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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Larimar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2018
Messages
571
Location
East Coast USA
Been tapering sub and finally got below 4mg. Been steady at 3mg for the past 9 days. I feel okay except when I try to run, then it is clear i have not adjusted yet. Still, it’s a big deal for me. Haven’t been this low in years!
Great job ! Keeping running , exercise seems to help and eat eat eat !!! Keep up the good work and you will be free soon.
I had a 5 year oxy habit that I just quit with Kratom. This thread is full of tips and useful info and helped me immensely. I thought I would never be the “same” or feel normal again and I feel my old self re-emerging.
 

Roxie82

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 4, 2019
Messages
4
I’m currently trying to quit my opioid habit with kratom as well. Completely new to the whole kratom thing so any advice you can give me I would love to hear. I have green and white at the moment. Not sure how much to take and how often. I took a little over the recommended dose but didn’t really feel anything.
 

Shady's Fox

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2017
Messages
5,274
Location
Palm trees & sea, just walkin along the beach.
I’m currently trying to quit my opioid habit with kratom as well. Completely new to the whole kratom thing so any advice you can give me I would love to hear. I have green and white at the moment. Not sure how much to take and how often. I took a little over the recommended dose but didn’t really feel anything.
Is better than suboxone/methadone. If you take too much, it will be less powerful. Keep the equilibrium. Try 1 gram first, you choose the strain. Then you can go to 1,5, finally 2. You will end up somewhere between 5 - 7.5, even 8. Make your schedule, timing it's vital. Have a snack before and that's it. As for not feeling, I am not sure why, it takes at least 1hr to kick-in. More details, hopefully?
 

Larimar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2018
Messages
571
Location
East Coast USA
Hey guys. Struggling a little this am .. Yeah the Kratom is working but I dread getting it down and yeah it makes you feel good but damn it’s missing something . I just want that 15 or 30 mg oxy feeling so bad for just a little joy in my day . My days are so hard , baby up at 6am everyday , she sleeps with us and still wakes up at night and kicks me all night , I sleep on like a inch edge of mattress , she pushes me all night , then all day I’m just cleaning up after her , it’s so hard having a baby at 40 , I’m tired dammit ,and with this damn corona I can’t even take her to the mall or playground to waste time . Prob get some wine to feel “something” close to relaxed tonight . Sorry just having a pity party this am , I don’t need a reply just had to get this out , my husband is so happy we are off these pills and doing well so I have to put on a brave face for him but if I found a pill today I would totally take it . Oh well let me go clean the oranges and yogurt out of rug that she totally wasted and just dumped and smashed into the carpet 😒
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Baby steps, that's right. Create a journal, write your journey. Dosage/date/names/areas, maybe mentioning some little things here and there. Don't involve anyone else, that's my advice at least.
Bluelight had sort of become my journal. A few years ago when I first started on the pills I was writing down every pill I took and it totally did help. Now I just post here every once in a while.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Almost the double the days you were able to have pills Squeaky thats great. I bet it’s a load off your shoulders not keeping secrets from your wife as well. Great job 🎉
It’s definitely easier not hiding any more.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Been tapering sub and finally got below 4mg. Been steady at 3mg for the past 9 days. I feel okay except when I try to run, then it is clear i have not adjusted yet. Still, it’s a big deal for me. Haven’t been this low in years!
For me it’s all about getting used to the new normal. New aches, new insomnia, etc. Once I get used to life just sort of sucking, it gets easier to stick with a plan. It’s when I reminisce about feeling good that things fall apart.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Great job ! Keeping running , exercise seems to help and eat eat eat !!! Keep up the good work and you will be free soon.
I had a 5 year oxy habit that I just quit with Kratom. This thread is full of tips and useful info and helped me immensely. I thought I would never be the “same” or feel normal again and I feel my old self re-emerging.
I quit cold turkey once for about 6 weeks. It was a solid month before I felt “good” again. The physical wds last a week or two, but the psychological effects go on for around 30 days.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Goin
I’m currently trying to quit my opioid habit with kratom as well. Completely new to the whole kratom thing so any advice you can give me I would love to hear. I have green and white at the moment. Not sure how much to take and how often. I took a little over the recommended dose but didn’t really feel anything.
Going straight from opioids to Kratom won’t get you high. The compounds in Kratom bind to opioid receptors but they are not opioids, so kratom will ease your withdrawal symptoms but not give you the boost your old drugs used to do.
As for dosage: start with one teaspoon on an empty stomach. Take another teaspoon in an hour if the first doesn’t work. You can easily take a tablespoon at a time(equals about 3 teaspoons), and you can do that every 6-8 hours.
You can’t overdose. The worst that can happen is you will get nauseous and throw up. When that happens you will know where your limit is. Just know that at the right dose it becomes a powerful sedative- A while ago I was taking about a teaspoon every 2 hours of Red Maeng Da Kratom and after 10 hours or so I was falling asleep on the freeway !!
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Hey guys. Struggling a little this am .. Yeah the Kratom is working but I dread getting it down and yeah it makes you feel good but damn it’s missing something . I just want that 15 or 30 mg oxy feeling so bad for just a little joy in my day . My days are so hard , baby up at 6am everyday , she sleeps with us and still wakes up at night and kicks me all night , I sleep on like a inch edge of mattress , she pushes me all night , then all day I’m just cleaning up after her , it’s so hard having a baby at 40 , I’m tired dammit ,and with this damn corona I can’t even take her to the mall or playground to waste time . Prob get some wine to feel “something” close to relaxed tonight . Sorry just having a pity party this am , I don’t need a reply just had to get this out , my husband is so happy we are off these pills and doing well so I have to put on a brave face for him but if I found a pill today I would totally take it . Oh well let me go clean the oranges and yogurt out of rug that she totally wasted and just dumped and smashed into the carpet 😒
It gets harder before it gets easier. Stick with it Larimar. For me the first week is really exhausting. The second week is easier but still sort of depressing. Around week three on Kratom I start having hope that life is worth living again.
Dunno what week four would feel like...... I alway have my new prescription by then😉
 

