• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

When I was ten I slowly saw my dad become paralyzed from the feet up to his throat from ALS. I helped wash his feet and feed him up until the day my mother murdered him as a 'mercy' killing. I could hear him scream from my room underneath there as he died. My parents were always so nice, it was so sad what happened. I loved both my father and mother. My dad is now dead, and my mother is now in jail for life with 5 felonies. The last time I saw her was in court in orange clothes and handcuffs.

I was put in foster care with my 8 y/o brother for a year until my abusive uncle adopted us. He sent me off to a Christian boarding school where I didn't get to see my brother except for two weeks a year. When I turned 18 my uncle kicked me out before college and I was homeless. I started using drugs before college, anything to numb the pain of my life. During this whole timeframe I tried to kill myself. My first attempt was at 12. I tried to kill myself three times, and all three times I've failed. I was in a very dark place, a pit I couldn't escape. You know what though? I am actually glad that I didn't die. I think it was some sort miracle if you want to put it that way.

I used drugs, but I also looked for help. I'm now diagnosed with Asperger's, PTSD, and bipolar. I looked for a support group. I now have an SO and another family. The world doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm prescribed proper medication, and I take it properly. Ever since I was young, when my dad got ALS, I wanted to go into healthcare. So I started from scratch. Desire to crawl out of the hole is the toughest part.

I've gone from a homeless 18 year old to an EMT in college. It's been rough, but I've actually become an EMT and am now saving peoples lives. I love my life now. I still struggle, and it will never end of course. My uncle (who btw, doesn't even know I use, won't let me see my brother until he's 18 ). People are assholes, and the world will not change. So us, the good people, must adapt to that.

I've learned that there are still people who care for me. I now write my mother in jail, she has cancer. I give her unconditional love because everyone deserves that. For example, I am the person who still loves her. You could be somebody else's person like this eventually. I do my best in life and believe that I am destined to help other people who struggled with the same thing that I did.

Seek something higher, you are destined for something so much more. I know I'm just some "stranger on the internet" but I genuinely care for you. I don't know your situation, but I just poured a small portion of my life out for you so maybe you can relate. The toughest of situations breed the toughest of people. There is ALWAYS a rainbow after the toughest of storms.

By the way, I still use drugs. But in a safe recreational way. I've stopped using opiates. Mainly use psychedelics and ketamine now.
 
Last edited:
ibtisam midlet said:
years old, and yes i mean die by drug overdose 😅
Click to expand...
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.
 
ashwolf22101 said:
When I was ten I slowly saw my dad become paralyzed from the feet up to his throat from ALS. I helped wash his feet and feed him up until the day my mother murdered him as a 'mercy' killing. I could hear him scream from my room underneath there as he died. My parents were always so nice, it was so sad what happened. I loved both my father and mother. My dad is now dead, and my mother is now in jail for life with 5 felonies. The last time I saw her was in court in orange clothes and handcuffs.

I was put in foster care with my 8 y/o brother for a year until my abusive uncle adopted us. He sent me off to a Christian boarding school where I didn't get to see my brother except for two weeks a year. When I turned 18 my uncle kicked me out before college and I was homeless. I started using drugs before college, anything to numb the pain of my life. During this whole timeframe I tried to kill myself. My first attempt was at 12. I tried to kill myself three times, and all three times I've failed. I was in a very dark place, a pit I couldn't escape. You know what though? I am actually glad that I didn't die. I think it was some sort miracle if you want to put it that way.

I used drugs, but I also looked for help. I'm now diagnosed with Asperger's, PTSD, and bipolar. I looked for a support group. I now have an SO and another family. The world doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm prescribed proper medication, and I take it properly. Ever since I was young, when my dad got ALS, I wanted to go into healthcare. So I started from scratch. Desire to crawl out of the hole is the toughest part.

I've gone from a homeless 18 year old to an EMT in college. It's been rough, but I've actually become an EMT and am now saving peoples lives. I love my life now. I still struggle, and it will never end of course. But I've learned that there are still people who care for me. I now write my mother in jail, she has cancer. I give her unconditional love because everyone deserves that. I do my best in life and believe that I am destined to help other people who struggled with the same thing that I did.

Seek something higher, you are destined for something so much more. I know I'm just some "stranger on the internet" but I genuinely care for you. I don't know your situation, but I just poured a small portion of my life out for you so maybe you can relate. The toughest of situations breed the toughest of people. There is ALWAYS a rainbow after the toughest of storms.

By the way, I still use drugs. But in a safe recreational way. I've stopped using opiates. Mainly use psychedelics and ketamine now.
Click to expand...
Have you ever tried Ketamine-F?

What is your ketamine nowadays, just curiosity...Pharma, or vet?
 
LordOfThisWorld said:
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.
Click to expand...
Welll said and thank you for that.
 
AutoTripper said:
Have you ever tried Ketamine-F?

What is your ketamine nowadays, just curiosity...Pharma, or vet?
Click to expand...

Excuse my lack of knowledge lol, but what is Ketamine-F? I may know what it is

And to my understanding pharma and veterinary ketamine are the same thing. Just different potencies. Right now I have only been able to find already 'cooked' k (crystals), not vials. However, five years ago vials were common. Such a shame I can't get ahold of vials now days because they were pharma (you knew they were pure) and you could inject if you please.
 
LordOfThisWorld said:
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.
Click to expand...

This really is a beautiful post as are the others. ibtisam midlet hang in there. I know when I was suicidal all I wanted was to stop feeling the way I was feeling. Feeling separated, feeling oppressed, feeling like I did not belong anywhere and we seem to instinctively know that if we end our life our separation is done and we become part of again and feel welcomed and belonged. BUT The Kicker is I do believe we created the curriculum and we somehow have to make it through and when we do it naturally we become part of the thing we are missing. Doing it to early is like dropping out of school. Whatever we run from comes back until we go through it.

