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Serious Suicide attempt survivors / survivors of intentional OD, what was your experience like?

gibberish-noise

Bluelighter
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Jul 29, 2021
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52
I ODed on pills once before. Made sure the dose was lethal. But silly me puked them up and therefore survived (obviously, considering I'm typing this). Got stuck in ICU for two or three days. Seemed kinda overkill but what do I know, I'm no doctor. Physical pain was horrific (probably 7/10 if I had to rate it), but the good news was that finally my brain shut up, if only because I was so out of it and puking blood every five minutes. Was put on 1-to-1 constant watch at the hospital for the next 3 weeks til an inpatient bed became available.

Mental health'care' and 'treatment' is a fucking joke. Only made my issues worse. Wish I'd aspirated before I was found. The 'professionals' dehumanize and infantilize you, as if just because you decided you had enough of society's bullshit you don't deserve to make or aren't capable of making your own choices. Pro autonomy all the way.
 

deficiT

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I had an intentional od about 7 years ago.

I came to in the hospital, and immediately felt guilty for doing it, like a total idiot, and my heart hurt thinking about what my family had been put through. I still struggle with these things today, but I'm glad I'm here to feel it and I consider myself seriously blessed. I've survived a lot of shit. Has to be some reason for it.
 

Lawless69

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Joined
Jun 20, 2021
Messages
121
Died 2 times during my double heart bypass in early march end feb this year. Started off pump my heart was still inside me. Then complications not being able to join the viens out my legs without the donor viens tearing or collapsing.
I kniw i should have died that night two times. Only went for my pre op testd for my bypass in 7 days to have an ecg n being rushed for emergency bypass surgery had i not been at hospital id of died by the morning 110%, so was rused for surgery. Through blood loss and transfusions cardiac arrest i was put on pump heart taken out and a machine does the work while they battled for 7 hours usual time is approximately 3 to 4 hours. After opening both legs ankle to knee om both legs they " just managed" to grapht enough healthy tissue to complete both bypasses. 7 days in intensive care n i must admit that there was nothing not for me no light no message nothing. Kills me to say it because deep down i know from my experiences i don't think theres anything good or bad. Just my opinion. Ive been on the edge a handful of times. I know at 36 with heart disease for the pasy 5 years. Seven yeah 7 myocardial infarctions (blood clot type heart attacks) i have 3 stents and 2 bypassed arties. No points for guessing how ill go😅🤣
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
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Dex's room
I'm really glad you have all survived <3

I have tried to OD 3 times, and woken up each time. Once in a psych ward, and once in hospital. The other time I just woke up in bed at home 2 days later thinking "fuck I suck at this" LOL

Altogether I have attempted suicide 6 times, and I can now joke about it that I've given up trying because I clearly suck at it :D
Also, life is amazing <3
 

ashwolf22101

Moderator: MH
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Dec 30, 2017
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Running with the wild horses in ketamine land
I can officially remember 3 times I’ve seriously attempted suicide. The first two were right after my parents died.

#1 I was about 12, I took a bottle of ibuprofen. Fell asleep, woke up perfectly fine. I don’t know how nothing happened. Miracle.

#2. Probably a day or two after my first attempt. I tried to hang myself. It worked for a bit but the the rope I was using fell. My parents never found out about either attempt.

#3. I was 20. I snorted wayyyy too much Subutex on purpose in hopes of OD’ing. Was given Naloxone. I went to the mental hospital also.

Etc. Attempts: During suicidal spells I’ll mix drugs that are deadly together and just go “if I die, oh well”. Xans, opioids, alcohol, etc. I do this quite frequently. At least I’ll die cozy.

To be real though, dying by opioid OD is actually not blissful! You are starved of air and you feel it like when you hold your breath. It’s like you’re drowning (because you are in your own vomit).

Suicide is not “easy” or “painless”, nor should you do it. There’s a purpose for each person, you just have to discover it.

I’m so glad I didn’t die, because now I’m in the health field working my passion. I help addicts, those with depression, etc. I love my life.

Much love,
Ash
 

Lawless69

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Joined
Jun 20, 2021
Messages
121
Ive also tried slashing wrists. Arm was a mess for years the scars are fading now. Not recommended hurts for days after. Also suffering big blood loss is no fun and hurts alot everything i remember is in slow motion and pain until passing out waking up in icu

Once a few years ago admittedly i wasnt a member but came here to see what dose of amyltriptaline would see me off. after 40 mins told my current partner then i dont remember a thing apart from waking up in icu four days later being pumped full of medazolam every time i got agitated an tried leaving. Damm i had alotnof drugs that day. Again id say a horrble nasty death im lucky to be alive!!

I tried hanging when i lost everything spit up with babys mum lost home etc etc living in a hostel with a black bag. just as everything went fuzzy and felt strange the belt snapped i woke up having a seizure 10 mins later. Cant be my time.

