TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

[Random-dude-from-internet]

I fucken hate quetiapine. Anybody ive talked to about it says its the worst drug a doctor can give you, I`m thinking about flushing them down the drain and not taking them ever again.

Nah, don't flush them, just stash them away somewhere, they are great to have when you really need them.
Maybe try and take half of what they tell you or only take it as needed, I can't really give you medical advice Im not a doctor, but give your meds a try!

I know a lot of bi-polar/"sometimes psychotic" people who really need quetiapine, and when shit just turns too weird and they realize that they are going crazy and everything is going crazy around them they just pop their pills and things are fine, usually they pass out. They don't enjoy the feeling but they understand that they need to just take them pills sometimes. It's weird people who never been proper crazy wouldn't really understand.

 

[deficiT]

Quetiapine has brought me back from the brink many a time; it is a good medicine for when you are becoming manic or uncontrollable; I also take Haloperidol in serious circumstances

 

[gram696969]

I hear your pain and I'm sorry you're feeling that way; keep trucking though; I think we all dream of being CEO and taking charge. Keep dreaming though. Keep reading. Keep talking. Let it out. You are not alone. One day we will overcome and it shall be glorious

It definitely would be glorious. I hope we get there someday

 

[gram696969]

But guys, is that really just how it goes? Like some people just need to take their fucken happy meds and suck it up? I dont accept that. I just wanna be a normal guy who can handle his own emotions

 

[Jabberwocky]

This isnt me trying to be mean, or demean our lives in any way, but if there truly is no way out of depression and anxiety and bipolar, then what the fuck is the point? What the fuck is the point when all I think about are negative variables that usually dont even have a play in my life at all? It doesnt matter what I do, I could literally be the founder of a corporation, making millions and I`d still hate myself. This sounds selfish, but I dont really care what everybody else thinks of me. They`ve already thought horribly of me my whole life, so why the fuck should I worry about that? I just want to hit a point where I`m self sufficient so I can live on my own with nobodys feelings around to hurt. I`d still hate myself and everything else though, so whats the point in that even?

Dude, I understand exactly what you are saying, and exactly how you feel. I've been doing depression without pause for 40 years, and those thoughts cross my mind everyday without fail. But, in that time I've actually accomplished some things in spite of it. That's all I'm really saying, it's manageable, and whatever it is you want to do with your life you can go out in the world and try to do it.

FWI your posts are pretty articulate and you come across as spot on with where you are at mentally, so that's a big deal on the positive side, you may not feel it, but it is.

I don't like meds either, but after decades trying to fight it, I just don't give a fuck, pills don't make me happy, mostly it calms me down and keeps me grounded - which can be a pretty daunting task sometimes.

To tell the truth it sounds like you've figured it out, I.e., you have some diagnosis, and you understand why you have it, and you suffer from it. In 12 Step language what you're dealing with is called acceptance. Just my 2 cents. And yeah, I agree with the other poster, don't throw your meds out, you may need them.

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

thinking about ending my life. I get that many many people will reply to this saying"Oh its OK! Just live it up man! Its worth it!!" Is it? Is it, when, literally every single little fucking thing I do makes me mad? Yeah, crazy right? I piss myself off more than anybody, because everything I hate in this world, I am a perfect representation of. I`m always judging people without knowing them, like man why is he so fat? Or wow that guy looks cracked out. I literally used to be 300lbs, and I`m more cracked out most of the time than most fucking people ever will be. Not that I smoke meth, but through smoking every little tiny fucking little bit of weed I can find, Smoking tobacco on fucking top of that has just turned my brain to mush. You might think, oh its just a couple darts stop complaining. Nope! Not this fucken junkie! From day one, Ive been running that shit through bongs, as well as weed and sometimes just random pills I find in the medicine cabinet. Why not, right? Might as fucken well. All my friends through highschool have thought I was just the most fucked kid around because of these ridiculous bowls I smoke. I`m not even kidding, I`ll fill the bowl with tobacco, stamp it down with my finger till I cant anymore, then shove as much weed (sometimes among other things) as I can on top. I smoke these bowls in one breath! I`m not showing off or anything either, this isnt me beating my chest. Shits fucking disgusting. if I saw somebody else doing what I do, I`d call that person a fucking idiot. On top of it all, my family hates me and they should. God gifted me with the worst case of bipolar I can imagine; one where you`re either the coolest guy around, a guy that everybody wants to see, or a raging monster that nobody wants to see. Over the years, the emotional damage and the physical property that ive destroyed of my own families.... I cant live with it. Why would I? Theres nothing left for me here. Nothing but heartbreak and sorrow, and not just for me. Theres no point in going any farther with this lie of a life thats been cruelly laid out before me. My only hope is I can find peace through 30-something antipsychotics, and fading to nothingness. Thats another thing. I didnt even know quetiapine was an antipsychotic! Only found out through this forum when I posted about them. Thats what the doctors are trying to fix, eh? Psychopathic tendencies? Fuck that, just another bullshit sedative they give to moody teenagers to make them shut the fuck up. Theres no fixing a person like me, only living with the reality of it. Which is something I cannot do, and even if I could, I refuse.

