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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
1,206
Got another script yesterday. Already I can see I’m not sticking to my plan. I’m giving myself the weekend to straighten the f up and not take more than prescribed. Then I’m going to have to do something drastic this time, like giving my pills away. Better to not have any at all than dig this hole AGAIN. I know a pill junkie who would seriously love to get my bottle of oxy for free, a great friend who might be willing to hold them for me and just not let me have any at all, and maybe my lady who might get mad but still be willing to hold my pills for me.
Finny thing is right now I’m really only addicted to feeling like shit(in actual pain or in withdrawl) and sitting quietly so I can feel the moment when the pain drains away. Its like great sex — I want the room to be quiet and to be left alone. Only for about an hour. I enjoy the feeling of the pain leaving. I even look forward to being in pain so I can have that moment on the pills .

And it’s hitting me right now. Gotta go?
Hope things worked out. I like the idea of asking your lady to help you. She might get a little mad at first but she will get over it quickly.
You guys are partners in life.

Sending love and support your way. ❤

Lost Vet- I am so proud of you and happy to hear you are still doing so well!
You are an inspiration for us all.
 

P0kemama

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2015
Messages
870
Location
Western states
Hi Squeaky
I hadn't been on BL in awhile, and I was surprised at the changes in the design of the site. I hope you are successful this time in kicking those pills to the curb. I am so grateful for the support here on the thread and that I have been opiate free since February 2017, as I have seen some acquaintances I have turn to H when they had their prescriptions stopped and their lives are not good at all. Hang in their S!
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
977
Location
USA
Still no change. About a year now of running out of my pills every month. I feel like I’m closer to quitting every month. I have way too much guilt to ask for help. And fear of judgment too. But also recognition that I do have real pain and I do benefit from the pills. The most simple and obvious solution is to come clean to my Dr and sit as he cuts me off. But I cannot imagine never having a break from the pains in my body.
On one hand I believe I can learn to police myself. On the other hand I realize that I will never be that strong.
Right now I am a couple of days w no oxy. Only Loperamide and Kratom. I would give anything for a pill. Time crawls to a stop in withdrawal. :(
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
977
Location
USA
Hi Squeaky
I hadn't been on BL in awhile, and I was surprised at the changes in the design of the site. I hope you are successful this time in kicking those pills to the curb. I am so grateful for the support here on the thread and that I have been opiate free since February 2017, as I have seen some acquaintances I have turn to H when they had their prescriptions stopped and their lives are not good at all. Hang in their S!
Hi Poke. Seriously congratulations on 2 1/2 years! It must feel pretty awesome.
I doubt I would ever turn to H. I would probably go back to alcohol, but maybe not. I tried buying pills off the street when I ran low a while back, but the whole experience was more than I could take, so I won’t do that again. Somehow there's an invisible line- I don’t know where the line is, but I know I have crossed it when I go to a street dealer for anything.
 

P0kemama

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2015
Messages
870
Location
Western states
Squeaks: I think I might understand how you felt going to the streets. I am paranoid by nature, so I have not gone to the streets for pills, which is one way that I was able to stop. I can imagine that the whole experience was "more than I could take", as you stated in your post. That is why H was no go for me... I would just imagine that I would get busted with my first buy, or worse, get ripped off and get crap instead of real drugs. Those "lines in the sand" are something to contemplate.
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
977
Location
USA
Also, street drugs are expensive. My family cannot afford for me to spend 1000’s or even 100’s of dollars on some stupid drug habit. My copay for the doctor is already taxing on my finances. Perhaps I would do it differently if I was single.
 

somnilicious

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Messages
1,232
Location
Orlando, Fl
Also, street drugs are expensive. My family cannot afford for me to spend 1000’s or even 100’s of dollars on some stupid drug habit. My copay for the doctor is already taxing on my finances. Perhaps I would do it differently if I was single.
You're in a tough situation my friend. I did the same thing with my oxy, methadone and Klonopin. Every month I would binge and then run out weeks early. Then I would be sick, craving and drained of life, while waiting for the next go. It never got any better. Sometimes it would for a short time only to then get exponentially worse. I eventually had to admit defete and realize that I simply could not take any opiates. I wish you the best my friend
 

lyphetasx

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 6, 2019
Messages
39
Location
Canada
Still no change. About a year now of running out of my pills every month. I feel like I’m closer to quitting every month. I have way too much guilt to ask for help. And fear of judgment too. But also recognition that I do have real pain and I do benefit from the pills. The most simple and obvious solution is to come clean to my Dr and sit as he cuts me off. But I cannot imagine never having a break from the pains in my body.
On one hand I believe I can learn to police myself. On the other hand I realize that I will never be that strong.
Right now I am a couple of days w no oxy. Only Loperamide and Kratom. I would give anything for a pill. Time crawls to a stop in withdrawal. :(
Policing oneself is such a damn task. I believe you can get to that though
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
1,468
so i have been off of my opioid taper since my last cluster headache, two weeks ago on a sunday again. so.
i have been terrified to take another opioid bc it seemed to trigger the worlds most painful condition, or yeah a cluster headache.
i am taking low dose xanax ( the cause was probably the polysubstance) to get me through this because this POST ACUTE mind state is unbearable and incomprehensible.
i am so depressed that i neglect EVERYTHING except my new puppy. she gets spoiled and is an awesome little soldier, also.
?
 

