• Bluelight
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    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

RIP Vortech

What if it was fixable - If he was still here. Just still lost. How do you help yourself - when you don't have an answer or know what's left to ask? When you never got to meet the one person who may have got you or it. Where can you go where do you want to go? I lost a piece of me when I found out Vortech Died - I tried to say Hi to him, and it didn't work out. Now, I'm just unsure. I want to be positive. How? I never got to meet Cliff - but it felt like it at times when we talked via MXE. But was that really it?
 
Just wanted to post in this memorial thread to say that Vortech's passing really leaves a big whole in the cosmos and on these forums. I don't come on here often anymore as I'm trying to move on with my life and feel my exploration with chemically altered states has become less and less enlightening and I need to start focusing my attention on the slow path to peace via traditional spiritual discipline.

I always enjoyed reading his contributions in PD and the B&D's for 3-meo-PCP in particular. The way he could string together words to capture the essence of the experiences he traversed was pure hallucinogenic poetry and you could read between the lines to envision the head space he was articulating perfectly for those of us who have been to similar spaces in our minds. I hope his final trip was just as mind-blowing and inspiring for him as any of the vast psychedelic and dissociative experiences he had under his belt.

May he look down from a higher plane with happiness and joy in his new life form at the chaos of existence in all its glory, or R.I.P. if there's nothing beyond the human realm. He won't be forgotten in the minds of those of us his words touched.
 
Vortech was the Dean Moriarty of BL. I found his MXE book in pdf format on my computer earlier and it made me think of him.

Hope his final journey into the unknown is an amazing and revealing one, and that we may all catch up with him when we too journey to the cosmos.

THIS song makes me think of him, and all the lost inspirational souls who will continue to affect us from the great beyond <3
 
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Mr. Meowfish said:
What if it was fixable - If he was still here. Just still lost. How do you help yourself - when you don't have an answer or know what's left to ask? When you never got to meet the one person who may have got you or it. Where can you go where do you want to go? I lost a piece of me when I found out Vortech Died - I tried to say Hi to him, and it didn't work out. Now, I'm just unsure. I want to be positive. How? I never got to meet Cliff - but it felt like it at times when we talked via MXE. But was that really it?
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I dont see why talking through MxE is any less real than talking through a phone?
 
The dissociatives used Vortech to speak through him and he was also seemingly adept at conversing while under the influence of hallucinogens so I can't see why talking to him in a non-dissociative state would be any more authentic. People talk through caffeine, prozac, etc.. drugs don't erase ones spirit when it's as vibrant as Vortech's seemed to be.

I never got the chance to speak with him personally but his posts were well thought out enough that I digested them and was happy just knowing him in a second-hand sort of way. Still a great loss to this community and still think of him whenever I visit this forum, he was one of the legendary Bluelighter's who added positively to our information in his areas of chemical exploration.
 
I couldn't get into my heart enough by the Anniversary/Day of Passing on January 30th to finish this poem that I had been writing for a couple of months in Remembering Cliff. Today was the day that I finished it. I had a good day of writing and working on my music and poetry, and then happened to notice this unfinished in my phone next to less important writings. I made myself start writing, and after a few words it started to flow out like emotion that needs to be recognized should - that's how it was every other time I worked on it and felt that I had possibly done justice to the Memory of an Incredible Human Being in physical form that was Cliff Winton / Vortech or Vostek to a lot of us. I don't know if I would have beat my opiate addiction without meeting him, and I felt honored when he complimented my writings and poetry/songs that I shared with him. This poem says the rest of it. You helped me through a dark and rough time in my life, I hope that you knew fully just how much I valued your friendship. It's almost a month late - but Here's to Cliff. Rest in Peace my Psychonautical Brother and MXE time traveling Shaman. Thank You for everything you did to help me improve My Life, and above all else, all of the diligent work you put into all of your forms of Art that you left Humanity with. You were and always will be a Bright Spot in my life and I'll always do what I can to further the research and beauty that you gave us all. Peace fellow traveler.

FOR CLIFF WINTON aka VORTECH/VOSTEK :


From a different World,

A Traveler of realms Mystical, A Freedom Protector, Philosophical not Cynical, A Uniquely Formed Mind Universally Designed, By ArylCyclos Tuned In, and then Self Refined, Born to be an Original, a rare Breed, yes Indeed, both Intelligent and Visceral, All of your Artistic Endeavours are Beautiful and Medicinal, the Sort to Levitate above the Norms, to bring Positive Energy even when not feeling that Great, to Meditate and Contemplate, the Nature of the Individual, beyond trapped contained Spaces, either Physical or Spiritual, a rider of the Storms, of any Sort, quite Literal, Create and Explore, Fuck Regrets Live Life to The Fullest and Show Love to Everyone You Can ...Cliff Winton was a Crusader of the Psychonautical, a Visual Innovater, a Writer, an Activist, a Stylistic Creator, life got Brighter, when your Path crossed His, truly Altruistic, An Amazing Human who did all he Could do to help us all Heal this Human Condition, the type of Cat who could make the Apocalypse seem Optimistic, Thank You for Your Friendship and Compassion, YOU WILL BE MISSED CLIFF WINTON.

