• Bar GraphicOpen Late Graphic

    🍸🍻 The Lounge 🍻🍸

    Welcome Guest!

    Forum GuidelinesBluelight Rules
  • Lounge Moderators: andyturbo | BK38 | D's | mal3volent
  • Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

Hangry! The MOAN About Something Random Thread

Bella Figura

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jun 5, 2003
Messages
11,972
People on ebay who ask a million questions, want more photos and when you provide them with all the extra info they say they're still not satisfied but if it meets XYZ criteria (which it doesn't and I've said it doesn't from the start) they'll buy and collect today. U TARDED BRO?
 

Sirena Oscura

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,512
I don’t usually like to whinge about my suicidal ideation but it was particularly bad in the middle of my shift last night. I was on my break and ruminating about the demise of my marriage and thinking about my feelings for my exhusband. It’s almost been two years and I still haven’t stopped loving him, nor started loving anyone else. A lot of people go through life just wanting sex, money, travel, possessions, etc thinking that will make them happy. For me, it’s love. Not being able to love anyone new, show my love to the one I love, or receive love from anyone else is really the worst pain one can inflict on me. As I’ve said before, I’d rather a broken arm than a broken heart. I got so upset I stole a scalpel... it’s not fair I have to live. It’s not fair I don’t have a choice. I need to live for my dog, for my housemate, for my family. But it’s not fair... I just want the pain to end. And I could so easily just end it... but no. I can’t. I can’t and it’s not fucking fair. I say that and I think about the fact my uncle is terminally ill and will likely die this year. It’s not fair. I can’t imagine a world without him, someone who doesn’t want to die. If I could I would take his place in a heartbeat. I wish I could take his place so badly. Why is life so unfair....
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,291
I don’t usually like to whinge about my suicidal ideation but it was particularly bad in the middle of my shift last night. I was on my break and ruminating about the demise of my marriage and thinking about my feelings for my exhusband. It’s almost been two years and I still haven’t stopped loving him, nor started loving anyone else. A lot of people go through life just wanting sex, money, travel, possessions, etc thinking that will make them happy. For me, it’s love. Not being able to love anyone new, show my love to the one I love, or receive love from anyone else is really the worst pain one can inflict on me. As I’ve said before, I’d rather a broken arm than a broken heart. I got so upset I stole a scalpel... it’s not fair I have to live. It’s not fair I don’t have a choice. I need to live for my dog, for my housemate, for my family. But it’s not fair... I just want the pain to end. And I could so easily just end it... but no. I can’t. I can’t and it’s not fucking fair. I say that and I think about the fact my uncle is terminally ill and will likely die this year. It’s not fair. I can’t imagine a world without him, someone who doesn’t want to die. If I could I would take his place in a heartbeat. I wish I could take his place so badly. Why is life so unfair....
I agree, and am in a similar boat, however have been so caught off guard by my recent decisions that I find myself sinking ever deeper into myself, putting no effort into going out, or meeting anyone online, even ignoring people who are actively trying to engage me just because I'm in such a dark place. But what you mentioned about the worst pain you can feel, yeah, im feeling that, hard, these days.
 

Xorkoth

🎨 ARTministrator 🎨
Staff member
Joined
Feb 8, 2006
Messages
53,341
Location
In the mountains
I don’t usually like to whinge about my suicidal ideation but it was particularly bad in the middle of my shift last night. I was on my break and ruminating about the demise of my marriage and thinking about my feelings for my exhusband. It’s almost been two years and I still haven’t stopped loving him, nor started loving anyone else. A lot of people go through life just wanting sex, money, travel, possessions, etc thinking that will make them happy. For me, it’s love. Not being able to love anyone new, show my love to the one I love, or receive love from anyone else is really the worst pain one can inflict on me. As I’ve said before, I’d rather a broken arm than a broken heart. I got so upset I stole a scalpel... it’s not fair I have to live. It’s not fair I don’t have a choice. I need to live for my dog, for my housemate, for my family. But it’s not fair... I just want the pain to end. And I could so easily just end it... but no. I can’t. I can’t and it’s not fucking fair. I say that and I think about the fact my uncle is terminally ill and will likely die this year. It’s not fair. I can’t imagine a world without him, someone who doesn’t want to die. If I could I would take his place in a heartbeat. I wish I could take his place so badly. Why is life so unfair....

I'm sorry, you're a sweetheart and deserve love. I'm sure you'll find it. Have you considered therapy to get over your ex? That is probably part of what's holding you back. That and you might be attracted to the wrong guys.