So come here and vent, do anything to feel better. And you never know what is around the corner and in a way as humans we like that excitement. Eh, feel better and do anything to feel better but stick around, see you in the schoolhouse commons. ;) I need to see your posts in the future. They help.

One day at a time. There was a time I scratched off a calendar another day when I layed my head on my bed. Life is frigging TOUGH, that I know but you will come out the other side.
 
ashwolf22101 said:
Excuse my lack of knowledge lol, but what is Ketamine-F? I may know what it is

And to my understanding pharma and veterinary ketamine are the same thing. Just different potencies. Right now I have only been able to find already 'cooked' k (crystals), not vials. However, five years ago vials were common. Such a shame I can't get ahold of vials now days because they were pharma (you knew they were pure) and you could inject if you please.
Click to expand...
Okay, Ketamine-F, in my admittedly presumed understanding is basically a legal and very close analogue of ketamine itself which is currently being sold legally in and from Germany.

I just wondered if you had any experience with it but clearly not so no worries on that one.

As far as vet ket vs pharma, aka- "Kiddie-Ket" goes:

I have to disagree in that I genuinely think that they are two different substances to an extent not just a question of potency.

Yes, vet ket is substantially more potent. But they are different somehow I swear.
 
AutoTripper said:
Okay, Ketamine-F, in my admittedly presumed understanding is basically a legal and very close analogue of ketamine itself which is currently being sold legally in and from Germany.

I just wondered if you had any experience with it but clearly not so no worries on that one.

As far as vet ket vs pharma, aka- "Kiddie-Ket" goes:

I have to disagree in that I genuinely think that they are two different substances to an extent not just a question of potency.

Yes, vet ket is substantially more potent. But they are different somehow I swear.
Click to expand...

Huh okay, yeah I'm not in Germany but I'll definitely have to look up that analogue. And okay I see your viewpoint, are you talking about how pharma ket is used for children a lot?
 
JackARoe said:
This really is a beautiful post as are the others. ibtisam midlet hang in there. I know when I was suicidal all I wanted was to stop feeling the way I was feeling. Feeling separated, feeling oppressed, feeling like I did not belong anywhere and we seem to instinctively know that if we end our life our separation is done and we become part of again and feel welcomed and belonged. BUT The Kicker is I do believe we created the curriculum and we somehow have to make it through and when we do it naturally we become part of the thing we are missing. Doing it to early is like dropping out of school. Whatever we run from comes back until we go through it.

So come here and vent, do anything to feel better. And you never know what is around the corner and in a way as humans we like that excitement. Eh, feel better and do anything to feel better but stick around, see you in the schoolhouse commons. ;) I need to see your posts in the future. They help.

One day at a time. There was a time I scratched off a calendar another day when I layed my head on my bed. Life is frigging TOUGH, that I know but you will come out the other side.
Click to expand...
As is yours my friend, we are here for her, life is hell, but hanging in there we can find heaven, nothing is so bad to take your life I’ve learned it the hard way and am still here and life has gotten better. This young woman is hurting, I don’t know her, but feel love for her as she is a person who deserves love and compassion.
 
JackARoe said:
This really is a beautiful post as are the others. ibtisam midlet hang in there.

BUT The Kicker is I do believe we created the curriculum and we somehow have to make it through and when we do it naturally we become part of the thing we are missing.
Click to expand...

Thank you, I always like to share my story as I think it can help others. I really do believe part of my purpose of going through that is to help others.

I really like one of many things you said. We really do become part of the one we were missing. I lacked love and support for so long in my life, but now I have it in my soul and can share it with others. I think it's like a gift of mine. Compassion is the thing that led me to become and EMT.

Life is friggin' tough, but it makes us friggin' tough.
 
Yup we all need support. It can even be seen in nature. Horses travel in herds and wolves travel in packs. Its quite beautiful how they take care of each other actually just like how we are. Sorry I'm quite the nerd :p
 
ashwolf22101 said:
Huh okay, yeah I'm not in Germany but I'll definitely have to look up that analogue. And okay I see your viewpoint, are you talking about how pharma ket is used for children a lot?
Click to expand...
Yeah, no joke bro. I took vet ket one time, in 2002.

Never again. By 2003, pharma ket had replaced it entirely. No matter how pure, significantly more functional and user-friendly in comparison.

Still very lovely of course but just not anywhere near the same level of hallucinogenic and disassociative power.

And it was labelled from the off as Kiddie Ket lol, because it literally was the exact formulation used on children operations as well as as emergency situations like ankle breaks in car accidents etc and certain operations.

So it was essentially a different substance to the one used to really knock horses out lol!

But I have not taken these drugs for decades so I just wondered if you had experience with the different forms and what was available now and also that analogue I mentioned.
 
ashwolf22101 said:
Yup we all need support. It can even be seen in nature. Horses travel in herds and wolves travel in packs. Its quite beautiful how they take care of each other actually just like how we are. Sorry I'm quite the nerd :p
Click to expand...
Haha-horses get the very best ketamine! 😃
 
AutoTripper said:
But I have not taken these drugs for decades so I just wondered if you had experience with the different forms and what was available now and also that analogue I mentioned.
Click to expand...

Nothing like getting your ass kicked by k! Yeah I don't know specifically what vials my k is being crystallized from. However, I have tried the analogue 2FDCK and that was amazingly potent and more psychedelic. I wonder if that is the one you are talking about? I prefer 2FDCK more than regular k.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top