Hollowpoint2020

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
5
Hopefully the heart issue won’t become a problem. I can tell you that any kind of quick taper is going to suck.
Regardless of how much you cut back it will take about a week for you to not feel shitty at the new dose. The real question is how long you have to do this and how much oxy you have to do it with.
If you have kids and a job you are definitely going to have to plan for a couple of months only because cutting back too much will leave you too depressed and achy to deal with real life.
I would say a fast taper will work OK if you cut by about 1/2 every 4-5 days. But it’s going to suck. It’s a game of percentages, not milligrams. Going from 30mg to 15mg will likely feel the same as dropping from 60mg to 30mg. Kratom really helps. So does loperamide(lope is best if you’re going to quit oxy completely, then you can taper off lope).
If you can switch to a single dose of oxy per day it will help to taper off it. Like taking all 30mg at night for a week, then going to 15mg for a week, then 7.5mg at night, etc. Again, not fun but doable.
If you have a week available to have the flu and just stay in bed, you could go for cold turkey. It takes about a week to feel partially alive again. About a full month to feel ‘normal’
Keep your valium for when you just can’t stand the insomnia any more, regardless of your plan. And don’t use it more than two days in a row. Scalding hot showers help with the body aches. Fresh air and exercise help with everything else.
Thank you for the reply. In Detox for alcohol (multiple bottles a day) I set the record at the facilllity for taking 230 mg in 22 hours To control BP and HR, that leads me to this... Being a guy who’s very used to Xanax, Valium and ativan but not currently using. I am wondering how clonozapam will work as a substitute for valium as I only have 4 now, I now 60 .5’s Of Klonopin but never eaten one. Can that be used in place of valium? Or is there any difference between that and the other three Benzo I have taken. Last thing I want is a benzo WD like I had 10 years ago.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Thank you for the reply. In Detox for alcohol (multiple bottles a day) I set the record at the facilllity for taking 230 mg in 22 hours To control BP and HR, that leads me to this... Being a guy who’s very used to Xanax, Valium and ativan but not currently using. I am wondering how clonozapam will work as a substitute for valium as I only have 4 now, I now 60 .5’s Of Klonopin but never eaten one. Can that be used in place of valium? Or is there any difference between that and the other three Benzo I have taken. Last thing I want is a benzo WD like I had 10 years ago.
I don’t have any experience with clonazepam or Klonopin . The biggest difference with all of the benzos out there is how fast they go to work and how long they stay in your system. Ativan hits quick and leaves quick. Valium takes longer to work and stays with you longer. That’s why Ativan is usually prescribed for things like panic attacks and Valium goes great for sleeping.
With Ativan I usually take 2 mg the first night to sleep. Then maybe 4 mg the next night to sleep good. Then each following night 2 mg, 1 mg, 1 mg, 0.5 mg, and 0.5 mg the last night. No wd’s at all and it gets me through the worst couple of days of insomnia during my opiate wd. And since I have 2 mg pills I end up only going through 5 or 6 pills total.
Whatever your plan, just be sure to leave yourself with enough to taper with, and know that the longer you are on them the longer your taper will need to be. You have a history with benzos so you should know what you will need.
I know what you mean about benzo wd. I tried cold turkey off 6 mg Ativan per day once and I thought I was going to die. Had a small seizure around 18 hours into it. So I immediately got onto a taper plan and it all worked out ok.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
I figured something out. Not really big, but pretty important for me.
Previously I was taking one pill at a time, or even 1/2 pill at a time, in an effort to curb my use. The end result was always that I would wind up taking some every 2 hours(even at night sometimes) and then end up taking 2or 3 at a time every couple of hours. Then I would run out and go through withdrawals from a very high dose. I was never giving my body a chance to be without my oxy(not even at night) until I was out of pills. Ultimately I was getting no benefit from the pills and I was constipated all of the time.
This last time I still ran out. But since I had to ask my wife for each dose, I was only dosing 2 or three times per day with usually at least one stretch per day between doses of 12 hours. I was a lot less constipated, the withdrawals were less, and I’m using about half of the Kratom right now compared to previous months.
I still want my pills and I’m going to run out again and again. But I think I have a better plan going forward.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Thanks to the whole pandemic my Drs office is closed. The great news is this is now the srcond month that they have called to cancel my appointment, ask me what meds I need refilled, and send the prescription to my pharmacy. I get a text message when they’re ready and hit the drive through. It’s totally awesome.
 

