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Sober Living Partner Program: Partner Listings


Bluelight Crew
Aug 20, 2014
with the dead crow god
This thread is part of the Sober Living Partner program (SLiPP). For information about what the Partner Program is and how it works, please see the thread called Sober Living Partner Program: Administration and Discussion.

The Big Picture
The aim of this thread is to help you find a SL partner with whom you are compatible. Please feel free to write a profile of yourself on this thread. And feel free to reach out (via a PM) to anyone whose profile on this thread interests you.

Using the Provided Template to Find a Partner
To help give potential partners an idea of who you are and what you’d like to get from the partner program, we have provided the following template. To create your own profile, simply cut and paste the blank template into a new post on this thread. Then write your information in the template and you’ll be all set.

Like almost everything else about the SLiPP, using this template is optional. If you would rather write your profile a different way, please do so. The template is simply here as a convenience.

SLiPP Partner Listing Template (cut and paste to make your own profile)
My timezone:

My gender:

My status in recovery:

My goals in recovery:

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me:

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner:

Things I love:

Things I hate:

Other things a potential partner should know about me:

Example Profiles
For the sake of clarity, we have created a few sample (fictional) profiles using the template. These are simply intended to help clarify what each field in the template is for. To keep this post brief, we have hidden teach of the examples in SPOILER tags.

Example 1
My timezone: US Central

My gender: male

My status in recovery: I have been in recovery for a couple of years. However, I have bounced around a lot, getting clean a few times but with many relapses along the way. I am currently abstinent from opioids and have been for about a month.

My goals in recovery: I have no interest in complete abstinence from all drugs. But I hope to get a solid base of recovery from opioid addiction. I also hope to learn how to handle my moods better. In terms of goals outside of recovery, I hope to go back to school to finish my degree. After that I hope to be able to find a satisfying career.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: My DOC was IV heroin. I dabbled in many other drugs, but opioids have always been my biggest problem. I also suffer from depression and an eating disorder.

Things I love: dogs, mountains, music by 90’s bands from Seattle.

Things I hate: Donald Trump, being dopesick, 12-step meetings

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I am married with three kids. I don’t have a regular job right now, but I make ends meet by doing work through on the Internet. I am in my mid-30’s. I started using heroin when I was 20 and have been trying to quit for about 3 years.

Example 2
My timezone: London time

My gender: female

My status in recovery: Trying to quit all drugs. I have been addicted to oxy for about 3 years. I have been trying to quit for about the last 6 months. Though I am hot and cold with 12-step groups, I have gotten active in NA recently, and it is really helping me.

My goals in recovery: I hate what drugs have done to my life. I would like to be completely free from drugs.
Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: My biggest issue is abusing painkillers. I also sometimes go on stimulant binges...mostly crack, occasionally meth.

Things I love: Electronic dance music, motorcycles, travel

Things I hate: my job, dishonest people

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I try to check BL as often as possible, but I can’t get online every day. I usually manage to check BL about 3 times weekly.

Please feel free to make your profile your own. Use the template if you'd like, or structure your profile any other way you like. If you have any questions or comments about the SL Partner Program feel free to post on the SL Partner Program: Administration and Discussion Thread, or send a PM to simco.
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Bluelight Crew
Aug 20, 2014
with the dead crow god
I'm taking down my profile because I found a great partner. I'll leave it readable though, hiding it behind nsfw tags...please don't hesitate to contact me if there's anything you'd like to discuss.

My timezone: US Mountain (Denver)

My gender: Male

My status in recovery: I quit opioids about 9 months ago. I take my recovery very seriously. But complete abstinence isn't in the cards for me...I still use cannabis, uh, liberally.

My goals in recovery: I feel like although I have managed to put some distance between me and heroin, I am not really that far along in moving past my addiction. I still think about drugs a lot and feel like I need to get better at dealing with stress, depression and disappointment without fantasizing about narcotics. I see recovery as a huge project, requiring growth in many facets of my life. Hopefully over time I'll be able to cultivate more stability and breadth in daily living.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: My biggest problem was with heroin. I was a daily IV heroin user for about 5 years. I dabbled in plenty of other drugs too. But heroin was the worst for me.

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: I'd like to pair up with someone who shares my belief that recovery entails growth in all aspects of our lives. I'd especially like to know someone who is struggling (like me) to stay motivated in their recovery, though I'm happy to consider a partnership with people at early stages of recovery.

