I have found my self-returning to thoughts of people I know and people that knew. There have been so many people in and out of my life that sometimes I wonder how I can still feel all right. Doesn't it take a lot to feel for some one? I mean really feel. The feel that you get when you look around at people’s faces that are with you and you realize how they affect you and how you feel about them. Knowing full well that the experience you are having has some thing to do with the meaning of life and how if you could just be like that, always, you would be all right.
Don't misunderstand me it is not just the sensation of delight but more about what is right and how it is to be with people you like. I think about the times that have felt that way and want to say to those people that I wish we could be that way again. You know even as recently I remember being in my old place with friends just hanging out and making dinner, sharing some wine and talking about everything and nothing, but knowing that this was really a good thing and that the way that I felt at that point had meaning. The whole situation seemed larger then me and bigger then all of we. I seemed to recall thinking that if there was really some thing to life that this kind of sharing and being together had some thing to do with it.
Now some days I find that my mind is a wash in the stream of the events of the day. Sometimes I feel like I have to stop my self and say hey, am I ok. Like today, now I know that through this I will be OK but today I "feel". More of everything in every way. More joy at watching the sun rise this morning. Now when I drive in I leave in darkness and arrive somewhat bathed in light. Some times it makes me feel like a child pretending, (to be Batman) driving out under the cover of night, down the hills and down towards the city. And just when all that starts to settle in and get me to smile some how I can feel the walls of a deep well of sadness come up around me and the light gets small and far from where I am and there is just me, alone and in the dark. I can’t even find the warmth from the light and begin to wonder; retrospectively, weather I will ever be all right.
Does this ever happen to you? Do you get scared in the dark too?
Don't misunderstand me it is not just the sensation of delight but more about what is right and how it is to be with people you like. I think about the times that have felt that way and want to say to those people that I wish we could be that way again. You know even as recently I remember being in my old place with friends just hanging out and making dinner, sharing some wine and talking about everything and nothing, but knowing that this was really a good thing and that the way that I felt at that point had meaning. The whole situation seemed larger then me and bigger then all of we. I seemed to recall thinking that if there was really some thing to life that this kind of sharing and being together had some thing to do with it.
Now some days I find that my mind is a wash in the stream of the events of the day. Sometimes I feel like I have to stop my self and say hey, am I ok. Like today, now I know that through this I will be OK but today I "feel". More of everything in every way. More joy at watching the sun rise this morning. Now when I drive in I leave in darkness and arrive somewhat bathed in light. Some times it makes me feel like a child pretending, (to be Batman) driving out under the cover of night, down the hills and down towards the city. And just when all that starts to settle in and get me to smile some how I can feel the walls of a deep well of sadness come up around me and the light gets small and far from where I am and there is just me, alone and in the dark. I can’t even find the warmth from the light and begin to wonder; retrospectively, weather I will ever be all right.
Does this ever happen to you? Do you get scared in the dark too?
