Venting Schizophrenia is a real pain

[Riri26]

Hello everyone. I have schizophrenia and I was put on lithium for 4 years and it basically destroyed my body. I’m 26 and have been sick the last two months losing 30lbs and barely being able to eat due to lithium complications. I also took a bunch of antipsychotics which caused tardive dyskinesia. All my doctors will do is give me benzodiazepines and tell me to shut up. I’m just so lost. I have a husband and he’s great but he just doesn’t understand and I really can’t live like this. Life is really crap sometimes.

 

[Riri26]

clozapine

Another antipsychotic is the last thing I need but thanks.

 

[andrek159206]

clonazepam.

 

[imagination.of.extremity]

Hello everyone. I have schizophrenia and I was put on lithium for 4 years and it basically destroyed my body. I’m 26 and have been sick the last two months losing 30lbs and barely being able to eat due to lithium complications. I also took a bunch of antipsychotics which caused tardive dyskinesia. All my doctors will do is give me benzodiazepines and tell me to shut up. I’m just so lost. I have a husband and he’s great but he just doesn’t understand and I really can’t live like this. Life is really crap sometimes.

Hi @Riri26 I am also a 26 year old with a schizophrenia diagnosis.

For what it's worth: have you ever tried viewing yourself as a shaman? For me, it was an essential step toward a life of self-respect.

You might find value in the book, Wondrous Healing by Dr. James McClenon. It centers around the concept of schizophrenia as the modern-day interpretation of shamanism in western societies. While "schizophrenics" aren't automatically "shamans" there is strong social and biological evidence to support the idea that there is a large amount of crossover. Furthermore, Dr. McClenon asserts that because the role of "shaman" has been destroyed/left behind by modern western society, schizophrenics suffer because their skills are no longer valued by society when we used to be central and highly respected figures in ancient society. (Cue Napalm Death's, "You Suffer" @sewerslide.666mg lol "You suffer, but why???" I digress...but I say more shit about metal at the end ) Here's the link to Wondrous Healing: Shamanism, Evolution and the Origin of Religion https://www.amazon.com/Wondrous-Healing-Shamanism-Evolution-Religion/dp/0875805906

Dr. McClenon became an outcast in the mainstream medical community when he published, but he believes so strongly in this idea that he continued to publish research on this topic and developed a cult following, mostly of so-called "schizophrenics" whose lives were changed by his work. I consider Dr. James McClenon to have had the greatest impact on my mental health. I actually reached out to him via email about 3 years ago, and he responded to me. We ended up having a series of video chats and talking to this guy face to face, I can say without a doubt he's super intelligent and a true sweetheart!

Finding a creative pursuit to channel your shamanistic tendencies may also help--I personally enjoy listening to "ritualistic doom metal" >>popular genre worldwide with different shamanistic influences ranging from Nordic tribes to African, Asian, etc. Check out "Of Earth and Sun", a solo artist who connects with the spiritual realm as he plays instruments handmade from animal bones... https://ofearthandsun.bandcamp.com/

I realize this all might sound like bullshit to you. But sharing my shamanistic view of schizophrenia is worth any potential ridicule to me, on the off chance it helps you find peace.

--from the land of black tar and green chile

 

[andrek159206]

Hi @Riri26 I am also a 26 year old with a schizophrenia diagnosis.

For what it's worth: have you ever tried viewing yourself as a shaman? For me, it was an essential step toward a life of self-respect.

You might find value in the book, Wondrous Healing by Dr. James McClenon. It centers around the concept of schizophrenia as the modern-day interpretation of shamanism in western societies. While "schizophrenics" aren't automatically "shamans" there is strong social and biological evidence to support the idea that there is a large amount of crossover. Furthermore, Dr. McClenon asserts that because the role of "shaman" has been destroyed/left behind by modern western society, schizophrenics suffer because their skills are no longer valued by society when we used to be central and highly respected figures in ancient society. (Cue Napalm Death's, "You Suffer" @sewerslide.666mg lol "You suffer, but why???" I digress...but I say more shit about metal at the end ) Here's the link to Wondrous Healing: Shamanism, Evolution and the Origin of Religion https://www.amazon.com/Wondrous-Healing-Shamanism-Evolution-Religion/dp/0875805906

Dr. McClenon became an outcast in the mainstream medical community when he published, but he believes so strongly in this idea that he continued to publish research on this topic and developed a cult following, mostly of so-called "schizophrenics" whose lives were changed by his work. I consider Dr. James McClenon to have had the greatest impact on my mental health. I actually reached out to him via email about 3 years ago, and he responded to me. We ended up having a series of video chats and talking to this guy face to face, I can say without a doubt he's super intelligent and a true sweetheart!

