• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

RIP knock

People I am posting the following note written by my cousin, and agreed also by Michael's brother and sister-in-law.
I am Michael's cousin.We were close and met up regularly. I was aware of his drug use and accepted that it was his choice to do so although he often spoke of his wish to turn his life around and do something more meaningful. He also told me of his involvement in a "harm reduction " on line community and of his role as a moderator.

Having worked in the Mental health field for 40 years I am very familiar with the concept of Harm Reduction and recognize it's usefulness .
Since Michael's death I have been able to look at your website and am horrified to discover that many of the posts don’t look at harm reduction but come close to encouraging one another to take new and untested substances both legal and illegal.
I also looked at your Shrine pages and can clearly see that there have been many deaths within your community in recent times .
Perhaps this is seen as a price your members are prepared to pay in your search for the ultimate high. But it is painful to contemplate the many other families like ours who have suffered and will suffer the loss of a loved one.
Michael's death may be soon forgotten in your community but to our family and his real friends it is a huge loss of a lovely, generous spirited, funny trusting, sensitive person who had so much more to give to the world and will now never have that chance.

I know that Michael was on line when he took the drug or combination of drugs which killed him and I also know that he asked for advice on what amount would be safe to take. He clearly didn't intend to overdose which is some small comfort.
He trusted that his friends would give him advice to keep him safe. But of course that is not what happened. Just because one person takes 100mg of a substance and survives, does not mean that it’s ok for another person to take it.
Michael died, likely because the drug stopped his breathing reflex. And he was a strong young person with no physical disease. None of you know exactly what a person is taking. Nobody is regulating these labs or testing the drugs.
I hope you all will think about that.
I feel angry and distressed that one who had given so much of himself to your community was let down when it really mattered. Where were the Moderators of this forum?

I cannot directly blame anyone for Michael's death, as ultimately he was the one who chose to take these drugs. But I hope that you, the owners and members of this community could show a little more respect for life.
 Perhaps any money donated charity would be better donated to a charity which does real and effective harm reduction rather than encourage reckless drug use.
Click to expand...
 
His death will not be soon forgotten, and we dont encourage reckless drug use. although i suppose everybodys perception of reckless are different. advice and guidelines are given from people who have tried and tested stuff, but from what ive seen nobody encourages people to go and hammer random new chemicals, anybody with morals discourages that. There is decent harm reduction advice given a lot, anybody saying theyre attempting a dangerous combination will be discouraged
 
We will never forget him.

I hope this doesn't come out wrong but I don't understand half of the drugs. I, myself, had an addiction to codeine-a painkiller and I come here for company - so I genuinely close off to the drugs that people take as I don't understand (only being here mainly for recovery purposes). Michaels helped me, although I only knew him online for a few months, by talking n listening to me, helping me see things in a different way to how I was seeing them. He took time to do that n for that I'll personally never forget him.

I cannot speak for the site, as I do not have that right. I can only speak for me n how he helped me in the few months I knew him. What I saw in him was a warm, kind, sincere, intelligent n witty person n it is deeply saddening that he is no longer here n for your loss. I truly mean that.

I'm sorry that there are no words I could say to you I wish there was. I promise you that we will never forget him here.

Evey
 
I am Michael's cousin.We were close and met up regularly. I was aware of his drug use and accepted that it was his choice to do so although he often spoke of his wish to turn his life around and do something more meaningful. He also told me of his involvement in a "harm reduction " on line community and of his role as a moderator.

Having worked in the Mental health field for 40 years I am very familiar with the concept of Harm Reduction and recognize it's usefulness .
Since Michael's death I have been able to look at your website and am horrified to discover that many of the posts don’t look at harm reduction but come close to encouraging one another to take new and untested substances both legal and illegal.
I also looked at your Shrine pages and can clearly see that there have been many deaths within your community in recent times .
Perhaps this is seen as a price your members are prepared to pay in your search for the ultimate high. But it is painful to contemplate the many other families like ours who have suffered and will suffer the loss of a loved one.
Michael's death may be soon forgotten in your community but to our family and his real friends it is a huge loss of a lovely, generous spirited, funny trusting, sensitive person who had so much more to give to the world and will now never have that chance.

