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September H&R Thread v. Doggo

Thanks everyone for all the well wishes. I am still clean except for kava and coffee but I'm considering getting a half gram of bud to toke on. I'm 18 days clean from kratom and 4 months heroin/fent free. Sleeping has been hella rough and my anxiety and anhedonia were horrible the last few days.
 
somnilicious said:
Thanks everyone for all the well wishes. I am still clean except for kava and coffee but I'm considering getting a half gram of bud to toke on. I'm 18 days clean from kratom and 4 months heroin/fent free. Sleeping has been hella rough and my anxiety and anhedonia were horrible the last few days.
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I don't know if cannabis is alright for your "plan" or recovery or whatever, but it doesn't sound like the worst option in the world to me.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I don't know if cannabis is alright for your "plan" or recovery or whatever, but it doesn't sound like the worst option in the world to me.
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I'm definitely not against cannabis and did get my toke on tonight. I just don't want to depend on it too much because I know it has a way of becoming an all too often escape if I allow it.
 
somnilicious said:
I'm definitely not against cannabis and did get my toke on tonight. I just don't want to depend on it too much because I know it has a way of becoming an all too often escape if I allow it.
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I know what you mean. I've been using it for so many years I doubt I'll ever stop at this rate. Always good to keep it in perspective.

Congrats on your 4 months btw that's an amazing accomplishment. Don't give up. :)
 
very nice ! stay clear !

i remember when withdrawling from marijuanna
felt so terrible.

i didn't have a clue.

but i feel much stronger now.

i remember someone once said to me: what
does'nt kill you makes you stronger.

Alright !!! ??????
 
Hylight said:
very nice ! stay clear !

i remember when withdrawling from marijuanna
felt so terrible.

i didn't have a clue.

but i feel much stronger now.

i remember someone once said to me: what
does'nt kill you makes you stronger.

Alright !!! ??????
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Repetitive pot use definitely has a way of sneeking up on ya and everything becomes so much more depressing without it. The withdrawal for me is mostly just being really bummed out but I only smoke minimal amounts of flower and space it out now. 20yrs ago I remember my cessation being a lot more painful but I was a long time, everyday, all day chronic back then.
 
Well done somni.

i'd say weed is better than opiates by a mile, but would echo what others would say. i've tried to quit weed more times than i tried to quit heroin (though smoked weed every day for 4 more years than i used gear). in the end i only stopped when i got on the dark cos i just liked dark so much better. maybe just view it as a treat, something for the weekends, not every day otherwise it'll snowball fast.

i've had a good week, though works been a bit frustrating i managed to do something way out of my comfort zone and got some great feedback.
 
@chinup Yeah... I was honestly very addicted to pot before opiates as well. I quit smoking 20rs ago and didn't smoke again for over a decade. Since then it just hasn't had the same pull and I have been able to smoke here and there for years because I know my life is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling when I'm not smoking all the time. When I smoke for a short time I start to feel unfulfilled and I know it's time to put the pot aside and quit trying to escape, so I can face my problems and gain substantial fulfillment from self actualization. After all I know that this is the Crux of the problem. Depending on any substance to distract oneself from growing and gaining fulfillment in life is a fools folly.
 
yeah pot is a good way of making boredom tolerable but once you're smoking every day boredom becomes your life.

was just thinking, exactly a year ago i was on a massive speedball binge before rehab and could easily have died. glad i was gonna get some time out of selling my body but shitting it about not having drugs anymore. i had lost my job, neighbours were making antisocial behaviour complaints about me to the council, petty crime, going days without sleeping, eating, even peeing cos i didn't drink much water. fully expected to relapse within weeks of going to rehab.

now i'm still clean, have a job, and am sitting eating pizza, watching TV, have money in my bank and my cat playing on the floor. can't believe it.
 
chinup said:
yeah pot is a good way of making boredom tolerable but once you're smoking every day boredom becomes your life.

was just thinking, exactly a year ago i was on a massive speedball binge before rehab and could easily have died. glad i was gonna get some time out of selling my body but shitting it about not having drugs anymore. i had lost my job, neighbours were making antisocial behaviour complaints about me to the council, petty crime, going days without sleeping, eating, even peeing cos i didn't drink much water. fully expected to relapse within weeks of going to rehab.

