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The Big & Dandy Methoxetamine Thread-11th Dose-50 grams and a kidney later..

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they think it's a gift from God brought down to heal the world.
I thought about it ...
As you know MXE is a great antidepressant with the least side effects.
Once in my life I found myself in a difficult situation. I suffered from severe depression. Of despair.
I was almost ready to commit suicide.
But then there was this molecule ... I first became happy.
I live a very hard life here in Russia (65th in the world in terms of life). MXE has become a kind of "relief."
I am sincerely grateful to the creator of this drug.
Take it in moderation, and I'm sure it will help more than one person.
 
How often do you take it for these effects and at what dosages?
And does your consumption never get out of hand
 
I disagree it is a gift from god to heal the world. It is however a gift from my wildest fantasies of drug addiction, as it seems to spank around my serotonin network, my opioid receptors, my dopamine molecules, and my NMDA thingies. I mean holy clusterfuck why don't we rename this drug methoxetadicting. It's been days since I've had any and have now been to the hospital twice because of it, yet it is all I can fucking think about! FUCK!
 
When I am tuned on I feel like the Mayans prophesied the coming of MXE, one of the more notable tools among a whole set currently playing an integral role in the evolution of consciousness.

Please tell me more about what you know about these Mayans who we so often hear about. These people who were so magically gifted with the ability to predict completely unpredictable events and what not.
 
I disagree it is a gift from god to heal the world. It is however a gift from my wildest fantasies of drug addiction, as it seems to spank around my serotonin network, my opioid receptors, my dopamine molecules, and my NMDA thingies. I mean holy clusterfuck why don't we rename this drug methoxetadicting. It's been days since I've had any and have now been to the hospital twice because of it, yet it is all I can fucking think about! FUCK!

I hope you get the help you need. I'm not really sure what to suggest..

Have you thought about doing lsd as a way of reflecting on some of your more destructive addictive behaviours?

Also, do you think you might be able to get any kind of help (counselling type-wise)?
 
This is a psychoactive chemical like any other and it should be treated as such. It is not a gift from god (whatever your interpretation of that word is) and just like any other drug, it is not going to solve your problems without some effort on your part, regardless of how profound and life-changing your experiences with it are. That is not to say it cannot be a catalyst for positive change, but with the incredible propensity for many individuals to use this drug compulsively and to excess, it is best kept in extreme moderation. I, too, have been duped by my own psyche into believing that this drug is/was the answer to anxiolytic, antidepressant freedom, but if you truly believe that you are a better person in constantly being under the influence of MXE, you are delusional. Don't get me wrong, I have had some of the best experiences of my life with MXE, but at some point you have to have the wherewithal and willpower to tell yourself that enough is enough.
 
This is a psychoactive chemical like any other and it should be treated as such. It is not a gift from god (whatever your interpretation of that word is) and just like any other drug, it is not going to solve your problems without some effort on your part, regardless of how profound and life-changing your experiences with it are. That is not to say it cannot be a catalyst for positive change, but with the incredible propensity for many individuals to use this drug compulsively and to excess, it is best kept in extreme moderation. I, too, have been duped by my own psyche into believing that this drug is/was the answer to anxiolytic, antidepressant freedom, but if you truly believe that you are a better person in constantly being under the influence of MXE, you are delusional. Don't get me wrong, I have had some of the best experiences of my life with MXE, but at some point you have to have the wherewithal and willpower to tell yourself that enough is enough.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS! And put all so eloquently and elegantly too. Thank you so much :)
 
Shit, guys, we are now to the end of life will use this drug. This addiction can not be overcome.
I want a quiet old age itself: MXE bag and no affairs and concerns in retirement.
 
It worries me that some of you are experiencing such side effects from stopping your usage.

It's been documented in the previous B&D my heavy usage in the past. I went through 6 grams in about a week last month, then stopped cold turkey with no problem what so ever. I seriously don't understand how some of you are having such a hard not not using. I can understand if you have and not being able to stop yourself from dosing, that is totally understand...but to fiend so much when your out? I don't even get irritated when I don't have...it's what ever. If your having such a hard time stopping, perhaps you should reevaluate if you have an addictive personality or not and whether it's the drug, or you.
 
