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⫸STICKY⫷ The 2020 Suicide Support Group

deficiT

Moderator: DC, TDS
Staff member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
2,006
Location
The Belly of The Beast
Canada hotlines put together by @Alex_1991

Harm Reduction and Substance Use Resources

The following programs and organizations are where we get our information from, or work with towards our mission.

Ontario Harm Reduction Distribution Program: OHRDP
www.ohrdp.ca
OHRDP co-ordinates the distribution of harm reduction supplies to Needle Syringe Programs through a licensed distributor. Through the distribution of sterile, single-use equipment and better knowledge transfer we can help communities stay safer and healthier.

The carrynaloxONe Toolkit
www.eenet.ca/initiatives/naloxone
Developed by the Ontario Harm Reduction Network (OHRN) with support from the Provincial System Support Program (PSSP) at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), this toolkit helps Ontario Public Health Units (PHU) in carrying out their mandate, under the Harm Reduction Program Enhancement Initiative funded by the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care, to support eligible community based organizations in distributing naloxone to clients.

The Opioid Resource Hub
www.eenet.ca/initiatives/ORH
The Opioid Resource Hub (ORH) supports system level change in the area of opioid use and addiction. Our overarching goal is to support an evidence-informed mental health and addictions system leading to the reduction of opioid-related harms in Ontario. We build capacity in health care providers; empower people with lived experience to share their stories as a form of evidence; and develop evidence-informed knowledge exchange resources and events. ORH is part of Evidence Exchange Network (EENet) in the Provincial System Support Program (PSSP) at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH).

Public Health Ontario
www.publichealthontario.ca
Public Health Ontario (PHO) keeps Ontarians safe and healthy. With our partners in government, public health and health care, we prevent illness and improve health. We provide the scientific evidence and expert guidance that shapes policies and practices for a healthier Ontario. PHO has locations across Ontario, including 11 laboratory sites.

The Ontario Drug Policy Research Network (ODPRN)
www.odprn.ca
ODPRN is a collaboration of established researchers from across Ontario that was formed to rapidly respond to policymakers’ needs for relevant research to guide and inform their decisions. We have the capacity to generate scientifically sound evidence related to real-world drug utilization, safety, effectiveness, and costs of drugs in Ontario, and have developed partnerships that allow us to engage in cross-provincial comparisons of drug safety and utilization. Our researchers have expertise in pharmaceutical utilization, outcomes, economics, and drug-policy research.

Alliance for Healthier Communities
www.allianceon.org
The Alliance for Healthier Communities is Ontario’s voice for community-governed primary health care. We represent 107 community-governed primary health care organizations. Our membership includes Ontario’s Community Health Centres, Aboriginal Health Access Centres, Community Family Health Teams and Nurse Practitioner-Led Clinics.

Addictions and Mental Health Ontario (AMHO)
www.amho.ca
AMHO is a network of over 220 members in Ontario working together to build a comprehensive and accessible system of addiction and mental health care. Members provide a range of community-based addiction and mental health services and supports that help Ontarians with their recovery.

Canadian Drug Policy Coalition
www.drugpolicy.ca
The Canadian Drug Policy Coalition is comprised of over 70 organizations and 3000 individuals working to support the development of a drug policy for Canada that is based in science, guided by public health principles, is respectful of the human rights of all, and seeks to include people who use drugs and those harmed by the war on drugs in moving towards a healthier Canadian society.

Understanding opioids | Ontario.ca
www.ontario.ca/page/understanding-opioids
Information provided by Ontario’s Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care.
 

ibtisam midlet

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 18, 2019
Messages
389
What the dose and what the drug you please
For mine it's real Afghan heroic heroin IV dose


Moderator Action:

Sorry, we don't permit "How do I kill myself?" type questions here at Bluelight.

As you seem to be suicidal, I'll move this to TDS where you might get some support. But please avoid discussion about how to kill yourself. Thank you <3

CFC
 
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AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,562
Do you mean an overdose? Gosh my own difficult life has recently considered this as a potential easier way.

I don't fancy starving to death. I would probably opt for dehydration, supposedly much faster.

Sorry, I understand that this is a Little glum of course I do not want you to feel so trapped and low in life that you want to kill yourself if that is what you mean above.

I'm just trying to empathize honestly because my own life has been so extraordinarily hard and insufferable recently I have honestly wished that euthanasia was a legal option and I believe it should be but it's like £10,000 to go to Switzerland as far as I'm aware.

I have had severe lyme disease since 2005 and no immune system with permanent severe respiratory infections and allergies to just about everything out there.

This year in particular life has been for more pain and suffering than anything close to pleasure and all I have thought about is dying a lot of the time.

But I am such a coward I'm just not sure I have the courage to actually take my own life.

