It's kind of sad because I didn't necessarily think I was ready to get off of subs yet, but I lost my insurance so I'm just doing what I can to make it easier on myself. It's only been a few months I've been on them luckily, so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too big of a deal when I run out.
I hope I’m wrong but I think it’s going to suck when you run out. Suboxone is a long acting opiate, but it is an opiate. Most people quitting anything in that category even after a week will experience some withdrawals. Being on it for a few months likely means you’re physically dependent and you will have to deal with some pretty uncomfortable withdrawals.
Your quick tapering plan sounds solid based on what you have to work with but get ready for a little bit of hell. I did something similar to quit oxy (from about 20mg per day) and my life really sucked for about a week. Subs have such a long half-life though. All I can say is that I hope I’m wrong.
Good luck and God bless.
 

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS, NSADD
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I hope I’m wrong but I think it’s going to suck when you run out. Suboxone is a long acting opiate, but it is an opiate. Most people quitting anything in that category even after a week will experience some withdrawals. Being on it for a few months likely means you’re physically dependent and you will have to deal with some pretty uncomfortable withdrawals.
Your quick tapering plan sounds solid based on what you have to work with but get ready for a little bit of hell. I did something similar to quit oxy (from about 20mg per day) and my life really sucked for about a week. Subs have such a long half-life though. All I can say is that I hope I’m wrong.
Good luck and God bless.
Today has been the first day that the pangs of w/d have really started to bug me. But I'm bracing for it and will try my best to get through it regardless. I'm expecting some unpleasantness, but I think I have enough material in my stash to help me work through it as gently as possible.
 

Painful One

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Jan 18, 2017
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Hey guys,

damn! I am in bad shape.
my mom fell and broke her shoulder and I have had to do so much extra work.
I have used my medications (over used) so I could keep up.
I live with chronic pain and I have major limitations.
When I push myself- bad things happen.
I just cannot do more than I can do, but I had to.

Now, I have messed up on every prescription I have and I have been 12 days without my MS Contin.
I am about dead.
I can get my prescription on Monday morning but that seems so far away.
I have lost so much weight.

I have to get back on track with my medications.
This is absolute hell.
 

Squeaky

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Feb 1, 2016
Messages
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Location
USA
Hey guys,

damn! I am in bad shape.
my mom fell and broke her shoulder and I have had to do so much extra work.
I have used my medications (over used) so I could keep up.
I live with chronic pain and I have major limitations.
When I push myself- bad things happen.
I just cannot do more than I can do, but I had to.

Now, I have messed up on every prescription I have and I have been 12 days without my MS Contin.
I am about dead.
I can get my prescription on Monday morning but that seems so far away.
I have lost so much weight.

I have to get back on track with my medications.
This is absolute hell.
I feel your pain. I overuse mine every month now just so I can make it through work without suffering, then I suffer extra until my next script.
I have been trying to remember that I am not a superhero. When I have the energy and strength, I delegate what I have to where I need it most. So my car doesn’t get washed, my dogs never get walked, and my front yard makes my house look like people don’t live there.
I triage my energy each day and decide what needs my attention the most. Usually I make a list of the most dire troubles in my life and when I get home from work I decide how much I can do (if anything) and try to pick from the top of the list. It’s a lot like an Army hospital choosing which patient to work on based on the severity of their injuries.
My next move SHOULD be to apply that practice to my medication and limit myself to only what is prescribed each day, then triage my responsibilities.
So far I am getting a lot of stuff done the first 10 days after my script gets filled, and basically nothing after I run out.

I’m really sorry to hear about your mom P.O. It sounds like you have done exactly what I’m describing. Gotta deal with a bunch of extra hard work all of the sudden, so a little extra medication is truly warranted. Now you’re out and suffering, and it feels like you should have suffered through before without the help of the extra pills so that today wouldn’t suck so much.
I really wish that people like us weren’t getting screwed by the system.Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could call your Dr., explain the situation, and get some extra meds to help you through the emergency you had to deal with because of your mom getting hurt so badly? I think we are all in the same boat here where we are afraid to even mention we ran out this month, for any reason, for fear that we will get labeled an addict and get cut off completely. So instead of turning to our doctors for help, or even just some professional guidance, we suffer in silence. I lie to my Dr every month when I should be able to be honest and ask for help.

Hang in there PainfulOne. You made it 12 days, so the worst of the physical withdrawals have past. Hopefully it also means your MsContin will work extra well for the first day or two. What other stuff have you been using to make it through the last two weeks? I completely stopped using Loperamide, because Kratom works much better with way less disgusting side effects.
Just remember..... one day at a time. Do what you can do today. Everyone and everything else can wait. In my mind I tell myself that everyone else(except the people who live in my house) can kiss my ass. I am polite but I say ‘No’. This has been helping me to do what’s important, and to help the people who are important to me without wasting my strength on things that aren’t my responsibility.
 

