Misc Severe dissociation/de-realisation following single melatonin pill

[JohnDoe35]

Hi all, was just after a little help regarding a HUGE, life ruining mistake I made a few months ago and was wondering if anyone has any first hand experience regarding this drug.

Just a little history, I have been heavily addicted to opiates, I started with CWE codeine for a few years, 300mg+ and then moved into Opium, which I was drinking on and off for a year or so. Never touched anything stronger and was quite frugal with my doses. 3 years were an absolute haze of different substances, mainly opiates and weed, but I began getting Subtex pills in the nasty ghetto that I lived in and there was a constant supply. Since I took different things to get high, I definitely was addicted to subutex and opium (as it was the last thing I took before I was clean) and suffered moderate/severe withdrawals from them.

Anyway I gave up drinking, smoking and all drugs (minus mirtazapine) about 10 months ago and during that time I suffered unbearable withdrawals from my system from various chemicals, namely the worst insomnia. Sleeping became a real issue. I was briefly prescribed zopidem which I hated and stopped after a few days

I had deep restorative sleep maybe twice in about 5 months, and something life-changing and awful happened after years of pain and misery that can only be described as the devil at hand. I was at my family's house and after a week or so of I bearable insomnia, my mother offers me something. I said no at first since I didn't want anything messing my mind or body around after being clean for so long. However I was desperate to sleep (you would do anything to if you have ever been sleep deprived).

It was a seemingly harmless melatonin pill, although the case I recognized had been hanging around the house for years and the meds were not in the right case. Assuming it was a maximum does, I took a third of the big white pill and tried to go to sleep.

I woke up about 4 hours later more fucked up that I have EVER been before. It was a drunk feeling like no other and I stumbled to the bathroom falling over on the way. I woke up the next day not particularly rested and felt mentally normal (as normal as I usually am, which is pretty shitty). I had quite a bad cold at the time and had developed some awful uncontrollable fevers and illnesses that were definitely related to where I was living, as they have cleared up since I have moves recently.

The day after I got a train back home and half the way there I started to feel REALLY weird. After a couple of hours after getting back into my mould ridden flat, that I had left unvented, with a nasty cold I was getting ready to phone an ambulance. Apart from the cold, I had lost nearly all memory of my train journey, felt completely and utterly spaced out, like I had never been before, like I wasn't there. So dissociated from my surrounding that I can't even put into words how I felt. Almost completely gone, compleyely unable to concentrate on the present, as if I had suffered enormous brain damage all of a sudden or there was no blood reaching important parts of my brain. Worried something terrible might be happening to me, I decided to sleep on it, because I was sure it was that little pill that did it to me.

I woke up the next day and the feeling was still there. Awful, dreadful de-realisation and dissociation. Something had switched in my brain and the melatonin clearly did it. For the next few weeks, I stumbled around, not knowing what the fuck I was doing or where I was going. Just hanging around shops and town, trying to regain my sense in some way, ANY way. I mediated daily, are a near perfect diet and nothing has alleviated it.

It had now been six months and I can't even read a paragraph of a book or an online article properly. I can't do any of the things I love, like playing and creating music, as I am just not here.

My awareness is VERY low as if I'm in some sort of hellish bubble all day long that I can't escape from. I recently tried reducing my low dose of 15mg mirtazapine to 7.5 to no avail. I have been to the doctors who referred me for CBT, but after much deliberation they only treat anxiety or depression the the UK, not specific the problems that I have described.

My mind is somewhere else. The one thing I had through all my trials and tribulations was my mind, and now that is gone. My concentration is awful, my days are an absolute nightmare whatever I'm doing, I'm not really doing, I'm far away somewhere else and I can't feel all the beautiful things in this life, I can't process them because I am dissociated to any external or internal stimulus. The part of my brain that deciphers information seems to have turned off and I'm living inside the survival part of my mind.

Every now and again, I get a brief millisecond of awareness, a reminder that there is still hope and that I might be able to fix my mind someday.

I recently have been suicidal, but would NEVER go through with it because it would potentially cause pain for my family.

I also moved a month ago, from a dreadful situation I was in, which I though was part of the problem, and since then a great deal of physical problems and colds that I was getting have cleared, but this problem has not.

I had an 8mg subutex pill that I had left over from a year ago, and over the last two weeks have used it. I have no access to supply, but I am feeling a tiny withdrawal the past few days of not taking it. I am disappointed that I did it, having been clean for so long, but the pain was just to great. Knowing all the things in life you are not experiencing, because you can't process them, everyday, relentlessly and tirelessly breaks a man.