I never got to meet you in this form Physical, but your Kindness and Friendship, I'll always Appreciate and Miss It, I hope when my Energy returns to the Universe...We'll finally get to Kick It, That would be a much appreciated Gift, Meeting you helped save my Life, You were the only Human I called friend during my darkest of Nights, thats the Truth, Thanks for being Strong and Insightful, the best part of that statement...Cliff, that was just the real You, Your art and writings bring me Peace, even though you're Gone, Im grateful to still have messages we exchanged for Years, where we met, on Bluelight.Org, To Me You'll always be that OG who helped me get clean once and for all, and find the Real Me.- REST IN PEACE TO KING FUCKING VORTECH!!!
 
Vortech, it's been a while man. You were probably the most intense person I've ever spent a week with but I think you know that and you were trying to be intense to throw people out of their comfort zones, make them really think about the now and how to possibly respond to what you just said. =D I'm glad I got to meet you, we had some good times. The house party was super fun. Everyone there was utterly gobsmacked by your music, you were a genius, a true genius. You were creating something so dubstep like but also so much more than dubstep, and it was before dubstep was even a thing, at first. Ahead of your time, my man. I truly enjoyed the sober morning conversations, where I got to see the you that was calm and easy to talk to. The 3-MeO made you get incredibly intense and weird and basically you did every single thing that popped into your head. You really thought my girlfriend was hot and got way inappropriate and I was fucking pissed at the end of the visit and was pretty close to kicking you out. But it's cool man, I forgave you quick, her maybe not so much but she didn't know you at all. I could always tell your intentions were good.

Above all other things, you were a kind and compassionate soul who wanted to help people and who wanted to understand this. What the fuck is this? You believed dissociatives allowed you to go there. And to be honest I believe the MXE probably did. I have experienced spontaneous knowledge I couldn't have known before on it, and also got in the flow state with my friends and we all just knew what was about to happen to the point that I'd toss something to a friend who had his back turned and he'd just know and turn around and catch it and neither of us was surprised. I think 3-MeO-PCP is another matter and I wish I had met you in a different stage because truly man, it was darker than you made it seem. One thing about vortech's posting is that it was so damn good! Absolutely beautiful language, you had a really unique way of having a stream-of-consciousness that mashed words up together and did things with the English language that I have never seen before, but in such a way that your meaning was so clear and poetic. Some of the best stuff I've read was from you. Even in person you were the same way sometimes, it was pretty amazing, a real gift. I'm thankful it all still exists on Bluelight, if I get some time I might try to link to my favorites in here. We have lost the two most unique and beautiful writers that Bluelight has first psood0nym, then you. Blending prose and poetry and word amalgamations that evoked such powerful visions and thoughts.

Well anyway man, I never said most of that stuff to you, except the part about your music, so I hope somehow you can hear this, if indeed we live on with some semblance of our human personality, which I doubt. But I still like to think about you seeing this post. :) Godspeed, you wonky warrior, you erratic emperor, you peculiar philosopher, you crystallizing supertriangulation. ❤

I hope you're interdimensionally fucking that Asian girl at the party. ;)

I hope no one finds this post harsh, it was absolutely not meant to be, I'm just trying to clear the air with him, even if it's just symbolic, it's good for me to do so. And even better if he knows it somewhere. :)
 
FlawedByDesign said:
WTF?!? Anyone know if he finished the books he was writing?
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I think he finished the mxe one it would be nice to get a copy of it uploaded. I was starting helping him with a new book on different dissos but he just stopped responding one-day.

I don't know for certain but I think it's been speculated elsewhere that his disso use may have been responsible for his health (cancer) and death.

Dissos fucked up my body very badly to the point that I could end up killing myself from pain or opioids someday even though I haven't touched them in 4 years.

They are dangerous drugs right up there with classical hard drugs.
 
It was a rare form of bile duct cancer. So it has always been speculation that it was indeed caused by disso abuse.
 
LucidSDreamr said:
Dissos fucked up my body very badly to the point that I could end up killing myself from pain or opioids someday even though I haven't touched them in 4 years.
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How did they fuck up your body? Bladder damage?
I’ve been using and abusing dissociatives for 13 years, a lot of that time it was IV (ketamine, Mxe and 3 meo pcp). I still continue to use them on average once a week but sometimes more than that, 2-3 times a week.
I have not noticed any physical symptoms. In fact I’m probably in better shape now than I ever was before.
My brain is not as sharp as it used to be, I think I can blame dissos for that. But anytime I’ve taken a few months off my memory and cognition return to normal.

Blaming dissociatoves for his cancer seems like jumping to conclusions. Correlation does not equal causation. I feel we’d probably have heard something about ACH’s cancer causing properties by now of that were the case.
 
