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The most terrifying but enlightening trip I've had in a while (600mg of MDMA cut with 400mg MDA)

Vexanize

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So I was expecting to trip today as I have learned to plan it a few days ahead of time which has made my trips generally more stable. While I can't say this was a bad trip, it did certainly have aspects of my deepest fears at some points. I will further explain this fear and the reasons I have concluded on what it means and why it applies to how I feel. I basically felt a sense of powerlessness driving by being completely petrified. I honestly think I was experiencing a demon. I didn't really see it, I only heard it but the unknown aspect of what it could look like has been bothering me for hours. I'm afraid I may see it again but honestly I want to communicate with it and get it to tell me it's fears and weaknesses. Anyways vagueness aside, here is my report.

T+00: I decide to snort 1 pill and take another 2, keep in mind these are double stacked. The snorted one hits within a minute and I instantly start seeing visuals with not too much bodily euphoria.

T+30: I take the last 2 pills after smoking a bowl outside. The first ones feel as if they are starting to work but I can't be sure yet so I continue to lay down and listen to music. Things are a bit hazy after this so I may not be able to pinpoint certain things and when they happened as I have barely scratched the surface of this trip.

T+2HR: This is when things get intense and I start to see my hands have little blotches that would look like sort of a matrix of stripes with a white but 3D interior. Everything seems very similar in nature to my previous trip recently but still different in it's own nature. It was almost like in my last trip I could be content with how I was feeling but the point of this trip would be to feel everything in overdrive.

T+4HR: Nothing has really changed but I decide to close my eyes and meditate. Not much happens other than a borderline full body orgasm, but nothing insightful from it. I get impatient and open my eyes quickly. I then continue to watch about 15 minutes of Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 and then get disinterested.

T+7-8HR: This is where the trip shines but also can be extremely scarring to people who aren't prepared; the dose I took is safe but it isn't worth the risk of getting PTSD. So I'm talking with a friend and can't remember to smoke as I'm getting stuck in thought loops. I then go on my second story deck and realize that the sky is beautiful even though fully black. But, I then hear an owl and for some reason this made me feel a sense that something wasn't right, making me paranoid of something to come. But I tell myself it's just in my head and I need to relax. Weed usually relaxes me on psychedelics but this time when I got to my 2nd bowl or so, I suddenly heard rustling in the bushes, like a small animal. This already disturbing noise then got louder and more aggressive, almost like it was bigger now (not very big, like 8-10ft I'd imagine). The thing that was freaking me out the most is how erratic and spastic it's movements were while still being efficient in how it moved, it just didn't seem natural but it was logical. I then heard it start knocking trash bins over (keep in mind, this is all judged by what I heard because it was pitch black) and trying to eat it but not being quenched. It made a small groan which sounded human as in I could hear the suffering in it's voice. But then I started telling myself that I'm on the second story so I'm safe. It then seemed angry that I felt safe by charging towards the deck and climbing up like a fucking spider and landing with a huge thud on the wood of my deck. I thought my life was over for like 5 seconds and almost cried. This was the true embodiment of my fear, I've realized. I need to try and learn something from these awful feelings. I feel like I had to endure that to make this trip how special but dark it is.

If we skip to present time all I've really done since that event is try to find out why that happened. I mean I've had delusions but they've never manifested themselves as terror. Fear is an emotion that needs some work and I see that now. I'm 14 hours in currently and am still tripping, but coming down.
 

Cosmic Charlie

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I'm going to move this in over to the Trip Reports sub-forum as PD isn't the spot for threads like this okay. That's a very heavy dose and I'm glad you've gotten through the experience alright, stay safe out there.
 

Vexanize

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I'm going to move this in over to the Trip Reports sub-forum as PD isn't the spot for threads like this okay. That's a very heavy dose and I'm glad you've gotten through the experience alright, stay safe out there.
Yeah my bad bro. I'm experienced here I just forget haha. A lot of people couldn't say that they found a meaning in that intense fear but somehow I did and I feel less fearless now. Why am I still tripping though? It's been 14 hours
 

Vexanize

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Yeah my bad bro. I'm experienced here I just forget haha. A lot of people couldn't say that they found a meaning in that intense fear but somehow I did and I feel less fearless now. Why am I still tripping though? It's been 14 hours
I have a few questions if you'd be willing to try and answer
 

ageingpartyfiend

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Yeah my bad bro. I'm experienced here I just forget haha. A lot of people couldn't say that they found a meaning in that intense fear but somehow I did and I feel less fearless now. Why am I still tripping though? It's been 14 hours
Thanks for write up.