The method you speak of above is the only one I think I could bravely consider.

I should be talking you out of this in the classical sense but I just am trying to empathize and be honest and say that I can maybe understand your desperation and emptiness and feeling that you have no choice in life because I am right there but still just about managing to fight on.

But I guess I should say from my heart please just take some time to think this over and tell yourself that literally nothing matters and that life can be ok for you again you just don't know what's around the corner.

Please take your time anyway do your research of course and keep all of your options open. I will watch this thread and would be very interested to see how you are coping and what direction you are looking at moving in and I would love to help you with your mental state because honestly I experienced the most extraordinary really intense and low mental states of severe anxiety and depression in combination with insufferable physical symptoms and illness everyday it is only the Phenomenal strength of my mind which has gotten me through so far.

So if there is any way I can support you or help you I will try my best to do that. Are you young? I'm sorry I didn't mean to patronize you by that and you don't have to tell me anything but if you are fairly young in life then I can absolutely promise you that you may just be having an early life identity crisis and it is astonishing how much better life can turn out to be when you are at a very dark point while you are young.

So please hold on in there just for the moment my friend and see if there is a way forward for now there is no rush you can still do your research and basically be informed and prepared. No pressure. Sending you love from the UK, and one crazy trip head here ( but I mean every single word I say genuinely and purely for your own good I wish. )
 
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AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,562
What the dose and what the drug you please
For mine it's real Afghan heroic heroin IV dose
Btw, my own father died when I was three via heroin overdose, so I guess it is something which is somehow close to my heart, not that I have ever been aware of suffering any emotional pain because I was simply too young to understand grief and loss at the time.
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,562
years old, and yes i mean die by drug overdose 😅
Hang tough girl if you can please. So many times in my life, Im swearing "This is the worst day of my life. I just can't go on living".

But I hold on in Hope because I know from experience that you can go from feeling at your absolute lowest on earth to suddenly feeling wondrously well and happy in life and this is especially the case when you are much younger.

You have so much ahead of you and where you are now will be part of who you become and will strengthen you in the long run.

I believe you can be happy no matter what.

I care anyhow, and like I said above I think I really can empathize with how you are feeling.

Im 40 myself, a hardened triphead.
So pleaze hold tight. Let everything go. Nothing matters. Just breathe. In the moment only. Be grateful where you can for any little thing we typically take for granted.

And hold hope for the future no matter how you feel at the moment I promise you life can be the complete opposite within a short space of time.

Sorry I'm not sure what else sensible to add, under influence of LSD cannabis and lovely kava.
Sending you love again, and I'm right with you by the way. It's tough!
 

ashwolf22101

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
745
Location
Running with the wild horses in ketamine land
When I was ten I slowly saw my dad become paralyzed from the feet up to his throat from ALS. I helped wash his feet and feed him up until the day my mother murdered him as a 'mercy' killing. I could hear him scream from my room underneath there as he died. My parents were always so nice, it was so sad what happened. I loved both my father and mother. My dad is now dead, and my mother is now in jail for life with 5 felonies. The last time I saw her was in court in orange clothes and handcuffs.

I was put in foster care with my 8 y/o brother for a year until my abusive uncle adopted us. He sent me off to a Christian boarding school where I didn't get to see my brother except for two weeks a year. When I turned 18 my uncle kicked me out before college and I was homeless. I started using drugs before college, anything to numb the pain of my life. During this whole timeframe I tried to kill myself. My first attempt was at 12. I tried to kill myself three times, and all three times I've failed. I was in a very dark place, a pit I couldn't escape. You know what though? I am actually glad that I didn't die. I think it was some sort miracle if you want to put it that way.

I used drugs, but I also looked for help. I'm now diagnosed with Asperger's, PTSD, and bipolar. I looked for a support group. I now have an SO and another family. The world doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm prescribed proper medication, and I take it properly. Ever since I was young, when my dad got ALS, I wanted to go into healthcare. So I started from scratch. Desire to crawl out of the hole is the toughest part.

I've gone from a homeless 18 year old to an EMT in college. It's been rough, but I've actually become an EMT and am now saving peoples lives. I love my life now. I still struggle, and it will never end of course. My uncle (who btw, doesn't even know I use, won't let me see my brother until he's 18 ). People are assholes, and the world will not change. So us, the good people, must adapt to that.

I've learned that there are still people who care for me. I now write my mother in jail, she has cancer. I give her unconditional love because everyone deserves that. For example, I am the person who still loves her. You could be somebody else's person like this eventually. I do my best in life and believe that I am destined to help other people who struggled with the same thing that I did.