Also you're gorgeous so you got that going for you. :) Though it does mean you need to be more discerning because you'll tend to attract guys who are just looking to bone.
 

Sirena Oscura

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,512
I agree, and am in a similar boat, however have been so caught off guard by my recent decisions that I find myself sinking ever deeper into myself, putting no effort into going out, or meeting anyone online, even ignoring people who are actively trying to engage me just because I'm in such a dark place. But what you mentioned about the worst pain you can feel, yeah, im feeling that, hard, these days.
Same.
 

Sirena Oscura

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,512
I'm sorry, you're a sweetheart and deserve love. I'm sure you'll find it. Have you considered therapy to get over your ex? That is probably part of what's holding you back. That and you might be attracted to the wrong guys.

Also you're gorgeous so you got that going for you. :) Though it does mean you need to be more discerning because you'll tend to attract guys who are just looking to bone.
Already in therapy. Done everything. The suicidal ideation thing is a long term burden I just have to manage as best I can. Psychiatrist and psychologist, apart from medication, usually make me remind myself why I can’t off myself. Works. But it still sucks that people can’t live for themselves... or in this case die for themselves.
 

Klue

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 23, 2006
Messages
10,027
This is all horrible to hear. You probably have dozens of people in your life that love you on many levels dearly that you just dont realise. I've been depressed for very long periods in the past so know how fucked you feel. Things will get better eventually.

Look after yourself 🙂
 

Sirena Oscura

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
1,512
This is all horrible to hear. You probably have dozens of people in your life that love you on many levels dearly that you just dont realise. I've been depressed for very long periods in the past so know how fucked you feel. Things will get better eventually.

Look after yourself 🙂
Don’t worry buddy I’m a dick
 

6am-64-14m

Moderator: NMI, CD
Staff member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
5,727
Location
Onda Cona
I ordered 100 pills of Diclazepam 2 mg... is fucked up but gonna either use as needed :unsure: or eat it all very quickly :sus:.

My gripe is I shouldn't have whatever the validation(s) I have for celebrating.... Beats paying the doc for a scrip, anyway. Had to pay almost 300 to get med mary jane card. Needed that for sure.

Now imma be stressed til it gets here why do i do this...? lol

peace yall
 

Zephyn

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
2,291
Because I'm likely to lose my license soon, I got a moped and have no car. I took it 30 miles away today and it took me 1.5-2 hr. I cannot imagine dealing with this for 1-4 years, its still up in the air how long its going to be, at least 1 and that begins from when I turn myself in for the OTHER dui, and its 4 if the one im in court for doesn't offer me a deal, where my attorney says in that state maybe I can do 2 weeks in jail and they won't convict me of it but will reduce it. And how I'm going to get 2 weeks off work to go to jail, idk. Plus the week in jail for the other. At least thank God since I hadn't turned myself in for the original one or been convicted when the second one happened, neither can be upgraded to a second offense dui so I won't do any more jailtime than that and its all misdemeanor shit. But still. I cannot imagine how stressful the next 1-4 years are going to be.

Edit: id feel better if I lived in a more beautiful area or there were hiking trails nearby but those take at least an hour to get to and are disappointing. The job is making me relocate at the end of the summer and I have my choice between a few places and those will be better in that regard although unfortunately I'll have to move away from family, and with no car, seeing them who are all 70+ is going to be very rare :(
 

Xorkoth

🎨 ARTministrator 🎨
Staff member
Joined
Feb 8, 2006
Messages
53,341
Location
In the mountains
So you won't have the ramifications of a second DUI, since you haven't been convicted for any of them yet? I didn't realize that was a thing. Second offense is no license for 4 years. I got a DUI in 2018, first offense, and since I work from home, I wouldn't have been able to drive anywhere with limited driving privileges except church (lol), plus I totaled my car, so I just didn't drive for a year at all. Then I had to have a breathalyzer interlock device installed for a year after I got my license back, and I have a 0.04% BAC limit until 2022. For second offense it's lose your license for 4 years, and then maybe 4 more years of ignition interlock? Not sure about the second part.