Squeaky

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P.S.
PainfulOne..... I love your profile picture. The blue-haired woman next to your name is beautiful. Is that a real person or just an artist’s drawing? I chose a rubber ducky because it squeaks of course. Does the lady in your profile pic look like you?
 

Painful One

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Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,396
P.S.
PainfulOne..... I love your profile picture. The blue-haired woman next to your name is beautiful. Is that a real person or just an artist’s drawing? I chose a rubber ducky because it squeaks of course. Does the lady in your profile pic look like you?
yeah, she does look like me.
She is a goddess of the sea, like myself. :)

squeaky, thank you for your words.
thank you so much.
I needed some encouragement and help and just someone to talk to.
someone who understands.

I have used some loperamide and some Kratom.
Very little of both because it raises my tolerance and then I have to use more MS Contin.
I am trying real hard to just suffer it out and get back on track.
This is hell all the time.
I can’t make it like this.

yes, it would be nice if I could just call my doctor and explain the situation but .....no way can I do that.
as you know.
I cannot get cut off what relief I do get.
It is ridiculous what the “system “ has done to chronic pain patients.

You do a lot more than I can do.
This situation with my mom has almost killed me.
The stress flares up the chronic pain just by itself.
she is doing much better now.
it has been a harsh few months for us both.
 

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS, NSADD
Staff member
Joined
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Messages
1,175
Location
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Hey guys,

damn! I am in bad shape.
my mom fell and broke her shoulder and I have had to do so much extra work.
I have used my medications (over used) so I could keep up.
I live with chronic pain and I have major limitations.
When I push myself- bad things happen.
I just cannot do more than I can do, but I had to.

Now, I have messed up on every prescription I have and I have been 12 days without my MS Contin.
I am about dead.
I can get my prescription on Monday morning but that seems so far away.
I have lost so much weight.

I have to get back on track with my medications.
This is absolute hell.
Sorry you're going through this! Monday will arrive no doubt, I am looking at an automobile Monday, not remotely comparable of course but my immobility has been vexing me something fierce for about a month. I pray that Monday brings good news for the both of us.
 

Painful One

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Jan 18, 2017
Messages
3,396
Thanks guys.
I really appreciate you.

I just barely got my morphine in me and in the nick of time.
I tell you, I was about to seizure out.
I was hurting so bad that I started uncontrollably moaning in pain.
My neighbors probably heard me.
So embarrassing.

I am looking forward to relief coming soon and food and sleep!

I don’t know how you do that every month Squeaky.
That almost made me suicide out.
We gotta get you (and me) back on track.
Kratom is no substitute.
It kept me from violent puking but that is about it.
 

Squeaky

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Location
USA
Yeah, every month I swear it will change. And then it doesn’t. It’s almost better like this though. The wd’s from months of almost running out were unbearable. This way it sucks for a week and I’m good for a week or two.
Happy to hear that you made it !
 

Painful One

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Jan 18, 2017
Messages
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I know what you are saying.
it is like, you can function on an almost “normal” level for a few weeks and then suffer for a week.
If we just had our prescription raised a little, we would not have to resort to that.

it is like- should I function properly for a few weeks and then suffer my ass off?
or...just kinda function at a low level the entire time.
It gets to be a hard choice.

When I had to work, I had to do the same as you every month.
When things come up like my mom breaks her shoulder and I HAVE to do extra work, the only way I can is by chemical help.

my body is so hurt.
Living in chronic pain is just a full time job of “managing “ the bullshit all the time!
My real Life is gone.
I have cut out everything and everyone I can and it sucks because they don’t understand.
 

Painful One

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squeaky, are u saying that your withdrawals actually clear up in a week or two?
or even three?

mine sure don’t.
not at all.
It surprised me when you said “ the worst of the withdrawal is behind you”.
if that were the case I would just keep going without the pain pills.

it could just be the chronic pain though.
It is like one big withdrawal hell all the time.

But wow! I sure am grateful for this relief.
The last 12 days is ingrained on me very harshly.
it was so hardcore that I think I can get back to the prescribed amount daily.
All I have to do is look back on this and my body, mind, and soul goes “NO WAY!”
 

Larimar

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Jan 16, 2018
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East Coast USA
I have just been doing Kratom the last couple months and it keeps me going , gives energy and mood lift but it def didn’t hit the “spot” . I been craving real oxy so bad my husband got me 1 40 mg oxy and I was so excited , took half of it and felt nothing . I guess the magic is gone for good . It actually helped me not crave anymore and romanticize using oxy . I guess like you guys said that Kratom ups your tolerance cause I barely felt it.
Sorry to hear y’all are still struggling with your pain😢.
 

Painful One

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Jan 18, 2017
Messages
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I am glad to hear you are still off the Oxy Larimar.
you and your husband have done good.

I do wonder about the Kratom though.
It raises my tolerance massively and takes a long time to get it back down.

Maybe that is good that the Oxy just didn’t hit that spot.

I hope things are well with you and your family sweetheart.
I think about you guys often and hope you all are okay.
You guys have been good friends.
 
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