It worries me that some of you are experiencing such side effects from stopping your usage.

It's been documented in the previous B&D my heavy usage in the past. I went through 6 grams in about a week last month, then stopped cold turkey with no problem what so ever. I seriously don't understand how some of you are having such a hard not not using. I can understand if you have and not being able to stop yourself from dosing, that is totally understand...but to fiend so much when your out? I don't even get irritated when I don't have...it's what ever. If your having such a hard time stopping, perhaps you should reevaluate if you have an addictive personality or not and whether it's the drug, or you.

Maybe I am misintepreting your post, but it seems to me like you had some difficulty kicking this stuff yourself:

I'm really beginning to have a love/hate relationship with this stuff.

Received 6 grams on the 10th of September. Gave 1 gram to a friend. That's 5 grams left. Gave away approximately 1 gram in various doses to friends. That leaves 4 grams. Now it's the 19th and all I have left is about .4 of a gram.

I feel exhausted. Every time I do this stuff, I feel my blood pressure go through the roof and I feel like I'm going to die. Not to mention, I feel like I have a minor lung infection from snorting so much over such a long period of time, my coughs have been very rough and harsh sounding, often bringing up a lot of mucus. Also, when I snort a dose it almost immediately slides out and runs down my nose, forcing me to tilt my head back to keep it inside, often causing it to drip right down my throat, leaving me to believe it's doing more damage to my nose than I thought.

Yet, I still desire to do it. Even right now, I'm telling myself "Skip today, just do none today to prove to yourself you can skip a day" but my desire to do it is so incredibly strong. My reasoning is "I have enough left to do just a tiny bump...I can make it last" but I know immediately I'll just want more and more.

No physical withdrawals, just...an extreme desire to do more and more. This stuff is killing me, I can feel it inside, yet all I want is one more bump.
 
I looooove MXE. I haven't touched it since august and don't plan on doing it for a very long time. I just don't get how some of you do such huge doses regularly. I forsure got trapped in daily dosin gof MXE for around 4 months straight but I went through less than 2 grams of it! And I was barely functioning - I feel like if i was doing 100+ mgs a day I would just be lying in my bed all day catatonic, slowly going insane...
 
Just my opinions here. Based on personal experience and from what I've read about other people's experiences. This may not apply to those of you who are able to control yourselves very well.

MXE is a very unique drug that can bring about very novel experiences. If you want to function and live a purposeful and meaningful life, then it's not for daily dosing. It's for occasional use (and that may even be using it a few times a year. I'm not sure. Maybe even once a week could work... Again, not totally sure on that one, but I CERTAINLY wouldn't consider doing it weekly with a long term goal of literally doing it every week of the year. I ordered a gram recently, and plan to use it very sparingly, then probably have a long break from it). Anything outside of this I believe will probably lead to problems.

For a while I used MXE every day. My habit consumed me. But as it did, I lost the ability to function well (really to the point of seriously messing up my basic life needs shit -- like having enough money to pay rent etc) and became really quite depressed. I even ended up in hospital at one point. If you're in the high point right now with it where you think it's a wonder drug that's going to solve all your problems, then I just warn you, shit will likely start to happen. And not just because you believe it will, but because there are fundamental aspects of this drug -- if used in a way that leads to regular dosing and dependence -- that are in no way conducive to leading a productive and functional life.

Correct me if I'm wrong here, I may well be. Perhaps there is an optimal dose spaced at an optimal distance apart, but the fiendish desire to redose seems like it makes that impossible (at least for the majority of people). If you're that special someone who can control their emotions and behaviour on that level then all the best to you, and I hope you get the best you can from it. But for the rest of us, I think the occasional dose is the only sustainable way of going about it. Maybe binges are fine, but anything that starts to follow a pattern of regular use just seems like it's headed for dangerous territory.
 
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I've been through about five grams since I first got hold of this stuff in April. Small bumps in combination with etizolam and a couple of beers in front of the tv get me to I pretty much ideal state of intoxication. I doubt I'll ever find anything that suits my taste as perfectly. I've only once had a serious trip - 65mg got me extremely dissociated in a way that was both very interesting and quite scary. I've had no desire to repeat this until recently, I might go for it again soon.