I know that Michael was on line when he took the drug or combination of drugs which killed him and I also know that he asked for advice on what amount would be safe to take. He clearly didn't intend to overdose which is some small comfort.
He trusted that his friends would give him advice to keep him safe. But of course that is not what happened. Just because one person takes 100mg of a substance and survives, does not mean that it’s ok for another person to take it.
Michael died, likely because the drug stopped his breathing reflex. And he was a strong young person with no physical disease. None of you know exactly what a person is taking. Nobody is regulating these labs or testing the drugs.
I hope you all will think about that.
I feel angry and distressed that one who had given so much of himself to your community was let down when it really mattered. Where were the Moderators of this forum?

I cannot directly blame anyone for Michael's death, as ultimately he was the one who chose to take these drugs. But I hope that you, the owners and members of this community could show a little more respect for life.
 Perhaps any money donated charity would be better donated to a charity which does real and effective harm reduction rather than encourage reckless drug use.
Click to expand...

I interacted with Michael only on a few occasions but I was aware of his work peripherally on Bluelight. His loss has been felt by everyone here, and many of are still grieving it. This is for sure a tragedy no matter what way you look at it.

Bluelight's mission is harm reduction, and no matter how hard we try we can never have harm elimination. Some of the members Bluelight has lost over the years were some of the most educated, knowledgeable and harm-reduction savvy people you could ever hope to meet; but drug use is a complex issue with many intersecting factors. Sometimes it just takes one of those factors tipping slightly out of balance to cause disastrous results.

We don't encourage "what should I take" topics here, nor do we allow drug solicitation or public requests for sources. We do our best to be couriers of information while putting a lid on the actual supply chain. Over the years there have been countless users who joined this site to declare they are doing drug X, Y and Z and here's how they plan to do it, and it turns out their method was incredibly dangerous. Our interventions have saved many lives, but we can't save them all and that's a sad reality we are reminded of whenever someone in the community is suddenly gone. Drug abstinence is one method of avoiding consequences, but it's not a model we support 100% because people struggling with addiction and mental health will simply go into isolation where they risk a lot of self-harm.

Our goal here is to provide community, dialogue, and education while doing our best to minimize discussions that could lead to harm. And as you astutely pointed out, even with all of that accurate knowledge, each individual varies. Those individual variations, combined with free will, are the two main factors which can trump any harm reduction.

If you have some suggestions about how we can improve harm reduction on Bluelight in order to prevent further tragedy like Michael's, please please please share them with us. That kind of feedback is something we are always striving to integrate into our model. The site rules and guidelines are always subject to change whenever a better idea for HR innovation comes our way.

Please take care... and stay in touch if you feel you need to. We will still respect your family's request to delete this thread after a time.
 
Sister2Knock said:
People I am posting the following note written by my cousin, and agreed also by Michael's brother and sister-in-law.

I am Michael's cousin.We were close and met up regularly. I was aware of his drug use and accepted that it was his choice to do so although he often spoke of his wish to turn his life around and do something more meaningful. He also told me of his involvement in a "harm reduction " on line community and of his role as a moderator.

Having worked in the Mental health field for 40 years I am very familiar with the concept of Harm Reduction and recognize it's usefulness .
Since Michael's death I have been able to look at your website and am horrified to discover that many of the posts don’t look at harm reduction but come close to encouraging one another to take new and untested substances both legal and illegal.
I also looked at your Shrine pages and can clearly see that there have been many deaths within your community in recent times .
Perhaps this is seen as a price your members are prepared to pay in your search for the ultimate high. But it is painful to contemplate the many other families like ours who have suffered and will suffer the loss of a loved one.
Michael's death may be soon forgotten in your community but to our family and his real friends it is a huge loss of a lovely, generous spirited, funny trusting, sensitive person who had so much more to give to the world and will now never have that chance.

I know that Michael was on line when he took the drug or combination of drugs which killed him and I also know that he asked for advice on what amount would be safe to take. He clearly didn't intend to overdose which is some small comfort.
He trusted that his friends would give him advice to keep him safe. But of course that is not what happened. Just because one person takes 100mg of a substance and survives, does not mean that it’s ok for another person to take it.
Michael died, likely because the drug stopped his breathing reflex. And he was a strong young person with no physical disease. None of you know exactly what a person is taking. Nobody is regulating these labs or testing the drugs.
I hope you all will think about that.
I feel angry and distressed that one who had given so much of himself to your community was let down when it really mattered. Where were the Moderators of this forum?

I cannot directly blame anyone for Michael's death, as ultimately he was the one who chose to take these drugs. But I hope that you, the owners and members of this community could show a little more respect for life.
 Perhaps any money donated charity would be better donated to a charity which does real and effective harm reduction rather than encourage reckless drug use.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...