You 100% will lose your license for at least a year, it's mandatory for first offense. Also mandatory is that when you get your license back, you will need an ignition interlock for a year but you can drive wherever, and you will have a 0.04% BAC limit. In fact even if you didn't bother to go to the DMV and get your license back for 10 years, you'd still be required to do a year of ignition interlock when you did get it back. They will also require you to take probably 48 hours of an alcohol treatment course. It's a giant pain in the ass, the course costs money, and the ignition interlock has a monthly fee too (like $75). And you get charged any time you trigger the interlock device by blowing over your limit. If you choose to take limited driving privileges for work (you can get it after I think 45 days, or maybe 30, from when you get convicted), you will have a 0% limit, and those interlock devices can trigger above 0% for all sorts of things, even if you eat yeast bread and blow into it, or if there is an aroma of ethanol gasoline that you can smell when you blow into it. it's fucked.

I'm not sure if going to jail helps, my lawyer didn't even tell me that was an option. I might have done it if it meant no other consequences, but I know that the ignition interlock thing is definitely a requirement regardless.

You should get a handheld breathalyzer device, you have to get a good one, I got one for like $80 from amazon. If you have had any alcohol that day or even the night before, always, always make sure you're under your limit, you have to blow into it a few times and take the average because it varies slightly each time. You'd be surprised how long it takes to get under 0.04% even the next morning if you got really drunk the night before. One time I partied at a house party and got really drunk and stayed up until 8am. I didn't blow under 0.04% until 6pm , even though I felt completely sober.

You'll also be surprised by how tipsy you feel at 0.08%. At 0.08, I was like man, I probably shouldn't be driving, I'm a little drunk. At 0.04%, I felt basically sober. You will 100% want to get one of those things once you have the ignition interlock, or else you'll end up getting lots of fines and having to take your car in to get it unlocked every time.

The consequences of a DUI really sucks. I hope you don't get charged with a second offense, the first offense was shitty enough, it was a big deal and substantially impacted my life for 2 years. You have a lawyer, right?
 

ghostandthedarknes

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2013
Messages
17,816
DUI is all about how much you want to spend to get out of trouble. i know a few guys with 6+ of them. not 1 day in jail or loss of license. my first one 30 years ago cost about $2500 and it was like it never happened. now the bidding starts around $10000 to the lawyer plus all the classes and treatment you gotta pay for. the new arrest for profit crime is domestic disturbance here. argue with your SO go to jail if police are called even if no violence occured. cost you $5000 to walk away from jail time. 95% of our inmates were there for domestic last time i took the ride.
 

MDPV_Psychosis

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2006
Messages
2,114
Location
Norcal
A coworker/friend had one of those interlock devices on his car for several years (field service industry so we needed personal vehicles to go to customer sites everyday). He didn't even have a current license so idk how my company was ok hiring him unless they somehow didn't know or just looked the other way.

anyways, we made fun on the poor guy daily cause he had to give his car a blowie every time he wanted to go somewhere
 

w01fg4ng

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
11,456
Location
In your head
It really doesn't matter how many shakes you give him...





Every.fucking.time.
 

MDPV_Psychosis

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2006
Messages
2,114
Location
Norcal
That last 'one drop' seems to grow into a dribble and then eventually a full on leak as you get older. It's like eventually it just reverses: you just dribble a bit into the toilet then pee the majority into your underwear afterwards.
 

Xorkoth

🎨 ARTministrator 🎨
Staff member
Joined
Feb 8, 2006
Messages
53,341
Location
In the mountains
DUI is all about how much you want to spend to get out of trouble. i know a few guys with 6+ of them. not 1 day in jail or loss of license. my first one 30 years ago cost about $2500 and it was like it never happened. now the bidding starts around $10000 to the lawyer plus all the classes and treatment you gotta pay for. the new arrest for profit crime is domestic disturbance here. argue with your SO go to jail if police are called even if no violence occured. cost you $5000 to walk away from jail time. 95% of our inmates were there for domestic last time i took the ride.

First offense with 2 mitigating factors and my lawyer told me that nothing I can do will result in less than 1 year of no license except work driving privileges, and another 1 year of breathalyzer, and another 2 years of 0.04% BAC but no interlock. But we live in different states. Maybe I just had to already know someone in the county, I dunno.
 

Asante

Bluelighter
Joined
May 4, 2012
Messages
1,019
Location
Holland
I have a non-healing ulcer on my leg since December and it hurts lots. Wound Care decided it would be a good idea to scrape open the wound yesterday to stimulate the healing process. Its unreasonably painful ever since, every few seconds it like a fork gets stabbed into my ankle. Jolts of near screaming intensity. Hardly could get any sleep last night. It hurts. so. much.
 
Top