WishINeverStarted_5
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2019
- Messages
- 9
Little background: Had surgery several years ago. I’m 30y/M. Liked the drugs but never got dependent or addicted, but I did keep my ear out for them, especially when I traveled to less developed countries.
Used kratom for a while. Enjoyed it. Don’t think I was really dependent as I had to stop CT for a while when I traveled.
Eventually started to use non-normal sources to obtain oxy... and eventually generic opana. Started Jan 2019.
This stuff fucked me up big time. Got dependent on about a 20mg/day snort habit.
Ran out at some point and started W/D without even knowing what it was.
I tried some tapentadol I had. No effect... but once I popped 300mg IR all W/D stopped. This was May 2019.
I got more and more of it to keep W/D at bay. Some of it felt good, but the side effects were terrible: dry mouth, constant really really bad constipation uncontrolled with even the strongest laxative, no appetite, lost weight, spending money, started to “look very unhealthy”.
I decided I needed to stop. Quickly. I tried a taper before with no success. I didn’t want replacement. I just wanted done.
So I scheduled a nice hotel room for 5 days, situated work, and just dealt with it. I have clonodine, clonazopam, vitamins, some anti-depressant supplements (5-HTP etc), immodium, my Rx SNRI (likely relevant in my experience), Gatorade, water, and some food.
I’m on day 3. I started w/d early afternoon 3 days ago and now late PM on day 3.
Days 1 and 2 completely sucked but were bearable, especially with clonodine. Main symptom was anxiety and insomnia. Feeling of dread. Wanted to do nothing and wanted nothing to do with anyone. Dizzy, very weak.
Mid-day 3.. however, I’m feeling a boost. Closer to normal. Able to converse with others, take walks, and obviously write this post. Not 100% but certainly a bit more optimistic.
Am I being overly optimistic, unknowing of a sudden drop, or am I actually almost done with the shitty part of this??? It seems a bit early to have peaked, no?
Edit: I feel this entire year has nearly passed me by. I’ve been busier than ever, but I feel that all these drugs have made me remember close to nothing and have taken days off my life...
Used kratom for a while. Enjoyed it. Don’t think I was really dependent as I had to stop CT for a while when I traveled.
Eventually started to use non-normal sources to obtain oxy... and eventually generic opana. Started Jan 2019.
This stuff fucked me up big time. Got dependent on about a 20mg/day snort habit.
Ran out at some point and started W/D without even knowing what it was.
I tried some tapentadol I had. No effect... but once I popped 300mg IR all W/D stopped. This was May 2019.
I got more and more of it to keep W/D at bay. Some of it felt good, but the side effects were terrible: dry mouth, constant really really bad constipation uncontrolled with even the strongest laxative, no appetite, lost weight, spending money, started to “look very unhealthy”.
I decided I needed to stop. Quickly. I tried a taper before with no success. I didn’t want replacement. I just wanted done.
So I scheduled a nice hotel room for 5 days, situated work, and just dealt with it. I have clonodine, clonazopam, vitamins, some anti-depressant supplements (5-HTP etc), immodium, my Rx SNRI (likely relevant in my experience), Gatorade, water, and some food.
I’m on day 3. I started w/d early afternoon 3 days ago and now late PM on day 3.
Days 1 and 2 completely sucked but were bearable, especially with clonodine. Main symptom was anxiety and insomnia. Feeling of dread. Wanted to do nothing and wanted nothing to do with anyone. Dizzy, very weak.
Mid-day 3.. however, I’m feeling a boost. Closer to normal. Able to converse with others, take walks, and obviously write this post. Not 100% but certainly a bit more optimistic.
Am I being overly optimistic, unknowing of a sudden drop, or am I actually almost done with the shitty part of this??? It seems a bit early to have peaked, no?
Edit: I feel this entire year has nearly passed me by. I’ve been busier than ever, but I feel that all these drugs have made me remember close to nothing and have taken days off my life...