Michaels cousin, thank you for voicing your concern and taking the time to give your thoughts towards the harm reduction emphasis of the site. As a friend of Michael and a prominent poster of the forum he moderated, I would like to pass some comments on to your words:


As a harm reduction site, BL helps many troubled individuals and provides much support for those who battle with addiction, mental problems or worries about drug use. It offers much support to people who come here with problems and aids those simply looking for honest information.

It is true however that many posters here are proponents for drug use - who take an active interest in psychoactive substances, their effects and wish to discuss them with others. I think it's fair to say Michael was amongst those. If this drug discussion leads to an encouragement of drug taking and then subsequent ill-effects or deaths ensue, then this contradicts harm reduction and your post would contain a very considerable point. However, I will say largely, even for those who wish to take drugs recreationally, safety and harm avoidance are always priorities. Dangerous drug taking is never advised and giving out dangerous advice deliberately may see one banned from the site.

In terms of Michaels actual death:

The recommended dosage of 100mg diphenidine which was suggested to him is considered a safe dosage from what I can see - searching around the 'net already I can see people claiming to have taken upto 750mg in a single session. As the substance caused death, it is very likely that Michael deliberately exceeded the recommended dosage, perhaps in search of a more intense high, or to prolong the existing high. Michael was noted on the forum for not always being shy of taking high doses. You may find it upsetting to discuss the idea of suicide, so I will respectively not go into detail - but will say it is still a possibility that he may have made a deliberate decision whilst under the influence to consume a lethal dose - he had spoken of a previous suicide attempt and late posts indicate he may still have had those tendencies. I will stop talking speculatively on his death now, as this thread is intended to pay respect towards Michael and many will find talk on this issue upsetting. If you wish to discuss the matter further you may contact me by PM, or other friends he had made on this site.


As for The Bluelight Shrine: please remember a lot of very troubled and ill individuals come to this site and it is unlikely that the site itself was responsible for their deaths. The shrine at least gives us a chance to pay respect to those individuals and show that we care. It is also worth noting that many lives may well have been saved through the site. There is a very supportive community who do a lot to support people who come here with varying drug-related problems.

I hope I have shed some light on your concerns and wish you and all family the best in coming to terms with your loss.
 
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Still think of you, Knock, this place is not the same without you here xxxx

Evey
 
May i ask what substance caused his death?

Edit: Is this question not allowed or has this already been answered in the previous pages of this Thread?
 
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Damn, I don't know how I managed to miss this completely but somehow in my late inactivity I did. Already said this in a couple of the other shrine threads today but.. so many deaths lately it's eerie.

Knock was a real nice guy and one of the people I had a lot of respect for here, it feels like only yesterday that he was helping me out with some questions in PM and he was always one to share information for the better of others. First Sepher and now Knock - two people I really respected who I'd just got talking to not too long before they passed, imagining we'd get on well and be conversing for a long time, only to have something like this pop out and surprise you.

My thoughts go out to everyone who knew him better than I did and to his family in particular. You should know that the posts here are only a tiny echo of the impact I'm sure he's made on oh so many people here at BL, and outside it. :)

Hope you're doing well and wherever you are now isn't as shoddy as this place ;) <3
 
THCified said:
May i ask what substance caused his death?

Edit: Is this question not allowed or has this already been answered in the previous pages of this Thread?
Click to expand...

We don't fully know and are avoiding speculation on it <3
 
It would have been Knock's birthday today. He's lost to us, but certainly not forgotten. My thoughts go out to his family and RL friends on this day. I still miss the guy and i suspect i allways will.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
It would have been Knock's birthday today. He's lost to us, but certainly not forgotten. My thoughts go out to his family and RL friends on this day. I still miss the guy and i suspect i allways will.
Click to expand...

Awh... agreed, MDB! Thanks for letting us all know that. Hope he's happy and at peace now on the other side, wherever that may be.

Evey
 
still not a day goes by where he doesn't pop up for some reason in my mind i truly lost a crutch that night he past he was what was keeping me going at the time
 
So it's almost a year
EADD is richer because of you n my regret is I never had a chance to get to know you better.....
We haven't forgotten you <3 n NEVER will.
Thinking of you.....
RIP

Evey
 
Thinking of Knock today as i do on many days, a year since he was taken from us. I still miss him very much indeed. I cant begin to imagine what it must be like for his close family.
 
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