Finding a creative pursuit to channel your shamanistic tendencies may also help--I personally enjoy listening to "ritualistic doom metal" >>popular genre worldwide with different shamanistic influences ranging from Nordic tribes to African, Asian, etc. Check out "Of Earth and Sun", a solo artist who connects with the spiritual realm as he plays instruments handmade from animal bones... https://ofearthandsun.bandcamp.com/

I realize this all might sound like bullshit to you. But sharing my shamanistic view of schizophrenia is worth any potential ridicule to me, on the off chance it helps you find peace.

--from the land of black tar and green chile

start with xaman history i die inside , drugs will help no fucking hippies.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Im schizophrenic too and take 5mg zyprexa a day. What you need is to gain tolerance to stuff and stress aka not give a fuck. I became a better person after schizophrenia so it aint all bad for me. NEVER TAKE THE INJECTIONS.

 

[Riri26]

Im schizophrenic too and take 5mg zyprexa a day. What you need is to gain tolerance to stuff and stress aka not give a fuck. I became a better person after schizophrenia so it aint all bad for me. NEVER TAKE THE INJECTIONS.

Injections? And all the meds just destroyed my body. I wish I would’ve never taken any of them.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Yeah. It happens to some, sadly. Ive been Lucky as fuck since pretty much no negatives for me. Youve had it much worse. Its a shame really. I dont know why they affect some More.

 

[December Flower]

I can sign that.
I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia (on top of AS) and I just hated the treatment (got Seroquel & Benzos for Insomnia), so I had to discontinue it, it made my brain very unefficient, and I disliked the body "high". I am/was a therapist myself, so I figured I could do it without medication. I'd call myself rather successful on said treatment, but it was hard work.

I've mostly worked with cognitive behavioural therapy, and found a great art therapist that helped me a lot. I'm not entirely sure how much of a possibility this is at a point where you're already used to the medication. A friend of mine has the same diagnosis and has been medicated for 16 years now. Whenever he discontinues his treatment now, he pretty much goes insane. There were some very life-threatening situations I'm not going to go into detail about. If you can find an honest doctor/therapist(i know they are rare) you could maybe ask them about a medication-free treatment, and if that is a possibility for you.

Medication is a sword, with a blade for a grip, and a blade for a pummel, and a blade for a guard. It's very effective, but it can cut you like naught else. I suck at metaphors, my apologies.

edit: In retrospective this does not sound like an effective sword. I always overdo metaphors.

I wish you all the best luck.

 

[Riri26]

I can sign that.
I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia (on top of AS) and I just hated the treatment (got Seroquel & Benzos for Insomnia), so I had to discontinue it, it made my brain very unefficient, and I disliked the body "high". I am/was a therapist myself, so I figured I could do it without medication. I'd call myself rather successful on said treatment, but it was hard work.

I've mostly worked with cognitive behavioural therapy, and found a great art therapist that helped me a lot. I'm not entirely sure how much of a possibility this is at a point where you're already used to the medication. A friend of mine has the same diagnosis and has been medicated for 16 years now. Whenever he discontinues his treatment now, he pretty much goes insane. There were some very life-threatening situations I'm not going to go into detail about. If you can find an honest doctor/therapist(i know they are rare) you could maybe ask them about a medication-free treatment, and if that is a possibility for you.

Medication is a sword, with a blade for a grip, and a blade for a pummel, and a blade for a guard. It's very effective, but it can cut you like naught else. I suck at metaphors, my apologies.

I wish you all the best luck.

Seroquel is what gave me tardive dyskinesia and made me get committed because I lost it. I actually tried to stab my partner. (He’s still with me surprisingly .) And then the lithium just destroyed me physically. It’s all a mess.

