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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

Salvia & Changa, Caapi tea - exp. with DMT; not the other two - "A Reflection on DMT Addiction"

chaosbydesign

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2008
Messages
255
The first day, I took salvia and smoked changa with it. The second day, I drank caapi tea without DMT.

I took the salvia in form of a sublingual tincture. It’s hard to say what the dosage was. I’d tried smoking salvia before multiple times without much of a result, so I was glad to get a feel for the spirit of the salvia this time. I remember feeling that the movement in my body was different from usual - almost as if I could sense a magnetism or static electricity in my motions.

The first level I arrived at was not a level of intensity; it was more so a place where the salvia felt inclined to drop me off. However, this place wasn’t one that I was compatible with… I got the feeling that perhaps I already *was* what could be embodied and perceived of the salvia experience, as myself; therefore, I could not comprehend of it. It felt like the correct ‘port’ just wasn’t there to be utilized. Perhaps the experience and the experiencer held the wrong hardware or software. Maybe it was just “too close to the lens”.

As I jettisoned from the default mode that the experience had initially sent me to, I felt an entity ‘protecting’ me from the next level of it that I approached. This was the only entity that I really felt throughout the entire experience; even the DMT part. This entity seemed to think that I didn’t ‘deserve’ to go to that place because it would have been really dark, and that I’d already transmuted those types of energies in the past and it wouldn’t have been useful to me.

The place I ended up going to felt like a pure void; a certain absence of thoughts and being-ness.

I remarked aloud that everything seemed so much more matter of fact than usual, and wondered how this was even possible, even though I would say honestly that life doesn’t generally appear to me as “matter of fact”, per se - although I do tend to be a curious person and want to make sense of things, it doesn’t bother me to not have the answers.

It would have been depressing, except that there were no emotions present that I could discern - at least, not in the form that I would ordinarily recognize them. I felt at peace, though. So it felt good, somehow, in a way that seemed beyond emotions. There were no questions in my mind whatsoever, regarding anything. Questions were useless here, anyway. But because of my human nature, I started to eventually get off on the peacefulness of the experience.

I started to get close to a place where there was a type of wall; or maybe, it was a coin, where I could feel DMT on the other side of it. The salvia and the DMT as the dissociative and tryptamine seemed integral in some way to existential duality itself.

I had no idea when I would have the chance to do salvia again… and I have always wanted to mix the two. So I decided to have just a small amount of my changa, just to get an idea of what the two were capable of together.

Well, it didn’t end up being that impressive in the moment. I almost felt like the salvia and the DMT canceled one another out. I spent the beginning part of the experience feeling slightly disappointed about this, but I let go of that, realizing how silly it was, and surrendered to the disappointment itself which helped it to undo itself.

I’d had slight visuals that I could get into if I decided to let myself go into them. With the DMT, everything became completely black. I got the sense that something was smoldering, but I think that this was just my focus on the smoldering changa in the bowl and the hyperawareness of the fact that this was my reality right now. This was me, taking part in the act of consumption, as usual, as corporeal creatures often do. I didn’t get anything pleasant or interesting out of it in the moment, but I didn’t have to feel guilty about it either. I focused more on the meta-analysis of the moment, and got a bit lost in that. I somehow knew that this was what I needed regardless of how much I liked it, which helped me through the experience and the potential dysphoria that could have resulted from having experienced such an existentially barren wasteland.


