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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

woamotive

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Glimpsing into the dark side after a hiatus. - one more hour left in my shift. I’m working from home and super grateful. That said, the isolation blows and makes me kind of miss the comradery of institutions. This has been a test of spiritual principles- these past many months, no?

🔮
 
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deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS
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Glimpsing into the dark side after a hiatus. - one more hour left in my shift. I’m working from home and super grateful. That said, the isolation blows and makes me kind of miss the comradely of institutions. This has been a test of spiritual principles- these past many months, no?

🔮

To say the least, I think everyone has been through something and stretched their definition of what they are able to put up with. The cabin fever alone.
 

mal3volent

Sr. Moderator: CEPS, TL, S&G
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I've been incredibly lucky the past few weeks to have had a gorgeous guy but all I can think of every time he leaves is "was that the last time". Most guys around here aren't interested in long term relationships. I need to keep my emotions in check if I want this to continue.
 

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS
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I've been incredibly lucky the past few weeks to have had a gorgeous guy but all I can think of every time he leaves is "was that the last time". Most guys around here aren't interested in long term relationships. I need to keep my emotions in check if I want this to continue.

Besides my partner, I probably came on a little too strong in just about any relationship I attempted. It's a common and annoying nuisance of a thing.

I generally wear my emotions on my sleeves so it's difficult for me to lie, or put on airs, or pretend I'm not crazy about someone.

Happy fishing! Don't let yourself get too insecure about it, that'll certainly fuck things up if you let it. I have plenty of faith.
 

mal3volent

Sr. Moderator: CEPS, TL, S&G
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Besides my partner, I probably came on a little too strong in just about any relationship I attempted. It's a common and annoying nuisance of a thing.

I generally wear my emotions on my sleeves so it's difficult for me to lie, or put on airs, or pretend I'm not crazy about someone.

Happy fishing! Don't let yourself get too insecure about it, that'll certainly fuck things up if you let it. I have plenty of faith.

thing is, he's way younger than me. Like 9 years. I'm totally fine with our relationship being just sex I just can't keep the thoughts out of my head. Because I actually really like him as a person. But I know when you are 21 you aren't thinking like that.
 

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS
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thing is, he's way younger than me. Like 9 years. I'm totally fine with our relationship being just sex I just can't keep the thoughts out of my head. Because I actually really like him as a person. But I know when you are 21 you aren't thinking like that.

Yeah, true enough. I end up falling for people in the matter of minutes if they've expressed interest, and then it'll take them really breaking my heart for me to fuck off. Met this girl in rehab that was clearly made from red flags, but she came calling when we got out and I came running.

Hence my near separation at the beginning of this month. I just really ran off w/ this girl I met in rehab and expected her to not be a crackhead about it, like a giant boob I just dipped out. After I got ditched in a hotel room while she scored dope or whatever she was doing to ignore me, I packed up all my shit and said fuck it and went home w/ my heart broke to shit feeling absolutely gutless and miserable and empty.

Luckily my wife and I have been together for years and grew up together, and she's crazy about me, even through many on's and off's. I don't think anyone else would put up w/ the shit I've done the way she has.
 

mal3volent

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Yeah, true enough. I end up falling for people in the matter of minutes if they've expressed interest, and then it'll take them really breaking my heart for me to fuck off. Met this girl in rehab that was clearly made from red flags, but she came calling when we got out and I came running.

Hence my near separation at the beginning of this month. I just really ran off w/ this girl I met in rehab and expected her to not be a crackhead about it, like a giant boob I just dipped out. After I got ditched in a hotel room while she scored dope or whatever she was doing to ignore me, I packed up all my shit and said fuck it and went home w/ my heart broke to shit feeling absolutely gutless and miserable and empty.

Luckily my wife and I have been together for years and grew up together, and she's crazy about me, even through many on's and off's. I don't think anyone else would put up w/ the shit I've done the way she has.

that's the thing, I've had my heart broken...like obliterated..by a guy before. Like over ten years ago. and that one thing I feel has haunted me ever since. I'm really too emotional, too nostalgic, too sentimental. I don't want this guy to be a repeat of my past heartbreak. But I don't want to have unrealistic expectations either.
 

deficiT

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that's the thing, I've had my heart broken...like obliterated..by a guy before. Like over ten years ago. and that one thing I feel has haunted me ever since. I'm really too emotional, too nostalgic, too sentimental. I don't want this guy to be a repeat of my past heartbreak. But I don't want to have unrealistic expectations either.