Seek something higher, you are destined for something so much more. I know I'm just some "stranger on the internet" but I genuinely care for you. I don't know your situation, but I just poured a small portion of my life out for you so maybe you can relate. The toughest of situations breed the toughest of people. There is ALWAYS a rainbow after the toughest of storms.

By the way, I still use drugs. But in a safe recreational way. I've stopped using opiates. Mainly use psychedelics and ketamine now.
 
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LordOfThisWorld

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 3, 2020
Messages
312
years old, and yes i mean die by drug overdose 😅
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,562
When I was ten I slowly saw my dad become paralyzed from the feet up to his throat from ALS. I helped wash his feet and feed him up until the day my mother murdered him as a 'mercy' killing. I could hear him scream from my room underneath there as he died. My parents were always so nice, it was so sad what happened. I loved both my father and mother. My dad is now dead, and my mother is now in jail for life with 5 felonies. The last time I saw her was in court in orange clothes and handcuffs.

I was put in foster care with my 8 y/o brother for a year until my abusive uncle adopted us. He sent me off to a Christian boarding school where I didn't get to see my brother except for two weeks a year. When I turned 18 my uncle kicked me out before college and I was homeless. I started using drugs before college, anything to numb the pain of my life. During this whole timeframe I tried to kill myself. My first attempt was at 12. I tried to kill myself three times, and all three times I've failed. I was in a very dark place, a pit I couldn't escape. You know what though? I am actually glad that I didn't die. I think it was some sort miracle if you want to put it that way.

I used drugs, but I also looked for help. I'm now diagnosed with Asperger's, PTSD, and bipolar. I looked for a support group. I now have an SO and another family. The world doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm prescribed proper medication, and I take it properly. Ever since I was young, when my dad got ALS, I wanted to go into healthcare. So I started from scratch. Desire to crawl out of the hole is the toughest part.

I've gone from a homeless 18 year old to an EMT in college. It's been rough, but I've actually become an EMT and am now saving peoples lives. I love my life now. I still struggle, and it will never end of course. But I've learned that there are still people who care for me. I now write my mother in jail, she has cancer. I give her unconditional love because everyone deserves that. I do my best in life and believe that I am destined to help other people who struggled with the same thing that I did.

Seek something higher, you are destined for something so much more. I know I'm just some "stranger on the internet" but I genuinely care for you. I don't know your situation, but I just poured a small portion of my life out for you so maybe you can relate. The toughest of situations breed the toughest of people. There is ALWAYS a rainbow after the toughest of storms.

By the way, I still use drugs. But in a safe recreational way. I've stopped using opiates. Mainly use psychedelics and ketamine now.
Have you ever tried Ketamine-F?

What is your ketamine nowadays, just curiosity...Pharma, or vet?
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
1,562
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.
Welll said and thank you for that.
 

ashwolf22101

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
745
Location
Running with the wild horses in ketamine land
Have you ever tried Ketamine-F?

What is your ketamine nowadays, just curiosity...Pharma, or vet?

Excuse my lack of knowledge lol, but what is Ketamine-F? I may know what it is

And to my understanding pharma and veterinary ketamine are the same thing. Just different potencies. Right now I have only been able to find already 'cooked' k (crystals), not vials. However, five years ago vials were common. Such a shame I can't get ahold of vials now days because they were pharma (you knew they were pure) and you could inject if you please.
 

TheInvisibleStoner

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 2, 2020
Messages
1,189
Location
USA
The problem is when you die, you don't end. Killing yourself only sets you up for another life of even more hell. You gotta ride through to the bitter end. Suicide will sacrifice your next 100 years and your family as well. You will probably come back blind and have to do it again in the dark.
 

JackARoe

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
1,155
I don’t know you, but please don’t make that choice, there is always another day, please feel comfort in knowing that I care about you even though I don’t know you, I’ve been through some tough times myself and was in the same spot you’re in now, j have scars on my wrist but survived and life is better, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, please stick around and talk to us.

This really is a beautiful post as are the others. ibtisam midlet hang in there. I know when I was suicidal all I wanted was to stop feeling the way I was feeling. Feeling separated, feeling oppressed, feeling like I did not belong anywhere and we seem to instinctively know that if we end our life our separation is done and we become part of again and feel welcomed and belonged. BUT The Kicker is I do believe we created the curriculum and we somehow have to make it through and when we do it naturally we become part of the thing we are missing. Doing it to early is like dropping out of school. Whatever we run from comes back until we go through it.

So come here and vent, do anything to feel better. And you never know what is around the corner and in a way as humans we like that excitement. Eh, feel better and do anything to feel better but stick around, see you in the schoolhouse commons. ;) I need to see your posts in the future. They help.

One day at a time. There was a time I scratched off a calendar another day when I layed my head on my bed. Life is frigging TOUGH, that I know but you will come out the other side.
 
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