My usage of this drug has been pretty heavy by my own standards so I guess I'm pretty conservative about drugs compared to some of you guys. Any more than I'm doing would interfere with my work and home life. I can't imagine developing enough tolerance to be able to withstand a 100mg dose. 65mg was way, way out there for me and I expect it still will be when I try it again.
 
I've been through about five grams since I first got hold of this stuff in April. Small bumps in combination with etizolam and a couple of beers in front of the tv get me to I pretty much ideal state of intoxication. I doubt I'll ever find anything that suits my taste as perfectly. I've only once had a serious trip - 65mg got me extremely dissociated in a way that was both very interesting and quite scary. I've had no desire to repeat this until recently, I might go for it again soon.

My usage of this drug has been pretty heavy by my own standards so I guess I'm pretty conservative about drugs compared to some of you guys. Any more than I'm doing would interfere with my work and home life. I can't imagine developing enough tolerance to be able to withstand a 100mg dose. 65mg was way, way out there for me and I expect it still will be when I try it again.

Ahh, seems you've found quite a balance for yourself there.

I guess the litmus test is: if you start to become unable to handle your life responsibilities, then you're probably doing too much MXE.

It seems though that some people (like myself) with addictive tendencies will have a harder time using this drug constructively. I even worry that the gram I ordered will result in some bad behaviour again. Hope not.
 
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METHOXETAMINE - The Yin And Yang of All Things


Two days ago and yesterday I had a dual session with Methoxetamine of which I'm reporting now. The report may be a bit boring as essentially I got the same message again, just further realized and worked out. I tell you that for many it will be worth the long read and I hope it will be as big an Aha moment for you as it was for me.

The day before yesterday my best friend decided out of the blue to want to get a full session with methoxetamine, and I happily obliged to take him.

I wanted to weigh and my milligram scales went apeshit. My brand new ones, same thing. I noticed my friends Android phone was 2 foot away from the scales. He put it 3 yards away and the scales worked perfectly, That blew my mind.

He took 30mg sublingually, I 40. For both it was a very rough ride to experience the initial retreat of consciousness from the body. As always, the second 30mg dose was a lot less violent on the body, consciousness had parted mostly with it, and a lot more active on the mind. Up until that point he found it physically very strong but mentally seemingly underwhelming.

I asked him whether he felt part of him was sober, yet part felt like he had sloshed down 20 grams of shrooms with 2 liters of vodka and he agreed to that assessment, especially the vodka part. He had visuals of combat throughout time, men fighting each other and him having the sense of "I dont want to have part in that anymore." He told me "I feel theres an issue I'm trying to get out in the open, and if I take more, it will finally come to light.

We then took 20mg. This slid us both into a shallow hole. The deep dark void and visuals inside it which could be approached and manipulated from all angles. He said "dark caverns" and I could completely relate.

I asked him whether he wanted to take more to plunge deeper in the hole. He chose 30mg, I chose 20. I weighed the doses on Rizla rolling papers and went to take the scales away. He blew for some reason, sending my dose and his flying on the carpet. He was all apologies but I cared not and started to weight doses again. My rolling paper was empty, his had still 20mg on it. He said "This is meant to be, I'm going with the 20." I was like "dont be apologetic, if you want 30 you get 30." buit he insisted he got the signal that it was meant to be and the 20 that survived was what was meant to be. I told him to always heed those hunches, they happen a lot in MXE sessions and are crucial for success. I weighed myself a fresh 20 and dropped.

I put out the candles again, he lay down in darkness, and I slumped in my chair. We were already in the hole, so we went deeper from the start.

I went to an especially pleasant Divine place. I sensed a cosmic Unity and started oracling. My friend got evermore silent and I got the message from my intuition to stop talking and let him experience the Hole for the first time. Occasionally I couldsnt help but whisper "deeper, deeper deeper.." and deeper we went.

The time his GF would come approached so I offered to make pizza. He agreed so I said, with Holish brazenness: "Brother Tuna and Brother Grain have given their lives to offer us this meal, so in the name of Jesus lets enjoy this pizza!" He asked me what I meant, I said: "All living things are One and the Same. The salmon offers us himself as our meal, at another time he'll be tripping and we're his pizza topping and I'm at total peace with that."