Just because you are experienced doesn't excuse your ridiculously high dose which could EASILY kill someone, even you. Harm reduction, ffs.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

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I'm struggling to understand this 'trip'. Was it 600mg MDMA + 400mg MDA, or 600mg of MDMA which turned out to actually contain 400mg of MDA? Either way, they are stupid doses and regardless of whether you have a tolerance, you are risking yourself psychological damage.

Have your substances been tested? Are they what you think they are?

A 14 hour 'trip' off MDMA and/or MDA sounds a little suspicious to me...


Furthermore, asking yourself if you'd be willing to answer your own questions is a dead giveaway that you've lost the plot mate... :LOL:


Just take it easy yeh?
 
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Vexanize

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Thanks for write up.

Just because you are experienced doesn't excuse your ridiculously high dose which could EASILY kill someone, even you. Harm reduction, ffs.
Well yes, I understand that but I'm willing to take the risk. After this trip I'm honestly a bit more afraid of death after basically feeling like I was going to be killed. But, I realized that this creature that I heard and felt the presence of what just an extreme version of my fears, almost like all of my fears blending into one separate being. As I've thought over this I'm not really afraid of anything if not too afraid of something I should still be afraid of. I didn't realize how much this fear was affecting my anxiety and now I know where to attack first when getting therapy for all of this in a few months. And I've done doses much higher than this that should've killed me, I'm not saying that I wasn't cautious with this though. It's not like I planned this is one night
 

Vexanize

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I'm struggling to understand this 'trip'. Was it 600mg MDMA + 400mg MDA, or 600mg of MDMA which turned out to actually contain 400mg of MDA? Either way, they are stupid doses and regardless of whether you have a tolerance, you are risking yourself psychological damage.

Have your substances been tested? Are they what you think they are?

A 14 hour 'trip' off MDMA and/or MDA sounds a little suspicious to me...
Well I have severe HPPD which could be why it's lasting so long. The after effects on MDA itself can range up to 2 days so I'd expect it to be longer with me.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

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Well I have severe HPPD which could be why it's lasting so long. The after effects on MDA itself can range up to 2 days so I'd expect it to be longer with me.
Well you shouldn't really be doing this shit then should you mate?
 

ageingpartyfiend

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Well you shouldn't really be doing this shit then should you mate?
Well you shouldn't really be doing this shit then should you mate?
exactly

c'mon OP - grow up mate, stop putting yourself at such risk with such ridiculous doses.

maybe this could be a turning point foir you - maybe a time when you begin to look at why you need to dose in that risky fashion

first of all though, get yourself as relaxed as possible, some fluids and food, and sleeeeeeep
 

Vexanize

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exactly

c'mon OP - grow up mate, stop putting yourself at such risk with such ridiculous doses.

maybe this could be a turning point foir you - maybe a time when you begin to look at why you need to dose in that risky fashion

first of all though, get yourself as relaxed as possible, some fluids and food, and sleeeeeeep
You know I almost got pissed at what you were saying but I fully understand that this was stupid. I need to fucking chill, thank you for helping me realize that :)
 

Vexanize

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I
You know I almost got pissed at what you were saying but I fully understand that this was stupid. I need to fucking chill, thank you for helping me realize that :)
I honestly need to stop denying people like you and hiding it with aggression. I should take this criticism and use it to the best of my ability. While I am far from getting over my hostility, I feel as if I can do it.
 

F.U.B.A.R.

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Well, I haven't done psychedelics in years due to a lack of self control. But, I feel like I'm ready to indulge in it again. I just fucked my brain really bad for a while a few years back. Trust me, I'm completely fine.
The thing is though, that MDMA and MDA are not classic psychedelics and over abuse can be dangerous physically as well as psychologically. But I'm glad you've taken what could be conceived as criticism with such good grace. We're not trying to criticise, just advise - Its all about the harm reduction innit? :D
 

ageingpartyfiend

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I honestly need to stop denying people like you and hiding it with aggression. I should take this criticism and use it to the best of my ability. While I am far from getting over my hostility, I feel as if I can do it.
loving your awareness here man and yeah, that was critical but in a constructive and loving way

we all need constructive criticism! I'd definitely be dead without it!
 

SunriseChampion

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Well that was a fun read!

1.Irresponsible
2."Ease up, mate."
3. Nah, trust me, I know what I'm doing...I tell myself all the time.
4."No, trust us, you're fucking up."
5. Yeah, you're right.

All's well that ends well!


Now, on a more serious note.....can we all go back to thinking about how it might be possible for either MDMA or the shorter-acting(!) MDA to last 14 hours+? 🧐
 

Vexanize

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The thing is though, that MDMA and MDA are not classic psychedelics and over abuse can be dangerous physically as well as psychologically. But I'm glad you've taken what could be conceived as criticism with such good grace. We're not trying to criticise, just advise - Its all about the harm reduction innit? :D
Yes I agree. I'm still seeing visuals and it's been 24 hours
 
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