She wants marriage, and kids. Me? Not anytime soon...

[~kira~]

I think you obviously want to leave and you just feel bad about it. It was a big mistake moving in together, but you can't undo that now. If you're already resentful after 10 months this just isn't going to last.

There are a ton of other replies here I read. Thank you everyone for putting on your opinions. I want to leave and focus on me, but I also do love and care about her. I know she is into me and isn't using me. We were friends before we dated. Shes a great mother, and she has a decent job and makes money. She was in a very abusive relationship that just about killed her. She was hospitalized for months. I just hate to see her get hurt again. Obviously it wouldnt be like that. I've been contemplating on telling her. I have no idea when or how to bring it up

Was thinking the next time she would want to have sex, say to her I need to talk to you and tell her I am not ready for kids, and that I love her a lot..but a part of me wants to be single. Not sure how this would go. And then go from there.

I have lived with my best friend and her bf for about a year. I after about 6 months, hated living with them. I think i am happier on my own at this point in my life. It feels like the exact same thing, just I'm in a relationship with this girl.

 

[~kira~]

Forgot to add that I have never broken up with someone or been broken up with in person. I dont know what that is like and how to go about this.

 

[w01fg4ng]

Both of you sound like good people with bad communication skills. You also seem to have an all or nothing attitude that is only amplified by her instability issues. The world isn't black and white. You clearly love her and her you, so why does it need to be either 1) BABIES!! or 2) ITS OVER!

There is a stable relationship somewhere between having babies and breaking up if you care to give it a chance. I wouldn't say moving in with her was a mistake, however it could become one if you don't do something about your lack of communication skills very soon.

My advice to you: Open up to her, tell her how you feel emotionally. Learn how to say "no." Don't wait until she wants to have sex to talk about babies. The only good time to talk about your emotions is as they are happening, DON'T WAIT! Realize that this is probably just as hard (maybe even more difficult) for you than it is for her. YOU are going to have to work harder if you want any of this to go your way.

Once you are comfortable with sharing your emotions, a world of opportunity awaits you.

 

[nuttynutskin]

^ Wow, I'm sorry. There are guys like that who drag it out and they know all along they're not serious. That's why I'm keeping my pussy to myself. They don't deserve it anyway. lol

I was strung along for 3 years and I'm a guy. Keep your pussy to yourself all you want but don't think for a second it's just guys.

 

[Hylight]

" You clearly love her and her you, so why does it need to be either 1) BABIES!! or 2) ITS OVER! "

Good chance that it will, happen though.
You better get moving ?.

Or just try hanging out for ten years, but I bet she WANTS that baby.

Ohhh, I know I sound harsh, because I am.

But I am sincerely sincerely so very sorry about the DV.
That's so terrible. And more of a reason that your g/f should focus on counseling, healing and other things and hopefully she will have alot of time to spend and focus on her baby ! ♡

I mean I really do want everything to work out for you, I do. Thank you for sharing your feelings and what you are going through.
But, I really do believe that EVERY LITTLE THING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. ☺?
??

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

I was strung along for 3 years and I'm a guy. Keep your pussy to yourself all you want but don't think for a second it's just guys.

I'm sorry that happened to you. There are women who can do horrible things too, but I'm talking about men specifically because obviously that's who I have experience with.

What do you mean you were strung along for 3 years? Did you want to get married? What were you expecting? Sometimes relationships simply run their course.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I'm sorry that happened to you. There are women who can do horrible things too, but I'm talking about men specifically because obviously that's who I have experience with.

What do you mean you were strung along for 3 years? Did you want to get married? What were you expecting? Sometimes relationships simply run their course.

I don't wish to go into personal details, but let's just say that I was made to feel like things were going good when they weren't. That being said, OP you owe it to your gf to be honest. The longer you wait to tell her how you really feel the worse it will be. Being strung along is the worst especially when you're trying to plan a future together.

 

[~kira~]

I don't wish to go into personal details, but let's just say that I was made to feel like things were going good when they weren't. That being said, OP you owe it to your gf to be honest. The longer you wait to tell her how you really feel the worse it will be. Being strung along is the worst especially when you're trying to plan a future together.

Yeah man you are right... I hate this feeling. Man I dont really know what i want. I wanted to do it tonight and I was to much of a pushy to do so. But I think tomorrow I will tell her that I feel depressed and then explain further. (Not using as an excuse) but I would never do anything drastic. Maybe she would see how things are and be able to somehow relate and if we end it, it ends on a good note. Maybe she will try and change stuff as well and better herself. My parents said I can stay there if things got bad (mainly because of her mom) so that is a relief. Will update on this more....

 

[~kira~]

And thank you to everyone else. I am not ignoring anyone on here. Just a ton of posts and I really dont want to multi quote everyone lol

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

When you say "Maybe she will try to change stuff and better herself", do you mean while you're in the relationship or after you're out of it? Bottomline is she wants marriage and kids, you don't. So that's not going to change. When you end it, you need to be very direct. Don't talk in circles or give her the impression the relationship still has a chance. Make it clear it's not going to work. You could tell her she deserves to be with a person who wants the same things she does, but you're not that person. Don't let her guilt-trip you or try to suck you in. Make a clean break. Then block her number and don't look back. You can't stay in contact at all.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Break up, and a more important question how did L manage to get a girlfriend? Weren't you supposed to eat sweets, build castles out of random shit and solve cases?