It's impossible to not carry some of the old bullshit alongside you. Hopefully it will inform you towards having a more positive relationship, if one does develop. Yeah, you don't necessarily wanna get your hopes up, but you can't be a passionless chud either. Or maybe you can? I've never figured that one out yet I always get my heart broken.

Either way, the ball is in your court *bwaahaaaa sorry* to do with as you will. Just don't get weird or obsessive and I'm sure you'll be fine. All of us here already know how great of a guy you are, so if dude knows what's good for him he will recognize quickly as well.
 

Audiobook

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Had my first session with me therapist yesterday and it really helped tbh.

I’m getting back on track with schoolwork and stuff (with the help of my childhood friend Ritalin™️), even tho it was just intake and stuff, the very act of going helped.
 

deficiT

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Had my first session with me therapist yesterday and it really helped tbh.

I’m getting back on track with schoolwork and stuff (with the help of my childhood friend Ritalin™️), even tho it was just intake and stuff, the very act of going helped.

I'm so happy you found a therapist, hopefully they stay chill. Good ones are hard to find. I could only find one or two, and I've tried several. Keep it up, sounds like you're moving forward at a pace that you're comfortable with.
 

Audiobook

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I'm so happy you found a therapist, hopefully they stay chill. Good ones are hard to find. I could only find one or two, and I've tried several. Keep it up, sounds like you're moving forward at a pace that you're comfortable with.
Thank you, I hope that when I go back to work (off this week) things continue to go well!!
 

Alex_1991

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I’m going to be seeking a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist through the Telehealth apps tomorrow. It’s about time I get back on this, it’s been 5 years since I’ve had a regular psych doc.

Love how so much medical stuff can be done via apps now. Can probably see psych doc over video chat too if I advocate for that.

Need a new GP too. I wonder if I dig around what I can accomplish that way online. Probably could use these apps to find one in a roundabout way.
 

Audiobook

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I’m going to be seeking a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist through the Telehealth apps tomorrow. It’s about time I get back on this, it’s been 5 years since I’ve had a regular psych doc.

Love how so much medical stuff can be done via apps now. Can probably see psych doc over video chat too if I advocate for that.
I hope that goes well for you!!

Good luck!!
 

Alex_1991

Moderator: NSADD
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I hope that goes well for you!!

Good luck!!
I’m

bipolar type 2
High functioning autism
Substance use disorder
Depression / anxiety
currently in biggest meth addiction of my life

edit: forgot to mention ADD. I’m kind of fucked.

Definitely need the help lol. I’vereferred myself into a local Canadian Mental Health Association counseling service today too. Also in an LGBT youth focused harm reduction / addictions counseling lately which is going great.
 
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Audiobook

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
650
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Midwest, USA
I’m

bipolar type 2
High functioning autism
Substance use disorder
Depression / anxiety
currently in biggest meth addiction of my life

Definitely need the help lol. I’vereferred myself into a local Canadian Mental Health Association counseling service today too. Also in an LGBT youth focused harm reduction / addictions counseling lately which is going great.
That’s great!!

I recently started therapy myself as well! It’s going good so far!

Have an appt with my psychiatrist on Monday and IDK how it will go over that I stopped my Fanapt...I mean I am doing fine but still.
 

Audiobook

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Ok, so what I will say is that IF anyone uses a stimulant as a study drug, that’s fine, but nothing will replace actual sleep.

Your brain does need to sleep so you can actually learn from your school work, so work that in somehow if you can.

And no, I don’t think it’s glamorous or any shit like that but just good advice to keep you from going totally psychotic lol.
 

Audiobook

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Dec 15, 2019
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Ok, so at least my English professor seems to understand that this pandemic is...shit on people.

She’s giving us longer on papers.

Thank fuck!! There might actually be some higher power out there who wants to save my dumb ass lol!
 

Audiobook

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Dec 15, 2019
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I go back to work tomorrow, so that will be interesting.

Last weekend was a shit show and I hope this weekend will be better but I’m not expecting much.
 
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