Things I love: Music (especially 80's punk rock and current hardcore/metal), Being in nature (especially hiking/running in alpine mountains), my dog, playing guitar, electronics (especially building music amplification equipment), really good TV and movies.

Things I hate: Right-wing politics, job stress

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I know that 12-step fellowships are a polarizing issue in recovery. Personally, NA has been a big part of my own recovery. But I've always approached NA with mixed feelings. I think 12-step dogma is largely bullshit, and I have no real interest in complete abstinence from all drugs. However, I have found the social aspect of occasional NA meetings very helpful. Also, I have struggled with severe depression for my whole life. For me, addiction and mental health issues are very strongly related.
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Bluelight Crew
Apr 26, 2006
My timezone is Eastern-Time

I'm a male

My status in recovery, just a recovering drunk and drug addict trying to find a new way to live.

My goals in recovery is to be of maximum service to my fellows and my higher power.

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict(would lable myself as a waste basket addict,because i would get high on anything and everything).

Things I enjoy doing, i enjoy walking, and riding my bike around the city, and enjoy fellowshiping with my friends in recovery.

I hate people that treat AA/NA like a fashion show.

What my partner should know about me, as of august 22nd 2016, i will have 1 year sober and drug free from ALL mood, and mind-altering chemicals. I work at a drug and alcohol treatment center, I would like to advocate with recovering addicts that are on a methadone, and suboxone program. I feel like they need someone who's been there before, and want them to know that there is hope for them. :)

Also, I work a solid AA program, i have worked the 12 steps of AA, and work with other addicts inside and outside the rooms. I volunteer at health organizations, and promote the treatment center that I work at.
I have 2 home groups, and am involved with young people in AA.
If you have any questions or need someone to talk with about the twelve steps, feel free to partner up with me. :)



Bluelight Crew
Nov 18, 2008
On a sinking boat
Central US


Status in recovery_ I have certainly had my battles that's for sure. Right now I'm on methadone maintenance 150mg and I have a on off again monthly script to kpin and gabapentin. Otherwise I'm clean lol. But I'm trying to stay off stimulants pot just anything I can't get legally for real.

Problem drugs/ heroin, stims, benzos. Suicidal behavior, self sabotage. I'm diagnosed with a bunch of mental health problems highlighted by ptsd.

Things Im looking for in a partner_ I need someone open minded but not afraid to speak there mind. Someone who understands mental health problems. Prefer a person who has experience with opiates.

I love sports, history, music, movies, and reading

I hate closed minded willfully ingnorant people

My biggest problem is seeing the good things about sobriety. So far it's been a lonely somewhat miserable experience. I am good at giving advice but bad at taking it. I'm also selfless and available to listen. I feel like I'm 13 writing a myspace profile lol. But yeah looking forward to the program.


Bluelight Crew
Nov 5, 2015
El Pueblo Loco
Timezone: Eastern (Florida)

Gender: Male

Status in recovery: Total of 18 months with one stumble; am figuring out how to simply be a normal person that doesn't drink or abuse drugs, which leads me to:

My goals in recovery: to be a normal person who doesn't drink or abuse drugs

Drugs and behaviors that are problematic for me: alcohol primarily, any sort of downer in general; behaviors: unyielding stubbornness; a need to always be right; diagnosed with generalized anxiety, panic disorder and PTSD stemming from violent childhood physical abuse, probably OCD too

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: someone who I can talk to about problems that concern addiction without the baggage of traditional 12 step sponsorship

Things I love: being active outdoors; I kayak, sail, scuba dive and road cycle, just to name a few things

Things I hate: entrenched dogma

Other things a potential partner should know about me: beneath the sometimes crusty exterior, I can actually be pretty nice; I am grateful for my last field trip out because it reinforced the notion once and for all I cannot consume alcohol safely under any circumstances; I once considered myself beyond hope (multiple stays in treatments didn't seem to really help) and while I wasn't exactly suicidal, I did wish for death in that I wished I wouldn't wake up from my blackouts - if I can do it I believe anyone can and am willing to help anyone, with or without the 12 steps, who wants to stop
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Apr 27, 2011
Timezone: Eastern (Florida)

My gender: Male

My status in recovery: After I got baker-acted in 2013 because I lost the ability to take my legally prescribed opioids and benzos as prescribed (and for verbally threatening my wife in front of a doctor). I came out of the psych ward and started doing AA. My doctor immediately switched me to bupe which I continue to take about 2mg/day. I get the impression that one should not stay on bupe that long but I'm 61 years old with 2 bulging discs and it's all you can get for pain these days if you don't have connections. Whether you choose to believe I have legitimate pain issues or not is your concern, not mine. I was very active most of my life. I was a B tennis player and ran for tennis endurance. I did AA for 3 straight years but decided one day I'd had enough of people crying over their regrets. It just depressed the hell out of me ultimately. No, I don't believe I'm terminally unique. My sponsor or whatever he is to me now convinced me to go to an AA meeting about a month ago when I abruptly ran out of meds but it was depressing to me. If it helps you as it did me for a while by all means go for it.

