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Sometimes I really don’t know what to do

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
84,998
I help take care of my girlfriends elderly grandparents and they help me by giving me a place to stay in exchange for doing primarily all of the work around the house, cooking, cleaning, meal preps, lawn work. I really have it amazing as it helps me make things work with being disabled and helps my girlfriend be able to maintain a full time job herself without having to rush. I do have some dilemmas. I love her grandmother. She’s stubborn but she’s funny, she generally cares about people regardless of what they offer her and she’s helped me when I needed the most. But her husband is a different story, I find myself getting angry all the time.. as he is older and blind along with having swollen feet from diabetes. He’s extremely overweight, which I shouldn’t judge him for as we all suffer our vices. But every single day he overeats to the point where he shits all day long, failing to wipe himself correctly as I’m sure it’s kinda hard to. But I’m constantly cleaning fecal matter off the toilet, keeping up with his dishes he makes. And having to eat my leftovers that I buy myself for myself along with the food I help purchase for the HOUSE. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but sometimes I get angry with him as we are all stuck in the house trying to avoid going at as much as possible yet he is eating all the quarantine food on top of meals on wheels sorta program he receives from our local church. He don’t really like me as I’m really not one to qualm my opinions for long, but besides that he doesn’t approve of me and my girlfriends relationship. He’s sorta nasty too as he will make sexually suggestive comments to her, and because of his age and being under his and his wife’s roof.. I have to avoid confronting him about because my temper can snap very quickly to the point of doing something more stupid then yelling. I just don’t know what to do or say anymore about it and it creates a lot of undue stress between me and my girlfriend as I feel she’s alone in all this as am I by extension of living here and dating her. I just don’t know how to address things anymore as I’ve tried as calmly and politely as possible with the grandmother and my girlfriend and nothing seems to change as far as him. Nor do I expect it. But now I find myself wishing not really bad things on him, but more so a viable reason for him to go to a long term care facility despite his financial help to the house. I understand that a lot more would fall on me if he did leave but at this point bills vs..him being here id rather pay the damn bills. I also understand that one day, he won’t be here and I’ll probably be bitching about the finances. I just don’t know what to do anymore and chose to vent her not really looking for a response (but feel free to give me one) but more so I don’t go off the deep end with him
 
You're between a rock and a hard place, honey. Bottom line is, you're in their house. He is not going to change for anyone, at anytime whether you're there or not. He doesn't sound like the type of person to want to compromise either.

I can relate to a lot of this. The poop on the toilet especially 🤬

My husband's great uncle (70 at the time) came to live with us because while he was living with his sister (my husband's mother), she was basically killing him and taking all of his money while waiting for him to die for a measly $5,000 life insurance policy.

He was over 300 pounds with awful diabetes, kidney disease, heart failure and a whole slew of other problems. He did really well for awhile when I put him on a kidney friendly diabetic diet. His diabetes was very under control and his kidney function improved tremendously.

Then he started not taking care of himself. He started falling apart and we didn't know why. We found out he was sneaking chewing tobacco in his room, which is a leading cause of kidney failure in diabetics and plays hell on blood sugar levels. He had infections on his leg he would not take care of and didnt tell me about, and eventually it caused him to have a heart attack and a stroke. It has been downhill since then.

He won't take his insulin or his medications, he eats like shit, smokes cigars constantly, chews tobacco, refuses to do his physical therapy. He can barely move and expects my husband and I to do everything for him because he can't. Because he won't take care of himself. We do, because we love him, but it was really taking a toll on the household. We had 2 special needs teenagers, a new baby, and him as well as running our own business.

I know it gets frustrating, but the best thing you can do is to accept that this is basically your job, and understand that it is not going to change. It will help you with your frustration level.

As far as dishes, I find it easier to just do dishes as soon as they hit the sink. Don't run any water, just soap up your sponge and scrub and rinse. It takes 2 minutes and keeps it from spiraling out of control.

The shit on the toilet is THE FUCKING WORST. When I visit my husband, I don't even use the fucking bathroom.

I kept a pile of cleaning rags, paper towels and a heavy duty sanitizer by the toilet. I fucking hated it, but I scrubbed that son of a bitch down every time I saw him leave the bathroom.

