I do enjoy talking to you, and I do try to keep going but it's so hard when you're always by yourself. I know I have this site and it's amazing, but when the only person who you can go to in real life someone you have to pay to see prob once every week or two it's hard to be positive, hard to feel like anyone really cares. I'm just tired of always crying and there's never anyone there just to even put an arm around me and say it's ok. Even if I think I had that I'd be lil more positive about my future. I guess just thanks for people on here who talk to me, you're really all I have.
I gotta ask, why is it you have no one else? family? friends? go sit at a local bar and just talk?
I am always in here looking at others because I have been down that road before and thought death was best but my life, which still sucks, has not change, but my thinking behind it all sure has changed. I realize its totally ON ME if I want to change and see positive things happens; I can put myself in any position for a positive thing to occur.
cancer - sign me up, have it.
brain tumor - sure do, cannot remove them fully since its the left frontal or id lose all my thoughts, but I feel fine
drugs - sure thing again, and nothing small, just dope, lots of it. now on vivitrol shot but its not working and plan on using more after but oh well
job - I left my one gig and now starting the family "biz" w/ my father which is more construction related than anything
grandparents - only 1 left; my grandmother raised me cuz my mother and father were not around; well, she has problems now and cannot remember a damn thing and has no clue who I am; luckily, her son, my uncle, lives w/ her as I mentioned before.
I had to file bankruptcy not long ago cuz I spent all my money on dope and whatnot, oh well. that was 2 years ago and my credit score back to 640.
what I am saying is life sucks, it sure can suck BAD but anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can come out on top if they start viewing things a bit differently. you have to learn to TRY NEW THINGS! trying new things is so fucking key, man. so many people bitch about certain parts of life, including me, yet I do go out and TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! but ill make sure to bitch about the same thing I do day, after day, after day, after day.. so why not do something else? cuz I want to bitch and be right, thats why! I want to show people there is a reason I want to drop dead, cuz I dont want to TRY or DO anything else, I just want to do what I want DAILY and BITCH and MOAN!
get it, man? I want to help if I can, brotha! trying to speak as straight forward as possible. ask me anything about my life, man! I lived a tough one; in and out of jail, addiction to H, still am, cancer, tumors, death of best friends, lost GFs cuz of my junked out ways, mother and father in tears always cuz I let them down, family disgusted w/ my action, etc.
let me help you if I can.