I’m going to tell you to hang in there, I’ve been through it all, have scars on my wrist to prove it, seroquel aka quetiapine, helped me out a lot got me through some rough shit.

I have the same problem of judging people and thinking no one likes me, especially at work, but still I keep hanging in there, because there is always tomorrow, and I know God is with me, not trying to throw religion on you or anyone on here, but when I think I’ve had enough I know it’s just an obstacle a test.

So all I’m saying is you are worth something and have a purpose on this Earth, just please hang in there long enough to find out what it is.

 

[Random-dude-from-internet]

But guys, is that really just how it goes? Like some people just need to take their fucken happy meds and suck it up? I dont accept that. I just wanna be a normal guy who can handle his own emotions

"Quetiapine" is not a "happy med", it's more like an antidote, you know the Comic-book "The Hulk" , picture yourself like "Dr. Robert Bruce Banner", and you want to stay happy and not become "The Hulk" and smash a bunch of shit and try to stop a train or something... So then you take "Quetiapine" every now and then just to minimize the damage, or what not.

 

[Random-dude-from-internet]

This isnt me trying to be mean, or demean our lives in any way, but if there truly is no way out of depression and anxiety and bipolar, then what the fuck is the point? What the fuck is the point when all I think about are negative variables that usually dont even have a play in my life at all? It doesnt matter what I do, I could literally be the founder of a corporation, making millions and I`d still hate myself. This sounds selfish, but I dont really care what everybody else thinks of me. They`ve already thought horribly of me my whole life, so why the fuck should I worry about that? I just want to hit a point where I`m self sufficient so I can live on my own with nobodys feelings around to hurt. I`d still hate myself and everything else though, so whats the point in that even?

Okay so you hate yourself?
Probably in your mind you have "empirical evidence" that you are a piece of shit not worthy of love, etc, etc, am I right?

These emotions and thoughts might be somewhat rational or you might be completely delusional, either way it's not going to hurt you if you start doing good things, start collecting "empirical evidence" that proves that you are a good person, try tipping the scales over to the "Im a good guy and I deserve to live and be happy side". It helps trust me.

 

[deficiT]

"Quetiapine" is not a "happy med", it's more like an antidote, you know the Comic-book "The Hulk" , picture yourself like "Dr. Robert Bruce Banner", and you want to stay happy and not become "The Hulk" and smash a bunch of shit and try to stop a train or something... So then you take "Quetiapine" every now and then just to minimize the damage, or what not.

Fuckin accurate description. Quetiapine is also a big HULK cause it simmers you down like nothing else; it has saved my life assuredly and removed many of my delusions. It takes time but keep truckin

 

[gram696969]

Dude, I understand exactly what you are saying, and exactly how you feel. I've been doing depression without pause for 40 years, and those thoughts cross my mind everyday without fail. But, in that time I've actually accomplished some things in spite of it. That's all I'm really saying, it's manageable, and whatever it is you want to do with your life you can go out in the world and try to do it.

FWI your posts are pretty articulate and you come across as spot on with where you are at mentally, so that's a big deal on the positive side, you may not feel it, but it is.