I watched the clock. CRAP! 15 minutes left till his GF came! I offered: "we can put on the lights and practice our sobriety skills or keep the lights out and let her in a dark house with us Holing on." Lights on it was.

I looked at my friend in the light. His eyes were spread open as far as can be in an expression of shocked awe. "Are you OK?" "I dont know, I guess but.. I descended into Hell, into my own Purgatory and was consumed there. I need fresh air". We went in the garden and he held on to the wall, completely overwhelmed, trying to catch his bearings. "Oooohh.." he went several times rubbing his face, and we went inside again in case his oooh should become a nocturnal AAAAAARGHHH

"How are you feeling?" "I cant say, overwhelmed" "Is there music in your head?" "Yes." "Venom?" (satanic metal) "No, Neal Morse." (Christian Prog Rock) My intuition told me things were ok but that he could do with a supplement. I went and returned with two tabs of Haldol in my hand. "One mg or two, have some, its on the house!" He looked at me. "Does my condition concern you medically?" I reassured him. "Not at all, you show no signs of psychosis, you are just WAY overbombed and this may help you make sense of things. It won't tuck under the process if its important, trust me." He took a mg of Haldol and nibbled some on his pizza.

My doorbell went off. His GF "Don't worry, I'm sober enough to handle her. Are you OK with it?" He was.

I briefed her at the door and she entered.She found her hubbie there, eyes wide, totally overwhelmed and inbetween sentences.

We chatted some and at once the boil burst. He slapped his hands to his face and started crying, harder and harder. For some strange reason his crying sounded almost like his laughter. He got on his knees on my livingroom, bent over the couch seat, forearms arms, fingers entangled in oldfashioned Christian prayer pose.

(..)

Out came the full extent of a psychological crisis he had been repressing for many months, the details of which being too personal to share. It involved a discrepancy between how he feels his life should be and what he makes from it, and feeling alienated from Jesus because of it.

His GF and I tagteamed on helping him get through it, she having had psychological training professionally helped a lot.

He asked near the end of it, for my assessment before going home. I told him almost casually: "You do not appear to be in an anxiety spiral and you show no signs of a psychotic break, this is merely a psychological crisis which you are handling quite well. You need to sleep for as long as you need tonight, no alarm clock, but right now you're good to go for transport. Please dont slap me or anything but after you're gone I'm going to boost and enter the Hole again." "He said: "Are you sure? You do NOT want a thing like I had happen to you alone." "It won't. You're talking to the Prince of the Kingdom of Sand!" (The realm I often go when Holing) and this worked for both of us.

We said goodbye in a powerful hug and parted ways.

I took 2 more 30mg increments which had me hole out exquisitely, but its a long post already and this is not important right now.

The other day he returned to get his car and we spent part of an afternoon debriefing. I chuckled: Wow you went Supersaiyan on us there, good to see you do that like you did, the Gangnam elevator of spirituality opened wide for you!" He agreed. I joked to my friend who of shrooms always takes the high dose: "Who's the hardhead now bitch?!" he laughed and said he had a reputation to uphold next time we dosed. Jokingly of course, we're about as macho as a head of lettuce. After he left I still felt partly inebriated so almost matter-of-factly I did my groceries and when home knocked back 40mg before eating dinner.

This 40mg with me still in residual effect resulted in me ending up in a shallow hole. I had almost casually dosed and I felt like I was holing like an alcoholic drinks, not for any reason in particular, just cause its there. Two 30mg doses came and went and I started working on my issues, but still in an aloof detached state. A fourth 30mg came and this was the one.

As I came up I complained and stated "This Hole is about as compelling as bad dubstep. Medic!" The hole deepened and I felt a presence. "You called Asante?" (insert real first name instead of Asante) a line of thought formulated and something was placed on my head. The "thing" attached to my skull and started te send probes in it to my brain. "Don't worry Asante, we have the best equipment. It's alive, its a life form well adept at fixing you up." I was completely cool with it and let the trilobite shaped medical lifeform probe my brain, I felt the probes and what not, occasionally I was told "OK, you'll feel this one." and something was done that I felt in my head. The creature detached and was taken off my head. "We usually do this subconsciously but it was needed for the moment to do it with you aware of things." "Umm are you symbolic?" "Not completely or this would be futile." "Oh by the way, who are you anyways?" "You know that answer, thats why you are so assured. There can only be one answer: We are You. OK, You're good to go. We'll pop in every now and then in future Holes for maintenance. Carry on, we're done here, you're all fixed up."