now i'm still clean, have a job, and am sitting eating pizza, watching TV, have money in my bank and my cat playing on the floor. can't believe it.
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You have come so far Chinup. It truly is amazing and you have been filling me with hope from a distance for some time now. Thanks to you I once again believe that sobriety is worth it. Thank you for coming back to encourage others and share your experience so that others may follow. The contrast between where you were and today is very inspiring.
 
thanks man!! i'm really glad to give people hope. it really is worth it. it is fucking hard, but its possible with the right attitude and a realistic plan.

still insane though. i'm planning a conversation in my head that i'd have in 6 months at the earliest. my housemate is lovely but i don't like a lot of how she does stuff round the house- she uses most of the communal space and leaves it a mess, leaves bin bags in the yard instead of taking them out to the bin, has taken no initiative cleaning anything but surfaces in the kitchen. i'm the only one who has hoovered, cleaned the bathroom, etc. she doesn't even have a full time job. i do and am out 3-4 evenings a week and busy most weekends. i have tried waiting for it to become disgusting in the hope she'll take some initiative.

also, she goes on about working an honest program, but then looks for cash in hand work so it doesn't affect her benefits claims. she wanted a place for a year so she can get back on her feet. she's done nothing to change her situation and doesn't sound like she plans to. so next year she will probably be in the same situation she was in this year before we moved in together, sofa surfing.

i've decided i'd like to keep this house next year but on my own. i'll be able to afford it by then. i will feel mean putting her in a bad situation but i shouldn't have to come home to someone else's dirt and mess every day when they are just sitting around watching tv. the conversation i'm imagining is the one where i explain why i'll keep the house, and she'll be moving out. its helping me cope with the frustration but my obsessive streak is coming out massively.
 
Because of how bad several things were for me this year I have noticed my depression, PTSD, pestering suicidal thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, etc. has gotten worse but I am doing what I can to medicate the issues and work on still moving forward with life despite the hurdles.

Medication really helps when taken as needed. I tend to avoid it until it's absolutely necessary which is probably semi-unhealthy.
 
I’ve been alcohol free for a year now and feel great. Lost 50 pounds sure it was hell on earth going though but in th end it was worth it
 
Having a really hard time. I found out the kava is giving me dry skin on my face and have to stop or moderate. Probably a blessing in disguise but right now it is a very depressing prospect. I can't use any substances and I am stuck in a situation, where I am out in the middle of no where, jobless, bills piling up(probably gonna violate probation, stressed, bored, anhedonic and waiting for better days. I've been here before so I can do it but it's going to be a struggle
 
I guess I should reframe that. I don't want to use any substances. Things are gonna get easier.
 
somnilicious said:
Having a really hard time. I found out the kava is giving me dry skin on my face and have to stop or moderate. Probably a blessing in disguise but right now it is a very depressing prospect. I can't use any substances and I am stuck in a situation, where I am out in the middle of no where, jobless, bills piling up(probably gonna violate probation, stressed, bored, anhedonic and waiting for better days. I've been here before so I can do it but it's going to be a struggle
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That's really unfortunate man. Yeah it's never something I could see myself using regularly or anything. I'm very sorry to hear that.

Valerian tea is also very calming/can help with sleep. Stay strong man.

somnilicious said:
I guess I should reframe that. I don't want to use any substances. Things are gonna get easier.
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That was a fair reframe but I liked your original post too and you were at least being honest, or at least going through thoughts in your head as you were feeling/thinking them.

I love your optimism man. If I was that optimistic I'd be feeling a lot better about things haha.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
That's really unfortunate man. Yeah it's never something I could see myself using regularly or anything. I'm very sorry to hear that.

Valerian tea is also very calming/can help with sleep. Stay strong man.
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I will but right now it is difficult. It won't get better if I don't. Thanks for the suggestion. Gonna get some DLPA for motivation and PAWS to get out and do stuff. Maybe magnesium for anxiety.
 
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