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Back on topic:

Vortech, it was great meeting you. You had a larger than life personality, sometimes a bit off putting, but always full of love and good intentions. You left a mark on those that knew you. And will live on in infamy for you contribution to disso heads everywhere with your MXE book.
I love you and I don’t blame you for wanting to fuck that Asian girl, she was pretty damn hot, you just had the balls to let her know in A very unconventional way.
RIP brother
 
Delsyd said:
How did they fuck up your body? Bladder damage?
I’ve been using and abusing dissociatives for 13 years, a lot of that time it was IV (ketamine, Mxe and 3 meo pcp). I still continue to use them on average once a week but somwtkems times more than that, 2-3 times a week.
I have not noticed any physical symptoms. In fact I’m probably in better shape now than I ever was before.
My brain is not as sharp as it used to be, I think I can blame dissos for that. But anytime I’ve taken a few months off my memory and cognition return to normal.

Blaming dissociatoves for his cancer seems like jumping to conclusions. Correlation does not equal causation. I feel we’d probably have heard something about ACH’s cancer causing properties by now of that were the case.
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Bladder damage.

Vortech died of bile duct cancer.

Ketamime is linked to bile duct damage and inflammation. Tons of science on this. Chronic inflammation of the billary tree is linked to bile duct cancer.

Cholangiocarcinoma (Bile Duct Cancer) Causes & Risk Factors

Bile duct cancer is rare and the exact cause is not clear. Learn the known risk factors for cholangiocarcinoma and if it's hereditary.
www.cancercenter.com www.cancercenter.com

No other drug I've ever seen is as convincing as dissociatives as convincing you that they are safer than they are. you will rationalize away the scientific fact that dissocistives damage the bile duct and that bile duct damage increases cancer incidence as "jumping to conclusions"

Throw in the added factor that all those RCs are full of contaminants and metals from Chinese labs. Heavy metals used to synthesis reactions leach everywhere including into recrystallized product.
 
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LucidSDreamr said:
Bladder damage.

Vortech died of bile duct cancer.

Ketamime is linked to bile duct damage and inflammation. Tons of science on this. Chronic inflammation of the billary tree is linked to bile duct cancer.

Cholangiocarcinoma (Bile Duct Cancer) Causes & Risk Factors

Bile duct cancer is rare and the exact cause is not clear. Learn the known risk factors for cholangiocarcinoma and if it's hereditary.
www.cancercenter.com www.cancercenter.com

No other drug I've ever seen is as convincing as dissociatives as convincing you that they are safer than they are. you will rationalize away the scientific fact that dissocistives damage the bile duct and that bile duct damage increases cancer incidence as "jumping to conclusions"

Throw in the added factor that all those RCs are full of contaminants and metals from Chinese labs. Heavy metals used to synthesis reactions leach everywhere including into recrystallized product.
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I’m not here to convince anyone, including myself, that dissociatives (or any other drug for that matter) are safe to abuse.
Everything in moderation. Do as I say not as I do (I’m an addict, dissos are my DOC)

But here is a quote from Vortech implying it was due to pre existing conditions. Maybe he's just a delusional psychonaut trying to take blame away from the drugs:
So anyway, before any of y'all start playing the game 'which of the 100 research chemicals, plants and other drugs broke the liver of this lab rat', keep note this pre-existing condition (which itself is directly linked to a another pre-existing condition, Ulcerative Colitis diagnosed in 1991, which led to complete removal of colon in 1998) it is neigh impossible to guess. I'm not trying to release myself of any accountability, I don't think there was anything I could have done to prevent this. Maybe slow it down, but there isn't a good idea how exactly to do that....except for the only recently promising treatment in the pipeline, FECAL TRANSPLANT! (link to good video on the subject
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EDIT:
I wont deny that dissociative abuse CAN cause cancer. But there are no documented cases of it as of yet. I also remember Vortech saying it was from a pre existing condition in one of his last posts. He had his colon removed long before becoming addicted to drugs.
 
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Delsyd said:
I’m not here to convince anyone, including myself, that dissociatives (or any other drug for that matter) are safe to abuse.
Everything in moderation. Do as I say not as I do (I’m an addict, dissos are my DOC)

But here is a quote from Vortech implying it was due to pre existing conditions. Maybe he's just a delusional psychonaut trying to take blame away from the drugs:



EDIT:
I wont deny that dissociative abuse CAN cause cancer. But there are no documented cases of it as of yet. I also remember Vortech saying it was from a pre existing condition in one of his last posts. He had his colon removed long before becoming addicted to drugs.
Click to expand...


...there was a study linking ketamine use to liver cancer. It's been a couple years since I read it but I'll dig it out and post it in the sticky in PD.
 
I just want to note that vortech's is probably smiling down from dissociative heaven smiling at the fact that people are debating and learning in his RIP thread. :) I think many might get offended at off topic stuff in their RIP thread if they were able to look back at it after death, but vortech, I'm sure, is the opposite and truly probably does get a kick out of the above exchange, in his own unique vortech way.
 
pharmakos said:
I just want to note that vortech's is probably smiling down from dissociative heaven smiling at the fact that people are debating and learning in his RIP thread. :) I think many might get offended at off topic stuff in their RIP thread if they were able to look back at it after death, but vortech, I'm sure, is the opposite and truly probably does get a kick out of the above exchange, in his own unique vortech way.
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Absolutely true. :)
 
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