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Random Stupid things your parents said to you when you were young

Juicy Lucy

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Don't pick your nose, it'll cave in.

Don't make that stupid face, if the wind changes you'll stay like that forever.

If you want to live and thrive, let the spider stay alive.

I do remember quite a strange conversation I had with my dad, where he was asking me if my piss stings my willy sometimes. I wonder if he had a STD?
 

China Rider

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My dad would always tell me I would never hit a home run if I didn't eat so and so

Then finally when I did hit my first home run it was fun telling my older brother the only reason he doesn't have any home runs and I do is because I ate my broccoli!

When ever I would injure my self as a result of acting up, my grandmother would always say 'God punished you!' lol she was awesome!
 

His Name Is Frank

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My dad told me that if I flipped a cop off, that the cop would pull us over and cut my middle finger off. I was 7.
 

michael

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my dad used to sometimes say 'son, there's two kinds of people in this world; the kind i tell to get the fuck from in front of my car, and the kind i don't.'

you're cruisin' for a bruisin'

i'm gonna throw a seven

actually, my dad said enough stupid shit to warrant a thread of his own.
 

Samadhi

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Not my mum and dad, but my grandfather - he had really long earlobes and when i was about 5 i asked him why (in true 5 year old fashion). He told me it was because he pulled them when he was my age and let that be a lesson to me, because if i pull my earlobes too much, they'd stretch permanently. I hadn't ever considered pulling my earlobes before, but i sure as hell never touched them after that. I actually believed him for years until i asked my mum about it and she just laughed - apparently he said that to her too! <3
 

D's

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after they discovered me smoking they bought me a carton of cigarettes. sat me down, and told me to smoke every cigarette. so i did, i read harry potter (when it first came out). and damn that was a good book. (with like a pack left to smoke on the book review to my parents).

lol they were dumbfounded.

they used to tell me to eat my crust, fuck that i still dont fuck with the crust.. shits nasty.
 

Noodle

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"You were a mistake."

:|

Of course Mother doesn't recall saying that. She doesn't recall a lot of the evil shit she used to say to me.

We are very cool now though.

<3
 

Asclepius

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We are very cool now though.

<3
+1



Not my mum and dad, but my grandfather - he had really long earlobes and when i was about 5 i asked him why (in true 5 year old fashion). He told me it was because he pulled them when he was my age and let that be a lesson to me, because if i pull my earlobes too much, they'd stretch permanently. I hadn't ever considered pulling my earlobes before, but i sure as hell never touched them after that. I actually believed him for years until i asked my mum about it and she just laughed - apparently he said that to her too! <3
That is too cute. :)

My Grandfather was a character... I rarely remember him sitting anywhere but the same spot beside the radio; in the Kitchen at their house. He would drink down a raw egg in a glass every morning; smothered with white pepper-I remember being facinated by this t as a child.
He would drive at 10 m/p/hr on the main road, in his little chocolate coloured VW Beetle and shout comically at any car that overtook him. There would be a convoy of Cars beeping, furiously behind and he would look so proud that he was maintaining a 'good,steady speed' despite this; then turn his head round to me in the back seat, smile and say: ''fuck 'em!''.
He would ask everyday: Did your Bowels move?! He believed constipation was the root of all illness. lol
He always insist offering me his Hankerchief if I sneezed, which grossed me out but was meant with all innocent, helpful intention.
He was wonderfully weird and awesome. <3
 
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addictivepersona

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My grandma (who basically raised me) used to tell my brother and I that if we eat the crust, we'd be able to whistle. I always ate the crust and never could whistle. :p
 

voxmystic

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My mom once told me that it was silly for women to be allowed to vote, because they always just voted for whoever their husbands told them to. Bless her fundmentalist heart!

She never told me to eat the crust though. Didn't have to. She makes the BEST crust!
 

addictivepersona

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My mom once told me that it was silly for women to be allowed to vote, because they always just voted for whoever their husbands told them to. Bless her fundmentalist heart!

She never told me to eat the crust though. Didn't have to. She makes the BEST crust!
Hah, that's funny. Your mom's from which generation? (Don't mean that as a knock, just curious, 'cause I think you have children around my age iirc.)

And yeah, Grandma didn't have to tell me to eat the crust--I liked it. I think she was saying it mostly for my brother.

Another gem of my grandma's that most people have thought is really stupid when I've said it: "Talking to you is like talking to a brick shit house."

I think people envision a building made out of shit, not a brick outhouse. 8)

Edit: OH OH, how could I have forgotten this gem!:

I was very young, maybe 4. Saw a hair tie on the ground and went to pick it up. My mom slaps my hand away from it and goes "NO! Don't touch that--It could have AIDS!"

Everything had AIDS in the early 90s according to my mom: Sharing brushes/combs, hair ties, etc. was a surefire way to get AIDS. 8)
 
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SDforever420

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Eat your corn i will help you poop- Mom:) She still says this. Another one is when i would be tokin up in my room she would come in take a big whiff make her eyes look half shut and say in a lazy voice. HEY MANNNN...YOU SHOULD OPEN A WINDOW.
 

inmymindimeveryone

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^^ i still don't agree with that. Apparently to me it was worth crying over.

Another one was... you wait until you have kids. You are going to get paid back for everything you did. HA on you mom .... NO KIDS!!!!
I call it the Parental Curse:

"I hope you have a kid just like you!"
 

Asclepius

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It seems as though our grandfathers were the bees knees, Asclepius <3
Defo, Samadhi! <3


Another gem of my grandma's that most people have thought is really stupid when I've said it: "Talking to you is like talking to a brick shit house."

I think people envision a building made out of shit, not a brick outhouse. 8)
lol Geezus krist! It's amazing that any of us have any self esteem left!
''You are as interesting as a toilet!'' WTF, who says this to a kid? ...crazy shit.%)


"NO! Don't touch that--It could have AIDS!"

Everything had AIDS in the early 90s according to my mom: Sharing brushes/combs, hair ties, etc. was a surefire way to get AIDS. 8)
True that, I got constantly lectured about the potential of getting AIDS from a Toilet seat. There is a huge Forest deficit in the world that my Mother is responsible for because of her incessant, compulsion to line any public toilet seat with layer upon gigantic layer of T.P.
 

TINK

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OMG I am 40 years old and my mom is still saying stupid shit.

I called her up today because I had a little emotional breakdown about having to go back on pain medication after being clean for almost 5 years.

and she asked "is it because it makes you feel dirty?" I was like wtf?
 

theartofwar

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^ hah - my mom one time when I said I hate being an addict responded , "the stigma must be overwhelming" - I literally just stared at her, like, stigma ?? The fuck do i give a shit about stigma, I'm trying to not die lol.
 
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