age means shit guys, come on.. we should know that by now. esp. considering what we've all done.
I am 32 and have been on probation or in jail the for 9.5 of the last 14 yrs since turning 18). I've been addicted to drugs for about 8 or 9 of the last 14yrs. I've had cancer for god knows how long of the last 14yrs but they just found out 4yrs ago, and been on chemo for a year, and now still going to the Dr. every 3 months, doing MRI's, brain scans, etc. all shit for god know what and god knows how long before something terrible MAY happen; but they tell me I LOOK GOOD and things will go well for me, so w/ that being said I refuse to ever give up. also, as I said before, I care too much for my family to just give in to all this BS and take my life.
also, as said before, I have tried to get sober many times but I am still failing but I am not trying to take my life by no means. I am still using because its my addicted mind telling me to use but by no means do I use because I want to pass or feel that is my best way out; deep down I want to get sober but not quite there yet but feel I will be come the right time.
right now I am making significant changes in my life; I am changing careers, not just jobs, but careers. no more "office" job but moving to labor. my father owns his own type construction business and I will be taking over the business and doing all the changes necessary. I am going to school next month to get my license to be in that business and getting my PM (project management) license as well to oversee projects and whatnot.
is there is one thing I "gave up" on its "giving up" on excuses, man. I always had an excuse as to why I couldnt do shit, why certain things only happen to me, why this, why that, but I never told myself the truth as to why, and the answer why ME.. I DIDNT GIVE SHIT ABOUT MYSELF OR WHAT I WAS DOING! yes, I still use dope, its terrible and money wasted, but I do everything fucking else right as of NOW and I GET OFF DOPE! I WILL GET OFF DOPE! I know I can! I am finally doing everything else right and changing my life for the better so this is next best thing, right? NO MORE DEATH! ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT!
death is NOT THE WAY OUT, PEOPLE! LETS MAKE THAT FUCKING CHANGE IN LIFE!
DO ME A FAVOR, make a significant change in your life FIRST! if you still want to kill yourself after, then go ahead and do so, but lets at least TRY AND DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY AT FIRST! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT AND I EVEN KNOW THINGS WILL CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE!
Ive been a junkie in and out of jail/rehabs/probation/detox for the last 14yrs. I am not living a great life by no means but hell I am finally seeing why and I am finally making changes to change my life and change my thoughts and the way of life, so fuck it, and lets do things RIGHT!