• TDS Moderators: mafioso | deficiT | stellablue
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

ShroomySatori

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2015
Messages
2,935
Location
getting high by the candlelight
The thought of certain fears can make them come true... that runs deep eh I notice it all the time. My reality manifests as what I believe it to be. It is irritating in benzo withdrawal, when I find this to be unavoidable so far.

Life has been a self fulfilling prophecy for me. It seems that everything that happens to me, I watch happen to to someone else or hear through the winds. Those moments trip me out. I had an 10 strip trip where I pretty much watched my life happen in reverse while joking and laughing with my pals in some void after we died I don't know if that is relevant except maybe to a psychologist.

There is far too much for things to be merely coincidental, powerful energies are at work. I didn't have a good attitude today, I haven't all week. I've been really lazy and also sleeping just way too much I don't get it this just happens sometimes. Guess I tired myself out. Gotta make sure my quality of life is okay.

edit... I have also found the opposite to be true, non-coincidentally. Too many synchronicities over the years - positive affirmations, general positive radiation, lack of fear or attachment - these things really do attract positive energies into my life. Like I am choosing the frequency I want to be at. And I have been messing with that frequency with drugs for a lot of my life, and I find that I can get out of tune if I do too many of them. With the benzos and opiates, those completely changed my life though. Turned my life upside down. Ruined my life and I am rebuilding now instead of sustaining like I was before. Weed is sustainable, I would prefer not to smoke it but for now the worst it causes in my life is a few hours of burnout if I smoke it too much. None of it should be a focus at all apart from quitting it. That is all well and good. I make stupid fuckin choices though that is for sure.
 
Last edited:

uncle_jocko

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Messages
55
That's so amazing. Happy you were able to push through and are feeling better. Just remember if a bad day hits you out of he blue you know it's not permanent! Just one day at a time!


Thanks. It's strange some times when i go down i can't even tell and other times I definitely get withdrawls. I'm currently on my 2nd day of .03mg. I spent a few days at .05 then 2 days at .04 and wasn't feeling great at .04 but I am impatient and want this to be done. One thing I keep doing is staying at a dose for a few days, feeling alright then go down more knowing that the wds from the previous dose hasn't even hit me yet. Hasn't been fun but it's working for me.

Only 2 more times to go down then I'm gonna start every other day and it'll be over!


Well I've noticed shroomy will post something then he deletes it a few hours later. Either way hopes he s doing well too.
I'm confused about something - how can you get those doses of subs SO very low??
 

mtop2036

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
282
I'm confused about something - how can you get those doses of subs SO very low??
With water. Take a 2mg pill, crush it, and mix with 20ml of water and mix. Then every .1ml of the solution is .01mg Then squirt it under your tounge!

I take a few extra steps like using a scale to weight out a perfect quarter of a pill so I'm not stuck working with so many doses. And use a quarter amount of the water since I'm using a quarter of a pill. Then once my solution is ready ill measure out 1 day, and transfer it to its own bottle and make 10 bottles up. That way I don't have to with the bottle with all of the solution evaporating any liquid which would throw it all off.

Well I spent 1 day at .01mg and havn t taken any for about 30 hours now. Surprisingly i have wd, nothing serious yet. I was hoping getting down so low i would of went through it all from tapering but nope. But it's allright, I'm ready and just want to be done and move on with life!
 

SweetLeaf7

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2017
Messages
82
Location
Down the rabbit hole
Hello fellow Blue Lighters: Painful One, Dopiejay, Squeaky, Shroomy, Ash, and new friends -

Thank you for the love and support. For those that don't know me...I tapered off 90 mg oxy per day after 17 years prescribed for chronic pain in 7 weeks at the end of 2017. I couldn't sleep and after 17 days, started drinking alcohol to knock myself out. In 6 months, I was drinking 750 ml of vodka per day and blacking out. I tapered down to 300 ml with the help of a few baclofen and then decreased by 30 ml vodka per day until I was at 150 ml per day then stopped for a week with the help of 10 Xanax and one 30 mg Restoril at night. I was able to break the cycle of physical withdrawal and no more shakes. I only drank on Saturdays for 2 more weeks. And now I've been drinking every day again. I'm up to 600-750 ml day of vodka again and get the shakes by evening. I swore I would never drink every day again but the pain and resulting insomnia are hell. They say deaths of despair are rising because they cut chronic pain patients off their meds.