dopamimetic

Moderator: N&PD
Staff member
Joined
Mar 21, 2013
Messages
1,279
Location
fuckin'dissoverse
Really, really get your doc prescribe you some memantine, or even use dextromethorphan cough gels. These NMDA receptor antagonists take away 95% of the withdrawal...

I've gone off 200mg Morphine cold with aid of memantine. Tolerance is now down so I feel 150mg tramadol.
 

MagickalKat777

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 4, 2004
Messages
7,030
Location
Denver, CO
Oh I don’t know how I missed this thread the other day.

I don’t have much to say right now but benzo withdrawal is the worst thing I have ever been through. :confused: If I could go back in time, I would have told the doctor to shove the pills and found something else for my anxiety.

It really feels like this won’t ever end. Been tapering since 2/14/18 and I have at least a year left. With me being 34 and having been on them since I was 20, I’m not even totally confident I’ll succeed in life without them but I have been in tolerance withdrawal for so long that I’m an agoraphobic and panicking mess who lives in his room anyway. :mad:
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
1,104
Location
USA
Oh I don’t know how I missed this thread the other day.

I don’t have much to say right now but benzo withdrawal is the worst thing I have ever been through. :confused: If I could go back in time, I would have told the doctor to shove the pills and found something else for my anxiety.

It really feels like this won’t ever end. Been tapering since 2/14/18 and I have at least a year left. With me being 34 and having been on them since I was 20, I’m not even totally confident I’ll succeed in life without them but I have been in tolerance withdrawal for so long that I’m an agoraphobic and panicking mess who lives in his room anyway. :mad:
That’s a really long time to be on benzos.
I have high functioning Autism. (Think Rainman with more coping skills). There is so much shit in the world that sends me into a downward spiral that I have come close to suicide at least 100 times since I was around 10 years old. Im close to 50 years old now. My Dr put me on Lorazepam about 5 years ago and it totally changed my life. I thought it was finally something that could make me feel normal, until it didn’t anymore.
Benzo withdrawl sends me in the opposite direction. Cant think straight. Cant sleep. Everything is confusing. Memory is screwed up. Etc....
I know how you feel. And having been on them since you were so young, combined with having been on them for so many years, I’m guessing you can’t even imagine a normal life. I’m sure it feels like a life after pills just seems like it’s too far into the future to be worth even trying. Most days I would just pray to go back to the pills, mainly because getting off them was so difficult and I was pretty sure life after pills would suck so much that I would be back on them and then I just suffered for nothing.
My experience is this:
Life is hard. Some days it’s really hard. Hard in ways that most people couldn’t begin to understand. Even my Dr doesn’t really care to understand, he just wants to write me my prescription and move onto the next patient. It’s all on me to figure this shit out and I’m scared.
It gets better. It’s never easy, but it can still be really good. Worth living for.
I avoid things I cannot handle. I focus on the things I can handle well. And I refuse to be around anyone who isn’t OK with that (including my parents). I make sure I take care of the basics like food and shelter. I bathe and brush my teeth every day. I go to my job and do what is expected of me on the good days, above and beyond on the great days, and as much as I can handle on the bad days.
The rest of the time I do whatever I have to do in order to get through to the next day.
We all have something great to offer the world. Even Rainman could count cards and get rich in Vegas. Steven Hawking wrote several books and lived to be very old. Hell, even Charles Manson got married in jail.
My life is better without benzos. My guess is yours will be too. It just takes time and some determination before you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get there.....just don’t give up yet.
 

