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Telling my doctor ima just source

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
49,288
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Not sure, I seen you in the lounge?
I didn’t even see a reply but I’m cleaning house. Dealing with telemed appts. Day trading. Trying to set up Brazilian jiu jitsu. So I have no idea. This was just an update that I got the adderall. But my klonopin are out until the 13th I got kava on the way. Taking break from k pins. I’ll drop something new for y’all if you follow my music tomorrow
 

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
49,288
Location
Looking-Glass Land
ok If I see him around
I make music. I linked it to you. And I was going drop a song today when I can muster up the energy but I may relax. I pray your days going well. Sorry man I’m going through a lot, I’m debating on moving the only place I ever known. Breaking up with SO. And trying to find peace within that.
 

D-A-W-G

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
101
I make music. I linked it to you. And I was going drop a song today when I can muster up the energy but I may relax. I pray your days going well. Sorry man I’m going through a lot, I’m debating on moving the only place I ever known. Breaking up with SO. And trying to find peace within that.
I never got a link? send again
 

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
49,288
Location
Looking-Glass Land
I never got a link? send again
SoundCloud.com/funeralfather. It’s amateur at best I need new microphone. Plan to get soon so listen to with an open heart and it’s really dark that’s how I feel so listen when you can handle it and thank you if you do play
 

Oxyonthemind87

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2021
Messages
41
I’m asking for Ritalin or adderall to get me through a move in combination with my script of klonopin. I know that’s stupid but I’ve always remained honest with him. I’ve told him about microdosing (flushed them) along with my mushrooms. I told him about all my drug usage minus the oxy, idk why I didn’t mention that but I use kratom as cover for it.
My question would be. I need something to help me do a 700mile drive that will keep me alert focused and not have my mind on the fact I’m separating. I don’t really care what happens to my script of klonopin if it makes him nervous by me saying I’ll just source. I was just trying to ask before I leave if he will understand my case have faith I won’t abuse either just so I can change my scenery. So I can make a change in myself in a new state with no drug connects and no outside influences hindering me.
He gave me Wellbutrin but that made me feel way to cracked out even on the smallest doses 150xl it was alright to and worst come to worse I can do that before I buy a pressed fake pill (which I assume all illicit pharms are now. Do you think ima fuck up by saying look. I just need 5 or 10 along with my current klonopin script to get me through the move. I can do it on my own once I make it. I plan to try medicinal marijuana but I’m tired of feelings taking over when my cars packed and I’m ready to go out the door. I’m tired of seeing her tears and being manipulated into staying into a situation I know won’t last I wanna mention and have mentioned when I take cocaine, adderall I feel normal and happy. And I can go to sleep with my one klonopin and atarax. And I plan to quit this once I’m there cause he’s bumped my script from 10 to 30. And I’m not going be dependent on anything.
This situation I’m in has been toxic for months I’m sure you have all seen. Well I finally am putting my money where my mouth is. I didn’t celebrate her birthday yesterday. I’ve packed, and now I just lay in wait for the storm to clear to drive south. I have some stuff I still need to get done here but I don’t really care if it gets approved or not (don’t care to identify what) as I don’t want someone trolling the process.
Now I can source them off the street no problem. I’m also not trying to bully my doctor which I’ll say beforehand and then say now lemme bully you for speed but seriously idk if I can make a 700 mile drive depressed without adderall to make the drive and klonopin to calm the night. I would be fine with 5 5 mg adderall just enough to get me there. So I don’t have to think I’m making the wrong decision I’d take a klonopin and drive but that’s not wise not for 700 miles. That said how would you phrase it to him that you realize the change needs to be my environment before I can work on myself. My plan is to move. To follow up after I move one last time, and then cut meds all together I won’t have access to oxy or Ritalin, and I’d like it to remain that way I plan on getting involved in Muay Thai and volunteering to help with anger and help humble myself and keep busy, I draw SSDI so I don’t have shit to do during the day. And I think some of these meds help with music. I don’t wanna take pills anymore though I want it to come From within. With all that stuff said need some to get me through this cause I have no one else but Jesus and maybe that’s making light of Jesus power. Maybe I’m letting the devil draw me down a shitty path and not realizing the power of the Holy Spirit and how God can do the impossible if you have faith. I guess I lack that and will pray on it. But that said. How would you talk to him about it ? I really feel I’m mismanaged klonopin hypes me up sometimes and makes me “manic” adderall calms me down but it also puts me in laser focus, see this post. But I feel happy finally with the right of adderall. Amazing on cocaine, to amazing. I can’t do it anymore cause I’d probably get a hot batch. And it was garbage when I did get it. I mean it was alright. But I digress. I don’t want him to think I’m playing him or trying to use this as a source of narcotics. I’m only trying to be honest and try to change my situation. I have a plan set in place, I have a faith. Albeit that of a mustard seed. And for once I don’t care if we don’t work out I deserve to love myself so I can love others. But remaining in a toxic relationship in which neither does anything to help the situation. I would like to add I do try to be a little more empathetic. But my doctor told me what I’m really craving is oxytocin and dopamine not just dopamine. But what happens when the one you think you wanna marry doesn’t even acknowledge your crying alone in the room beside her and doing drugs just to cope with holding her home on the back of your shoulders , grandparents, animals, cleaning, tried fixing her car for free outta love, but anytime I need something I have to give something. I won’t expose or incriminate anymore then that statement Those who can read between the lines or know me will know. But idk what y’all think? You think honesty will just hurt me ? I have to wait till 22 anyways to talk to him. But I have just enough Ritalin left to pack my shit and go now. But I’d like to settle things with my girls car, as i drove it to my uncles shop to fix it and left it. And I’d like to wait for my current affairs to clear. I talked to her and said I’ll be staying till I get paid the 3rd and I cleared it from her grandparents if that’s cool till I get my check I owe her some money for fronting me some cash for BNGO stock so I have to pay that debt back as well. So it’s looking like ima have to make it last till March I just don’t know how ima do it. I got cbd and delta 8 and cannaoil but I can’t use cannabis oil unless I power smoke a tolerance cause I get to paranoid. Nor do I wanna be tripped out on a edible journey while I’m trying to get my life in order. Currently ima try to supplement as much magnesium as I can to avoid taking my klonopin and ima try not to take the last Ritalin. But I’ll need a k pin tonight to come down and sleep. So a clusterfuck but I wanted everyone to know the story so they can tell me how to eloquently gain the doctor sympathies when he’s already been sympathetic enough by upping my klonopin to 30 a month. I’d rather have the adderall and atarax. Tbh. But do you think I have a shot with the honesty?
I mean it would be a red flag if I didn’t say some off the wall shit to him like I like cocaine. I wanna try mushrooms. I’ve grown (and flushed) them to try what I see on YouTube, i about told him I’m taking 60 mg of oxy a day just to feel happy. I’m not taking SSRI I’m not taking snri.
Wellbutrin made me feel like good and in the 3rd I felt like shit. It felt like I was on crack and it was never going to end. With the same thought loops I experienced on high dose mushrooms. and I’m not sure if the insomnia mania wasn’t induced by taking it.
But I know these pills. I know adderall I know the risk I know the rewards. I know klonopin I know it’s dangerous and shouldn’t be use longer the 4 months this is 5
I’m either up too much and need to be brought down, or I can’t focus and start 20 things at once and get nothing done and remain unhappy. I know a mood stabilizer is what would be recommend but no I need a change of environment. I need away from someone who doesn’t love themselves cause I don’t love myself. That will never work I can’t teach love if I don’t even know how to love myself. Listen to my songs.
The only options are adderall and klonopin till I get through this, or take it all. I don’t want him to, but I don’t want him to think I’m jonesing for it I just need out and I know this will help me remain happy undetached and able to focus on the drive and packing. Or ima source on the street to get something that will get me to my new home. And my normal isn’t doing that anymore they have moved on to helping addicts and other mentally crushed people and I’m proud of them So my source is probably going be a fake and I don’t wanna die just trying to get out.
Sorry
I’m trying to work on my paragraphs so I don’t hurt you guys eyes so bad but I type with thought and not grammar.