I thought later about why I had perceived the moment in such a way. The next evening, I put two heaping tablespoons of caapi into a tea, and drank it. I’d had this caapi for 8 years, but had only ever used it to smoke with DMT and had never put it into a tea before because I’d always been on some sort of supplement, medication or drug that would have interacted with the MAOI. It was incredibly sentimental to me, knowing that this was the first time I had the opportunity to have this experience, and treat it with the respect it deserved. I’d heard that the leaves would produce more nausea than the vine, but I didn’t experience this at all. I sipped it slowly, and began to feel the effects of it within an hour of starting it. It was incredibly pleasant, and I felt good about myself for having the discipline to get off of kratom recently. Of course, I wanted to smoke DMT while I was on the caapi… but I decided not to, thinking about the experience I’d had the night before on the DMT. I had a strange insight, while on the caapi, that the root of all of my addictions could be traced to the addiction of conscious physical matter, to DMT itself as a chemical messenger that allowed for consciousness to direct itself in various ways, tuning into different frequencies; thus, producing all the experiences we are familiar with. The feelings I’d always gotten on DMT from the beginning of my explorations with it in 2011 were of the epitome of curiosity, as well as the revelatory insight that comes after curiosity. I’d always been in love with this feeling, and DMT just encapsulated it better than anything else I could have reliably produced an experience of in the waking world. I encountered that part of myself that was addicted to novelty; to the unfolding of time itself, and encouraged forgiveness on all levels. But I realized that I didn’t need to forgive myself, knowing that I’d allowed myself to come to this reality for a greater purpose. As humans, we are always curious to become more than what we are. We oughtn’t feel ashamed of ourselves for this quality that makes us inherently human. But, as things tend to unfold in greater and more complex ways in the dualistic reality, if we want to see the root of our propensity to consume, we need to sometimes go to the general core of the issue and then watch the domino effect all the way from the beginning to the present. I watched it unfold, and then I watched it come full circle.

***
Note: I haven't posted any trip reports on Bluelight for a long time, but I used to be a fairly regular poster here. I used to do DMT nearly every day; at least once a week, for a period of a few years, and have dealt with opiate addictions in the form of suboxone and kratom. This is my reflection on myself and how far I have come in the past ten years. I want to send love, resilience, and support to anybody who is currently dealing with addiction in any of its many forms. <3 Introspective reflection helps, but it also helps to find ways to make your dreams a reality in the physical realms!

Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_salvia
substancecode_dissociatives
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
exptype_addiction
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
 

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Thank you for sharing. Your experience with salvia made me think of my first experience with it. High on MDMA, and still on the after-effects of ket and speed, I took a big hit and heard a ringing in my ears. After that, I felt that an entity with a feminine energy was close to me, just behind me, taking care of me and making sure I was safe. And, then, I had that experience of pure bliss, of being the void and everything at the same time, very hard to put in words, but amazing.

Caapi is a beautiful medecine, uplifting and Healing. I'm microdosing it. I had a special experience with it. I have problems with chronic pain, and it's worse when I push myself too much. One night, I was in pain, the kind of pain that makes you feel like you're about to puke because it hurts so much. CDB and codeine weren't working on that pain. I had the idea of taking 10 drops of rehydrated caapi paste (the standard dose for microdosing is 5 to 10 drops). In 15 minutes, the pain went away. Sometimes, I'm just taking 5 drops, and after a few minutes, I feel something special at the heart level, I focus on my breath and it feels so good :)
 
That experience of being in that space of being taken care of and knowing that no matter what, you are OKAY - it is a BLESSED place to be in the psychedelic world(s)! <3

And with it, the power of taking pain away is a huge one... having it is such a blessing. I cannot always reach it. I wonder what life would be like if everyone could always reach that feeling.
Thank you for sharing. Your experience with salvia made me think of my first experience with it. High on MDMA, and still on the after-effects of ket and speed, I took a big hit and heard a ringing in my ears. After that, I felt that an entity with a feminine energy was close to me, just behind me, taking care of me and making sure I was safe. And, then, I had that experience of pure bliss, of being the void and everything at the same time, very hard to put in words, but amazing.

Caapi is a beautiful medecine, uplifting and Healing. I'm microdosing it. I had a special experience with it. I have problems with chronic pain, and it's worse when I push myself too much. One night, I was in pain, the kind of pain that makes you feel like you're about to puke because it hurts so much. CDB and codeine weren't working on that pain. I had the idea of taking 10 drops of rehydrated caapi paste (the standard dose for microdosing is 5 to 10 drops). In 15 minutes, the pain went away. Sometimes, I'm just taking 5 drops, and after a few minutes, I feel something special at the heart level, I focus on my breath and it feels so good :)
 
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