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Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
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Nov 3, 2008
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73,981
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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
After everything....It still doesn't matter...
After all of my sacrifices....It still doesn't change....
Time just repeats itself....
Or at least it feels like it....
You can try to make things perfect.....
But you're better off climbing the endless staircase....
Things that are meant to be broken.....can never be fixed....
The more time you waste...the more it hurts....
But instead, you keep going.....
The denial stage can be very powerful....
As powerful as any drug that causes conflict to the mind....
It's finally over....
Nothing left to live for...
Staring at the pool of razor blades....
As it invites you more and more towards it......
The Suffering has only just begun....
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
All that I can hear are my own screams....
But no one listens.....
I slit my wrists.....
a cry for help....
But no one cares.....
Feeling alone with nothing to hold onto....
No shoulder to cry on.....
No one to run to....
These endless tears continue to shed......
To a point where nothing but blood descends from my eyelids.....
I still wait for my death to finally come....
I can't breathe...
This overwhelming depression that I hold....
Will never leave me....
It will forever haunt me with my temporary states of Euphoria...
These days seem to go by slower and slower...
It acts just like....
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Once again....I'm left alone to rot...
This will never change...
I find myself lost in a world of pain...
I have surpassed depressed...
Beyond anger....
Beyond emotions....
Beyond everything....
Almost to the point of numbness....
Screaming myself to sleep each night...
Unable to think straight anymore....
Hating this life more and more...
Wanting it to be over already....
I lost everything I had...
I lost the will to live...
I lost myself in Depression...
I lost my emotions...
They are running wild...
I cannot control myself...
Trying to find a gun....
A razor blade won't work....
Let me put an end to this...
Once and for all...
Why continue on Contemplating..
Whether to live or die...
Why not just end it already?
Why not just waste this pathetic life?
That was already wasted, to begin with...
The gun is ready to kill...
The one person I once had in my arms...
Is now at the bear hands of life....
I point the gun towards my head..
Staring straight into my eyes...
Tears falling down my face...
Bleeding all over...
And with my last breath...
I say to you...
I loved you.....

Velvet bloody waters
Blue sun, red clouds
Region of shining stars
Vision of night ends in misery
Roses don't die here
Images of the last light
I'm fading in the moment of infinity
 

Iceman1216

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
164
Location
North East - Long Island
It Never will
Womb to Tomb :alien:
That is how I am wired
but I do get the ability to live a life where I can take clean and sober action, and not blindly be dragged by addiction
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Yeah I am pretty much there except for the shatter TOTES NEEDS. Need 100%. Sigh. And probably "MEDICATION" as if it "WORKS".

Sick of life at the moment. Gotta go soon and don't want to. I severely don't want to. Nothing about me wants to go do this today.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
I don’t think I am addicted to it. I like to laugh and be happy. I just don’t get to do it a lot anymore.

I think I am still a bit shaken from recent events and need sleep. I slept 14 hours the other day and it was very nice.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
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Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
check your inbox cduggy :)

I just want to push everyone away. I want to lie down and sleep the rest of life away. After a certain point, the withdrawal begins and I'm more than happy to go through it and just suffer, sweat and cry. It's not like any of this really matters.

I think about the other people in my life I've seen go through the same thing. It seemed so WRONG, such an abuse and waste of a human mind and life, and now I'm sitting here at the same downhill point and I'm more than happy to watch it all fall to shit.

I don't know how to process these thoughts. Is change possible? Is it worthwhile, do I want it?
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Her legs separate
As I licked dry from its secretions
And whose void I filled with grain
Seeds for life, keys to death
And she just wanted more and more
She spat in my open eye

I have sent you a postcard where it says "farewell"
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
In a little dinghy on the endless sea
I am running away from life's constant cycle
Here I attach a massive stone to my feet
I drown myself in a sea of pitch black melancholy
Pictures of emptiness, and of all that has been lost
A last kiss, the back turned, now a memory only
I want to forget it, place it, it can't ...
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Empty eyes, empty minds
The subway rolls forward through the black city's gloomy passages
Everything has a melancholy luster tonight
Nothing and everything in disharmony; is it beautiful or abominable?
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Cold and unpleasant
restless nights
Pointless and in advance sentenced to death

