Random Stupid things your parents said to you when you were young

tiggerific

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We got you from the gypsies. Be good or we're sending you back!
pmsl my folks used to say the yeti would come and take us away and make us live in a cold cave with branches for bedding if we did not behave.

we had the normal, if you don't eat your carrots you wont be able to see in the dark. If you keep making faces and the wind changes it will stay like that.

the daft one that sticks in my head though to stop us drinking fizzy juice and eating chewing gum was, chewing gum is made from rats tails and trolls farted in bottles of juice to make it fizzy and no-one likes to drink fart juice.

my parents, especially my mum would make up all sorts of stuff, wish she was still around as I am sure my kids would love some of the stuff she came out with :)
 

Belisarius

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"You can't drink coffee; it'll stunt your growth."

I now realize that the reason they did that was to keep me from running around the house and neighborhood like it was a Mountain Dew commercial.
 

ebola?

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". . .because I say so."

They should have known that this would always end in a 1.5 hr. + discussion, ending in my complicity roughly half the time. :p

ebola
 

TheLoveBandit

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Getting to the point ...
To this day I don't understand why when I would cry about something my dad would always say:

I will give you something to cry about

Obviously I didn't need that, I was already crying.
I got that one enough to where it stuck. Never made sense, but it generally shut me up.

Another one was... you wait until you have kids. You are going to get paid back for everything you did. HA on you mom .... NO KIDS!!!!
I didn't get told this one much, then again I was the 'good kid' and my sister was the handful. She heard it plenty.

= = =

The one thing that sticks with me is when I was about 7-8 my dad made a statement that scared the hell out of me. I don't recall the setting or what led up to it, but I would guess I was being a typical 7-8 yr old and either whinging or crying about something stupid. Anyway, he says to me

When you get some hair on your ass, we'll take you out in the woods and see what kind of man you really are.
I mean, wtf? First, why do you tell a 7-8 yr old he's going to get hair on his ass? Should I start shaving it just to avoid whatever this is all about? I dunno, but this seems like a qualifier I can neither control nor predict so it's going to show up one day and >BOOM< off to the woods with me. Second, I already hated camping, what the hell is this supposed to mean? You're going to take me out there and leave me? Is there some sort of cult rituals of manhood I haven't been told about yet? This is a wholly frightening proposition on all counts, and I'm too scared and bewildered by the whole statement to even seek clarification - not sure I want it, because it could be worse than my imagination. Bottom line, this one statement has stuck for 40+ yrs and scarred me, obviously. Fuck you, too, Dad.
 

dreamflyer

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Awesome thread! Hmm, let's see...

"Picking at your birthmark will give you cancer."

"Playing Dungeons & Dragons will make you possessed/crazy/evil."

"Don't go outside without your coat/scarf/gloves." (on a beautiful day when everyone else was in t-shirts)

I'm sure that there are many, many more but my mind is blank right now because I'm tired.

Parents... gotta love 'em! 8(
 

Cream Gravy?

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My dad's favorite word was 'transparency'. Because he didn't want me to hide my grades, or sex, or drugs from him.

Then if he did find out about those things, he'd flip his lid... so let me get this straight; you want me to be forward about my grades and activities, but if I am, you'll punish me for it? Okay, sure! I'll just lie my fuckin' ass off then.
 

Shadowmeister

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I got married to a crazy person, I was blindly in love. She was abusive and controlling for the 7 years we dated before marriage and it got much worse during the 5 years we were married. Anyway, my parents would constantly make inuendos about us getting married. My mom would be like "I hope my son won't be living in sin for much longer". My dad, at a family wedding once, after the bride and groom left, walked up to my ex and I and said "maybe next it'll be YOU guys walking down the aisle, wink wink, nudge nudge". So we did.

Then when the living hell of that was finally over, both of them said to me, separately, "you know... we're SO glad you ended it. We didn't want to get involved in your relationship, but we never thought you should have married her". I was like... lolwut?? Coulda fucking fooled me! I basically did it to please you guys!! 8( 8)

That's probably the dumbest thing my parents have ever said to me. Urged me to marry someone they could see was controlling and abusive so that I wouldn't be *gasp* living with someone I wasn't married to!! oh noes, oh horrores!
 
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BPD help plz

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this is a quote from my kids dad who said that his nan and grandad used to always call after him and his brother as they went out to play with their mates in the park 'have you got clean pants on? incase you get knocked down by a bus!?'....for all those not of the UK...which is the majority....here..pants are not trousers, they are underwear.....
 

herbavore

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"There's nothing to be scared of." (Right. Actually turns out there was a lot to be scared of.)
"Who ever told you life was fair?" This was actually good parenting and a damn good question.
"Don't make me stop this car." (Pre seat-belt days, three kids fighting in the back seat).
"You are not leaving this table until that plate is clean." (Why every family should have a dog.)
"Childbirth is not painful, it's just uncomfortable." (My mom is famous for her high pain threshold.)
 

SamanthaB

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My mother was famous for all kinds of things like this. Some examples:

1) "If you sit on a guy's lap you could get pregnant."

2) "Now that you are getting married (I was 19), there will be things your husband will want you to do that you will not want to do, but you just have to do them."

3. "If you eat your carrots your eyesight will get better (I wore glasses)."

4. Regarding periods - "One of these days you will find some blood in your panties and you need to use these (and handed me a box of sanitary pads)." No education. Luckily, I already knew about this from more enlightened sources.

5. When I called home when I was in school and said I was sick (which hardly ever occurred), my mother would say, "You do not need to come home, it is psychological,"

Geez, WTF was she thinking?? It is amazing that any of us turn out ok judging from these comments and all those from all the other posters.
 
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Jeanpauldash

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Nov 7, 2018
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All the problems in the family are your fault

You only care about yourself

What are you going to do work in a toll booth

Ahaha ha

That guy over there says you look like jean benet ramsey
 
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madness00

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"Stop killing our pets!" 8)

Just kidding.

More like,

"We know what you're doing on that computer"
"If we catch you talking dirty to one more girl on your cell phone we're taking it away"
"No more Xbox. Okay, do it ONE MORE TIME then no more. This time is the last time before we.. etc. etc."
 

Howsway

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You got 30 seconds to go upstairs and pick a belt to get whooped with and if you pick the wrong one I?m whooping you even more! Literally the worst mindfuck ever 8(
 

SamanthaB

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Jeezus! What century was your mum from..?
My mother was born in 1907. She and my dad adopted me late in life and I think I am older than most people that frequent this site. However, I don't think that most of the things I talked about, or others talked about, have changed a whole lot, except maybe with regard to physical punishment. I think parents still have many many problems talking about sexual matters, in particular, with their children and kids get most of their sex ed outside of the home, unfortunately..
 
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