 

[December Flower]

Seroquel is what gave me tardive dyskinesia and made me get committed because I lost it. I actually tried to stab my partner. (He’s still with me surprisingly .) And then the lithium just destroyed me physically. It’s all a mess.

I once held onto a doorknob and just couldn't let go. Had to pry off my hand with the help of my other hand. That's the worst thing that ever happened to me, but to an Autist, not being in control is pure hell.

And if your treatment for one condition makes you fall into stimulatory behaviour of your other condition to not absolutely freak out, you just have to stay away from it.

How many Lithium are you getting? I've never treated Lithium with high doses, because I was afraid of damaging my patient irreversibly. There's a recommended level of Lithium in your blood of between ~0.8 and 1.2 milliequivalents per liter. Since Lithium is naturally occurring in the body, it's usually not dangerous if administered correctly. I like to use foods/drinks for Lithium intake: Potatoes, Tomatoes, Cereals, Nutmeg, Coriander, Mineral Water.

Your regular food intake & your medication might not be finetuned. Have you had your blood tested since the negative reactions from the Lithium?

 

[Riri26]

I once held onto a doorknob and just couldn't let go. Had to pry off my hand with the help of my other hand. That's the worst thing that ever happened to me, but to an Autist, not being in control is pure hell.

And if your treatment for one condition makes you fall into stimulatory behaviour of your other condition to not absolutely freak out, you just have to stay away from it.

How many Lithium are you getting? I've never treated Lithium with high doses, because I was afraid of damaging my patient irreversibly. There's a recommended level of Lithium in your blood of between ~0.8 and 1.2 milliequivalents per liter. Since Lithium is natural, it's usually not dangerous if administered correctly. I like to use foods/drinks for Lithium intake: Potatoes, Tomatoes, Cereals, Nutmeg, Coriander, Mineral Water.

Your regular food intake & your medication might not be finetuned. Have you had your blood tested since the negative reactions from the Lithium?

So I was on 900mg extended release for almost 4 years. I stopped taking it about 2 months ago when I got really sick. My blood levels were checked every month and always normal. Unfortunately, lithium can cause a lot of damage even with “normal” blood levels which I didn’t know. It’s an incredibly dangerous medication and nobody really tells you that.

 

[December Flower]

So I was on 900mg extended release for almost 4 years. I stopped taking it about 2 months ago when I got really sick. My blood levels were checked every month and always normal. Unfortunately, lithium can cause a lot of damage even with “normal” blood levels which I didn’t know. It’s an incredibly dangerous medication and nobody really tells you that.

That is a pretty low dose actually.
I've heard of people having severe side-effects form long-term Lithium treatment. Usually it causes your thyroid to become unproductive, after too long use, and reversible organ damage after a very long time, but I haven't heard of much else myself. 4 years is a very long time.

This is extremely rare, I'd be interested if you went into detail about the damage to your body, but can understand if you will not.

 

[Riri26]

That is a pretty low dose actually.
I've heard of people having severe side-effects form long-term Lithium treatment. Usually it causes your thyroid to become unproductive, after too long use, and reversible organ damage after a very long time, but I haven't heard of much else myself. 4 years is a very long time.

This is extremely rare, I'd be interested if you went into detail about the damage to your body, but can understand if you will not.

They’re still exploring everything. Chronic gastritis, bone loss, bladder damage (unsure of extent.), kidney issues (unsure of extent.), and liver damage so far.

 

[December Flower]

They’re still exploring everything. Chronic gastritis, bone loss, bladder damage (unsure of extent.), kidney issues (unsure of extent.), and liver damage so far.

Bone loss, wow that's a rare one.
I'm so sorry for your troubles with medication.
I really hope you will get better, and maybe find a medication-free route that works for you.

For myself, it often felt like medication would only prolong the issue, instead of really mending it. I still have these illogical thoughts and weird impulses often, but I taught myself to fight back.

I met a genius(and I don't often call people smart) Health scientist called Hannes Kapuste, who treats schizophrenia(among others) with microdosing psychotrope substances, and then doing cognitive therapy while on the substance. Very interesting, but his books are in German. Maybe you could research that, and find out if it's helping you.

