Psychological abuse thread

[stardust10]

Narcissist abuse is a real thing.

I am not good with words but from experience there is types of people that want to hurt you. It might not be obvious but they find a way. It never changes either. These people lie and manipulate to you and can be extremely convincing.

Look in to 'love bombing'

They will find your weaknesses and use them against you. Never expose yourself to this person.

If you confront them, they will lie to your face even if they know you know they are lying. And also they won't forget and you can bet on a punishment of som sort in the near future (whether that's using your weaknesses or the silent treatment etc etc)

You probably won't realise they are manipulating you untill they have created habits that you have become accustomed to. It may be subtle and happen over time.

Also the pattern doesn't end. No matter how sorry you feel for someone and/or love them you don't deserve to be put through this sadistic, subtle, and calculated behaviour. In fact, it can drive people insane and suicidal.

If you can recognise these factors this is the first step to becoming yourself again without this drain in your life.

I will post loads of videos because I'm not the best with words and am still currently battling this myself. So for anyone reading that's maybe going through, been through, about to go through and don't know it.... I hope this helps and I welcome you reply, we can learn from and lean on each other. Abuse isn't a competition and even if it is subtle and never physical or verbally agressive/abusive in an obvious manner that is it's still extremely damaging.

Be careful guys and girls

 

[HOOH]

Have y'all ever thought that maybe you were so involved in your victimhood narratives (not saying that victimhood exists, but everything is within one's perception) that you forgot you could just distance yourself from it?

Like Alan Watts said, "you are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago"

 

[stardust10]

A victimhood narrative? LOL
The narcissist partner you mean?
It's not so easy you know. And when your battling your own victim mentality as you like to call it because of maybe childhood trauma it's hard not to feel victimized when it happens twice or maybe more than that...so imagine trying to get better and having another victim personality pull you back down through their well thought out tactics and patterns.... Plus in terms of leaving a psychological abuser it's not constructive to beat ourselves up about it. Better to acknowledge it forgive ourselves and ditch them...
I believe it's a process because it's complicated and doesn't happen over night black and white
The thing that separates the true victim from the victim persona I think is the sincerity. True Narcissists lack that and can in fact be really good at faking it.
Another edit: they may just feel so bad that they want to hurt others in a sick way. Honestly. It's hard to believe but it's true.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

My 2nd ex-husband was verbally abusive, and later physically abusive. When he went to jail for the physical abuse, I called his mom, even though they hadn’t spoken to each other for years.

His mom said I should be happy the choking and throwing me into the bathtub, bed and floor was all he did. She thought he was probably already in prison for beating up me or someone else. She wrote a letter to the judge who would extend my restraining order for another 5 years. She said that when he was 11, he beat up his little sister and she wound up with two broken legs. The mother in law told the judge to please lock him up for a long time and throw away the keys.

 

[telepathetic]

Have y'all ever thought that maybe you were so involved in your victimhood narratives (not saying that victimhood exists, but everything is within one's perception) that you forgot you could just distance yourself from it?

Like Alan Watts said, "you are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago"

A victimhood narrative? LOL
The narcissist partner you mean?
It's not so easy you know. And when your battling your own victim mentality as you like to call it because of maybe childhood trauma it's hard not to feel victimized when it happens twice or maybe more than that...so imagine trying to get better and having another victim personality pull you back down through their well thought out tactics and patterns.... Plus in terms of leaving a psychological abuser it's not constructive to beat ourselves up about it. Better to acknowledge it forgive ourselves and ditch them...
I believe it's a process because it's complicated and doesn't happen over night black and white
The thing that separates the true victim from the victim persona I think is the sincerity. True Narcissists lack that and can in fact be really good at faking it.
Another edit: they may just feel so bad that they want to hurt others in a sick way. Honestly. It's hard to believe but it's true.

it applies both ways, identifying by trauma is not healthy i dont think

 

[stardust10]

What does Identifying by trauma mean?

 

[n3ophy7e]

What does Identifying by trauma mean?