My goals in recovery: Uh, I don't have any particular desire to be totally clean but don't want to be facing severe withdrawal symptoms like when I went CT off 120mg of methadone and 3mg of clonazepam. I would like to get out of the house more often due to sheer boredom.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: My DOC is opioids. Dropped acid at 15 in May of 1971 and concluded all drugs must be of that ilk. Racked up 3 DUI'S by age 31. The last one in 1986 my BAL was right at .10 but back then they didn't realize I was also doing cocaine and IM levo dromoran. My character defects are passive aggressive behavior, grandiosity and attention seeking behavior. I'm fairly reclusive. My wife described me as belligerent about my drug use before the incident. I have a mouth that gets me in trouble. One time my friend talked a policeman into letting a DUI charge go and then inexplicably I proceeded to give the officer a piece of my mind, but he just laughed at me and let my friend drive me home.

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: Would think my partner would have to be older to be able to relate to those times and so forth. But anybody that can identify with me is welcome. I would like to find an open minded person that doesn't ridicule my attempts to practice Bon Buddhism. No evangelicals please.

Things I love: My two long haired dachshunds brothers, Sherlock and Peanut. Interesting documentaries and other cutting edge flicks. Audible.com. Music, obviously my tastes are from long ago. The best thing that happened to me this summer was going to see Roger Water's. When I hear lyrics like:

Tell me is something eluding you, sunshine?
Is this not what you expected to see?
If you want to find out what's behind these cold eyes
You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise

I fucking go crazy! Also enjoyed the road trip to Ohio to see my stepson then onto Colorado to check out their experiment in legal cannabis. Although every time I exceeded the speed limit my more than 2 miles an hour, my wife bitched. My wallet got stolen in KC then returned minus the cash.

Things I hate: ideology and dogma, the mentality that I need to one-up you.

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I am a retired electrical engineer/Oracle database specialist. Since we both have federal pensions plus a trust fund from my mom, money is not a big problem. Sorry if this sounds like bragging. They're just facts. We are on the verge of a divorce. It's kind of a Mexican standoff right now. I started getting benzo's on the side. I wrestled for about 2 weeks before the road trip about whether to tell her or not. I told her the day before I was to get them that I tried to cancel without success and would she be kind enough to hold on to them and dispense them to me when I couldn't sleep and possibly other limited situations. She had a day to absorb this admission but when I obtained them, she claimed she hid them in the used recyclable coffee pod bag, forgot, and shipped it back (minus any identifiers). So where ever they went, I hope the person that finds them benefits. I have a schizophrenic older ex-acidhead brother I take care of. He had a band way back when, went to the original Woodstock.
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Jul 31, 2012
Orlando, Fl
My timezone: Eastern(CFL)

My gender: Male

My status in recovery: Just getting started(again)... I have been able to accumulate 2 separate stints of 1yr and 8mths since I first started trying to get clean 2.5yrs ago.

My goals in recovery: Mind, Body, Soul approach. Remain as abstinent as I can to allow my mind and body time to recover. I want to identify behaviors and patterns of thinking that are detrimental to my recovery, While learning to incorporate meditation and mindfulness techniques. I like to stay active with exercise and I def. plan on running with my weight lifting this time as I am extremely interested in the neuro regenisis and depression lifting attributes. I also have a lot of adaptive issues because of cognitive impairment brought on by long term benzo and opiate abuse and maladaptive practices that developed over my 20yrs of opiate abuse.

