championsmoka
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2020
- Messages
- 26
The dex program was fucking fantastic and should never have been discontinued.
So let me set the stage. I have been a regular ice user for more than 20 years. For the first decade at least this was a curse I tried repeatedly to be rid of. I tried EVERYTHING. 12 step. Inpatient detox / rehab etc. but nothing worked. I felt powerless and like I was not in the driver's seat of my own life.
Enter the dexamphetamine substituion pharmocotherapy program administered by the Stimulant Treatment Program at St. Vicent's hospital Drug & Alcohol Service. I began a daily supervised dose of 80mg of dex. The effect was incredible and immediate. For the first time in my life I felt I had power over meth and did not use it again for 6 weeks. I did not quit meth entirely but I would go months without using it. Admittedly if I did use meth it would typically result in a "lapse" that would last a few weeks.
However because I had the dex to rely on such lapses did not affect my ability to be functional and maintain personal and professional commitments. Whereas before dex when I'd had a meth bender I would be in bed all week stuck in agony and suicidal ideation. I lost jobs because of this.
In short dex changed my life in an amazing way. I discovered self esteem for the first time in my life. I was reliable in my personal and work life. I was healthy. I suffered no adverse physiological effects from the dex. I slept well. I was basically happy and content for the first time in my life.
After 6 years the dex program was abruptly discontinued because it "didn't work". As a means to increase the likelihood of permanent abstinence no it probably does not but as a means to reduce harm and effect positive outcomes in many facets of life for an addict it was incredibly effective.
I was devastated and now completely stimulant dependent (admittedly more so now as a result of daily dex use yes) I resorted to almost daily meth use. I mange my using pretty well. On work days I consume it orally and perhaps every other day but I still enjoy smoking it though when I do consume it that way it more often than not gets way from me.
Now if you're reading this and tempted to advise me abstinence is the only way please GGF. If I were to abruptly discontinue stimulant use I would endure endless agony and depression. I do not bounce back after a few weeks like most people. I've tried going months without and it is endless suffering. It would take my brain many years to approach anything even remotely resembling normal functionality during which time the best years of my professional life would slip away from me. My dopamine system is completely changed in an irreversible way.
Read my lips: I am completely stimulant dependent.
I have come to accept this and manage it as best I can. However ice being an illicit substance the quality and availability vary so much it is in no way like having a reliable pharmaceutical grade stimulant to depend on.
The bottom line is my life is so much worse now the dex program is not available. IMHO it has been prematurely written off as a viable treatment to ice addiction simply because the expectation of society that drugs are bad mmmm k. To those that suggest this - stop drinking and never have another alcoholic beverage again I dare you.
I see my situation as no different to someone with heart disease who is now dependent on statins etc.
Seriously what is the harm in allowing someone like me access to regulated medication that improves my life so much?
The OTP (Opiode Treatment Program) has successfully improved the lives of heroin addicts with methadone for decades yet a similar substitute for ice is too "controversial"
From the AMA website:
"Greater examination of pharmacotherapies, such as lisdexamfetamine, dexamphetamine, modafinil, bupropion, oral naltrexone and N-acetylcysteine is essential "
Ed. Just been going over my old spreadsheets where I kept meticulous daily records of what I took and how much and more importantly I calculated an ongoing statistic (% of non using days) as opposed to "clean time" some people are so fond of. At the start of 2015 that metric was 50% but by the end of July it was almost 90%!
So let me set the stage. I have been a regular ice user for more than 20 years. For the first decade at least this was a curse I tried repeatedly to be rid of. I tried EVERYTHING. 12 step. Inpatient detox / rehab etc. but nothing worked. I felt powerless and like I was not in the driver's seat of my own life.
Enter the dexamphetamine substituion pharmocotherapy program administered by the Stimulant Treatment Program at St. Vicent's hospital Drug & Alcohol Service. I began a daily supervised dose of 80mg of dex. The effect was incredible and immediate. For the first time in my life I felt I had power over meth and did not use it again for 6 weeks. I did not quit meth entirely but I would go months without using it. Admittedly if I did use meth it would typically result in a "lapse" that would last a few weeks.
However because I had the dex to rely on such lapses did not affect my ability to be functional and maintain personal and professional commitments. Whereas before dex when I'd had a meth bender I would be in bed all week stuck in agony and suicidal ideation. I lost jobs because of this.
In short dex changed my life in an amazing way. I discovered self esteem for the first time in my life. I was reliable in my personal and work life. I was healthy. I suffered no adverse physiological effects from the dex. I slept well. I was basically happy and content for the first time in my life.
After 6 years the dex program was abruptly discontinued because it "didn't work". As a means to increase the likelihood of permanent abstinence no it probably does not but as a means to reduce harm and effect positive outcomes in many facets of life for an addict it was incredibly effective.
I was devastated and now completely stimulant dependent (admittedly more so now as a result of daily dex use yes) I resorted to almost daily meth use. I mange my using pretty well. On work days I consume it orally and perhaps every other day but I still enjoy smoking it though when I do consume it that way it more often than not gets way from me.
Now if you're reading this and tempted to advise me abstinence is the only way please GGF. If I were to abruptly discontinue stimulant use I would endure endless agony and depression. I do not bounce back after a few weeks like most people. I've tried going months without and it is endless suffering. It would take my brain many years to approach anything even remotely resembling normal functionality during which time the best years of my professional life would slip away from me. My dopamine system is completely changed in an irreversible way.
Read my lips: I am completely stimulant dependent.
I have come to accept this and manage it as best I can. However ice being an illicit substance the quality and availability vary so much it is in no way like having a reliable pharmaceutical grade stimulant to depend on.
The bottom line is my life is so much worse now the dex program is not available. IMHO it has been prematurely written off as a viable treatment to ice addiction simply because the expectation of society that drugs are bad mmmm k. To those that suggest this - stop drinking and never have another alcoholic beverage again I dare you.
I see my situation as no different to someone with heart disease who is now dependent on statins etc.
Seriously what is the harm in allowing someone like me access to regulated medication that improves my life so much?
The OTP (Opiode Treatment Program) has successfully improved the lives of heroin addicts with methadone for decades yet a similar substitute for ice is too "controversial"
From the AMA website:
"Greater examination of pharmacotherapies, such as lisdexamfetamine, dexamphetamine, modafinil, bupropion, oral naltrexone and N-acetylcysteine is essential "
Ed. Just been going over my old spreadsheets where I kept meticulous daily records of what I took and how much and more importantly I calculated an ongoing statistic (% of non using days) as opposed to "clean time" some people are so fond of. At the start of 2015 that metric was 50% but by the end of July it was almost 90%!
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