It means that the trauma becomes part of who you identify as a person.
Like...."I am n3o, I am a victim of domestic abuse, I am a sister, a wife, and a mother of 4 furbabies."
That would be my old narrative. But as time has gone on, being a survivor of domestic violence is still part of my story but it doesn't make up the primary narrative I say about who I am as a person. Now I say something like "I'm n3o, here are three important things that distinguish who I am as a person", and the domestic abuse is just something that happened to me a while ago, that is 1 page in the book about me.
Does that make sense?

 

[telepathetic]

i get why some people do though, and i've started to identify my ego by ptsd as sort of a warning for new people.

some peopel take it to an extreme, but i am sure they have their reasons.

others, who identify so hardly by it - you might want to question if they are using it as a manipulation. (maybe they are not even aware of it - maybe this applies to me too, i dont know, i cant speak for others but i think some ppl are aware of it and perhaps, like, my one ex i met had told me all these crazy stories of trauma, and used it to keep me strung along helping them forever and as an excuse for their own abuse, and well, literally one time during a breakthru psychedelic trip this person told me they had made up 90% of their trauma, which maybe also wasn't true, still not sure, as some of it was incriminating of themselves and perhaps they just wanted me off their case)

 

[n3ophy7e]

i get why some people do though, and i've started to identify my ego by ptsd as sort of a warning for new people.

Yes, I used to do this too. It used to be one of the first things I'd mention whenever meeting new people, like...within the conversation's context of course lol. I wouldn't just blurt out "MY EX NEARLY KILLED ME TWICE AND THEN STALKED ME FOR MONTHS AND NOW I HAVE PTSD" But when given the opportunity in the conversation, I would mention it. My trauma really did make up a large portion of my identity for a long time, and I suspect that a lot of trauma victims are the same. I'm sure that it initially serves a purpose in the brain, but over time, like a lot of coping mechanisms it becomes maladaptive and obsolete.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Narcissist abuse is a real thing.

I am not good with words but from experience there is types of people that want to hurt you. It might not be obvious but they find a way. It never changes either. These people lie and manipulate to you and can be extremely convincing.

Look in to 'love bombing'

They will find your weaknesses and use them against you. Never expose yourself to this person.

If you confront them, they will lie to your face even if they know you know they are lying. And also they won't forget and you can bet on a punishment of som sort in the near future (whether that's using your weaknesses or the silent treatment etc etc)

You probably won't realise they are manipulating you untill they have created habits that you have become accustomed to. It may be subtle and happen over time.

Also the pattern doesn't end. No matter how sorry you feel for someone and/or love them you don't deserve to be put through this sadistic, subtle, and calculated behaviour. In fact, it can drive people insane and suicidal.

If you can recognise these factors this is the first step to becoming yourself again without this drain in your life.

I will post loads of videos because I'm not the best with words and am still currently battling this myself. So for anyone reading that's maybe going through, been through, about to go through and don't know it.... I hope this helps and I welcome you reply, we can learn from and lean on each other. Abuse isn't a competition and even if it is subtle and never physical or verbally agressive/abusive in an obvious manner that is it's still extremely damaging.

Be careful guys and girls

It is. Most narcissists use emotional manipulation, which, when you know what to look for, is easy to spot.
"Heat and cold is how you blow up rocks" - they're very engaged, then they distance themselves, very loving, then they berate.

Once you identify it, shutting down a narcissist is easy. Attack the only thing they care about: their ego. Like stealing candy from a kid.

But it's easy to walk into that trap though. Too easy.

 

[telepathetic]

It is. Most narcissists use emotional manipulation, which, when you know what to look for, is easy to spot.
"Heat and cold is how you blow up rocks" - they're very engaged, then they distance themselves, very loving, then they berate.

Once you identify it, shutting down a narcissist is easy. Attack the only thing they care about: their ego. Like stealing candy from a kid.

But it's easy to walk into that trap though. Too easy.

narcisstic disregard is one thing.. its when they get other ppl involved it becomes a headacce

but yeah to anyone experiencing this look up the term "love bombing"

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

I notice that covert narcissists tend to have more issues.