Drugs and behaviors that are problematic for me: Opiates, benzos and to a lesser extent alcohol. I suffer from anxiety and depression, with a degree of social awkwardness brought on by isolation, emotional and cognitive impairment. I also suffer from some body dysmorphia and low self esteem in relation to women even though I am a good looking guy. I have to check my expectations in recovery because in the past I have expected too much too fast and became disappointed with the rate of my recovery. Also last time I became involved with a female to early and it really caused my confidence in all facets of my life to plummet, so I need to build a solid foundation in recovery that focuses on self improvement before dating. The female issue is a big deal in my self image as I tend to validate myself through women and to a lesser extent my peer group. I cared too much about what other people thought about me instead of building a core belief in myself detached from the whims and actions of others.

Things I'm looking for in a SLipp partner: Someone who is open minded, knowledgeable in many areas of recovery, spiritual, who is ready to aggressively tackle the predicament of addiction using a multi tooled approach. I tend to push really hard and become grandiose with bi polar swings though so I need somebody, who is level headed and able to give practicle advice.

Things I love: To be honest I am totally rediscovering myself but I love being active and outdoors, self improvement, reading nature and adrenaline.

Things I hate: Rigid one size fits all approaches to recovery, self absorbed narcissistic people, people who can only connect on a superficial level.

Other things a potential partner needs to know about me: More to be revealed. I am gifted with the opportunity to completely start over and reinvent myself. I didn't work for years before I decided to get sober. I hadn't had sex or dated in 8yrs due to the traumatic death of a girlfriend next to me in bed after an argument over a sexually transmitted disease I gave her. Also long term benzo and methadone killed my sex drive. I suffered severe cognitive impairment due to the long term benzos, methadone withdrawal and junky lifestyle. I have had to relearn all life skills over again. I am friendly, gregarious but sometimes appear aloof and distant because of the learning curve of reconnecting with the human race. I was also one semester away from receiving a bachlors in Psychology to become an addiction specialist but that was 15yrs ago and due to my forementioned cognitive problems I am afraid a lot of my value in this regaurd will have to be relearned on the fly.
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May 31, 2017
So close to Hell, I can see Sparks

My timezone: Pacific- Nevada

My gender: Female

My status in recovery: I did the 12 steps, had 8 or more years clean. I worked on myself, trying to make a better life, a better way of living, a healthy example for my kid. I now drink very rarely, and even more rarely in excess (the last time I drank to excess was 3 years back). I have physical issues that require pain killers, so I take them regularly and don't see my body working without them. I have plenty of 12 step rederic in my head and find some of it useful. I live a full life, and am a productive member of society. I consider myself clean, as my drug of choice has not been in my life in almost 17 years.

My goals in recovery: To live life, productive, happy, and on my terms. To not have my actions dictated by what others will think of me, after all it is none of my business.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: My drug of choice was speed, I liked the get up and go. I have issues with dealing with the program that is my head, and taking the painkillers I need to walk, sit, etc. Sometimes all that recovery gets in the way :). Also, I am having a small issue with the pain med I am taking now. For some reason I crave it more than any other med I have taken, so I sometimes struggle with *needing* more.

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: I would love to be able to help someone that needs support to quit a habit (or multiple habits), but is not necessarily looking for complete abstinence. In my experience it is hard to find support for quiting less than everything, and I want to be there for someone who is in that space. In return, I need someone who is open-minded and non judgmental to vent to sometimes.

Things I love: Life, laughter, children, dogs, cats, animals and people. Music, especially 'oldies' is my therapy.

Things I hate: Trump is topping that list right now, Twitter has become a cuss word in my head. Judgement, anger, spite.

Other things a potential partner should know about me: NA was a great place when I needed it. NA got me clean, taught me a new way of life, and introduced me to many, many wonderful people. It no longer feels like home, I no longer identify as an addict, but the tools still work well for me. I can listen to anything (except politics) and not pass judgement, I am always willing to lend an ear if you need it. I am all BL most during weekdays, and always take Sundays 'off'.

Peace- GRSH


Apr 12, 2015
My timezone: Central Standard Time

My gender: Female

My status in recovery: Confused...been in and out of AA/NA for 6 years. Most uninterrupted time was 9 months.

My goals in recovery: To be a productive member of society. To be a part of my boys lives. To be able to cope with the demands of daily living that others do without having to poke holes in my arm.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: Meth is my DOC for sure. Thanks to another post on bluelight my curiosity for opiates has been curtailed.

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner:
Honest with their observations about me. Open minded in the sense that my life has progressively improved despite my "relapses" every few months.

Things I love: writing, reading, learning

Things I hate: exercise, healthy food, judgemental people who believe in only one definition and path to recovery.