A squeaky cutting silence
Forty uninteresting thoughts
A chronic inner discomfort
Chained indefinitely
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Talk to me using your sentimental clichés
Put me on a flight and crash it in the North Sea
I can't hear more, do more, be more
Put me in a giant rowing boat without oars, let the waves and the cold tear me, rage me, lower me

Place me naked on a back street in December
I'm looking for trouble, to be beaten, to be killed, mutilated, annihilated
Nothing happens, no one will come, everything has been run
Haha, everything is crap, and you think it's so cool

The man I once was is now gone
I burn all the memories, flush the ashes in the toilet
No, sorry, did I get sentimental now?
However, your brain-dead opinion means zero to me

There is no redemption left to find in this state
I am a paranoid, injured and pathetic person
On the other hand, you are at least as pathetic
But please, please, forget me, I'm history
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Afraid of the normal world and desperate to leave reality behind
Hiding behind the shell of comfort and seeking solace inside
Away from man and his failed ways of existence
Feeling sick within mind around them, better to keep my distance...

Apathy sets in, what is the purpose of anything?
When was the last time any passion in life was sentient?
Self-loathing dominating the ego, for the esteem died years ago
Or did it never exist in the first place? An empty face...

Twisted emotions fighting to break free
Wandering endlessly through the tall trees
In the distance comes forth a cold breeze
This frail body begins to freeze

Cold shivers in the dark light, pale shadows cast their eerie flight
Tormented by day as it drags deeper into the depths of night
Reality and night(day)mares become one
With the dawning of the glowing red sun
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
I'll swallow up all of you
Like a big bottle of big, big pills
You're the one that I should never take
But I can't sleep until I devour you

I can't sleep until I devour you
You're a flower that's withering
I can't feel your thorns in my head
This is no impressionability
You're not crying, this is blood all over me
You're not crying, this is blood all over me
You're not crying, this is blood all over me
And I'll love you, if you let me
And I'll love you, if you won't make me starve
I used to hold your heart to neck
I know I'll miss you if I close my eyes

But this is loaded with an open film
I'll see you and I'll blow your heart to pieces
I will blow your heart to pieces
I will blow your heart to pieces
I will blow your heart to pieces
And I'll love you, if you let me
And I'll love you, if you won't make me starve
My pain's not ashamed to repeat itself
Pain's not ashamed to repeat itself
Pain's not ashamed to repeat itself
Pain's not ashamed to repeat itself

I can't sleep until I devour you
I can't sleep until I devour you
I can't sleep until I devour you
I can't sleep until I devour you
I can't sleep until I devour you
And I'll love you, if you let me
And I'll love you, if you won't make me starve
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
It's not like I made my self a list
Of new and different ways to murder your heart
I'm just a painting that's still wet?
If you touch me I'll be smeared
You'll be stained
Stained for the rest of your life
So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul
You thought it was a smile
Whatever doesn't kill you...
It's gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you...
It's gonna leave a scar
I'm more like a silver bullet
And I'm like a gun, not easy to hold

I'm moving fast and if I stay inside your heart
I'm certain that this will be
The end of your life

So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul
You thought it was a smile
Whatever doesn't kill you...
It's gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you...
It's gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you, it's gonna leave a scar
She warned you that she may fuck me
But the chances are I'm gonna fuck you over
Whatever doesn't kill you, it's gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you, it's gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you, it's gonna leave a scar
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
73,981
Location
Life has no meaning, yet I keep searching...
Who'll ride this dying carousel?
Four rusting horses strangled by their own rope
What children love a singing wheel
Now that their tight hearts it broke
That their tight hearts it broke
Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead

Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead
I can see the coffin shining through my tinted window
Must've missed the sign that said it was a fire sale
I can see the coffin shining through my tinted window
Must've missed the sign that said it was a fire sale
Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead
Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
Useless in Hell
I can see the coffin shining through my tinted window
Must've missed the sign that said it was a fire sale
I can see the coffin shining through my tinted window
Must've missed the sign that said it was a fire sale
Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead
Everyone will come, everyone will come to my funeral
To make sure that I stay dead
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
You can't take this from me
(forbidden in Heaven and useless in Hell)
Useless in Hell
Who'll ride this dying carousel?
Four rusted horses strangled by their own rope
What children love a singing wheel
Now that their tight hearts it broke
That their tight hearts it broke
 
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