Yeah, definitely. There are narcissistic people and people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Day and night, if you ask me - NPD are usually coverts, IME.

I know at least one and she is a pain to put up with…used to be my Doctor and basically she is just awful at times.

Same here, I know 2. KNEW 2. I can't deal with that kind of emotional overload and insecurity. They're draining.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

narcisstic disregard is one thing.. its when they get other ppl involved it becomes a headacce

but yeah to anyone experiencing this look up the term "love bombing"

Also, grey rocking. The best way to kill of schemers with ease.

 

[n3ophy7e]

See, I am highly narcissistic myself and honestly I would not recommend anyone be in a romantic relationship with a narcissist unless they are able to make a ton of concessions.

Or unless they are also a narcissist.

I do try and be cognizant of my narcissism but I also have times where I am unapologetic about putting myself first.

Tho I do usually find that the truth serves me better then lying…so I don’t lie about things (tho if I don’t feel like talking about my mental state I will say I am fine just to move things along).

Basically I would avoid the person who put you through the psychological abuse.

And I would avoid being with someone who has any of the personality disorders unless you are willing to make a ton concessions and they are willing to make some themselves.

Very good points.
Although the problem with narcissists is that they often draw you in with their charm, and by the time you realise they're a narcissist and there are some things very wrong with the relationship, it's far too late. It's happened to me FOUR times......yes...four.
I have to say it is very insightful of you to know that you are a narcissist. The ones I've dealt with would rather die than have their name tarnished with the label.

Once you identify it, shutting down a narcissist is easy. Attack the only thing they care about: their ego. Like stealing candy from a kid.

Is it though???? The narcissists I've dealt with have been HORRENDOUSLY difficult to shut down. Once they feel threatened they have the biggest adult tantrums one can imagine, pulling out ALL their manipulative tricks. It can be exceedingly difficult to walk away from, and I personally think it takes a really strong personality to pull it off easily.

But it's easy to walk into that trap though. Too easy.

Oh 100%. Wayyy too easy, especially for personalities like mine. I am literally the opposite of a narcissist.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

There are also grandiose narcissists which I kinda am…I just don’t care if people know I am narcissistic and I am honest that I’m about myself first.

I think people with NPD are not always bad. But I also think that most do need to seek out someone who fits them for a relationship.

Definitely not - but those I've meet were horrible. But I know diagnosed psychopaths that display more empathy through action than most Kumbaya-singing hippies. Can't say all people of one category is bad. You certainly don't strike me as the people I knew. They'd gone to war in here, with two profiles each combating each other to see which one of their characters gain sympathy (seen it happen).

This is why I haven’t gotten into many relationships myself. Because I find that I don’t tolerate most other people well, and that’s not fair to the other person and it just causes problems.

Same here. I've learned that I don't go well with most people. I wouldn't jump into anything today if I wasn't very certain about it.

 

[telepathetic]

Also, grey rocking. The best way to kill of schemers with ease.

grey rocking?

 

[telepathetic]

There are also grandiose narcissists which I kinda am…I just don’t care if people know I am narcissistic and I am honest that I’m about myself first.

I think people with NPD are not always bad. But I also think that most do need to seek out someone who fits them for a relationship.

This is why I haven’t gotten into many relationships myself. Because I find that I don’t tolerate most other people well, and that’s not fair to the other person and it just causes problems.

i'd be terrified of you but also intrigued. i have a thing for girls with red flags and short hair. ever had a pixie cut? might make you look more menacing

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

grey rocking?

This sums it up pretty good:

“This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person.”

Basically, reduce all your communication to 'yes' or 'no'. They'll grow bored when they don't get anywhere. You could manipulate them too, but you'd better know how to play that game, otherwise you'll get burned, bad.

 

[telepathetic]

This sums it up pretty good:

“This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person.”

Basically, reduce all your communication to 'yes' or 'no'. They'll grow bored when they don't get anywhere. You could manipulate them too, but you'd better know how to play that game, otherwise you'll get burned, bad.

yeah i did

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

yeah i did

I looked at them when they brought amateur hour and they're feeble mind games and told them to cut the shit. Did the trick.