I wish you all many blessings wherever you are in life and I’m praying for you all even if you hate Jesus and God they love you and they aren’t the self righteous church you encounter, I just don’t wanna step on people’s toes with my faith, and I realize a lot have been wronged by people “who represent Jesus Christ” but I can’t stop mentioning my Lord and Savior and will not. So I just ask you disregard this last statement if you are set in your beliefs and don’t want anything to do with it. I’m still praying you beat your struggles and I know all of you will if you believe in yourselves.) damn I answered my own question

but do you think flat out asking and saying I’m a source will cause a drawback? I talk to my psychiatrist like I would y’all. To give context on our relationship and he’s seen me for 4+ years at different practices I always follow him cause I like him. I respect he’s not a pill pusher and that he says anyone who hands you a pill takes money and makes an appointment is a legal drug dealer. He wants me to change my life, and i know the way and have the will I just need a boost and some meds to calm me throughout one of the most difficult things I’ve ever faced. A breakup with a girl I been with off and on since 2012. Moving 4 states always and becoming a caretaker eventually.
Can’t understand to feel your pain man. Your doctor unless it’s a family lifelong friend type will
Absolutely not risk his:her privileges to give you a handful of legal meth. Giving you a strong benzo and a stimulant won’t happen. I once told a doctor about sourcing illegally if he didn’t Gil my script early and he said “ do what you need to.” Their careers are more important than your personal situation my man.
 

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
49,288
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Can’t understand to feel your pain man. Your doctor unless it’s a family lifelong friend type will
Absolutely not risk his:her privileges to give you a handful of legal meth. Giving you a strong benzo and a stimulant won’t happen. I once told a doctor about sourcing illegally if he didn’t Gil my script early and he said “ do what you need to.” Their careers are more important than your personal situation my man.
I already got both.
 
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