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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Rehab/Interventions

In my experience, and i have had quite a few interventions performed on me :)\), they never really work until the individual actually wants to help themselves in the first place.

AS others have said, you cannot admit anyone into rehab against their free will. And even if you could, why would you bother? Rehab certainly isn't a panacea for all addiction - it is simply a means of support for someone who wants to be helped in the first place.

That being said, if your friend's addiction is getting to the point where it is destructive, for both herself and others around her, then i think you owe it to both her and yourself to discuss the situation with her. I am not sure if anyone else has done this already, but it may help. In all honesty though, and speaking from personal experience, for someone who is in the throes of addiction, it is very hard to take stock and look at all those your are hurting. Or rather, you care, but you don't care enough to actually be able to stop.

If that is not the case, and your friend does genuinely want help, then definitely investigate her options for her (if you feel that is necessary). Otherwise, as harsh as this sounds, you may just have to re-evaluate your friendship in the context of being there for someone that does not want your help :(.

FYI, there was a decent discussion in TDS about the benefits of rehab. I thought it might interest you :)
 
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^^ Well it's not just a friend, it's my mum like i said earler :( So it's not someone i want to give up on.

Thanks Amy for saying what you did about me being a mum. I worry all the time that i'm not doing a good enough job (mainly cos of peoples views - esp on here even on the topic of drugs and kids - that i'm a bad mum cos i'm a drug user) I know i'm a good mum but that sort of stuff when i hear it worries me cos i second guess myself but i know i'm doing a good job with him.

Thanks for the advice everyone. My sister and i will be visiting her after the weekend and will have a big talk with her, advice her on AA meetings and will even go with her if she wants so i guess we are planning a loving and not TOO confronting intervention to show her we care and that there are options out there.

Much love to you all who offered your support and advicve :)
 
i may get attacked for this or whatever, cos it's BL and all, but how about something less threatening which would help ease her into the rehab path? something like family mediation or a third party who knows their shit, in a less threatening environment.

other than that, surround with love. even if they do the wrong stuff whilst on the drug. they are special and need help and love and support. make sure she feels like you are on her side and she can come to you. with that as a base, you can move on to bigger and better things like getting the help she needs.

from your last posts, it seems you know what you're doing. best of luck! :)
 
personal interventions can be as confronting as official ones, though they are with hindsight not necessarily a bad thing.
:)
 
dont do it DQ .............. she would really have to be a fucken problematic alcoholic to warrant such a thing. my uncle drinks a case of beer per day + whatever else he can get his hands on and he usually starts at 7am with the warm beer he left half-finished on his bedside stand the night before. you really gotta let people sort out there own problems.

the only intervention id agree with is if somebody was a coke dealer that shot heroin into their ballsack while bingeing on meth(amphetamine) AND meth(ylated spirits).
 
Diego Blunt said:
dont do it DQ .............. she would really have to be a fucken problematic alcoholic to warrant such a thing. my uncle drinks a case of beer per day + whatever else he can get his hands on and he usually starts at 7am with the warm beer he left half-finished on his bedside stand the night before. you really gotta let people sort out there own problems.

the only intervention id agree with is if somebody was a coke dealer that shot heroin into their ballsack while bingeing on meth(amphetamine) AND meth(ylated spirits).
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I really, really hope you were kidding with that remark.

You can't just let people deal with theire own problems because often they don't realise they have a problem or they don't want to realise it. These people are killing themselves slowly and hurting/bring other people along for the ride. They're not sorting out they're own problems they're making them a lot worse for everyone involved.

I'm not sure interventions work as I've never been in that situation but I really don't condone letting themselves sort it out or giving up.
 
i wasnt kidding at all ... everybody's perception of a situation will differ. i would definately react poorly to an intervention or being railroaded into rehab and i think this method is stupid. people with problems have a brain too, they may be temporarily blind towards their problem (be it alcohol, sex, whatever), but eventually they will realise why their life is so shit and make the change themselves. not all that long ago i was spiralling out of control with coke and weed. all that it did when family/friends told me i had a problem was make me do more drugs to stop the feelings that arose when i was confronted about it ... at the time i didnt want to change, but i eventually realised that despite feeling 'good' all the time, my life kinda sucked compared to when i was more moderate ... i still use both drugs, but i no longer stop it getting in the way of living my life properly.

rather than be the policeman, you need to actually prove to her that the alternatives are better than continuing to drink non-stop ... if you do that, she will actually desire the change, be responsive to help and not use the resentment as another reason to drink ... sometimes life can be so shit and you can be so deep in a hole that you really can't remember what life was like without the problem ... remind her!
 
I understand what your saying but I have had situation like these where people I cared about were taking drugs excessivly. The people around them thaught they couldn't do anything (myslef included) or help in anyway so they just let them do it. They ended up dying at a pretty young age and I blame myslef for not fighting with everything I had to make them realise that there was another path they could be taking.

"rather than be the policeman, you need to actually prove to her that the alternatives are better than continuing to drink non-stop ... if you do that, she will actually desire the change, be responsive to help and not use the resentment as another reason to drink ... sometimes life can be so shit and you can be so deep in a hole that you really can't remember what life was like without the problem ... remind her" - I agree with you on this point. She has to want to get better and DQ you have to show her that there are other alternatives.
 
Thanks very much for everyones links, advice and support. I saw her yesterday and basically have come to the conclusion that she is the only one that can help herself (deep down i always knew this) That all i can do is offer my love and support if and when she needs it. It's really hard feeling so useless.
 
smart-e ... i agree, my original post was neither truthful, nor constructive and i'm very sorry to hear about the friend you have lost.. :(

DQ - hmm, not really sure how to respond ... i know you probably dont have much spare time; between your kid, work, school (?) and partying/bluelight/having your own life ... and i know she is your mum, not a typical friend, but maybe you could try do things together that get her away from the bottle for a little while, like take a weekend away or something and do outdoor/wholesome activities where she would literally have to smuggle a hip flask in order to drink ... this may be a reminder to her that life can be ok without booze ...

anyway, here is some love
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Thankyou :) Thats a good idea actually - she's pretty bored at my nans and as she says she can go months without drinking so she thinks she only has a *little* problem that she can control but she doesnt realise that when she DOES drink (even if it is only once every few months - although she does this she hides it alot but we can always tell) she is so destructive that it really is a problem.

I am on holidays for another two weeks so maybe i should take her to the movies or something.... out to lunch etc...
 
Diego Blunt said:
, but maybe you could try do things together that get her away from the bottle for a little while, like take a weekend away or something and do outdoor/wholesome activities]
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This is a brilliant idea and quite possibly would solve the root of what much of the problem is.........loneliness and a feelings of self worth...........

maybe try to get into a regular pattern of a couple of times a week.......these are our days and we do stuff together on those days.
 
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