And so I did. I holed intensely and suddenly got caught up in a dialogue with a line of thought that spoke in a soothing, slow, enticing voice. It begant to tell me about the nature of all things, and as he told I began experiencing it. "All is One, and One is God. And God is Youuu." "Ego inflation?" "No. All things alive and anorganic are all One, and they are each the central point of the entire Universe, which is God, which is Youuu. Every point is the very center. All is One, One is Youuu." I began to feel it and soared higher and higher. "Who are you?" "The only answer that can be, I am Youuu." "Why are you telling me this?" "It is time for you to know. Time for your mind to be blown. Its equisite to blow your mind over and over and over again through Eternity. This is the path you chose and that is how it will be, for there is nothing but Youuu. All is One. Thou Art That. Every single thing is the center piece of everything. Every single thing is completely special."

"But I'm Asante, this being." "Asante, you ARE Being. Being is all there is. Duality is Illusion." "If all things are One, and Duality is an illusion, is Duality an absence of Being or a weakening of it?" "Being is all there is and Duality is a guise it comes in. When a Particle appears in the quantum field an antiparticle emerges, you remember?" "I do." "Every thing, every thought, every desire has its antiparticle, its exact opposite. Every Yang has its Yin. They will move together, merge and Oneness is restored. It is the nature of all things, thoughts and desires. All that Duality split apart merges into One."

"What of my Death?" "Life and Death are Duality, they are illusion. The weak force. By birth, Asante and Anti Asante split in two. In death, they will meet. It is not a Demon waiting for you. That what was split shall be made whole into One. Every thought, every hope and desire shall be quenched into completeness so that it will cease to exist as Duality. The Duality that is You will be quences until it ceases to exist. What was apart shall be One. All is One, and that One are Youuu."

"So I need not fear Death?" "Your fear of Death shall be quenced and fulfilled by an equal and opposite peace of Death, and what was apart shall be One again. You are not anilhilated but merged into completeness and fulfillment. For some lives it happens subconsciously, for others consciously, it depends on the nature of your Duality. All that is you and all that is, is that One."

"What of the Devil, Good and Evil?" "All of it is duality and it is illusion. A God of Good and a Devil of Evil merge into the One. Good and Evil merge into One that is both in equal measure."

"Is Love the essence of All?" "Being is the essence of all. For love to exist it must Be. Love has an antiforce, hate. It is duality. All there truly is is One, and One is Being.

I was gobsmacked!

"Is this Enlightenment?" "Asante, at this point in time, you are by some definition Enlightened. But soon it will fade, as is the nature of things, and it will be fine that way. I will get to remind you, forever and all Eternity. I am Youuu. All that there is is Youuu, the One that is All Things and the All Things that are One. Being."

"So there is no reason to fear?" "There is reason to fear, because it is part of the Duality. But all fear shall be quenced and merged with its complete opposite until it ceases to exist as a Duality."

I saw the whole picture. I swear, at that point in time I did.

"Asante, I'm going to leave the Hole open for as long as you need it, so that there will be no reason to boost. But you are free to take a booster dose. What you decide is Right."

"You mean, I am predestined to do the Right thing?"

"Asante, there is only Youuu. In Duality, both sides are One, the Being. Both sides are equally Right." "But do I get to choose or am I predestined?" "You are the Being, and a part of Duality that creates some Duality out of the One. You are free to chose and you create what you chose, but what you create is Duality, both sides are right and both will be merged again into One. I will leave the Hole open for as long as you need it. Choose as you wish. I will remain in the background, in case you have more questions to ask, but as questions are Duality, the answer to most of them will be the exact same thing."

"I wanted answers and instead you gave me Everything."