Does anyone have any information regarding the possibility of this happening to another or how one would recover from this? I can't believe after years of heavy drug abuse, I am clean for months and take a legal out of date melatonin supplement (1/3 pill at that) and mind brain completely breaks. Has anyone ever heard of this?

I am now possibly facing living on disability because of what has happened for an unknown amount time. I would give anything for this to go.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

melatonin isn't something I would take, and the supplements/pills are normally high dosage, unfortunately.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[JohnDoe35]

I though that it was pretty harmless though? I did a couple of hours research before taking the drug and NO-one mentioned potentially life breaking affects.

The problem being that I haven't seen any improvement in months, I hope it does go away, but the fact that no-one can tell me what's wrong, even after specific blood tests etc, worries me greatly.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Extreme adverse effects like this seem to be rare, but I have encountered the odd report of something nasty happening, although I'm not sure if anything this extreme.

What are your plans for dealing with your current mental health/etc challenges from this very unfortunate experience?

 

[JohnDoe35]

Extreme adverse effects like this seem to be rare, but I have encountered the odd report of something nasty happening, although I'm not sure if anything this extreme.

What are your plans for dealing with your current mental health/etc challenges from this very unfortunate experience?

Interesting, it's possible that there we're some latent imbalances in my brain that were completely brought to surface by the melatonin.

I am very unsure about what to do tbh, I have spoken to multiple GP's on the issue, who basically have said they don't know why or how this happened.

I was referred for CBT treatment, which I had before for anxiety and when I was assesed by a psychiatrist, I was once again referred and had one session to explain my problems. I explained my problem extremely well to the lady and she said that nobody in the UK deals with specialized cases such as derealisation/dissociation and that they only treat anxiety or depression. The mental health services in England are atroicious.

I can't tell you how it feels to have a sharp mind snatched from you with no return in sight. My only guess is that this what the beginning of dementia feels like. I had withdrawals, years of fevers and I unexplained hospital visits, panic attacks night and day and it all pales into insignificance compared to losing your mind. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy

I will continue to exercise daily, eat a balanced an healthy diet continue my qigong and adhere to a good circadian rhythm. The CBT will be of little help, to be honest, I just have to hope something happens one day that will let me lead a relatively normal life. I have pretty much given up on any dreams of using my mind for a living, which is what I was working towards, and instead will be limited to labour work, that is if this doesn't worsen, in which case I may very well end up in a mental hospital.

I suspect someone somewhere in the world would be able to help me, but my chances of finding them with no money or mind are slim. I'll just keep searching and living this empty, void of an existence for a few more months until I will probably start taking something to try and snap my mind out of whatever it's in, such as antipsychotics etc.

Thanks

 

[d1nach]

Are you sure your not being exposed to some kind solvent or mold.

Im confused you said it yourself you went in a unventilated moldly room
That i think is infinitely more likely then melatonin to make you feel messed up because ur sick

 

[JohnDoe35]

Are you sure your not being exposed to some kind solvent or mold.

Im confused you said it yourself you went in a unventilated moldly room
That i think is infinitely more likely then melatonin to make you feel messed up because ur sick

I was living in a project that had poor ventilation and I was very physically sick, for unknown reasons. It was a poorly set up and cheaply made. I definately had sick building syndrome and the night I got back after being away for a month, the flat had not been aired. I have moved to a different part of the country for a month and a half and the issue still persists. I also did a lot of research into mold and mildew related problems and this is not related to that.

The problem occured immediately the next evening after I took the melatonin

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

You wrote how you were sick, and had a cold or fever, and also allergies or sickness from the mold . This sounds more like the issue than the 1/3rd of the melatonin pill you took. Based on what you wrote it seems as though you are getting anxiety and depression too.

When you saw medical doctors what did they say? Have you ever taken part in a sleep study to figure out why you cannot sleep? Do you still use any drugs at all?

 

[JohnDoe35]

I suffered greatly with unexplained fevers and constantly contracted various illness, (Nora virus, flu ) etc and my immune system was compromised.

This however NEVER effected my mind in terms of ability to process stimuli and be aware of my situation and surrounds, I was depressed and angnst because if this and where I was living was a drug raging ghetto. I saw multiple medical professionals who could see my symptoms but literally told me they can't help me because they can't find the root of it. Since I moved location and flat, my physical symptoms have cleared up, leaving only this crippling lack of awarness.

The only variable in my situation was the melatonin that I took, and was absolutely off my head on for an entire evening. This is what triggered me, undoubtedly.