I don't like meds either, but after decades trying to fight it, I just don't give a fuck, pills don't make me happy, mostly it calms me down and keeps me grounded - which can be a pretty daunting task sometimes.

To tell the truth it sounds like you've figured it out, I.e., you have some diagnosis, and you understand why you have it, and you suffer from it. In 12 Step language what you're dealing with is called acceptance. Just my 2 cents. And yeah, I agree with the other poster, don't throw your meds out, you may need them.

I’m going to tell you to hang in there, I’ve been through it all, have scars on my wrist to prove it, seroquel aka quetiapine, helped me out a lot got me through some rough shit.

I have the same problem of judging people and thinking no one likes me, especially at work, but still I keep hanging in there, because there is always tomorrow, and I know God is with me, not trying to throw religion on you or anyone on here, but when I think I’ve had enough I know it’s just an obstacle a test.

So all I’m saying is you are worth something and have a purpose on this Earth, just please hang in there long enough to find out what it is.

"Quetiapine" is not a "happy med", it's more like an antidote, you know the Comic-book "The Hulk" , picture yourself like "Dr. Robert Bruce Banner", and you want to stay happy and not become "The Hulk" and smash a bunch of shit and try to stop a train or something... So then you take "Quetiapine" every now and then just to minimize the damage, or what not.

Fuckin accurate description. Quetiapine is also a big HULK cause it simmers you down like nothing else; it has saved my life assuredly and removed many of my delusions. It takes time but keep truckin

Again, I`m not demeaning anybodys way of life by saying this, but why does it feel like quetiapine does literally nothing? All thats happened is ive gained weight, and if I hit the 300lbs I was 2 years ago, I would lose my mind. Is it possible I`m on the wrong meds? Most of the beneficial qualities of quetiapine you guys describe I have yet to experience. Ive done a lot of research on other drugs, like lithium, but I cant help but think a med change wont fix a thing. Ive been on various forms of concerta, as well as zoloft and the quetiapine I take now.... Nothing has made any notable difference at all. Also, I havent really touched on this subject yet, but you all seem open enough with me that id be dumb not to be open with you. I have anger management problems. Not daily, but I`ll go a week or so without feeling angry (anger gets replaced with depression and anxiety during those times), then boom everything comes crashing down on me at once and I lose my absolute shit. I`m a collector of home audio equipment, and that shits not cheap. Over the years (yes ive added it up), I have brutally smashed to bits over $15000 worth of gear. Its not even the money for me, most of it my father gave me as a sentimental type thing, and I just destroy it all. I cant just get angry and throw one thing, or punch one hole in the wall. These fits of rage can sometimes last days.... and its not just my stuff I break either. Last month I punched a crater into my dads $20 000 Honda Pilot, along with around 3 gaping holes in the walls from punching them. Thats unforgivable. I wouldnt forgive me. Nobody should forgive me. And I dont think there is a pill out there that will make me any different

 

[Random-dude-from-internet]

Again, I`m not demeaning anybodys way of life by saying this, but why does it feel like quetiapine does literally nothing? All thats happened is ive gained weight, and if I hit the 300lbs I was 2 years ago, I would lose my mind. Is it possible I`m on the wrong meds? Most of the beneficial qualities of quetiapine you guys describe I have yet to experience. Ive done a lot of research on other drugs, like lithium, but I cant help but think a med change wont fix a thing. Ive been on various forms of concerta, as well as zoloft and the quetiapine I take now.... Nothing has made any notable difference at all. Also, I havent really touched on this subject yet, but you all seem open enough with me that id be dumb not to be open with you. I have anger management problems. Not daily, but I`ll go a week or so without feeling angry (anger gets replaced with depression and anxiety during those times), then boom everything comes crashing down on me at once and I lose my absolute shit. I`m a collector of home audio equipment, and that shits not cheap. Over the years (yes ive added it up), I have brutally smashed to bits over $15000 worth of gear. Its not even the money for me, most of it my father gave me as a sentimental type thing, and I just destroy it all. I cant just get angry and throw one thing, or punch one hole in the wall. These fits of rage can sometimes last days.... and its not just my stuff I break either. Last month I punched a crater into my dads $20 000 Honda Pilot, along with around 3 gaping holes in the walls from punching them. Thats unforgivable. I wouldnt forgive me. Nobody should forgive me. And I dont think there is a pill out there that will make me any different

Don't be so hard on yourself, you can make up for those holes, time goes by, shit happens, maybe you will laugh at feeling guilty about these things in the future. Good things happen, people get better, circumstances get better. You will get second chances.