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I have 4 boys that I lost permanent custody of. Thankfully they are with family and close by and right now I see them weekly. This is a huge area of regret and shame and guilt...there is already a social stigma that comes with being a noncustodial mother so please no one that is going to ask me shy my kids were not more important. I love them with all my heart but addiction was more powerful than my love for my kids.


Oct 2, 2013
My Timezone- Eastern

My gender- male

My status in recovery- on a suboxone maintenance program (been on the same dose for about 5 years now), up until 1 year ago i was still shooting heroin every weekend and smoking crack throughout the week, but for the past year I've touched nothing except my subs and weed

My goals in recovery- to eventually get off suboxone, I'm thinking of a very slow weening process over the course of a year or maybe even longer (I've failed in the past twice), also to quit smoking weed

Drugs/ Behaviors that are problematic for me- smoking weed every night i really want to quit that, i also struggle with heavy depression and anxiety

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner- someone to help me out with my social anxiety, someone i can talk about cravings with because I've been getting a lot of those lately, maybe someone who is familiar with suboxone

Things I love- surfing is my passion in life it is the only thing that gives me joy in this life aside from playing Blizzard games (WoW, HoTs, Diablo, Hearthstone)

Things I hate- large groups of people, speaking in front of people, where I live (NJ)

Other things potential partner should know about me- Ever since i got on suboxone my life improved but also became stagnant I'm actually going on Wellbutrin for my extreme lack of motivation in life, lethargy, constantly numbed out feeling from the suboxone so maybe if someone is familiar with anti depressants that would be a plus because I've never been on a medicine like that before


Mar 24, 2014
timezone: Eastern US


recovery status: For the past 9 months or so I've completed two 28 day inpatient stays and been actively trying to stay sober and in recovery. Not having put together more than 4 months total at a time, this is a daily struggle for me. I believe in the NA program and have been fortunate enough to establish a relationship with my higher power at this point. All drugs have been apart of my story

recovery goals: remain abstinent , find what works for me, stay involved and be an active participant in my recovery, to get my soul back , play music again, have a family, be honest, possibly utilize cannabis as a tool for recovery

problem behaviors: using and not telling anyone about it, coke became a big problem because it was for sale where I was getting my boy and basically got hooked on smack & coke near the final stages of my active addiction, not being honest with familiar loved ones is huge, I can be honest with a total stranger sometimes but when I'm trying to be honest with the ones around me that care, I have shame and guilt that keeps me hidden

my SLiPP partner has: perspective, experience matters but perspective can move me more, those on maintenance, those maintaining complete sobriety, open mind, bleeding heart, fair but firm, no bullshit, no small talk

: rock and roll, heavy metal, music, writing, books, biking, climbing, kitties, family, good conversation, the beach, waves, new cities, joey diaz, joe rogan, comedy and making jokes, coffee, the guitar, cheesecake

H A T E: Donald trump, pretension, drama, two faces, hypocrisy, myself when dishonest, [I hear I complain a lot so you may find out more of what I dislike, haha]:p

I have an open mind and a lot of crazy ideas about how recovery can sustain and work, everybody is different but there seems to be a few ways that have worked for the vast majority, drugs our changing, our minds are changing, our brain chemistry is changing, I am a forward thinker, I do believe that some of my drug experiences (hallucinogens ) have shaped who I am and cemented my belief system. I am a scorpio? :D
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Bluelight Crew
Mar 11, 2013
My timezone: US Eastern

My gender: male

My status in recovery: About 40-45 days sober, this is the longest time I've been sober in four years by weeks and I'm facing the hurdles that I left out when I was younger.

My goals in recovery: I have no interest in complete abstinence from all drugs. In the future due to my age (Turning 21 in December) I will drink again. I will also probably sporadically use psychedelic drugs in the future when I have my life back together again. I simply want to become more humble, and to appreciate all of the ugliness I was escaping from.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: I have social anxiety, OCD, and my problem drug was methamphetamine and drugs of the stimulant class. I would very much call myself an escapist as this problem repeated itself with everything.

Things I love: Cooking, new music, spirituality, bettering myself, being outdoors, neuroscience

Things I hate: SJW's

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I'm a registered sex offender (no seriously)

Jokes aside I'm a pretty open minded person and I'm not honestly sure what I'm trying to get out of this aside from somebody to work with to get sober. Loneliness has been my biggest trigger and I don't want to go back. I'm 20 years old. I'm also very interested in science, art, and philosophy. I'm not going to whip my dick out (I'm lowkey one of the most intelligent people I know kekkekkek) but I'm somewhat intellectually driven and I love to have debates and conversations about life and it's innate workings.