 

[imagination.of.extremity]

start with xaman history i die inside , drugs will help no fucking hippies.

@andrek159206 i eat hippies for breakfast

 

[Ds]

Hey @Riri26
Welcome to Bluelight

When I was on Methadone there for a few years I didn't know how badly it was damaging my body. I really thought that the rumors of the stuff getting into your bones was horse shit, but sadly it had caused some serious medical issues. With both being physically and emotionally.
It's been nearly 10 years since I've last touched the shit, and even though some of the physical functions are back to normal some-what (minus a few little things) but the main thing that has caused an issue the most is the anxiety and nervousness it created.
The shit really turned me into a reclusive, and even today it has me where I try my best to avoid social situations because my body will like literally shut down(meaning I start getting really anxious, sometimes start shaking) and it is the worst because I will be like in a meeting at work. With a few times I've had to excuse myself to get sick.

Now I know it's a bit different then what you are going through with the meds but still the same thing on how it had effected me in the long run.
Hopefully you will be able to come up with a treatment plan that can work with you. Maybe besides the medicine, there could be something else that can be beneficial with your recovery.

 

[imagination.of.extremity]

They’re still exploring everything. Chronic gastritis, bone loss, bladder damage (unsure of extent.), kidney issues (unsure of extent.), and liver damage so far.

@Riri26 I've watched three of my loved ones struggle with Lithium. It seems like a very hard drug to deal with. I'm always here to listen if you ever feel like sharing/venting more. Curious about your journey with meds, other meds you tried, what lithium feels like, etc. Is lithium the only one that works? Is it worth the side effects? Is there anything you appreciate about having schizophrenia, or do you hate it and wish you didn't have it? And, do you have to follow a special diet for chronic gastritis? I don't expect a response, no pressure. Hang in there.

(tl;dr)
My Sister's Experience With Lithium and Court-Ordered ECT
One of my older sisters has schizophrenia and she was on lithium for over a decade (12+ yrs?) and was also on Haldol at one point (that one fucked her up real good). She struggled with some of the symptoms: biweekly blood tests, tardive dyskenisia, kidney damage, slurred speech. She suffered from "lithium toxicity" a few times when she'd forget to eat. She said Lithium made her mouth taste like it was full of pennies. My sister is now suffering through court-ordered electroshock therapy. She had some bad spells over the past two years where she'd get disoriented and walk into strangers houses. She's lucky she didn't get shot. She kept walking into strangers' houses, talking to herself (or the arch-angel Gabriel, her best friend) and a couple times she fell asleep on strangers' couches. She was never violent and no one ever pressed charges, but most people called the cops. After her sixth police report, the state of New York decided that she MUST do electroshock therapy or else they'll take away her disability benefits, her housing, etc. etc. she didn't have a choice. She's had four rounds of ECT by now. Each ECT session fries a bit of her brain. She no longer has any recollection of her twenties...at all. It's really painful and scary for me to watch her go through that. Few things terrify me in this world, but court-ordered electroshock definitely does.

My Experience With Meds
It's nothing like what you're going through, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. It's not easy navigating psych meds, and it's not easy living with schizophrenia. I am on 400-600 mg Seroquel per day. For me, Seroquel is a wonder drug. I'm incredibly lucky--it turns my symptoms down, with no discernible side effects so far. Before Seroquel, I was on Zyprexa and it was terrible for me. On Zyprexa, I gained 50 pounds in 2 months, was always tired but could never sleep, chronic dehydration and this super weird side effect called "mask-like face": my face would go numb and rubbery, sometimes for days, and I couldn't move my mouth/make facial expressions. Really felt like my face was a rubber mask. I got used to it.

 

[poptarts69]

I also have a diagnosis and I am on zyprexa its horrible. I might consider switching to Seroquel but I want a medication free route. I was free from it for 3 years and was my best self I feel. But now with stress of work I don't know how I wouldn't take it.

 

[December Flower]

I also have a diagnosis and I am on zyprexa its horrible. I might consider switching to Seroquel but I want a medication free route. I was free from it for 3 years and was my best self I feel. But now with stress of work I don't know how I wouldn't take it.

Seroquel was really bad for me, but I hear for some it's very good.
I'm having less problems medication free, but this is different from person to person