Squeaky

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
977
Location
USA
About 12 days without oxy. 5 days till refill. I’m clear headed again, so that’s nice. I used Loperamide for about a week for withdrawls. Now I’m down to only Kratom. It’s not terrible, but it still sucks enough that I wish I wasn’t going to do it again when I get my script. I’m really tired of feeling like a loser for 2 weeks out of every month.
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
1,206
You can do this Squeaky. It is possible to make your oxy prescription last the entire month.
You don’t have to go through this again.
❤
 

Painful One

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2017
Messages
1,206
Oh Hylight, I feel for you on the cluster headaches. I get those also and they are the worlds most painful condition.
I live in fear of them also.

Keeping a balance with the medication, nutrition, exercise, meditation, anything else that helps seems to be the key to reducing the number of headaches I get. Easy does it on reducing or adding anything.

Congratulations on your new puppy! Dogs are the best! My dog helps me so much.
Enjoy your baby.
❤
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
1,468
Oh Hylight, I feel for you on the cluster headaches. I get those also and they are the worlds most painful condition.
I live in fear of them also.

Keeping a balance with the medication, nutrition, exercise, meditation, anything else that helps seems to be the key to reducing the number of headaches I get. Easy does it on reducing or adding anything.

Congratulations on your new puppy! Dogs are the best! My dog helps me so much.
Enjoy your baby.
❤
Thank you for your kindness and mentioning some coping skills and for understanding with such helpful words and empathy. Wow, very nice of you to help out by reaching out to someone with pain.
I have only had three attacks so far and I hope that some way we can prevent them from happening again.
Thank you for your honesty about being careful. The ER had said that there is nothing that can really be taken for relief from a cluster. However, I had to take a xanax each time to finally get something to calm me down enough to get through it all.
I think being off of pain medication now is keeping the headaches in remission. I need xanax just to cope with alot right now.

The puppy is so sweet and adorable. She is too cute to be true. She has so much energy and is still learning alot. She is so funny because she is still trying to grow up and she makes me laugh alot. She went to pull on my leg when we were going outside and she missed and rolled over three times sideways down three cement stairs but recovered nicely. I almost pissed myself laughing and crying because she could have got hurt.
We went to the lake seven or eight times already and our other dog taught her how to swim all by herself like a big girl too.
They are helping me to keep up with trying to get some exercise as much as possible. They are fun and hilarious to watch them growl. They make the funniest faces. They are medium small breed and growl over raw hides and who gets to try to sit on someone's lap. What a dog life but they are happy and go everywhere I can take them. They ride shotgun on the armrest when we go out on the road driving the highways.
I can function but with pain and nausea and low energy and I still really feel weak and have to struggle to focus or just find energy drinks to keep me going. I have trouble remembering things and have no motivation to even make me want to care. The dogs keep me going to be outside around the trails and training them at the beaches at the lake alot too. But other than that I am just struggling along right now with no pain relief from stopping taking the hydrocodone that was prescribed. I recently got a letter confirming that I have to contact a new PC because the other one was leaving and I had been prescribed a schedule II and needed to be tested for drugs because I was in pain management. I don't even know what that meant but the last pain management doctor that was available was ran out of town and had went to another state.
There really is not anyone to talk to about pain here so that is why I switched to medical marijuana so maybe that is what they meant in the letter about being put on a schedule II. I dont know and I haven't even started to really figured it out yet. they arent testing me for being on the MM so I will have to read the letter again. Maybe it is saying a PC can help with pain management but I tried that already. I think they went all hysterical over an opioid crisis. Maybe they ran out of supply. I am just sad and tired and don't even try to find help anymore with going to medical appointments for this that and everything for a simple request for pain relief. They sent me to plenty of physical thearapy, no problems with that type of authorization. Xanax gives me a little relief from pain but makes me dopey, high and way too relaxed and forgetful.
I hope the best for you too, so you wont have to suffer anymore with that painful cluster headache condition. I appreciated talking to someone so nice as yourself, so very much. ?
 
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Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
1,468
@Mafioso
WOW you are amazing TOO.
You do what you do SO WELL.
thank you.
You are a gift from somewhere.
You are amazing and we all want the best for you.
?????
 
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