I used the DMXE over 3 days and wasn't that impressed either. To be fair, I haven't been in a great place mentally lately. Then again, I have traditionally relied upon dissociatives to pull me out of those negative headspaces. Even if that strategy ever was effective, I probably magnified its efficacy in retrospect. I also used a fair bit of MXiPr over those three days and at least I can say that these substances seem reasonably nontoxic in combination, at least acutely.
That said, the DMXE did help me come to a big realization in my life, and in that regard it was rather forceful. I realized that I have to quit using dissociatives for the rest of my life. I've been using them for 10 years now and that seems like a good, round number to call it at. There's been ups and downs, and they've certainly had an enormous impact on my life, but I've realized that they bring me no joy anymore. If anything they make me a detached hypochondriac and perhaps this is my body's way of telling me to move on. It's been a good run, but I have to start thinking about my long-term health. The effects on memory and cognition also makes these some of the worst drugs I could choose for the career I'm trying to go into (I'm only 2 semesters away from graduate school in physics).
I hope this message doesn't come across as judgmental. I'm happy and in some way envious of people who can still benefit from these substances. I also think that dissociatives only have so much to offer in one lifetime and it is time for me to hang up the phone. Probably it would have been easier to let go to of these drugs sooner, if not for all the profound and happy times I spent with MXE, and the way it etched itself into my memory. What I realized though, is that even if I had MXE today I could not get back to the place I was at five years ago. Just as much as I was chasing the drug, I was chasing the feeling of being young with no worries and little tolerance. Those I simply cannot get back, and it's to accept that and readjust my sights.