Edit: I am going to ask my new doctor to refer me to a sleep study since my insomnia is still strong, but I am sure that it is the restorative side of sleep which I do not get as I have vivid REM sleep all night. Of cpuse insomnia is going to exacerbate my dissociative symptoms but not it's not what triggered them.

I only take mirtazapine 15mg at night, but I have recently taken one 8mg subutex pill over the course of two weeks.

 

[LandsUnknown]

Definitely talk to a doctor about this. Also, be sure to tell the doctors about any other factors that could have affected your reaction to it, the dosage of melatonin you took, etc. This reaction is certainly uncommon, and I wouldn't completely eliminate the possibility of it being another factor. It's possible it was the melatonin, and you should talk to you doctor about it. Even if it wasn't, your symptoms definitely seem worthy of medical attention.

 

[JohnDoe35]

Definitely talk to a doctor about this. Also, be sure to tell the doctors about any other factors that could have affected your reaction to it, the dosage of melatonin you took, etc. This reaction is certainly uncommon, and I wouldn't completely eliminate the possibility of it being another factor. It's possible it was the melatonin, and you should talk to you doctor about it. Even if it wasn't, your symptoms definitely seem worthy of medical attention.

I have talked to doctors about it and they don't know what to make of it and many of them have outright said they don't know how to treat it. I will find a new doctor in my new area and see what he/she says and will persist at them until I get some answers.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I though that it was pretty harmless though?

It's a key hormone that has to do with sleep regulation; I wouldn't mess with it so readily, especially because I've had bad insomnia for most of my life.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

This is most likely a long shot but Melatonin used to be manufactured from animal sources. Can you try to determine how old the 1/3 pill that you took was? While all of your other health issues seem to be more causative, the timing is hard to ignore. I wish you luck and hope for an update if you come across something..

 

[d1nach]

Autoimmune disorders run in my family and honestly it sounds much more like a sensitivity to a generally safe chemical.

It could even be a inactive in the melatonin have you ever had a patch test idk what the medical term is but just because your not allergic to something doesnt mean it cant make you feel like your going crazy because for example you could be exposed to some chemical then your immune system could start fighting it making you always feel like a war is going on inside you. And its pretty hard to function when at rest your immune systems going HAM

 

[JohnDoe35]

This is most likely a long shot but Melatonin used to be manufactured from animal sources. Can you try to determine how old the 1/3 pill that you took was? While all of your other health issues seem to be more causative, the timing is hard to ignore. I wish you luck and hope for an update if you come across something..

Sure, I was told the pills were put in the box which isn't a melatonin case. I remember them being in the medicine closet since I was 15, so they must have been at least 11 years old when I took them. I didn't think at the time, as I was so tired, and I didn't remember. Obviously this isn't good, but I thought pills just lose their efficacy when they age?

Why would them being from animal sources matter?

That's exactly what I though, but it was just so sudden and since I had been suffering with all the above for a while, it seems more likely to me that the pill did it.

 

[JohnDoe35]

I have had multiple blood tests done and my immune system is functioning normally now. I might see if I can get some allergy tests done, to see if something common has begun to affect me.

 

[keeping]

Sure, I was told the pills were put in the box which isn't a melatonin case. I remember them being in the medicine closet since I was 15, so they must have been at least 11 years old when I took them. I didn't think at the time, as I was so tired, and I didn't remember. Obviously this isn't good, but I thought pills just lose their efficacy when they age?

if they're stored in a box (not necessarily the original box) in cool environment in the dark they can last almost indefinitely.

 

[JohnDoe35]

if they're stored in a box (not necessarily the original box) in cool environment in the dark they can last almost indefinitely.

Hmm, they were stored in a pill box that contained some sort of blood thinner, wonder if they interacted somehow to cause some brain damaging reaction.

 

[d1nach]

This is just a thought but could it be that melatonin is correlated almost perfectly with your distressing symptoms because you were trying to do something to fix something i felt was slightly off but not so off you can objectively describe it. Because correlations no matter how strong doesnt imply causation.

For example, if someone starts getting symptoms of schizophrenia before they start to get totally out there they might start smoking because of the ability of nicotine to improve focus. But, from the outside or even from that persons perspective it would look like ever since they picked up smoking they started acting like this. Therefore, smoking caused this.

 

[keeping]

Hmm, they were stored in a pill box that contained some sort of blood thinner, wonder if they interacted somehow to cause some brain damaging reaction.

i don;t think the pills would have mixed somehow, they'd have to be all powdered and mixced together.
have you been for an MRI? i'm not sure if you have brain damage per se, maybe just a neurological condition but not actual damage to the brainmatter itself