Edit- and when I say everything, we even have to get him out of bed and off the toilet
 
LadyAlkaline said:
You're between a rock and a hard place, honey. Bottom line is, you're in their house. He is not going to change for anyone, at anytime whether you're there or not. He doesn't sound like the type of person to want to compromise either.

I can relate to a lot of this. The poop on the toilet especially 🤬

My husband's great uncle (70 at the time) came to live with us because while he was living with his sister (my husband's mother), she was basically killing him and taking all of his money while waiting for him to die for a measly $5,000 life insurance policy.

He was over 300 pounds with awful diabetes, kidney disease, heart failure and a whole slew of other problems. He did really well for awhile when I put him on a kidney friendly diabetic diet. His diabetes was very under control and his kidney function improved tremendously.

Then he started not taking care of himself. He started falling apart and we didn't know why. We found out he was sneaking chewing tobacco in his room, which is a leading cause of kidney failure in diabetics and plays hell on blood sugar levels. He had infections on his leg he would not take care of and didnt tell me about, and eventually it caused him to have a heart attack and a stroke. It has been downhill since then.

He won't take his insulin or his medications, he eats like shit, smokes cigars constantly, chews tobacco, refuses to do his physical therapy. He can barely move and expects my husband and I to do everything for him because he can't. Because he won't take care of himself. We do, because we love him, but it was really taking a toll on the household. We had 2 special needs teenagers, a new baby, and him as well as running our own business.

I know it gets frustrating, but the best thing you can do is to accept that this is basically your job, and understand that it is not going to change. It will help you with your frustration level.

As far as dishes, I find it easier to just do dishes as soon as they hit the sink. Don't run any water, just soap up your sponge and scrub and rinse. It takes 2 minutes and keeps it from spiraling out of control.

The shit on the toilet is THE FUCKING WORST. When I visit my husband, I don't even use the fucking bathroom.

I kept a pile of cleaning rags, paper towels and a heavy duty sanitizer by the toilet. I fucking hated it, but I scrubbed that son of a bitch down every time I saw him leave the bathroom.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for this! Ima come back to this every time I get upset and realize I’m not the only one! I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I thank you for helping out the less fortunate you have a good heart!
 
LadyAlkaline said:
You're between a rock and a hard place, honey. Bottom line is, you're in their house. He is not going to change for anyone, at anytime whether you're there or not. He doesn't sound like the type of person to want to compromise either.

I can relate to a lot of this. The poop on the toilet especially 🤬

My husband's great uncle (70 at the time) came to live with us because while he was living with his sister (my husband's mother), she was basically killing him and taking all of his money while waiting for him to die for a measly $5,000 life insurance policy.

He was over 300 pounds with awful diabetes, kidney disease, heart failure and a whole slew of other problems. He did really well for awhile when I put him on a kidney friendly diabetic diet. His diabetes was very under control and his kidney function improved tremendously.

Then he started not taking care of himself. He started falling apart and we didn't know why. We found out he was sneaking chewing tobacco in his room, which is a leading cause of kidney failure in diabetics and plays hell on blood sugar levels. He had infections on his leg he would not take care of and didnt tell me about, and eventually it caused him to have a heart attack and a stroke. It has been downhill since then.

He won't take his insulin or his medications, he eats like shit, smokes cigars constantly, chews tobacco, refuses to do his physical therapy. He can barely move and expects my husband and I to do everything for him because he can't. Because he won't take care of himself. We do, because we love him, but it was really taking a toll on the household. We had 2 special needs teenagers, a new baby, and him as well as running our own business.

I know it gets frustrating, but the best thing you can do is to accept that this is basically your job, and understand that it is not going to change. It will help you with your frustration level.

As far as dishes, I find it easier to just do dishes as soon as they hit the sink. Don't run any water, just soap up your sponge and scrub and rinse. It takes 2 minutes and keeps it from spiraling out of control.

The shit on the toilet is THE FUCKING WORST. When I visit my husband, I don't even use the fucking bathroom.

I kept a pile of cleaning rags, paper towels and a heavy duty sanitizer by the toilet. I fucking hated it, but I scrubbed that son of a bitch down every time I saw him leave the bathroom.
Click to expand...
I guess it’s time to go clean poopy I don’t want my girl having to come home and clean it when she just wants to relax or I may just wait till after dinner.
 
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