MagickalKat777

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 4, 2004
Messages
7,030
Location
Denver, CO
That’s a really long time to be on benzos.
I have high functioning Autism. (Think Rainman with more coping skills). There is so much shit in the world that sends me into a downward spiral that I have come close to suicide at least 100 times since I was around 10 years old. Im close to 50 years old now. My Dr put me on Lorazepam about 5 years ago and it totally changed my life. I thought it was finally something that could make me feel normal, until it didn’t anymore.
Benzo withdrawl sends me in the opposite direction. Cant think straight. Cant sleep. Everything is confusing. Memory is screwed up. Etc....
I know how you feel. And having been on them since you were so young, combined with having been on them for so many years, I’m guessing you can’t even imagine a normal life. I’m sure it feels like a life after pills just seems like it’s too far into the future to be worth even trying. Most days I would just pray to go back to the pills, mainly because getting off them was so difficult and I was pretty sure life after pills would suck so much that I would be back on them and then I just suffered for nothing.
My experience is this:
Life is hard. Some days it’s really hard. Hard in ways that most people couldn’t begin to understand. Even my Dr doesn’t really care to understand, he just wants to write me my prescription and move onto the next patient. It’s all on me to figure this shit out and I’m scared.
It gets better. It’s never easy, but it can still be really good. Worth living for.
I avoid things I cannot handle. I focus on the things I can handle well. And I refuse to be around anyone who isn’t OK with that (including my parents). I make sure I take care of the basics like food and shelter. I bathe and brush my teeth every day. I go to my job and do what is expected of me on the good days, above and beyond on the great days, and as much as I can handle on the bad days.
The rest of the time I do whatever I have to do in order to get through to the next day.
We all have something great to offer the world. Even Rainman could count cards and get rich in Vegas. Steven Hawking wrote several books and lived to be very old. Hell, even Charles Manson got married in jail.
My life is better without benzos. My guess is yours will be too. It just takes time and some determination before you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get there.....just don’t give up yet.
Thank you very much for sharing your story with me. It is definitely difficult. I have tapered down to 1.6mg of diazepam as of right now (daily liquid micro taper with my own homemade solution). I have at least 13 more months of planned tapering. I live in my house. More specifically, I live in my room. I can make it to the mailbox and back once every month or so and I make it out of the house for therapy one time a month at the most -- I actually end up having to do a number of those appointments over the phone (and thanks to COVID-19, I will probably be doing it that way for awhile because my immune system took an absolute beating once I started tapering). It is exactly as you say, I don't know how to live life without the pills. It has indeed been a very long time. I am quite frankly amazed that I am substance free right now, I don't even vape nicotine anymore and I have been off the alcohol for over 2 1/4 years. I was self medicating with alcohol from the age of 17 and obviously when the tolerance withdrawal got bad with the benzos, I turned to alcohol to make up the difference in increasingly ridiculous amounts. I have tried tapering before, back in 2012, and I couldn't finish. When I failed, I went right off the deep end with the drinking. I think the only reason why I gave it up this last time was because I was about to be homeless again and I didn't want to do the couch surfing/fuck buddy thing I had to do when I was fighting for disability again.

I am fortunate that I eventually won my SSDI benefits after 3 years of fighting for them and my roommates right now are supportive as much as they can be. I have been really struggling since I got under 2mg though. It would be very easy at this point for me to go off the deep end and I think the fact that my subconscious was harping on me to get on Bluelight and post in TDS after not being active for years shows just how close I am to the edge and how hard I am fighting to get my life back. My psychiatrist asks me what dose I am currently taking and how many pills I need (she can't do the math on doses which is crazy to me but whatever). I am actually fortunate that she lets me direct my own treatment. My original taper plan I drew up and brought to her was supposed to be from 2/2018-6/2019... She hasn't given me a hard time about the fact its going to take me two years+ longer than the original plan.

The thing is, I don't know who I am when I'm sober. I don't even know if I am capable of remaining sober once I am taken out of the bubble that I currently exist in..... and if I am being totally honest, I am not sure that the work is worth the hassle. At least when I drank I could do more than sit in my room -- in fact, I could even go to a club if I wanted to -- it wasn't until the alcohol wore off that everything really went to shit.

Sorry, I droned on more than I meant to. I'm feeling quite scattered today. Anyway, thank you for the reassurance that life is better without benzos. That is the hope that I keep clinging to. I really can't afford to fail this time because it will truly be the end of me. With how much I was drinking, its a miracle that I don't have severe liver damage. I already know the first thing I'll do if I fail is turn to alcohol -- this time my liver won't put up with a third to half of a handle of vodka 5-7 days a week.
 
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