-SweetLeaf7
 

ShroomySatori

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2015
Messages
2,935
Location
getting high by the candlelight
I am sorry to hear this, you have always been kind to me. I recall your messages. You should be on pain medication. I had no idea you were going through that. Sounds like we have been pretty blacked out. I don't know what day it is half the time. Baclofen grew on me, I like it. Yep, or other poor prescribing practices. When the US banned opiates and coca in 1914, I am pretty sure there were a lot of deaths around then.
 
Last edited:

Betternow

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2019
Messages
63
Good morning everyone!! Shroomy, glad to hear from you again! You def have all the knowledge you need to make this work-but I'm telling ya anxiety is not just a thought process change, it's a chemical imbalance bc of all the meds. And, as you know, it WILL get better.

Easy for me to say, huh? I still struggle with it from time to time. It manifests itself when I have things I need to do and usually just feels like 'dread. Does anyone know if this goes away? Is this something that I will grow out of after long time clean?? It's not debilitating, but it's def annoying, it's draining. Idk how long this "fuck it" attitude can persist until it just becomes me being lazy as a character flaw.

On Wednesday it will be 2 months clean. Seems like it's been longer??
 

ShroomySatori

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2015
Messages
2,935
Location
getting high by the candlelight
I threw myself so out of whack I am fucked for life. Period. The question is, how much and for how much longer. I am being realistic here. Even extreme weed use all day every day did a ton of damage to my body long term.

I heard that it never goes away to be honest, from a hydromorphone addict actually 2 of them. I heard from another friend that disappeared (all of them did eventually) once you get to 6 months you are off to a good start. I would agree with that. I am at 15 months and would not hesitate to do a line I would be an unstoppable beast for one right now. But I can't because of tolerance and withdrawal from my past. It sucks because that was the only thing that ever worked for my back pain since they prescribe such shit meds for it in low doses and never raise them the fuckers.

I don't just have a "fuck it" attitude right now I have a FUCK IT attitude LOL I guess that is ambiguous, whatever. It isn't all that funny because my point was I don't give a fuck about my life,

It seems like it has been shorter for me. Every single time I relapse, it seems like yesterday was the day I last used. If I used today, yesterday for my life would be near the end of July 2017. It would feel like waking up. I would be pain free, immediately 30% dose cut my benzos on my own, and have no trouble at all making it to yoga and not obsessing over shit and actually getting stuff done. It sucks that it didn't last.

It sucks when happiness becomes the absence of suffering. Everyone is different, you'll be fine. I have been tortured, though. I have been tortured to death by these bastards who make these fucking meds that simply should just not fucking exist in the medical system for fucks sake. Like honestly you think they can't come up with something better, technology these days is insane. They want people to die, it's like population control.

To give you an example, I went through weeks of opiate withdrawal to relapse, weakening my body each time thinking I'd be fine to recover again until I was in total ruins. I was pretty fine with all of that, never felt like I was ever going to die. I just thought I was going to get caught and end up in jail for using, or dead for using, or crazy for using. Well I've never been close to the same, but a mere month of hardcore benzo withdrawal last year triggered a psychosis. I have been irrationally paranoid all year, ever since. It's fucked. That shit is drugs that actually can be like that commercial with the egg on the frying pan. Yet, I am still brilliant in ways so maybe this hole-brained loser will find some niche place in the world... or end up a statistic. Doesn't really matter to me anymore.
 

mtop2036

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
282
Good morning everyone!! Shroomy, glad to hear from you again! You def have all the knowledge you need to make this work-but I'm telling ya anxiety is not just a thought process change, it's a chemical imbalance bc of all the meds. And, as you know, it WILL get better.