May 23, 2018
timezone: N.E. NYC.

gender: male , 26 y.o very serious about recovery yet extremely understanding.

recovery status: clean less than one month.. due to extreme bouts with depression anger and anxiety.

recovery goals: to get clean off opiates completely even if it means going on subs or meth for 2 weeks or so to help transition ( I do not believe as of right now I should take it everyday but that it should be taken as a PRN on a as needed basis just as one would responsibly take Xanax or whatever benzo for panic attacks..) to do something socially acceptable to use as an outlet that isn't shooting heroin throughout the day and night .. such as riding motor cycles or having a fufilling job. And I feel it is Def ok to either take a sub or a benzo in a anxiety/panic situation that is true! And not just to help you got a minute or two of sleep even if it means you won't sleep at all that does not classify an emergency.

problem behaviors: feeling accomplished because I am new to recovery so I feel like if I got 6 months down it would be only what I deserve and owe myself for a job well done to shoot.. (have had 8 months clean in the past which came to an end when I didn't get that job)

my SLiPP partner has: to be 120% serious about stopping heroin I'm not interested in the guy that stopped anything else cause nothing is like #4 so save it.. be 30+ y.o and real as fuck I have met some beautiful souls in armes acres that fit the script also someone from the 5 boroughs or jersey would be most relatable due to us facing the same flow of drugs into our neighborhoods and lives.

LOVE: My family..human kind.. people that do no harm to the innocent. To do the right thing like you either have or plan on having kids walk to school on this same Earth that we walk on without it being a wicked environment for them.

H A T E: classism.. racism.. bullies

More: I'm Colombian.. living in Queens.. trying to escape this crazy city and go to the military now that everything's sealed up as of this month.. I'm also a licensed Emt that quit cause EMTs in NYC are mostly all fucking losers .. and I care too much to not be allowed to help in a real way.. aspired to be a surgeon now would like to be somehow keeping law enforcement honest... Also that I may be like "your brother just passed and you wanna shoot up" .. "fuck hold up lemmi get my narcan just in case then" cause that's really fucked" if there's no stopping you and you won't take a stick and a sub or any alternative.. the key to success here is honesty in everything we do and say or what's the fucking point.. so keep it a buck and I will do the same and if I see your serious you'll see the same and I'm confident we can over come this and be the I'll ass people we were before this took over our lives !
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Mar 31, 2017
My timezone: mountain time

My gender: male

My status in recovery: in recovery for about the last year, last slip was a good intentioned friend offering me a line, didn't even know about my recover.

My goals in recovery: stop destroying my heart, evaluate my health status and damage done, replace my DOC with exercise and other healthy habits, develop the mental skill set to navigate myself out of the traps your mind and circumstance presents.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me:IV Meth, cigarettes

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: support, availability to talk to me when I'm having a dangerous moment and I need a sane voice in my head to talk to so I can verbalize what I already know to be true and not give in.

Things I love: my son, people in general, cannabis, teaching, building things, fixing things, all things computer, android, web-based, privacy oriented, environmentally friendly

Things I hate: life's too short for hate and my headspace is too valuable to fill with that garbage, but Donald Trump is a garbage human being.

Other things a potential partner should know about me: I'm a single dad (50/50) raising my son with my mom while I go to school. Mostv of my people have no idea I use, I hide it well. But my brother is living with us and consistently enables me simply because my will isn't that strong and he's got no desire to stop. I don't blame him, but it's hard to distance myself from one room over. He's supposed to be leaving. I've detoxed and maintained sobriety for 60 plus days before and relapsed from lack of support. I want to live a long life for my son. I have passion and skills and don't want this to kill me, but treatment here is a joke and I'm too good at pretending nothing's wrong. I don't know how much more my heart can take and I'm scared to tell the doctors and find out the extent of the damage.


