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perception is the key

Bare_head

Bare_head

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 7, 2005
Messages
3,053
hey guys

Just writing some things as i am having a really hard last few days with my anxiety, mainly from past or future thinking. it causes me insane amounts of anxiety, coupled with the fact im trying to quit smoking and failing at it and been taking valium last few days in which it seems to really make me feel quite "low" .. had some thoughts recently that is wrong and i know once i began thinking about how many things have it worse than me i began to feel somewhat better.

Im not sure if im aspergers, but i find some of my traits go in line with it. though i am very different to what you would call you typical aspie, but then i dont think i have met an aspie that is the same, just like any person in this world :)

sorry for the post but trying to write some things down to help me on my way

I must get rest, without sleep my anxiety gets much worse and i find that these anxiety attacks come on easier.

I need to quit caffeine as its doing my anxiety no good and i drink too much of it anyways

I need to continue with trying to quit smoking and ultimately get off cannabis ASAP

I need to continue with my running, began slacking last few days cause of some neck issues but that cant stop me! must continue on my path to fitness and with a healthy body also comes a healthy mind.

I must stop getting upset over the past, or anxious about the future. i need to organise myself better and make more of my time as i procrastinate somewhat aswell

sorry guys, will continue with my progress in this thread as my mental health is at a very low point and i know all these factors are playing a role

much love
 
Luckily the bad days go as quickly as they come! It sounds like you've got a fine road mad to success.
 
Thanks for the reply. It has made me "remember" what i started and must continue with.

I most certainly feel a bit better but i hindered my progress friday. So much so that i couldnt even partake in a drink yesterday.

Was very ill for 90 hours plus. Did end up drinking on an empty stomach after 10mg of valium..

Today i wake up early. Sober. At this point i have already smoked myself to the point i want to lie down again. I dont even enjoy cannabis anymore. I use it as a habit. And its not really doing anything productive at this point, it certainly used to when i first started using it but now its mainly making my anxiety worse.

It does seems like it helps but only because my receptors are so used to being stoned. I need to train my brain to learn to be normal again..

Back to the shops today to change my trainers. The small things will help me with these bigger goals. I also need to get money from my old bank which closed my account for doing something they didnt like that they owe me..

Hopefully i can get some treatment for my neck. Its never felt worse and im doing less poker and more moving arouns than usual so there may be an injury and its not just stiff and tight.

Until next time <3
 
Bare_head said:
I need to train my brain to learn to be normal again..
Click to expand...
Giving your brain some clean/sober time will do absolute wonders for your anxiety, I guarantee it <3 After many many years of self-medicating with downers e.g. alcohol, opiates, benzos, one of the only things that really helps reduce my anxiety is sobriety. Who woulda thunk it :) I wish I could've convinced myself of this a decade ago. I would've avoided so much of the turmoil I created for myself over the years.
 
Hey guys.

Checking in for some self reflection,

I am back on the path to qutting smoking. Found out one of my dads friends has been diagnosed with lung cancer :( this really hit home when i was told. The guy is 75 but is really fit for his age travels the world. Is one of them og hippys that are left . A real man of the world!

When i was told it. I began to go really strange physically. I went extremely hot and felt like i was going to collapse so had to lie down. Amazing what the mind can do to your body!

It hit me when i got up that i really need to quit smoking.

I have a patch on today. I am determined to quit this time around for good.

Have not been having any thc for the past week and my mental health seems to be deteriorating. I am a heavy user so i am most definitely feeling heavy side effects from lack of cannabis. I know im better off without it.

Is my mind in any danger from coming off cannabis cold turkey? I feel alot darker in terms of thoughts when off cannabis. This will fade i hope?

Going to pick up my 70mg of valium for the month! May take a big dose when i get this to try block these awful hollow anxious feeling.

Running has taken a backseat. Will try my best to get out in the next day or two.

Much love guys
 
When I was addicted to cannabis (don't want argue but for me it was reality...only drug that I needed to have in that period, and once almost snorted H cause I couldn't get cannabis that evening. Glad I walked away from already bought H that I left to my friends back then cause I wouldn't be here now, Im sure of that) and was quitting withdrawal made me feel very anxious, not able to sleep and sometimes I was experiencing derealization. Quitting smoking was a different "treat". Sure am glad that I didn't do it in the same time. I stabilised after not smoking cannabis for around a month. Smoking took several tries to even be able not to smoke for a year and several relapses after 2 year plus no smoking. Last time it was easiest to stop smoking cause I knew I can do it and had a whole arrangement in place with bupropion and patches + exercising (cardio) in place. I am much happier without those 2 substances but I sometimes crave smoking. Mostly when I'm stressed out. But my lungs are to damaged to give in to the pull. The only substance that I wasn't able to kick are benzos ( and only I even didn't want to take but was forced on me...long storry).

What I am trying to say is that it is normal that you feel very wierd at the moment. Smoking must have gotten in every pore of your day. It is not easy to readjust your behaviour, but you can do it. Things that hit you hard, like realisation that you had about smoking that was trigger by this man getting lung cancer,actually help in smoking cessation very much. There are numerous stories that shine light on this theme - people smoke for 40 years, get sick and quit without too much difficulty as they are battling for their life.

Dont be to hard on yourself if you dont make it from first try, but I really hope you do. Life is actually much better without smoking and much more fresh breathing. :)
 
n3ophy7e said:
Giving your brain some clean/sober time will do absolute wonders for your anxiety, I guarantee it <3 After many many years of self-medicating with downers e.g. alcohol, opiates, benzos, one of the only things that really helps reduce my anxiety is sobriety. Who woulda thunk it :) I wish I could've convinced myself of this a decade ago. I would've avoided so much of the turmoil I created for myself over the years.
Click to expand...
Same. Thought I was happy on the pills and they were fixing my depression and anxiety. Little did I know they were causing it. If more people could only push through the WD's and PAWS and come out the other side they would see what we mean. They think it's corny because they believe it's the drugs that are helping them cope. So did we. For years and years. Until you can scrape yourself out of the depths of hell and kick the drugs to the curb, one has no idea what being in your right mind, and present for all things, truly feels like.
 
I just got told my dads mate who i knew and was very fond of and respected him has just passed only a week after being diagnosed with lung cancer. He collapsed in the pub he frequented and died the next day.

I cried when he told me. I remember some fond memories of trips to amsterdam and barcelona with him in which i learnt how care free and how awesome he really was. I didnt know a guy to say a bad word about him.

Life comes at you so quick. I will battle my smoking addiction and try give my body the best chance at being healthy as i can.

Its amazing that we grow and when we stop growing we are slowly dying. Im gonna put a patch on and try my best to keep active today which may help me stop thinking about smoking.

I will quit this drug along with cannabis.

Thanks for reading. I didnt know who i could talk to about this. My human brain finds death still a strange and scary prospect. Thats normal right?

I hope to get off smoking all substances in the next 3 weeks. I enjoy clarity, fresh air, health. None of which smoking provides for me.

Its a lovely day today i hope everyone is having a nice day.

Much love
 
Interesting I have been thinking about balance as a key but if I continue to indulge in wrong perceptions what good is balance in all honesty?
 
We "see" what we wanna see so, yeah; I absolutely agree to title of thread.
<3
 
Breakdown of Sanity comes to mind here.

R-14748161-1580816349-6115.jpeg.jpg
 
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