Easy for me to say, huh? I still struggle with it from time to time. It manifests itself when I have things I need to do and usually just feels like 'dread. Does anyone know if this goes away? Is this something that I will grow out of after long time clean?? It's not debilitating, but it's def annoying, it's draining. Idk how long this "fuck it" attitude can persist until it just becomes me being lazy as a character flaw.

On Wednesday it will be 2 months clean. Seems like it's been longer??
That's great! I think it definitely get better in time. Remember how you felt when you first got clean, sounded like you were have a hard time. But it did get better and so will this part of it!

I'm 80 hours in now with 0 opiates. Just weed and advil.
 

ShroomySatori

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2015
Messages
2,935
Location
getting high by the candlelight
I don't know how powerful the dread is Betternow. You will eventually be better now. It definitely does not sound like you crossed the point of no return by any means. Just the fact that you can communicate concisely at the present time tells me that you are not in too deep yet. If you go back to the drug, expect more severe withdrawals than these. They become increasingly harder to deal with until you just can't without taking like a month off of life and then a year or two reintegrating into society. So stay away from those pills... aight? You sound well, and clever. It's not going to get better for me I'm just saying. These benzos are a monster and I never knew that before. A few weeks of heavy withdrawal and I've had psychosis, extreme paranoia for 3 months and counting. Don't tell me I will get better though when I wouldn't on 1 / 100th of the dose I was on. Being realistic here. I'm hoping to survive without too too much long term damage maybe fall in love have a normal life, I have ideas for my career that are fine but anxiety is holding me back to the point that I am paralyzed by it. Severe physical tension, especially around my heart center. If you go back to them, things will only be harder to stop so if you want to stop you should stick to it. I broke down the other day took my whole daily dose at once well a couple times I freaked out with panic and fear.
 

SweetLeaf7

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2017
Messages
82
Location
Down the rabbit hole
I am sorry to hear this, you have always been kind to me. I recall your messages. You should be on pain medication. I had no idea you were going through that. Sounds like we have been pretty blacked out. I don't know what day it is half the time. Baclofen grew on me, I like it. Yep, or other poor prescribing practices. When the US banned opiates and coca in 1914, I am pretty sure there were a lot of deaths around then.
Thank you Shroomy. I appreciate your support and honesty. I think at this point I will always have to use something to deal with the chronic pain since it is almost impossible get opioids prescribed in my US State. I also want to remain a functioning member of society. Much love and hugs to you my brother! I understand the struggle.

-SweetLeaf7
 

Guest333

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 30, 2019
Messages
1
Hey there,
Im a 31 year old female from Canada.
Avid pot smoker and enjoy endibles.
10 years ago I spent six month in a rehab called Narcanan. It was Scientology bases so that was an experience to say the least lol. Had a solid handle on my addiction to freebasing cocaine after that. About 4 years ago I started using Percocet and slowly progressed to heavier drugs. Hydro's or Diladid is what I ended up taking until they became harder to get and very expensive. About three month ago I smoke H for the first time. Of course it would have fentynal mixed in, as most H does these days :/
This addiction is like having a full time job. The time it takes going to get it and the money that I've spent sickens me. $100 more or less everyday. I decided to get onto suboxone this week and set my mind to getting completely clean. I don't want this life anymore and really didn't at the time either. Just running from that sickness and stresses about making sure I'll be good to go in the days to come. Takes a lot out of ya!!
So i didn't used for over 30 hours and from a clinic I got a 8mg dose of suboxone. That took my withdrawal symptoms away but wasn't enough to keep them away for 24
hours so today I took a dose of 12mgs. Doctor wanted to give me 16mg but I wanted to see if 12mgs would suffice. I really want to be off opioids entirely. Does anyone have any experience with tapering down off suboxone? I'd appreciate any others that have experienced the situation and how they dealt with it. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I appreciate any feedback
 