Sep 18, 2018
Ontario, Canada
My timezone: ESDT Canada
My gender: Female

My status in recovery: Alcoholic, 21 years now without a drink, BUT currently struggling with opiate addiction- started 6-7 years ago with occasional use, and progressed- went from over counter codeine, to oxycodone/hydromorph etc , got really bad again last year. Longest clean time off after this began from ALL opiates was 9-10 months or so- after last relapse started to see addiction doctor, who prescribed Suboxone. GREAT physician, has helped quite a bi, been on it about 7 months. I have no solid opinion on abstinence versus moderation; however, it appears that I am just not a gal who can casually use mind altering substances that I really like. For example, I could smoke some cannabis to help me sleep if I had insomnia, and then not do it for a year because I don't love effects. Yet, a friend let me try her ritalin once to help me focus on a project; in a week I was snorting and stealing it whenever i could. Same thing basically happened with opiates (both of which I'm very ashamed to admit).

My goals in recovery: Be clean of ALL opiates, continuing to abstain from alcohol, which isn't difficult. I’d like to focus on the “emotional” aspects of recovery so that I will be strong enough within a year max of taking Suboxone (as prescribed!), to wean off (with guidance of my addiction doctor). Hoping to make some connections here with like-minded people.

Drugs and/or behaviors that are problematic for me: Opiates, Cocaine or amphetamine based medications, Alcohol. After short periods abstaining from opiates, I often feel deluded into thinking "hmmm. now I deserve a reward" and start again. NB Possible TRIGGER? (can remove, ADMIN please advise, but directly related to my recovery) I discovered that that Suboxone can be abused, and I don’t feel clean at all on it at all; yet I’m afraid to go off it for fear of withdrawal, and relapse back to street drugs. I need to start taking it again fully 100% as prescribed, hoping to find someone with good advice/support on this... One day, I'd like to get off nicotine, but have switched for time being from cigarettes to vaping as I'm not ready to combat that yet.

Things I'm looking for in a SLiPP partner: A person with whom I could share with more personally about addiction related matters; i.e. setting realistic goals for health/recovery, avoiding/learning from relapse, managing the stress and depression that accompanies this... Ideally, be great to have someone to talk to that has had some sustained abstinence from opiates, experience with suboxone, who could offer a viewpoint from experience, as I am pretty new here. Having said that, I’d also be happy to have more than one person to talk to- perhaps other(s) in similar place that I’m; who would like someone with similar goals to check in with somewhat regularly, help get past a craving, or to just to talk to when you feel like talking to someone who "gets it".

I think its important to be non-judgemental. Like many others here I’m sure, I am sensitive, but I do desire honesty- just the gentle type ;-) If you have ever used the expression “Get the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth” or if you are the kind of person who likes that kind of banter, we are not ideal partners ;-) A good sense of humour is always welcome! Its good for the soul to be able to laugh, in spite of what are probably some of the most difficult times in our lives.

Things I love: Blue steak, my dog Harley, my friends, my Mom, artistic endeavours, reading, writing, the beach, summer, sunshine, exercise, good food and laughter. Oh, and I’m a bit of a TV fanatic, which can be a bit of a problem ;-)

Things I hate: a) The kind of person with whom the following happens regularly: As you’re sharing a story- they seem to be actually bursting from the seams to speak; their lips half parted, awaiting for you to finish so that THEY can start talking, and you doubt that they are actually listening (though mostly they interrupt as they actually can’t keep quiet that long) b) anchovies c) my joint issues/tears/arthritis which prevents me from being able to exercise intensely - the only thing that successfully combats that eternal feeling of depression & the void I refer to as “the black hole”

Other things a potential partner should know about me: a) I have suffered from and been treated for depression since I was early teenager b) I have been taking antidepressant for 10 years and just switched to another which I may have to change (it is giving me zaps while I try to sleep, and in combination with Suboxone, I feel like truck hit me every morning) and c) I say “Fuck” a lot d) despite this all, I try to be optimistic, but over last two years that is a challenge, so I isolate a lot as I don't wanna bring people down (or I just can't face people).

Also: I got sober in ’98 at AA, left around 9 year mark, as it felt like I wasn’t growing personally there. Also, the 'black and white' thinking, often paradoxical ideologies, and religious, dogmatic undertone never felt right for me; at a certain point I felt like a fraud as I didn't believe in god AT ALL (though believe me, I tried). However, I am eternally grateful for what I learned there, kept in touch with a few people, and it saved my life. The principles I learned still serve me well (when I use them!) and I think there is great value in being service to others both for the sake of it, and as a way to help staying clean. I don’t think that I’d return to a 12 step program. I am investigating a SMART recovery group meeting next week, as I do like the power of a group helping one another, and believe that you need to work on your recovery; that it doesn’t just magically happen in a vacuum.
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