I'm dropping my sub dose from 6mg to 4mg. I started yesterday. I got 26mg of Ativan but hopefully I won't need more then 10mg over 5 days. I'm going to take 1mg of sub when I wake up 1mg at 4pm then 2mg at 10pm. Hoping to minimize the insomnia. I get 30 more milligrams of Ativan on the 20th. Doing this without becoming dependent on Ativan is preferred but I got to get it done asap. The scary thing is I know this is the "easy" part. Getting down to 2mg and below is going to be brutal.
CH i read your reply in the November thread- yes it has been bad enough for me to have sustained suicidal impulses. the us suicide rate is higher than ours cos its easier to impulsively do yourself in.
like my mums taken all my pharms now but i used to have multiple LD50s of a number of drugs to make extra extra sure. its a lot of pills and sometimes i've lost heart part way through. with a gun you don't get that time.
still clean and just been in tears for a long time but didn't want to do myself in or use so that's a plus.
cj - good luck. hope its not too painful. i guess it must be a bit headfucking going further into doses you can use on top of (iirc that's 8mg i'm pretty sure i've used just fine on 4 but only ever took subs when i had no gear not a regular script so wouldn't have any built up)
Sorry for those of you in emotional pain. I've certainly been there; you have my empathy and sympathy. I'm in a lot of bodily hurt right now but my emotions are okay. I'll take physical pain over psychological pain any day.
(I've always thought this would make a great Xmas carol: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Psychosis)
Anyway, I hope everyone has a happy -- or at least tolerable -- Chrismakwanzukkah.
"No one should be ashamed to admit they were wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that they are wiser today than they were yesterday." -- Alexander Pope
I'm so sorry for the ones of you struggling. This is a tough time of year for a lot of people (myself included, I'm a major grinch and can't wait till January!).
I've been ok. Work situation is rough and had to go back to bartending after my company shut down unexpectedly. I've got some interviews next week that seem promising, but having to go back to an industry I swore I had outgrown and was done with kinda sucks. I am, however, extremely thankful to have a job and am trying to not to act like a spoiled brat for it not being exactly what I want. I'm a little nervous my methadone prescription might be an issue if there's a drug test involved with hiring. I'm not sure if most tests include that, though, so maybe all my worrying is for nothing.
"Maybe this year will be better than the last" -Long December, Counting Crows
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has successfully sued/settled with companies on behalf of people who were denied employment after testing positive on a pre-employment drug screen for methadone, so I wouldn't worry about it unless you're trying to get a CDL (the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration considers it disqualifying).
So I found out two of my closest friends in the recovery community (my old AA sponsor and one of the founders of Refuge Recovery in Orlando) are both moving in January. Another moved to Miami a few months ago. I know life goes on, probably not that much will change, and I'll probably be ok, but to have lost the three people I was closest to in the recovery community here not just sucks, it's kinda making me uneasy. I'm not an outgoing and garrulous person to begin with, so I'm not the type of person who has tons of close friends.
Sorry to hear that, A. The older i get, the less new friends I want to make as well, so I hear you there. Do you still have others you are close (or closeish) with in the community?
And I'm pretty sure my 2 DUIs from my 20's would disqualify me for that CDL long before a drug test was administered. lol. Thanks for the info, though. Good to know! Still just not something I want to discuss with a potential employer though...but lots of people have assured me that most companies won't shell out enough money for the tests that show methadone
No, unfortunately, I'll be down to only one person that I'm really close to in the recovery community. With my generalized anxiety, panic disorder, autism spectrum and OCD, I don't handle disruptions to my world very well.
Well, I've been snapped out of my funk. I went to see Jane Lynch's "A Swingin' Little Christmas" last night and that was the most fun I've had in a long, long time. I couldn't stop smiling the entire show and I'm hoarse and my throat is a little scratchy from all the cheering. Definitely brought Christmas cheer to my life. She also did the show with Kate Flannery who played Meredith on the American remake of "The Office" and Tim Davis who did all the vocal arranging on Glee, and they were backed up by the fantastic Tony Guerrero Quintet. They sold CDs afterwards (I bought 3 - one for myself and two as gifts) and they were kind enough to autograph them and let us snap a quick photo with them. You can tell Jane is exhausted.
What an insane night in downtown Orlando. Almost missed my train because I left my umbrella at the bar where we play trivia, then a brawl just happened to break out in front of another bar as I'm trying to run down the sidewalk. Peace on earth, good will to men Then there was a drunken asshat at the rail stop squatting on the tracks to take a selfie with the oncoming train who almost made himself a Darwin.
It's been about 2-3 weeks since my last benzo. Still smoking weed at night and sometimes during the day when I don't have anything else planned. They still sound nice because of the way they lift depression, but the mess that follows isn't really worth it to me. Going to quit after this last bag. Pretty sure I'll have to turn myself in on the 4th as I got denied community service and probably house arrest as well. Still waiting to find out for sure though. I'll be glad to be done with this either way.
Almost 6 months sober.( Will be on January 1st) Still waiting to get out of rehab Should be in about 10 days. Can only use internet when I'm out on pass so don't get on here very often. Hope everyone is well. Once I get to the halfway house I'll be on more often.