Betternow

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2019
Messages
63
Hey there,
Im a 31 year old female from Canada.
Avid pot smoker and enjoy endibles.
10 years ago I spent six month in a rehab called Narcanan. It was Scientology bases so that was an experience to say the least lol. Had a solid handle on my addiction to freebasing cocaine after that. About 4 years ago I started using Percocet and slowly progressed to heavier drugs. Hydro's or Diladid is what I ended up taking until they became harder to get and very expensive. About three month ago I smoke H for the first time. Of course it would have fentynal mixed in, as most H does these days :/
This addiction is like having a full time job. The time it takes going to get it and the money that I've spent sickens me. $100 more or less everyday. I decided to get onto suboxone this week and set my mind to getting completely clean. I don't want this life anymore and really didn't at the time either. Just running from that sickness and stresses about making sure I'll be good to go in the days to come. Takes a lot out of ya!!
So i didn't used for over 30 hours and from a clinic I got a 8mg dose of suboxone. That took my withdrawal symptoms away but wasn't enough to keep them away for 24
hours so today I took a dose of 12mgs. Doctor wanted to give me 16mg but I wanted to see if 12mgs would suffice. I really want to be off opioids entirely. Does anyone have any experience with tapering down off suboxone? I'd appreciate any others that have experienced the situation and how they dealt with it. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I appreciate any feedback
I am 60 days off subs. I tapered very slowly. Stopped at .75. I will tell u that about 2,3 days after ur last dose, it will hurt, u won't sleep at all maybe for about 10 days. But, the thing about subs wd is, it comes and goes and doesnt stay awful 24/7. The insomnia is the worst part, to me. The longer u are on it, the slower the taper should be. I would def have gone down alot lower, if I had the chance. But, I didn't. Start working out now, stop eating carbs and sugar-bc I could sleep a ton better after my workouts. It also fills the time.
 

Betternow

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2019
Messages
63
Not dying although as time goes on I feel worse and worse. But I still think I got this! Half a day longer and it'll be 7 days!
I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you. The site was down for a while, huh?? How does ur withdrawal compare to the other withdrawals you have experienced in the past?

I do feel a random waking at weird hours, or acheyness that goes away pretty quickly. Depression/anxiety is non existent
 

mtop2036

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
282
No problem. It hasn't been easy but it's been a cakewalk compared to pretty much every other time I've tried to quit. It seems to come and go. Slight headache at times, feel weak a nd aches in the legs and slightly cold. Oh and I am constantly sneezing but that's just a minor annoyance.

that's amazing your 60 days off now! Now that I'm off and know what your going through I'm even more proud of you. It feels great dosn t it? Each morning when I wake up and I think how I made it another day I end up laughing from being so happy . When I first started tapering i knew I could lower my dose but I thought I was a pipe dream getting fully off.

I'll be 30 in 3 months and am so happy I can start everything over before it became to late for me.

as a treat for myself I've been buying a hell of a lot of new clothes. Like I'm gonna be set for years. just gotta get a few more things like some new watches and socks. The better i think I look the more confident I am and the more I go out.

Also a lot of interests are slowly comming back to me. Been playing a lot of guitar again, been reconnecting with old friends, and women :)

And like you my depression/anxiety is almost at a 0. The longer I go the better thatll become.


It's almost my bed time and when I wake up it will have been 11 days!
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
4,629
With water. Take a 2mg pill, crush it, and mix with 20ml of water and mix. Then every .1ml of the solution is .01mg Then squirt it under your tounge!

I take a few extra steps like using a scale to weight out a perfect quarter of a pill so I'm not stuck working with so many doses. And use a quarter amount of the water since I'm using a quarter of a pill. Then once my solution is ready ill measure out 1 day, and transfer it to its own bottle and make 10 bottles up. That way I don't have to with the bottle with all of the solution evaporating any liquid which would throw it all off.

Well I spent 1 day at .01mg and havn t taken any for about 30 hours now. Surprisingly i have wd, nothing serious yet. I was hoping getting down so low i would of went through it all from tapering but nope. But it's allright, I'm ready and just want to be done and move on with life!

okay see it's april 4th. but
where do you get those
things to measure
the ml's with?

because i have
to do that with my xanax.

oh yess. ?

blue light
is quite an inspiration
and a great way to
upport
micro dosing sedation

until when i taper
and i am okay
by prayers
and with bluelight
everyday !
 
Last edited:

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
4,629
*support
edit . . . . . does it have, shall we say,
some type of nomenclature ?
 
Top