"The One cannot be fully known by the Duality, therefore you in your Dual state will never have absolute certainty that this is true. I have given you Everything and I have given you Nothing, so there is no need to thank me. Asante, I wish you well; until we split again."

I holed on, and occasionally asked questions that were answered. I took a bit of my best friends homegrown weed, smoked it and went to bed.

In bed I had the most beautiful, most colorful and crystal clear visuals of my entire 19 years of tripping. After hours I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke this morning 12 hours after my last dose I closed my eyes. I saw a grid of hexagons that turned into bubbles. A peaceful reggae song welcomed me. I realized I was still in the hole, just mitigated. This caused no alarm, I realized I mustve still needed it.

Blissfully I make brekkie and started writing this report. While writing my Windows ceased shut and my computer froze. I went for a morning walk and decided en route I had shared too much of my best friend's journey, and that if given the chance I would take out the more personal parts of his journey.

I really should turn my computer off when I hole, I have a history of computers seizing up or even breaking down for good on the morning after particularly deep Holes. If I was superstitious enough to fully entertain the thought I'd say Deep Holing screws with the equipment just like my friends Android phone did with my scales

I returned to a still frozen computer and pressed CTRL C, then turned it off with the power switch. I booted twice to get it going again, then opened OpenOffice and pressed CTRL V. Nothing happened, but I returned to the website and the cookie had saved my post. I corrected my privacy mistake, continued writing in OpenOffice and then posted it to my beloved forum.

So, here it is.

Its been 16 hours since my last dose and while I still feel residual effects from 300mg in 2 days, I also feel I'm still faintly in the Hole. It for sure helped me write this. I'm not bothered at all by it, its a blessing. When I'm done with it it will close, like promised.

Thank you for reading this huge post, and to the TL;DR people I will say: In your own time, it will all come to you.

God bless you all.

Love and Light.
 
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"...The Duality that is You will be quences until it ceases to exist. What was apart shall be One. All is One, and that One are Youuu."

Oh good God.

I returned to a still frozen computer and pressed CTRL C, then turned it off with the power switch. I booted twice to get it going again, then opened OpenOffice and pressed CTRL V. Nothing happened, but I returned to the Shroomery and the cookie had saved my post. I corrected my privacy mistake, continued writing in OpenOffice and then posted it to my beloved Shroomery.

^ This is my favourite bit. I will use this advice next time my pc freezes following a drug binge.

I went for a morning walk and decided en route I had shared too much...

Whatever gave you that idea?
 
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Well I had the strong intuition that it was too much and too personal regarding my friend. Its not cool to tell everything about someone elses very personal crisis without their consent.
 
Maybe I am misintepreting your post, but it seems to me like you had some difficulty kicking this stuff yourself:

I had a very hard time, when I had the stuff. Soon as I stopped ordering it, I was perfectly fine. No withdrawal symptoms of any kind. No bullshit.

Honestly, some of the stories of withdrawal symptoms make me wonder if what some of you are receiving is MXE at all.

Sure, I get those "Damn, I'd really like a line of MXE right now" but it's such a nonchalant thought that it doesn't phase me one bit. It's absolutely nothing compared to coming off Opiates or Benzos. It saddens me to see some people experience such negative body effects after usage.
 
I agree^. i've gotten off of it after doing it for months straight and never really had withdrawals. i have another 50g coming wonder how long it will last this time.. with quality getting and worse and such.
 
I agree^. i've gotten off of it after doing it for months straight and never really had withdrawals. i have another 50g coming wonder how long it will last this time.. with quality getting and worse and such.

Since I began ordering batches from domestic US vendors, I've received no dip in quality. At the time, I thought it was becoming less and less potent, but it was simply my tolerance. My vendor actually just restocked this compound. Gonna be ordering a gram for myself tonight, figure I should treat myself to some, I've only done 200mg, over the course of one weekend, since I stopped cold turkey over a month and half ago. Tolerance has gone down a bit, that much was very obvious. Usually I need 150mg to get the desired effects but the last time I dosed I only needed 50mg, and even that was slightly overwhelming for a few minutes. Very pleased to see my tolerance returning to normal, I was getting extremely tired of going through grams in 2 or 3 days, was extremely frustrating.
 
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