And if seroquel don't help, or if you don't want to take it there are a bunch of other pills .
Maybe ask your doctor for a more traditional mood stabilizer, instead of an antipsychotic:

Mood stabilizer - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[Hylight]

Try drinking lots and lots of milk. It has natural lithium in it !

Hydroxyzine is good too. It helps with rest and being all wound up with overwhelming thoughts.

Have you ever had a puppy. It is just the most wonderful feeling ever in the whole world !

Puppies are such happiness, fun and smiles !!

Sometimes they're all you need !!!

 

[gram696969]

Don't be so hard on yourself, you can make up for those holes, time goes by, shit happens, maybe you will laugh at feeling guilty about these things in the future. Good things happen, people get better, circumstances get better. You will get second chances.

And if seroquel don't help, or if you don't want to take it there are a bunch of other pills .
Maybe ask your doctor for a more traditional mood stabilizer, instead of an antipsychotic:

Mood stabilizer - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

I hopes so man... Also I honestly think I`ll bring up lithium next time im talking with my counselors. I`ll try anything at this point

 

[gram696969]

Try drinking lots and lots of milk. It has natural lithium in it !

Hydroxyzine is good too. It helps with rest and being all wound up with overwhelming thoughts.

Have you ever had a puppy. It is just the most wonderful feeling ever in the whole world !

Puppies are such happiness, fun and smiles !!

Sometimes they're all you need !!!

Oh? I had no idea. Also yes! I love animals. My favourite are cats, but I think thats just cause I have a really cool cat lol

 

[Random-dude-from-internet]

I hopes so man... Also I honestly think I`ll bring up lithium next time im talking with my counselors. I`ll try anything at this point

Just try a few different meds, see if you find one or a combo that works, if not then at least you have tried!

 

[Hylight]

Oh? I had no idea. Also yes! I love animals. My favourite are cats, but I think thats just cause I have a really cool cat lol

nopes ! got to have a puppy too. lolol.

 

[gram696969]

nopes ! got to have a puppy too. lolol.

I hope my mom actually does get that german sheppard shes been talking about for ages now

 

[copium7777]

I'm just trying to empathize honestly because my own life has been so extraordinarily hard and insufferable recently I have honestly wished that euthanasia was a legal option and I believe it should be but it's like £10,000 to go to Switzerland as far as I'm aware.

I have had severe lyme disease since 2005 and no immune system with permanent severe respiratory infections and allergies to just about everything out there.

This year in particular life has been for more pain and suffering than anything close to pleasure and all I have thought about is dying a lot of the time.

But I am such a coward I'm just not sure I have the courage to actually take my own life.

The method you speak of above is the only one I think I could bravely consider.

Are you me? I have severe me/cfs post lyme and mast cell activation syndrome which is like being immune sensitive or allergic to many many things without a proper allergy. Also want to do the expensive swiss euthanasia but with the pandemic not sure I can get there even if I could pony up the cash

 

[deficiT]

I’m basically feeling demoralized being back at work and hearing that they apparently offered Team Lead roles to people that have been there for less time then me.

Like at this point I feel like I am fucking worthless and maybe I should just give up on trying for anything because if I am too stupid to promote at Walmart then I’m probably too stupid to do anything tbh.

I’m going slow at work and doing the bare minimum but it still hurts.

I basically hate being a depressed mess.

I've been driving through the rain, hoping not to wreck or crash. Still can't get enough money together to have a good ride. Delivery sucks so much, all I do is wash dishes. It's a fun life. But at least I'll keep the bills paid right?

Every day definitely brings pain, but I don't think you're worthless, because you keep getting up and going. And that's all you have to do. Just keep trucking. You'll get it. You will feel better.

 

[deficiT]

I deleted the account I use to post on there...fuck that garbage.

Whadddup @Audiobook you doing alright??