 

[nuttynutskin]

I think this bears repeating...

what the problem is is simple

she is depending on you for too much

it is suffocating

in my eperience people are responsible for pulling themsleves out of their own mental black holes, and also for being motivated and getting their shit together

list all the positives about your relationship here and negatives to get an idea

cos u might ditch her cos people here say that then come back 2 weeks later crying wolf tears



also

if you have all these feelings but you cant talk to her because she will get upset/unstable then its not a real adult relationship cos discussion of problems and things that are upsetting either partner is a big issue and you should be able to address these before it gets to the break up stage

communication is essential- she has communicated a desire to lock u down with a baby, but where have you told her you are fed up of being a taxi and having no independence with your free time?

I think I wouldn't do anything drastic yet op until you actually communicate your issues with her. It might be resolvable unless her wanting more kids and marriage down the line are deal breakers.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

If someone wants kids and marriage, it's not something you can talk them out of. Those are major life choices that she obviously wants. OP does not want that at all. Why waste more time? Also, OP expresses that he wants to be single. He's not happy in this relationship it seems. Either way, let us know how it goes.

 

[nuttynutskin]

If someone wants kids and marriage, it's not something you can talk them out of. Those are major life choices that she obviously wants. OP does not want that at all. Why waste more time? Also, OP expresses that he wants to be single. He's not happy in this relationship it seems. Either way, let us know how it goes.

Man I dont really know what i want.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

You took one piece of what he said. It doesn't mean anything. He'll do what he wants anyway. I am interested in his decision though.

 

[~kira~]

Still haven't talked to her. Last night we went to some shopsand I wanted something that to most people is pretty stupid. But it was something I wanted and she said no you're not buying that. It annoyed her slightly but I went and grabbed it anyway.

We are having a yard sale thisweekend. Sometime this weekend or Sunday I am hoping to sit down and talk with her. If she storms out of the room I will be done, if she actually talks with me maybe we can fix some things. I might want kids someday. Now...no. marriage I honestly probably do not want ever. And i need to tell her this. It could get ugly but if I dont tell her anything I'm lying to her and that isn't fair. I do love her a ton. But definetely not how I used to. I want th3 best for her. Deep down she I'd a good person, but we both have different personalities. Will keep everyone updated for sure

 

[~kira~]

Break up, and a more important question how did L manage to get a girlfriend? Weren't you supposed to eat sweets, build castles out of random shit and solve cases?

Well it seems that in my quest to hunt for Kira, I have stumbled upon one misa amane. I do love my sweets and cakes though ??

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Still haven't talked to her. Last night we went to some shopsand I wanted something that to most people is pretty stupid. But it was something I wanted and she said no you're not buying that. It annoyed her slightly but I went and grabbed it anyway.

We are having a yard sale thisweekend. Sometime this weekend or Sunday I am hoping to sit down and talk with her. If she storms out of the room I will be done, if she actually talks with me maybe we can fix some things. I might want kids someday. Now...no. marriage I honestly probably do not want ever. And i need to tell her this. It could get ugly but if I dont tell her anything I'm lying to her and that isn't fair. I do love her a ton. But definetely not how I used to. I want th3 best for her. Deep down she I'd a good person, but we both have different personalities. Will keep everyone updated for sure

Before you got serious, did you know she wanted marriage and children? If you knew that all along, then you were stringing her along. I'm just trying to figure it out. Usually during the dating process, you find out if people want marriage or children. Did you know from the beginning that's what she wanted, but proceeded with the relationship anyway? You don't want kids, but she has a kid. Since you got into a relationship with her, she probably figured that's what you wanted. I wouldn't be with someone with a kid because I don't want kids. Seems simple enough to figure out.

 

[~kira~]

Before you got serious, did you know she wanted marriage and children? If you knew that all along, then you were stringing her along. I'm just trying to figure it out. Usually during the dating process, you find out if people want marriage or children. Did you know from the beginning that's what she wanted, but proceeded with the relationship anyway? You don't want kids, but she has a kid. Since you got into a relationship with her, she probably figured that's what you wanted. I wouldn't be with someone with a kid because I don't want kids. Seems simple enough to figure out.

I knew she had a kid. I was ready to step up but I think i bit off more than I could chew. And I did want kids one day but I am kind of changing my mind now. Marriage has always been iffy since my parents were divorced after 20 years. As of the last month or 2 I have swayed more into not wanting kids. I need to tell her this. But originally o was excited for kids. Now...I dont think so.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

I knew she had a kid. I was ready to step up but I think i bit off more than I could chew. And I did want kids one day but I am kind of changing my mind now. Marriage has always been iffy since my parents were divorced after 20 years. As of the last month or 2 I have swayed more into not wanting kids. I need to tell her this. But originally o was excited for kids. Now...I dont think so.

I understand, your feelings changed. Yes, you have to tell her.