A couple other other doses in my teens that were more a cry for help. The ones listed above are theb3 times i remember it being so close as well as dying in surgery. All them times i cant say ive evee herd or had any one come to see me or even a message just went dark n that was that. Until i awaken n the memories carry on from there

Nothing is worth killing yourself over and no matter the situation. It WILL get better its taken 36 years but i swesr by this now

*edited out triggering details - n3o*
 
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gibberish-noise

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
52
Ive also tried slashing wrists. Arm was a mess for years the scars are fading now. Not recommended hurts for days after. Also suffering big blood loss is no fun and hurts alot everything i remember is in slow motion and pain until passing out waking up in icu

Once a few years ago admittedly i wasnt a member but came here to see what dose of amyltriptaline would see me off. after 40 mins told my current partner then i dont remember a thing apart from waking up in icu four days later being pumped full of medazolam every time i got agitated an tried leaving. Damm i had alotnof drugs that day. Again id say a horrble nasty death im lucky to be alive!!

I tried hanging when i lost everything spit up with babys mum lost home etc etc living in a hostel with a black bag. just as everything went fuzzy and felt strange the belt snapped i woke up having a seizure 10 mins later. Cant be my time.

A couple other other doses in my teens that were more a cry for help. The ones listed above are theb3 times i remember it being so close as well as dying in surgery. All them times i cant say ive evee herd or had any one come to see me or even a message just went dark n that was that. Until i awaken n the memories carry on from there

Nothing is worth killing yourself over and no matter the situation. It WILL get better its taken 36 years but i swesr by this now

*edited out triggering details - n3o*
Do you have nerve pain or reduced hand/wrist function as a result? I've tried too but it was rather halfassed. Didn't go deep enough to be lethal because I was terrified of surviving with disability such that I would be unable to do it right the next time.

Same in my experience. It was like sleeping, except for awhile after waking I was in a haze.
 
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Lawless69

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Jun 20, 2021
Messages
121
Luckily for me my little fingers the only one affected it droops down on its lonesome n curls under. Ive just taken a picture over 2. 5 years later snd my scars all though now a similar shade as my skin tone are wide and deep wounds theres no denying what they are from. Everybody says the same thing. You wasnt messing about or you dont do things by halfs do you!!
If i knew how to upliad images id still probably not tbh its abit grim but its all part of my story and struggle i dont hide things if people ask.
My Drs are forever telling me iam a medical miracle 🤔😅

All these close shaves and icu stays on life support but im that stubborn n head strong i always seem to come round and be okay (touches wood) i probably should of died at least 5 times off the top of my head. But it cannot be my time not yet!
Maybe the man upstairs has alot more pain and suffering instore for me yet and thinks im not getting out if it that easy 🤣
Ive battled everything thrown my way so far and im standing tall to tell the story 👌
 

Lawless69

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Joined
Jun 20, 2021
Messages
121
Also even in my desperation and longing to end it i still didnt cut the right hand arm even tho im left hamded because my sleeve on that side. My way of thinking if i survive i dont want a sleeve tattoo not matching up cost nearly a thousand pound an many hours of pain (good pain)
Strange how the mind works hey. Even in its most desperate and depressed state
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
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Whilst it is good to celebrate that we're all still alive despite our attempts, I just wanna remind everyone that there is a fine line between discussing suicide attempts and potentially glorifying it and triggering other readers. Just be careful with how much detail we go in to, yeah? Please do not mention substance doses/amounts, and do not describe methods. Posts containing too much detail will be edited.
 
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chinup

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you are lucky @Lawless69 - i didn't slit my wrists but i did self harm quite badly for a short period on my arms and my doctor was amazed i hadn't caused nerve damage. then i just learned to take the top layer of skin off with my nails cos i didn't wanna end up like those people covered in scars.

i attempted suicide twice in my teens. second time i woulda died without medical intervention. i remember begging my mum to just let me die but somehow she got me in a car then she had to get an ambulance cos i stopped breathing.

i didn't smile for 6 months after and swore if i tired again i would NOT fuck it up.

then i promised my mum i'd look after her in her old age, so she wouldn't get abused in an old persons home. that promise has got me though some very dark moments.

i haven't felt suicidal in a while but what helps is to promise yourself you can do it in a week if you don't feel better the whole time. the second you smile its gutting cos now you can't do it, but its also good cos it means you can feel better.
 

ChickenSnacksHD

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
49
Do you have nerve pain or reduced hand/wrist function as a result? I've tried too but it was rather halfassed. Didn't go deep enough to be lethal because I was terrified of surviving with disability such that I would be unable to do it right the next time.

Same in my experience. It was like sleeping, except for awhile after waking I was in a haze.
I get severe neuropathy pain down my one leg and my right hand, half has nerve damage.
leg is from when I was shot, hand was from a stabbing but lucky I know how to block 😆
 

CoveBoy

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
51
My first attempt at suicide was with Methadone and Xanax. I laid down thinking surely I’ll die in my sleep. Nope, woke up mad as hell and wanted crack for some reason. Anyway, I checked myself into the local mental health facility and stayed 3 days. That suicide attempt was the first of 4. After getting endocarditis and having open heart surgery I wasn’t doing very well mentally. 2013-2014 were rough times for me.
 
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